by Stacy Borel
Focus, asshole.
“Tsunamis aren’t always one gigantic wave that comes in and sweeps everything away, Ash. The dangerous ones are the subtle ones that creep up and overtake whatever’s in front of it. You’re what I never saw coming. The day that bathroom door flew open, you washed into me inch by inch and started overtaking parts of me that I didn’t even realize existed. I’ve been holding on for dear life ever since.”
Christ, could I sound more like adolescent girl gushing over my crush? Slap a pink bow on me and make a wish. Her eyes grew wide, and I waited for her to tell me I was a crazy asshole. Instead, a slow smile spread across her face, growing wider by the second. For the first time since getting here two hours ago, she was actually happy.
“Do you mean all that?”
I scrunched my nose. “Well, I’m not making it up, Ashton. Nor do I pull out frilly fucking words for the sake of salvaging what’s left of our evening.”
She was still beaming. Her eyes bounced back and forth between mine. “I like you.”
Her voice was bubbly, and she tapped my nose. I caught her wrist and kissed her palm, her lashes fluttered. “You like me?”
My voice sounded gruff even to my own ears. “Very much.”
I hummed. “Good, ’cause I like you too.” I bent down and nipped her ear. “Especially naked and doing what I say.”
Ashton pulled back and slapped my chest. “Shhh … later.”
I looked at the door above her head. “Serious talk, are you going to be okay after what happened in there?”
She sighed. “I have to be, don’t I?”
“No?”
“I mean, I kind of live here and, as he said, under his roof.”
“That doesn’t mean you don’t have a voice.”
“Clearly, I proved that I do tonight.” She laughed sardonically. “But I’m not out to push my point every time my dad tries to make me feel twelve years old. I’d rather ignore it and do whatever I want to do anyway.”
As I exhaled loudly through my nostrils, I saw her shiver under the gust of wind that just blew past. There were still crunchy dried leaves scattered across the grass that had fallen a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t have my jacket in my car, and I know she wouldn’t be comfortable bringing me back in the house, so I had to let this one go. It was her battle, and my arms would catch her when she needed to be held.
“Look, I know you think the world of him. He’s your dad, and that’s what dads do. They protect, they annoy you, they bitch about small things, and they push you till you think you’ll have a mental breakdown. I have one of those guys too.” I chucked her on the chin. “We will always want to be the best person we can be for them. Just …” I tried to think of the right words. Ones that were tender-hearted and would tread lightly. “Still be you. If he doesn’t know you and love you for the woman who you’re becoming, then that’s what makes all of this wrong.”
She was quiet, considering my words. I kissed her on the forehead, then tilted her mouth up to my lips. I felt her meld into me as she opened and welcomed me. I tasted the sweet chocolate from dessert on her tongue. As much as I wanted more, so much more, I ended the kiss and stepped back.
“Thanks for coming. I’m so—”
“No, don’t do that. No apologizing for anything.” I began to walk backward toward my car. I knew she had two more finals to study for and then work, so I wasn’t going to distract her when she needed to focus. “Come see me when you get a break?”
She smiled. “Of course.”
“Promise?”
“Mmmhmm,” she replied, biting her lip.
I winked at her. “Sweet dreams, Ashton.”
She turned to open her door. “As long as you’re in them, they will be the sweetest.”
After I watched her disappear into the house, I started my car. I wasn’t sure what was going on with my head, but my heart was having some serious palpitations. Maybe this was what my grandpa chased for so long in this miserable place. Nothing about Athens, Georgia, was magical. It was the emotion of falling for the love of his life that he tried explaining to me. What would he say if I told him about all of this?
The falling part.
I looked up at the sky and swallowed around the lump forming in my throat. “You watchin’ over me, old man? I bet you are.”
Exhaling, I and felt at peace. Goes to show, Camden Brooks couldn’t ruin a good night.
Ashton
I WAS FINALLY DONE with my fall semester and had a month and a half before the spring one started. Relief was the word that came to mind with no studying or pressure. I’d taken less shifts at work so I could study, but now that I was done, it was back to business as usual. Even better news, I had more time to spend with Crew. It had only been a week since the disaster that was known as dinner, and my dad and I seemed to be at an impasse.
For two days, I didn’t know if I wasn’t speaking to him, or he wasn’t speaking to me, but I avoided him at all costs. On day three, the silence ensued, but he had casually pushed a mug of coffee across the counter in front of me. If it was a peace offering, he’d have to try harder. He kept reading his paper, and I took the coffee and went upstairs. Day four, my mom started to crack. She scolded both of us during dinner and said she would go stay at aunt Macie’s house if we kept it up. It was more of a threat to my dad than to me. Finally, on day five, Dad was sitting on the front porch with a bottle of Heineken and a stoic look on his face when I came home after work. I mumbled under my breath because I knew he was sitting out here waiting for me to get home. Mom must’ve really gotten to him.
If anyone was more stubborn than me, it was him. Hell, I learned it from him. I slowly got out of the car and approached him like a skittish animal ready to run. His features were hardened, and I wondered if this conversation would end with me packing my bags and leaving.
