by J. C. Cliff
“I don’t know exactly who hired me,” which is half-true, “but whoever it was thought your life was in danger.” The lie rolls off my tongue with ease.
“Who are you, Stryker? Who do you work for?” she asks, narrowing her eyes at me.
I give her the best charming smile I have then lean forward. “You know who I am. I’m a man who’s been given a second chance at love, and I do love you.”
“Stryker… don’t.” Her voice is pained. “Don’t use that to cover up the truth.”
“All right, I’ll tell you this. When I initially took this job, I had no idea it was you.” I couldn’t be more serious, and she knows it. Her fingers squeeze mine in a death grip. She’s a ball of nerves, and I know the entire day has really fucked with her head. “I don’t know why those men wanted you, Valerie, and that’s the God’s honest truth. I don’t know a damn thing. Many of the missions I’m sent on, I’m told the bare minimum, and this is one of those cases.”
Her head tilts to the side and her forehead wrinkles, as if she’s now seeing me in a new light. “You’re a private….” Her voice drifts off, not knowing what to say.
“I’m a private contractor,” I tell her, finishing the sentence for her. She pulls back, but I don’t release her hands. She’s stunned, and I can see her starting to piece together parts of a puzzle. I’m not sure which one, because we have too many of them. “I’ve been doing this line of work since I got out of the military. And I know you’re going to ask this next question, so I may as well spell it out for you. Yes, I was on assignment that night you caught me supposedly cheating on you. I did and said those things only to keep you safe. You had walked right into a danger zone and didn’t even know it. There were certain powers that would’ve hurt you badly, or worse, killed you, had they found out what you meant to me. They didn’t know I was undercover, so I had to be preemptive and get rid of you the fastest way I knew how before they figured me out.”
“Stryker,” she chokes out, her eyes misting over with tears. She falls forward and I catch her, wrapping her in my arms. “Why… why couldn’t you have told me that the other day?” she asks, her hot breath fanning over my neck.
“You weren’t supposed to know anything, darlin’. It’s not good for you to know this. People wind up in danger, or get hurt when they know too much.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“There’s nothing to say.”
“What… what about Celia?”
“Celia is safe. She’s with Hunter. He’s been my backup all along.” My chest goes tight, my voice straining, hoping to impress upon her the importance of what I’m about to say. “Valerie, Celia is not supposed to know any of this. If she finds out….” I pause, wondering how badly I’ve fucked up by telling her this much, wondering where Valerie’s loyalties are going to lie now, and what I could do to backpedal.
She tilts her head back and looks into my eyes, her hand pressing against my chest. “I won’t. I promise. I know it’s taken a lot for you to tell me this. I know, because you were willing to sacrifice our relationship in order to keep your identity safe. It’s that important, isn’t it? Things are that dangerous.”
“More than you will ever know. Many people have died for less.” The look in my eyes and my tone tell her I’m not fucking around. I’m all business. “I told you these things, because you deserve the truth, but I have to say I’m leery as fuck, afraid you’re going to slip up at some point, or worse, compromise me.”
She strokes my rough, unshaven cheek, and whispers, “No. I love you, Stryker. I’ll love you ’til my last breath. You have to know that. I’m also a vault when it comes to keeping secrets. I could never live with myself if I were to betray you in any way, shape, or form. Why would I want to hurt you? Why would I want to risk losing you, when I just got you back? Nothing is worth that. Nothing.”
My heart’s still beating a mile a minute over the fact I’m somewhat exposed, but I believe her. Something about the way she’s looking at me right now makes me think she’s fallen even more in love with me. Especially since she now knows the gist of what happened so long ago. I’m not the cheating bastard she thought I was.
“One more favor?” I ask.
“Anything.”
“No more questions until we’re safely at home in the States. You don’t even try to discuss any of this in private with me, okay? You never know who has their ears on.” She bites at her lower lip as if she doesn’t like my request, so I add, “It’s for everyone’s safety, especially yours. You have to trust me on this. I’ve been doing this type of work long enough to know the ramifications should someone catch wind of anything. Even if you think it’s nothing, it could be just the jewel someone else was looking for.”
“I promise,” she softly agrees, “but you have to know I’m still really confused and scared.”
“I know, baby, but not only do I love you, but I’ve got your back. You trust me, right?”
“With my life.”
“Good, because now I have to trust you with mine.” And I pray to God she doesn’t screw me over.
CHAPTER 36
~ Stryker ~
I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me by coming clean with Valerie. Well, as clean as I could and not blow the investigation. I feel more than confident she’s more connected to me than ever before.
I’ve been holding Valerie in my arms in a makeshift bed for the last half hour as we listen to the sounds of the jungle, trying to get some sleep, but it’s not coming easy. She’s been dwelling on our past and feeling guilty, and as much as I don’t want her to do that, I let her. It’s a distraction from her being able to think about the dangers of the here and now. Thinking of said dangers, I want to clarify one last thing with her.
“Val,” I start off, “just in case you may be wondering, not only is my backpack off-limits, but the items I pull from it are never to be discussed or mentioned to anyone, understand?”
