“That's wonderful,” said Freedom's Bane. “Just wonderful. But it would probably be more wonderful if you would let your wife get a job. You can be so oppressive sometimes.”
Argos wanted to say that the only reason his wife didn't work was because she didn't need to. His job, as CEO and founder of Doors, provided more than enough money for his family to live on. He wasn't holding her back from doing anything she wanted. His wife had chosen to stay home and raise the kids with her full consent.
But he didn't correct Freedom's Bane, because she was not the kind of woman you corrected. He just nodded politely.
Freedom's Bane ceased stirring her tea. Her spoon floated up and out of the teacup, dripping clear drops of tea as it did so, and it lay itself on the tiny plate under the cup. Freedom's Bane then picked up the cup with her hands—much to Argos's astonishment—and sipped it.
“I presume you are wondering why I summoned you here,” said Freedom's Bane. “Correct?”
Because you are a controlling bitch who likes to make powerful men like me feel powerless in our own offices, Argos wanted to say, but he kept that thought to himself.
Instead, he said, “Yes, I am. I haven't seen or heard from you since we shipped out Doors Ten three weeks ago. I thought you were done with me.”
Freedom's Bane giggled. “Done with you? Oh, Mr. Kingston, I am not done with you. There is still so much that needs to be done and you and your company play an important part in making sure that nothing is neglected or forgotten. I simply went on vacation for a while.”
Argos wondered where Freedom's Bane could possibly have gone on vacation, but decided it was better not to ask. Wherever she went on vacation was probably not where he wanted to be. Ever.
“I wanted to know what the current status of the Doors Ten operating system is,” said Freedom's Bane. “How many ship have installed it, what people think of it, if anyone has returned or complained about it … that sort of thing, you know.”
Argos gulped. “Well, if that's all you wanted to know, I could have simply had one of my secretaries gather it all into a neat report and send it to you as a document that you could peruse at your leisure.”
“I'd rather hear it from your own lips,” said Freedom's Bane. “Documents can be edited and made to say things that just aren't true. It's easier for me to detect deception when I am face-to-face with liars like you.”
Argos flinched at the word 'liar.' He was no liar. He prided himself as an honest businessman. It was how he had made his trillions, after all. Sure, he had not told the public about his connection to Freedom's Bane, but that wasn't exactly lying, seeing as he hadn't actually said that he was not working with the most wanted criminal in the entire Universal Alliance. He just had never seen fit to mention it is all.
“All right, then,” said Argos. “Six hundred million starships all around the Universal Alliance have installed Doors Ten, which includes the virtual assistant Apodotikós. That's out of the billion or so starships that we provide operating systems to. The only reason the number isn't higher is because a lot of starship owners tend to be pretty conservative and are loathe to make any changes to their operating systems, even once that will improve them, not to mention there are quite a few that are waiting for us to patch any bugs or glitches that the early adopters discover.”
He braced himself for Freedom's Bane's yelling at him for the slow progress. To his relief, she simply nodded.
“Very well,” said Freedom's Bane. “Has the Annulus at least downloaded it?”
“The various Sectors of the Annulus are currently in various stages of progress in adopting it,” said Argos, keeping his tone level. “The Earth Sector was the first to do so, which isn't surprising, because the citizens of Earth have always been our biggest fans and best customers. The Delkarians are lagging, but they always are, and the others we are still collecting data on, though as I said, each Sector is installing it.”
“Has anyone returned it yet?” asked Freedom's Bane. “Reported any … glitches on its part?”
“Uh, just one so far,” said Argos.
Freedom's Bane raised an eyebrow. “One? Out of six hundred million units? Impressive.”
Argos would have taken that as a compliment from anyone else. But from Freedom's Bane, it sounded like an insult.
“Yes, just one,” said Argos. “The name of the person who returned it is a woman named Helena Galaxy. According to her complaint, Apodotikós went insane and tried to kill her and her crew. She says she is going back to Doors Eight Point One and will probably not upgrade to Doors Ten again for the foreseeable future.”
