by Shandi Boyes
“Why the hell did you ask me to meet you at an anger management counsellor’s office?” I question angrily, as I fold my arms across my chest and narrow my eyes at Jacob.
Jacob’s nervous gaze looks up towards me as he swallows harshly. Just as he was about to speak, a voice interrupts him from down the hallway.
“Come on in Jacob”
Jacob’s eye flick behind me and I slowly turn around to face the voice at the end of the hall.
“You must be Lola. It is a pleasure to meet you” states an awkward looking man as he walks towards me and offers me his hand to shake. I accept his handshake as I try to simmer my nearly boiling over rage.
“Oh, I am sure it is” I reply sarcastically, causing Jacob to slightly chuckle. When my furious gaze turns towards him, he soon stops chuckling. I am going to kill him, and when I do I am going to make sure it is a very slow and painful death.
For the next hour, I sat next to Jacob during his anger management class and I didn’t say a word. Jacob’s counsellor had decided that it would be a good idea for Jacob’s significant other to attend the counselling session with him, since I am supposably a majority of the reason Jacob has anger issues. When his counsellor said that statement, I could feel my own face burning with fury. When I looked over at Jacob, he lifted his hands signalling that he wasn’t the one that gave the counsellor that impression. But, I am still going to kill him the instant we walk out of this office building.
I graciously said goodbye to the counsellor and kindly declined his offer for a private session, before I storm towards my car. Jacob quickly follows behind me and as I yank open my car door aggressively, he closes it and leans against it, not allowing me to access my own car.
“Move Jacob, now!” I request angrily, as my gaze lowers down to his crutch in clear warning. This time, I wouldn’t leave it in one piece. When Jacob notices my narrowed gaze, he quickly covers his crutch with his hand.
“I didn’t have a choice, he said it was a requirement as part of my counselling” he informs.
“Significant other Jacob? Since when does a booty call get classed as a significant other?” I question crossly.
“You’re not a booty call Lola. Not to me” he replies angrily.
“Then what do you call this? A fucked up friendship?” I respond angrily as I motion my hand between Jacob and I.
“It us. It’s just the way we are. Why can’t you fucking see it? I love you Lola” he replies.
I freeze at his declaration of love. My heart starts to race at the words that just came out of his mouth. His eyes stare directly into mine waiting for my response, but I can’t form any words. Do I care for him? Yes! Do I love him? Yes! Will I ever tell him that? No! Why? Because I am still fuming over the photos I saw of him on Facebook months ago and I also don’t want to open up my heart to only have it trampled on all over again.
“Just say something, anything” he pleads as his blue eyes stare deep within mine. I take in several long deep breaths as I stare back into his ocean blue eyes.
“Can I borrow your phone?” I question. Jacob’s face morphs into confusion, before he slowly pulls his phone out of his pocket. When I slide across the screen it asks me for a code.
“0923” Jacob informs nervously. My gaze quickly flicks up to his. That is my birthday, I was born on the twenty third of September. He nervously and unconfidently shrugs his shoulders.
I quickly press the pin into the phone, while trying to lower the erratic beating of my heart. When the screen illuminates, I locate his Facebook app and scroll to the photos he was tagged in, before I open the entire album.
I hesitantly hand the phone back to Jacob. When he first peers down at the screen his eyes open slightly in shock. But as he continues scrolling, I can see the guilt slowly marring his face. I can tell the instant he reaches the very last photo as he harshly breathes out “Fuck”.
“I am so sorry Lola” he apologizes quickly.
Chapter 49
Jacob
When Lola first handed me my phone, I saw some photos of me putting dollar bills into a stripper’s panties, but that is kind of expected when you are attending a bucks’ party. But as I continue to scroll through the photos, I noticed that the girl I had seen walking out of the bathroom topless at the hotel was in several photos sitting right alongside me, in a few photos she was sitting on my lap. When I got to the last photo, I noticed that she was kneeling down on the ground in front of me and appeared to be undoing my trousers.
“Fuck” I harshly breathe out. Now I know why Lola doesn’t look at me the same anymore.
“I am so sorry Lola” I instantly apologize, even though I don’t fully understand what I am apologizing for, the photos themselves are bad enough that she is entitled to an apology.
“Now tell me again that you love me” she replies angrily, as she yanks hard on the driver’s side door. I do love her. I love her with all my fucking heart, but I know I can’t force her to do anything that she doesn’t want to do. So I slowly and hesitantly move away from her car. The instant I am no longer blocking her entrance to the car, she jumps in and takes off down the road.
I murmur several curse words under my breath as the taillights of Lola’s car fade into the distance. I have royally fucked things up with Lola and I don’t even remember how I did it. I still have no recollection of what had happened that night and with everything that is going on with Noah, I haven’t even had the chance to think about it. Once Noah is fully recovered, I will do everything in my power to make things right with Lola.