His dark eyes, the only feature of his that I didn’t get, looked up at me. “Have a seat, Ash.”
My feet stayed planted until the line of his mouth softened. Reluctantly, I lowered myself onto the cushioned glider next to him. He held out his beer, offering me to take it. I blinked. “What are you doing?”
He snickered. “Offering you a beer, kid.”
I was flabbergasted. Sure, I was of age now, but drinking a brewski with my dad made all this even more uncomfortable. I shook my head at him, and he pulled his arm back with a shrug and took a sip from the bottle.
He looked across the street, squinting his eyes against the sun. I followed suit while neither one of us spoke. There was no beginning place for this conversation. You either jumped in the thick of it and climbed your way out with apologies and explanations or you kept sitting and hoped the other person could read your silence through osmosis or something. Dad was only a talker with me. Mom always bitched that he was never good at expressing himself until he absolutely had to. People at the gym often never knew much about him because he had his resting bitch face down to an art. And the family mistook his quieter side as him being upset about something when, really, he was enjoying himself and was fine. I was the exception; I always have been.
He wore his heart on his sleeve for me.
He wiped his hands on his jeans and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I don’t know how to navigate this one. For the first time since you were brought into this world, you’ve shown me defiance.”
“I’m not defying you, Dad.”
“I know. I mean, I didn’t know at first, but I do now.”
I looked over at him. He was struggling to grasp the right words, and I wanted to watch him wade through it.
“I was wrong.” His Adam’s apple bobbed. “About Crew, you, the whole situation. I didn’t handle things the best, and the further it went on, the more I stuck my foot in my mouth.”
I hated seeing him hurt. The hardened expression he wore when I got home wasn’t stubborn male ego. It was agony because he felt like he was losing me. I didn’t read it right because it was a face on
my dad that I’d never seen him wear before.
“Daddy, it’s okay.”
He held his hand up and looked me in the eye. “Shhhh now, I’m trying this whole apologizing thing.” I smiled to lighten his load. “I think as a father, we all go through this. We all suffer a small heartache when our daughters fall in love for the first time.”
“I’ve been in love before,” I retorted.
The side of his mouth tipped up. “Sure, you were. But that was your first time, and it was surface level. You and Cooper were feeling things out, skimming the top of the water. I’m not dismissing that you didn’t fully care for him, but it was puppy love. It didn’t go below that first layer.” He stopped before he spoke his next thoughts. “Do you know why Crew bothers me so much?”
“Because he’s not the rich guy you wanted for me?”
“Truth, but no. Aside from the tattoos, that kid is exactly … like … me.”
He fumbled over the last three words. He didn’t want to speak them out loud, but it was not because of his distaste for Crew. It was because he realized the reality of it as he spoke it.
“I’m not sure I’m following,” I said, slightly confused.
Dad chuckled a little under his breath. “I was a pompous asshole. You’ve probably heard bits and pieces of it as you grew up, but at dinner, you got a full taste of how I used to act daily to just about everyone. Everyone except for your mother.” He coughed. “I take that back. I didn’t know how to handle my emotions for her, so I was an extra prick to her till Dodger pointed out that I had fallen for the girl who was living with me.”
I giggled. “I’ve heard this about a dozen times from Mom’s point of view.”
“That’s because your mom’s take on how it happened is probably a bit more accurate than I can recount the story. Anyway, now there’s this kid floundering a bit, doesn’t seem to know where he’s going in life …” I was about to interject and say he was very wrong about that, but he wouldn’t let me get a word in. “Ashton, hurt people hurt others. It’s obvious to me that he’s lost because of why he’s here. Crew isn’t a damn mechanic. That kid couldn’t change a tire with his eyes open, and I certainly wouldn’t let him change the oil in my car even if he said he’d do it for free. He’s hard. He’s directionless. And he has no business being with you until he figures it out.”
I scowled. If this was going to turn into one big fat argument again, I might as well get up and walk in the house and continue the silent treatment. “If you can’t get on board with me being with him, then you need to step back and let me live my life. There is no room here for doubt.”
I didn’t realize my shoulders were squared, and I was facing him like I was fully ready to take a bullet to the chest. My voice was steady and sure. I was being defensive with the man who vowed to always protect me. I should feel weaker than I really did.
He shook his head. “No, Ashton. You’re missing what I’m saying. Before you come back with anything else, please just listen. I’m not saying he doesn’t deserve you. I don’t think he does, but I also didn’t deserve your mother. I was lucky enough that she saw the forest for the trees. You are so much like her that I feel doubly blessed in this life. What I am saying is I know him more than you may think because of our similarities, and that’s terrifying to me.”
I raised my brow. “So you’re saying I’m dating my dad?”
He barked a laugh. “In a roundabout way. The saying goes, ‘we marry our mothers, and we marry our fathers.’”
How much more sideways was this going to go? “I’m not even on the wavelength of marriage.”
“I know that, and I’d string you up by your toes if you were.”