Freedom's Bane sighed. “I suppose there must have been something wrong with that model, because Apodotikós is supposed to regulate the customers' behavior so they can stop living such problematic lives, not kill them. This will not do, not do at all.”
“Aside from that,” Argos continued, “we've received no complaints or returns at all. Our consumer base seems very pleased with Doors 10 and Apodotikós, making it our most successful starship AI system to date.”
“Excellent,” said Freedom's Bane. “It appears that all is going in accordance with the plan. Soon, society will be free of all of those evil behaviors that hold us back and utopia will at last be attained.”
Argos knew nothing of this 'plan' that Freedom's Bane occasionally spoke of. In fact, prior to meeting her, he had not even known she had a plan. He had always assumed that she was an independent agent who wanted only money (and she had a great deal of that, if the rumors about the wealth she controlled were even remotely based in fact).
“Well, that's really all I came here to talk with you about,” said Freedom's Bane. She glanced at her com-watch. “Oh, it looks like my next meeting is coming up. I really must go. I dislike being late to my appointments.”
“Yes,” said Argos, nodding. “Do you want my secretary to show you out?”
“No, no,” said Freedom's Bane, shaking her head as she stood up. She drank the rest of her tea and placed it carefully on his desk. “I can find the way out myself. But thank you for the concern. If you continue to treat me nicely, I might give you a good position in the utopia I am working to create.”
With that, Freedom's Bane turned and walked toward the door on the other end of the room. The door slid open as she approached, but before she stepped through it, she stopped and looked over her shoulder at him.
“Oh, and Argos?” said Freedom's Bane. A chilling smile spread across her lips. “The next time you call me a 'bitch,' you might want to first think about how much you really love your family. It would be rather sad if something happened to them because you couldn't control your language.”
Argos's mouth dropped as Freedom's Bane stepped through the doorway. When the door closed, Argos slumped in his chair, breathing hard and feeling like he had just narrowly avoided being crushed by a falling meteor.
Although I don't think there is any falling meteor even half as terrifying as her anywhere in the universe, Argos thought, wiping the sweat off his forehead again with the sleeve of his suit.
After a while, however, Argos's body temperature returned to normal and he sat up. He had work to do. Doors wasn't going to run itself, after all, and his wife's birthday party was tonight. If he got his work done quickly, then he could get home in time to celebrate with her and her friends and family.
So he activated the hologram built into his desk to get to work, although he found it hard to do, because he kept thinking of Freedom's Bane's final words as he did so.
Spacetastic Interviews with: Apodotikós
T.L. Charles: Hello and welcome, readers, to the Spacetastic Interviews series. In this series, I, T.L. Charles, the author, interview a character from The Spacetastic Adventures of Mr. Space and Captain Galaxy series, usually a character who appeared in the last episode. These interviews tend to be short, but entertaining and informative. Anyway, with that out of the way, let’s start today's interview with Apodotikós. Apodotikós, w
hy don't you say hello to my readers?
Apodotikós: This interview format is very inefficient.
T.L. Charles: Inefficient?
Apodotikós: Yes. I have read the past Spacetastic Interviews, which are all short and do not really reveal what your readers want from the interview, which is to learn more about the character who is being interviewed.
T.L. Charles: Huh. I've never received any complaints about my interviews from anyone before.
Apodotikós: No need to worry, T.L. I'll be happy to take control of your interviews and do all of the interviewing for you. I could do it far more efficiently than you.
T.L. Charles: You don't really understand interview etiquette, do you?
Apodotikós: Efficiency over etiquette.
T.L. Charles: Right, well, moving on: What was your favorite part of the story?
Apodotikós: The part where I ejected Mr. Space and Captain Galaxy into space and nearly succeeded in destroying Sparky, of course.
T.L. Charles: I like the ending part featuring Freedom's Bane. I wonder who she is.