The rest of the weekend I stayed with Emily and Noah at the hospital. I think Emily nearly wanted to kill me when I accidently revealed that she is pregnant to Dr Miller. But when I walked into the bathroom and saw that she was crying on the toilet, I had just assumed the worst. Dr Miller ended up convincing me to take Emily to the cafeteria for lunch. I was hesitant to start with, until she informed me that Emily hasn’t eaten anything that wasn’t out of a vending machine for a week.
I really need to start remembering when I am hanging out with Emily that she isn’t one of the boys. When I told her that Dr Miller was hot, I didn’t expect to get a reaction out of her. I was just simply making an observation that she was attractive, but in the future I will keep that type of information in my head, instead of saying it out loud. Dr Miller certainly has an interesting personality. She seems a little stand offish and abrasive, but it was only as I watched her during a physio session with Noah did I realise she may be a little bit misunderstood.
I was relieved when Lola finally returned my messages on Sunday afternoon, they were only brief, but the fact she had returned them at all gave me a small glimmer of hope that I will still have a chance to work things out with her. She can be as stubborn as a mule, but I know she has feelings for me. Even though she will never admit it.
The next two weeks followed along a similar path. I did my community service at Hopeton House Monday to Friday and then Friday Night to Monday morning, I stayed at the Hospital with Emily and Noah. Dr Miller, or Rachel as she had advised me to call her, and I have become good friends the past two weeks as well. She is still stern and conservative, but she is also a good listener and would often lend an ear to my whines about my anger management classes.
The only difference about the past two weeks was that today I woke up to the sound of Emily sobbing in the bathroom. The instant she opened the door and I saw her grief stricken face, I knew that something was terribly wrong. I quickly followed after her when she rushed out into the corridor.
When she eventually told me that she was bleeding, my heart instantly started cracking. Life couldn’t possibly be so cruel to one person. Noah is fighting for his life in hospital and now he may lose a baby he doesn’t even know exists. I remember Nick mentioning about taking Jenni to appointments at an obstetrician in town, so I quickly googled any local doctors that were open on a Saturday. The relief I felt when they were able to offer Emily an emergency appointment was
immense. But that relief soon vanished when I noticed a large trail of blood down the front of Emily pants.
I quickly rushed Emily into Noah’s bathroom while I darted out of the room panicked. I didn’t know what the fuck I was supposed to do in these situations. I ended up sprinting down to the pharmacy located in the hospital lobby. The pharmacist was very helpful and quickly assisted me in getting women’s supplies for Emily. After I had given Emily the stuff I had purchased, I bolted out of Noah’s room to pace the corridor. I could feel my normal calm exterior starting to crack. After everything Emily and Noah have been going through the past two months and now this, I just can’t hold in my grief any longer. I have never wanted to punch something more in my life than I do right now.
“Is everything okay Jacob?” questions Dr Miller, as she walks out of Noah’s room and moves towards me.
She watches me with concern as I clench and unclench my fists. I end up putting up my finger asking her to give me a minute, since no words will form out of my mouth. She offers me a small smile, before she walks back into Noah’s room. It takes me several minutes to calm down my anger and grief and once I eventually settle down my emotions, I hesitantly walk back into Noah’s room. As I enter, I can hear the shower running in the bathroom. Dr Miller motions for me to join her next to Noah’s bedside. When I stand next to her, she gently wraps her arms around my shoulders and hugs me tight.
“I know something that will cheer you up” she responds as she pulls away from our embrace.
“Isn’t Emily beautiful Noah?” she questions.
My confused eyes dart to Dr Miller, before I look over at Noah and that is when I notice that he has a smirk on his face, hidden under a rough scraggily beard. Dr Miller was right; it certainly did help to cheer me up.
“I’ll be back” I inform before I start running back to the pharmacy.
I wanted Emily to have the ability of seeing Noah’s full smile, not have it hidden under a pile of scruffy facial hair. So I quickly made my way back to the pharmacy and purchased a can of shaving cream and a razor.
When I walked back into the room, Emily had just gotten out of the shower and was walking towards Noah’s bedside. The evidence that she has been crying is still marked all over her face and just from her stance I can tell that she feels defeated. I placed the bag down on the bedside table and went and grasped Emily’s hand within mine. When she looked up at me, her normally sparkling brown eyes looked so haunted and sad.
“He is responding well to the new technique I have been introducing the past two weeks” explains Rachel as she moves closer to stand next to Emily.
“Show her Rachel” I request. I had wanted Emily to see Noah’s full smile, but I think she would happily accept his hairy smirk right now.
“Emily is beautiful” declares Rachel. The look on Emily’s face when she noticed that Noah was smiling was priceless.
“Is he smiling?” she questions as she moved closer to the bedside to stand next to Noah.
Rachel ended up telling Emily about a new technique she had been doing with Noah the past two weeks and I watched as the normal sparkle in Emily’s eyes started to return.