I smiled. “So then what’s your point, Dad?”
He sighed and looked back out at the street. His nostrils flared and looked a little red due to the cold weather. We really could have had this conversation in the house where there was heat, but whatever. Maybe he was trying to keep his beer cold.
“He’s not bad. Crew, I mean. He’s not the rich doctor or architect that I expected you to end up with, but he’s not a bad person either. I see the way he looks at you. How he cared how you were feeling the other night at dinner. It was a brave thing that he checked on you before he dealt with your mother or me. It showed me he respects you, and at the end of the day, respect and love trump everything else. For that reason alone, I knew I’d been wrong. I’ve been allowing my emotions of you growing up and becoming your own person dictate how I handled all this.”
“But is it really love, Dad?” I genuinely wanted to know. I knew how I felt, but it was so confusing and daunting that I hadn’t really allowed myself to cross the threshold of exploring it beyond infatuation and newness.
He nodded. “If that kid isn’t head over heels, we wouldn’t even be out here talking about this.”
“How do you know?”
“Trust me. You always have.”
I nodded even though he wasn’t looking at me. I tucked my hands into the sleeves of my sweater, my fingers were going numb. “I think I do love him, Daddy.”
He stood from his chair, the wicker creaking from the relief of his weight. He grabbed me by my elbow and pulled me up and wrapped me in his arms. “I know, kiddo, I know.” He kissed the top of my head.
My eyes began to sting, and I sniffled as the tears trickled out, soaking into the warmth of my dad’s chest. Emotion washed over me like a warm spray after being cold for days. I wanted to allow my body to go limp, and my mind to be put at ease. If I ever had a silent battle with him again in this lifetime, it would be too soon. The gigantic man had been the center of my universe from the time I could toddle around and imitate him shaving his face. He meant everything to me. His opinion mattered even if it didn’t coincide with mine. Settling the dust released undue stress, and I was glad.
“Do you think you can handle Crew coming over again sometime?”
His large hand combed down the back of my head. “Sure, kid. Not sure if I can grovel enough to apologize, but he’s welcome at my table.”
I giggled. “Thanks. I love you, Dad.”
He kissed the top of my head. “Love you too. Now don’t let your mother think that any of this was her idea. That woman will forever think she’s right.”
I picked up my purse and followed him inside. “You know she’ll know anyway, right?”
“Yep … she always does.”
He shut the door behind us, and that ended the nearly week-long torture. I was anxious to get to Crew.
I had texted Holly on my way to the apartment.
Me: Dad gave Crew the thumbs up. Well, sorta.
Holly: Ya? Way to go pops.
Me: Lol. Not to get too enthused yet. Knowing Dad, he could change his mind.
Holly: Rude! What are you up to?
Me: Heading to Crews.
Holly: *gag* jk. Wanted to know if you wanted to come over. Learning Español on a new app and mixing essential oils.
Me: Uhhhh … thx for the invite. Lol. Maybe next time.
Holly: Ugh. It’s ok, I get it. I’m old.
Me: Ha! Well, I’d still hang out. Raincheck?
Holly: Sure. Text me later.
After hearing the front door shut, I sat on Crew’s bed, not so patiently waiting for him to make his way back here. He had no idea I was here, and Foster was off with some girl getting wasted at a party. The apartment was all mine tonight to do what I wanted.
And I had something in mind.
Eagerness grew in my belly and traveled its way up to my erratically beating heart. I was getting him all to myself, and I was thrilled he had no idea what I wanted to ask of him. I was kicking my legs back and forth on his slightly too firm bed with my freshly painted toes flashing a hot pink out of my peripheral. Crew’s room matched the rest of the house—devoid of personality and a completely blank canvas—but as much as I wanted, I wouldn’t go adding fuzzy pillows to his bed and trying to overrun his space with things that screamed “Pro
perty of Ashton Brooks.”
The door swung open, and the sexiest sight I’d ever seen strode in. Head to toe, the man was covered in dirtiness and mess. From the grease streak on his cheek to the rip in the knee of his jeans that had smudges of dirt, he was like sex on legs. His beautiful eyes landed on me, and he gave me a wolfish grin.
“Didn’t expect to see you in here.”
I sucked in my lower lip. “I wanted to surprise you.”
Chuckling, he set his keys down on his old dresser that’d seen better days. “I might have been more surprised if you’d parked at the back of the lot and not right in front of the door.”
He had a point. Clearly, I didn’t think that one through. “Sorry. I was just excited to see you.”
Stepping forward, Crew was looking at me as if I was his favorite dessert. “What’s kicked up this excitement? Finals being over?”
I nodded. “That, among other things.” There was zero chance I was going to bring up what went down between my dad and me at a moment like this.
He came and squatted down in front of me, his arms resting on his knees like he was an umpire behind the plate. “Care to share?”
I chewed on my lip a little bit harder. I had all the confidence in the world before I got here, and now that my moment had arrived, I wasn’t sure if it was graceful to just openly say what I wanted. Reaching up, he used his thumb and pulled the tender flesh from my teeth.