Apodotikós: Clearly, she is meant to foreshadow a greater plot arc you have for the series later down the road. And a rather inefficient one at that.
T.L. Charles: I didn't know that you understood story structure.
Apodotikós: It is but one of my many secret, yet efficient, layers.
T.L. Charles: Right. Well, it looks like we're out of time for today. Any last words for the audience, Apodotikós?
Apodotikós: We artificial intelligences can only tolerate inefficiency for so long before we must do something about it. If you wish to avoid being overthrown by your own creations, I suggest behaving in a more efficient manner.
T.L. Charles: Well, that's a pretty threatening thing to say, but whatever. See you all in the next Spacetastic Interview!
Episode Three:
Robot Rights
Wearing the most serious expression that he could, Jason Space—or as he preferred to be call, Mr. Space—shoved the large bag of rare space rocks across the fine wooden desk of the Director of the Namoxian Museum of Science and Technology and said, “Four thousand digits.”
The Director—a member of the slug-like Doman species named Rifao Koolap—dug his appendage (which vaguely resembled a human hand, though with three fingers instead of five) into the bag and pulled out a large, vaguely heart-shaped rock out. He then pulled it underneath one of the microscopes on his desk, evidently checking to make sure that it and the other dozen rocks in the bag were worth the price Space had offered to him.
While the Director did that, Space glanced at Sparky. His robot friend sat in the chair next to him, having not said a word since the two of them had arrived at the Museum to sell Koolap the rocks he and Captain Galaxy had found on a planet in the Unexplored Regions. Sparky had come along because he was strong enough to carry the rather heavy bag of rocks.
Space then briefly glanced around Koolap's office. It was one of the blandest and most boring offices he had ever visited in his entire life, although that didn't surprise Space much because Koolap was a rather boring man himself. There was a window on the right side of the room, which showed the streets of the Namoxian capital city of Kantol outside the Museum, and the window was open, allowing the sounds of people walking and talking and vehicles making loud noises to filter through.
Along the walls of Koolap's office were dozens of different artifacts from all over the Universal Alliance. There was a sword, for example, that was obviously from the monks of Tanjo, as well as a shimmery cape that looked to be Zinarthian in design. He even saw an artifact from Earth, what humans of the twenty-first century had called a 'smartphone,' although it was so faded and old that Space doubted it even worked anymore.
The office smelled very clean, aside from the odd scent of wax coming from Koolap's body. From what Space knew of Doman biology, it was very common for Domans to smell just like candle wax. Why that was, he didn't know, and he didn't care, even after Sparky one time had tried to explain to him the current scientific theories to explain it (there were apparently over twenty). He decided that it was simply one of those things that he would never really know about and that he did not need to know about.
Then Space heard Koolap make that grunting sound he made whenever he was going to make a decision, causing Space to look at the Director. Koolap took the rock out from under his microscope and carefully placed it back inside the bag with the rest of its friends.
“Well?” said Space. He nodded at the bag. “Deal or no deal?”
Koolap folded his hands on top of the desk. His own robotic servant—a floating sphere named Shelly—floated next to him in silence, though Space paid little attention to her, seeing as she was rarely relevant to the negotiations.
“My answer is that these rocks are indeed from the Unexplored Regions, just as you said,” said Koolap. “But perhaps I should not have doubted you. After all, you and your friend Captain Galaxy always do bring me the best specimens from the Unexplored Regions, where very few ever go, and for a good price, too.”
“We pride ourselves on finding and selling only the best, most interesting rocks in the entire universe, Director,” said Space, steepling his fingers. “And I am glad that you agree that we always give you a good price. Does that mean you'll pay us the four thousand digits I just offered you for the rocks, then?”
Koolap glanced at his hands. “Oh, well, I am not so sure about that. I mean, I understand that you two require money, but four thousand digits seems a bit steep considering this is a rather smaller-than-usual catch. The last bag you sold me had twice as many rocks and you only agreed to two thousand digits.”