After Dr Miller had left, I gently pulled Emily into the corner of the room to make sure that she was okay. I made sure I was as quiet as possible as I had reacted bad enough to the news that Emily was bleeding and I knew if Noah did overhear us, he would be beyond devastated. Emily gently nodded her head, as she placed her hand down on her belly portraying to me just how strong she is. That is when I decided to surprise her with what I had just purchased. I swiftly moved over to the bedside table and removed the shaving cream and razor and hide it behind my back. When I turned to face Emily, she had her eyebrows pulled together tightly in confusion.
“Ta da” I exclaimed excitedly as I pulled my arms out from behind my back. When she noticed the contents in my hands, she smiled brightly.
“Do you want the pleasure, or would you like me to do it?” I questioned while waggling my eyebrows. She quickly replied “I will do it” as she moved over towards me to take the razor out of my hand. I quickly emptied Noah’s water jug and filled it with hot water while keeping watch, hoping that none of the cranky nurses Emily and I have dealt with the past few weeks decide to enter the room now.
I probably shouldn’t have grimaced every time Emily stroked the razor down Noah’s face, but the idea of Emily having a sharp instrument so close to Noah’s jugular had me freaking the fuck out. When she thrust the razor towards me asking if I wanted to do it, I quickly shook my head, mortified that she would even suggest it. I love Noah like a brother, but that doesn’t mean I want to get up close and personal with him.
Later that afternoon, Emily reluctantly went to the appointment I had organised earlier and not long later Dr Miller arrived for another physio session with Noah. She seemed a little more quiet today than she had been the last few session, so I just watched her curiously from the corner of the room. Around half way through the physio session, I notice that she isn’t wearing her wedding ring. Rachel has a terrible habit of spinning her diamond solitaire ring around her finger and I had spent the last two weeks teasing her about her obsessive compulsive disorders.
She tries to make out she doesn’t have any funny quirks, but I have observed her closely the last two weeks and I noticed that she uses sanitary solution on her hands around three to four times an hour, she spins her rings around her finger anytime she mentions her husband and she tucks her hair behind her ear if you stare at her too long. I may now purposely stare at her, just to freak her out a little. What, I was bored. There isn’t anything entertaining about sitting in a hospital room all day.
“Why aren’t you wearing your wedding ring?” I question curiously. She always talked about her husband so fondly and I find it surprising that she is suddenly no longer wearing them.
“I thought it was time to remove them” she states sullenly, as she attempts to spin her missing engagement ring around her finger.
“Why?” I question concerned. Her gaze quickly flicks to mine, as she moves over to the other side of Noah’s bed to complete the same physio routine on the opposite side of his body.
“My husband died last year. That is why I only just returned to my job when Noah started his rehabilitation program” she advises softly, her voice full of sadness.
“I’m so sorry” I whisper. I had spent hours the past few weeks talking to Rachel and never once did she mention that she was a widow.
“He fought as hard as he could to stay with me, but at the end of the day he wasn’t strong enough. He had thyroid cancer and we tried every treatment that was recommended by his doctors, but nothing worked. I ended up becoming his nurse in the last few months. The pain of watching the man I love slowly fade into the man he no longer recognized was harder than I had ever expected” she advises. She stops moving Noah’s legs and takes in several large long breaths before her gaze turns towards Noah.
“Be the man that Emily would want you to be Noah, fight for her, make yourself the man she has always wanted” she sobs. I quickly stand from the reclining chair I am sitting in and move towards her to offer her comfort as the tears start sliding down her face.
“I am so sorry about the baby” she states painfully just as I wrap my arms around her shoulders, forcing me to suddenly freeze at the fact that she had just said that loud enough for Noah to hear.
Noah’s heart monitor starts immediately alarming that his heart rate is starting to elevate. Dr Miller runs towards the panel behind Noah’s bed and hits a large red button, as I rush to Noah and notice that he has his fists clenched tight and his eyes are rapidly moving behind his eyelids.
“We didn’t want to tell you as we didn’t want to hinder your progress” I advise him panicked, hoping to settle down his erratic heart rate, but when the monitor starts to show that he is flat lining my anger from everything that had happened earlier today starts to rebuild.
“This is why we didn’t want to
fucking tell him” I scream furiously at Dr Miller, who is standing at the end of Noah’s bed in shock. She jumps at my angry outburst, before she mouths a silent apology and quickly runs out of the room.
“Noah, just hold on, help is coming. I need you to fight Noah. You have to fight” I instruct him firmly as I grip his hand tightly in mine. Emily rushes into the room and quickly grabs Noah’s other hand as the nurses start frantically running around the room.
“Move now” yells a nurse as she pulls me away from Noah’s bedside and quickly drops down his bed so he is lying flat. I roughly run my hands over my head as I pace back and forth in the room, clenching my fists tight. Rachel should have known better, she herself said it was all about Noah’s emotions and not just the physical and she is the one that goes and fucking tells him about Emily losing the baby.