She lifts her sleepy head from my chest, her hair a disheveled mess, and I push a huge mass of hair out of the way so I can gauge her reaction. “Yeah, sure. Anything you need, you know that,” she assures me.
“Just making sure.”
“It’s just an odd thought to blurt out, is all I’m thinking,” she says sleepily.
“I know. I just have a lot racing through my mind.” She rubs her small hand over my chest, trying to comfort me. I appreciate the gesture, so I lay my hand over hers and give a gentle squeeze.
My sister comes to mind, and I hope she’s doing okay. It’s been two days since I’ve heard anything, and I’ve got shit for a signal. Something’s telling me I really do need to give her a call. I release Valerie and sit up.
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know.” I run my hands through my hair then unzip the side of my backpack. “I need to try and call my sister,” I tell her. “I’ve got a SAT phone, so I should be able to reach her.” I’m not sure if Valerie knows the difference between a cell and a SAT phone, but I’m not going to enlighten her. Even if my cell worked, I wouldn’t use it. It’s too traceable.
“Absolutely. Do you want some privacy?”
“No. I’m good. Stay and rest.” I lean down and give her a kiss before I get up and dial my sister’s nursing home. I know Laine won’t answer, and it’s because she’s either not wearing her cochlear adapter, or she is but won’t be able to get to the phone in time before it cuts over to her answering machine.
I place the call to the only number I have, and I’m guessing since it’s after hours, I’ve been forwarded to the nurses’ station, because someone identifies herself as one.
“This is Stryker Lawrence. I’m calling to check on my sister, Laine.”
“We’ve been trying to call you.”
“Why?”
“We had an emergency.”
“What’s the emergency?” I ask, growing on edge.
“Just give me a moment to confirm you’re verified and on record so I ca
n speak with you.”
“What the fuck?” I bark out, confused. “You know who the hell I am. You just said you’ve been trying to call me. If there’s a fucking emergency, tell me what the hell it is right now.”
“I’m sorry, sir. It’s just protocol. The computer is warming up right now.”
“I cannot believe this shit,” I whisper incredulously, full of anger. If I could reach through the phone and strangle this stupid bitch, I would. There is no calming me down at this point. The chick just pushed all the wrong buttons. My anger has gone from zero to sixty in the span of two seconds.
Valerie tries to calm me by placing her hand on my shoulder, but it’s too late. I shrug her off. “Just give me to your damn manager. You know exactly who I am,” I growl. I have made myself known there more times than they can stand.
“Yes I do,” she informs me rather indignantly, “but I still have protocol to follow. I still have to verify your credentials.”
I’m so pissed I’m about to blow smoke out of my ears. I start shaking with rage. I want this bitch’s name, because when I get back home, she’ll be the first on my shit list. “Okay, here you are, and I see you have power of attorney.”
“No fucking shit.” My voice drips with animosity and sarcasm. “I can’t believe there’s an emergency, and you’re fucking with me.”
“Elaine passed away last night,” she bites out, cutting me off. All the air has been sucked from my lungs. I drop to my knees in a stupor.
I can’t even…
Heartless.
Cruel.
Callous bitch.
I’m so taken aback by the cold lack of consideration that it takes me a second to get my bearings.
“Oh my God.” She must realize just how hard-bitten her words were, because she backpedals, using a much sweeter voice this time.
“I’m so sorry to have to tell you that.”
“What happened?” I ask in a daze.
“She coded around 3:00a.m. We did everything possible. We truly did. We used the defibrillator, and EMS responded within minutes.”
I shut down, not hearing another word from the nurse’s mouth. “She had a heart attack,” I state, not needing to ask. “One that possibly could’ve been prevented had your sorry ass bothered to return my phone calls to consult with me.” I’m sick to my stomach. Just absolutely sick.
I can’t stay on this phone for another second, because if I do, I’m just going to keep giving this bitch a piece of my mind, and none of that will bring my sister back. I remove the phone from my ear and disconnect the call. I sit back on my heels and stare out into the dark jungle, letting the reality sink in.
“What’s going on?” Valerie asks, leaning over my shoulder, her voice full of worry.
“Laine died last night,” I say numbly, the words feeling foreign on my tongue.
“No,” she whispers, not wanting to believe it either. She kneels down in front of me and takes me in her arms. “I’m so sorry, Stryker.”
As she begins to softly cry, the truth slowly works its way to the surface. My chest feels hollow, and it’s downright painful. Heartbroken, silent tears make their way down my cheeks. I can’t afford to digest this just yet. Valerie is depending on me to be the strong one, to be in control. Even though she is right here with me, I feel so fucking alone right now. I lock my arms around her, holding on to her as if she’s going to disappear.
I do everything I can to keep my shit together while Valerie quietly sobs against my chest. My heart’s split wide open, the pain so fucking great I have to close my eyes. The tears begin to turn from sorrow to anger, because god-dammit, I made promises to my father. Promises I’d watch over her. And look what the fuck happened. New anger courses through me for letting my old man down, and at the same time, grief consumes me, because fuck, I loved that girl with my whole heart.
She shouldn’t have died; she just shouldn’t have. I just left her less than week ago, I tell myself. She was up and about in her wheelchair and cracking jokes. My head’s spinning with so much shit, and I know it will do no good for me to dwell on this, because nothing is going to bring her back.