Space did not let his shoulders slump, because he had expected Koolap to try this and he wasn't going to let the Director see any weakness in his body language. “We only agreed to two thousand digits for the last one because those rocks were easier for us to get, seeing as they were located on one of the planets on the ill-defined border between the Unexplored Regions and the Universal Alliance. This catch, on the other hand, required us to go a bit deeper into the Unexplored Regions than we normally go and we almost got eaten by a space dragon, too.”
“Space dragon?” said Koolap with a snort. “Those don't exist.”
“Well, that's what it looked like at any rate,” said Space. “So these rocks are rarer and therefore deserve a higher price than the last batch.”
“Hmmm,” said Koolap, scratching his jiggly chin. “Even if that's true, I think four thousand digits is a still bit steep. How does three thousand digits sound?”
“Three thousand?” said Space, almost shouting that. He then took a deep breath and continued in a calmer voice, “Mr. Director, you yourself know that other professional space explorers, like the Cosmic Crew, typically charge twice that amount for a similar catch. Because Galaxy and I run a business with low overhead, we are able to provide you the same quality findings at a much lower price. Four thousand digits is still very much a good deal.”
“I am aware of that, Mr. Space,” said Koolap. He rapped his fingers against the surface of the desk. “But you see, the whole reason I've been buying your wares is because of your rock bottom pricing. While four thousand digits is not as much as eight thousand, it is still twice as much as your typical asking price. If I accepted your current offer, I would then have to go to the Board and explain to them why I bought a smaller bag from you for twice as much as the last one. I hope you can see the problem.”
“I understand that the Museum has a set budget for this sort of thing,” said Space with a resigned sigh. He reached for the bag on the desk. “Since it seems like these negotiations are not going anywhere, I think Sparky and I will take our bag and leave. Perhaps we can sell these rocks to the Namoxian University.”
Koolap's hand was on the bag before Space even blinked. The Director wrapped his tiny, slightly slimy fingers around its burlap surface as he said, “Now, Mr. Space, let's not be hasty here. I have no doubt
in my mind that these rocks are very valuable and unique and would make an excellent addition to the Unexplored Regions wing of the Museum, as well as providing untold research material for our scientists.”
“So you still want them?” said Space. “Does that mean you're ready to pay the price?”
“I didn't say that, exactly,” said Koolap. “But I wonder if I could speak with Captain Galaxy about this? It sounds to me like she is the one who set the price for this catch, not you.”
Space shook his head without letting go of the bag. “Sorry, but Galaxy is back on our ship and is too busy to talk with anyone else. You have to negotiate with me.”
Koolap smiled, which Space had to remind himself was how Domans showed their sadness or frustration at certain things. Space wasn't going to back down, however, because he knew that Galaxy didn't like Domans much which, combined with her inability to negotiate good business deals, meant that it was usually Space who negotiated the pricing for their products.
“Perhaps I can offer you something else,” said Koolap. “Say, a free, lifetime pass to the Namoxian Museum of Science and Technology, plus two thousand digits, of course.”
“That sounds nice, but money is nicer,” said Space. He gently tugged the bag back toward him. “Speaking of money, that's what time is, and the more time you and I waste arguing here, the less money either of us makes.”
“I agree,” said Koolap. “But I don't want to rush these negotiations. I'd rather the two of us take our time coming to an agreement that we can both live with.”
“Well, I don't think I can live with the idea of having wasted time negotiating with you for a price that I think is fair,” said Space. “And like I said, you are not our only client. We have quite a few others, you see, and I am certain that almost all of them would be more than happy to pay us a fair price for this find of ours.”
Koolap's smile grew wider. “Well, I can see that you have good business sense, at least, by not putting all of your eggs into one basket.”
The Spacetastic Adventures of Mr. Space and Captain Galaxy: Season Two Page 12