“I don’t understand,” Valerie murmurs, her voice croaky.
“I don’t understand it either, darlin’,” I reply hoarsely, kissing her cheek. “I have no idea why God fixes some people and lets others die. I’m not an expert on that.” It’s going to be a good long while, however, before I’ll be able to shelve my anger over all the red-taped injustice she had to endure her entire life.
*~*~*
Thank God we made it to Panama City without any trouble. It was smooth, almost too smooth. I kept looking over my shoulder, expecting all hell to break loose, but it never did. Hunter and Celia made it here the first day, the lucky fucker. He had the good fortune of running into a delivery truck that was heading back to Panama.
Right now, Hunter and I are outside, standing on the back deck of our combined hotel rooms, regrouping. The air-conditioning units are working overtime in this heat, but I’m glad their loud motors have been masking our conversation.
Valerie had crashed early, right after dinner. She probably got the same amount of sleep as I did last night, which was none. Then, combine that with the high level of stress she’s not used to dealing with, and you get a bona fide wipeout. Celia, of course, even though she doesn’t think so, has had it easy. She’s lying in Hunter’s bed watching T.V.
My mind spun nonstop all last night. I was so full of turmoil I couldn’t sleep. I’m still deeply afflicted, and each time my emotions try to surface and get the better of me, I’ve had to tamp it back down with everything I have. The torture has been consistently intermittent. Valerie had kept glancing at me all day, the look of sheer worry for me displayed in her eyes. It was a look of pity, and I hate that expression more than anything, especially when it’s directed at me. Valerie, not knowing Laine, seemed just as affected by her death as me. That’s my Valerie; she has a heart of gold.
I have to get to the bottom of this investigation now more than ever, because someone is after my girl. So I don’t have time to grieve or reflect. I still have to keep mine and Hunter’s asses alive while protecting Valerie. One single moment of distraction could easily cost me or Hunter, or worse, Valerie.
It’s been a long while since I lost someone so close to me while in the line of duty. I’ve had to fall back on a lot of the mind games I had to play with myself when I was in the military, in order to cope and push through those moments when memories of Laine begin to surface.
“I’m sorry about Laine,” Hunter tells me in a regrettable tone.
“Thanks, but I can’t afford to dwell on it.” I can’t afford to feel guilt over her death either, but it doesn’t mean I’m not fighting it. I know that shit will eat you from the inside out. “When I think about it, I start to get angry, and that shit clouds my focus here.” Hunter nods in understanding. He’s been through something very similar, so I know he gets me.
I study him a little closer and realize something is different about him. Something is slightly off. It’s as if he’s still in combat mode. He appears more quiet and calculating. I totally get that, but I’ve fought by his side before and know how he winds down when the heat has died down. I know when he’s done thinking shit through; he’ll clue me in. So in the meantime, I’ll let him sort his contemplations out first.
“I talked to Quinn before you arrived,” Hunter tells me in an all-business tone. “He has a local contact who launched a few new drones for us.”
“Good.”
“Since Celia only has one pair of shoes now, I was able to place a tracker inside its sole while she slept last night,” he says, and then adds, “Valerie’s covered too.”
Even in the midst of stress, this is usually the time when either one of us would crack a joke, but it never comes, so I respect his state of mind, and ask, “So what did you tell her about me?” Hunter can place all the trackers he wants on Val. She’s not going anywhere. S
he’s innocent.
“I stuck to the same story I told the women yesterday. Since I was the coordinator, I was privy to such intel, and since it’s my responsibility to oversee everyone’s safety, the Darian Police had prepped me.”
“Did she even ask about me?”
“Oddly, she really hasn’t asked. I’ve been in a very standoffish mood, and I’m not sure if that intimidates her, or she’s giving me space. I do think she’s just assuming I’ve kept you in the loop and prepared you as well because we’re friends.”
I wipe away the beaded sweat from my forehead, as I tell Hunter, “Well, I wasn’t so lucky in being able to avoid the questions.”
“Fuck,” Hunter murmurs in aggravation. “I guess this will start getting a little interesting now, won’t it?”
I grimace, because I know what he’s thinking. We’re on our own in a foreign country, and he can trust no one but me, and he trusts me to keep our cover. He’s wondering how pussy-whipped I am too.
“I’m watching her, man. Either I can trust her or I can’t. There’s no in-between, and there is no room for errors in character judgment.” I look him square in the eyes and keep my voice firm. “I trust her, Hunter. My gut instinct tells me she’s innocent. There’s no way she could’ve feigned her duress. She was really petrified.”
Hunter chews on his toothpick, thinking things through, before he responds, “Well, Celia appeared quite the opposite.”
Both my brows rise high, and I realize this is what’s been bothering him all along. “And?” I prompt, as he stares off, deep in thought.
He gives me a sidelong glance, and I can hear the ominous foreboding in his voice. “Her feathers weren’t ruffled. Not one fucking bit. She was more put out about having to tromp through the jungle and dealing with the heat than she was anything else.”
“Well, fuck me,” I whisper. “What the hell?”