Yeah. Saying it all out loud had made me more aware of just how wrong everything was. When it was all in my head, it was easier to lock some of the stuff away and just try to get on with the day, pretending that the voices talking to me were somehow good, that they were helping me in some way. Now that it had been said out loud, the ugly, evil truth was out. Whatever those voices were, they were not trying to help me.
“We need to speak to your sister and Ruby,” she whispered again.
“I can’t. It will just worry them, and then I won’t be allowed out of their sight…they’ll lose focus on the borders. Trust me, it’s better this way.”
“Benedict! Maybe it’s better if they won’t let you out of their sight—it sounds like you’re in real danger.”
I slumped back on the bed. I didn’t really have the energy to argue with Yelena, but I honestly dreaded telling my sister. Maybe I could go and see her later, and then decide whether or not she should know—if she was stressed and preoccupied with the borders, then I wouldn’t tell her.
“Okay… I’ll go and see my sister. But will you still keep your promise about watching me while I sleep?” I asked.
Yelena looked down at me, worried and forlorn.
“I’m frightened,” she whispered.
I nodded.
“Yeah, me too.”
Yelena reached over and took my hand. For a second I wanted to shake it off and tell her not to be so silly, but it was actually comforting to finally have some human contact… it felt safe.
“I’ll do it,” she confirmed.
“Thanks,” I replied, words not really able to convey how grateful I was to her.
We sat on the bed in silence for a while, both frightened, both feeling a bit lost and, in my case, thinking about how utterly sick I was of Nevertide.
Hazel
Tejus had done as he’d promised. There were two guards waiting outside by the gates to the castle, watching for signs of my brother. It was difficult to tell what time it was; the clouds hadn’t moved and the rains hadn’t stopped—it could have been early morning or the middle of the night for all I knew. I hadn’t been able to get any sleep. Tejus had brought up books from the library, and so his living room looked like a study hall with books piled up on every available surface, most discarded because of their uselessness. The ministers and any available guards were conducting a thorough search of the castle.
According to Tejus, the ministers had kicked up a fuss about this, telling him that they wouldn’t be able to touch the stones if they did find them—reminding him that it was the jurisdiction of the emperor. I couldn’t believe how bloody-minded they were being. If Tejus’s mother’s story and the snippets we’d been able to glean from the ministers’ chronicles were to be believed, we were all in mortal danger, and the ministers were fussing about the small print. At least Tejus and I were completely aligned for once—he had returned from his meeting with them looking murderous. We were both more than happy to ignore the rulebook in order to stop the entity.
While I watched the blood-splattered courtyard, my mind would occasionally drift to the image I’d seen in Tejus’s mind. He’d made it perfectly obvious that he didn’t want to talk about it, but it had lodged in my mind. Of course it had—he’d shown me as his queen! I couldn’t just shake it off in the same way he could.
I was stunned by what I’d seen. The rational part of me believed that the image made perfect sense. Tejus would be looking for a wife now that he was king. That’s what royalty did, wasn’t it? And I shouldn’t take it too seriously. It was little to do with me per se, and more about making a power play—putting the kingdom first, just like he’d always been told to do.
But my heart felt differently — wildly, breathlessly separate from my head. I hoped that Tejus was falling for me in the same way I felt like I was falling for him. We had met in such unbelievable circumstances, and overcome so much together—fought and tried to beat every obstacle that was in our way, rescued one another time and time again—that I couldn’t really imagine a world where Tejus wasn’t around. I didn’t want to.
Which was right—my head or my heart—I didn’t know.
There was a knock on the door. I ignored it, letting Tejus open the door, thinking that it would be ministers or guards with another pointless update, them having found nothing and suggesting another plan was made, but then having no suggestions as to what else we could do.
“Hazel, it’s for you,” Tejus’ deep voice announced.
I spun around and saw my brother standing in the doorway, coated in the red rain, looking as white as a sheet, but here. Alive. I ran across the room and held his body tightly, unable to speak for a few moments as I felt how frail his body was, how cold.
“Benedict…” I gasped, my raw throat holding me back from saying anything more. Tears threatened to overflow, and I forced them back.
“Hey,” Benedict replied. “Sorry I went off into the forest. I didn’t mean to worry you.”
I shook my head, breaking away to look at him. “It doesn’t matter—as long as you’re safe.”
“I am.” He smiled weakly.
“How did you even get in? There are borders up all around the castle. We thought that no one could get in or out.” I looked up at Tejus, hopeful—maybe they had come down on their own?
“Yeah, Yelena told me. I think I came in before they went up…I went to Ash’s room and fell asleep there.”
“Why Ash’s room?” I asked, confused. It seemed like a strange thing to do, especially as he’d obviously not bothered to shower either.
“I was just tired. The kids make a lot of noise.”
“Okay. Do you want to sleep up here tonight?” I asked, desperately wanting him to agree.
“No, it’s fine. Someone needs to keep an eye on them.” He shrugged. “Ruby and Ash aren’t here either. Are they locked out because of the borders?”
I nodded.
“I saw them try to come in, but they couldn’t. I’m pretty sure they’re okay though.” I smiled, even as I reassured myself. “Probably off in some barn somewhere. Ash will take care of Ruby.”
I wanted to reassure Benedict too, but he grimaced at the mention of the barn. I was about to ask what was wrong when Tejus cleared his throat.
Right. The stones.
“Benedict, do you still have the stone I gave you? We need it back. We think it might have something to do with the barriers.”
“Oh, sure,” Benedict replied, digging around in his left pocket. Then his right pocket…then his back pockets. His eyes widened with panic, and he gulped. It would have been almost comical under any other circumstances. He checked his pockets again, going back to the left pocket…and then he stopped.
My heart sank.
I didn’t dare look at Tejus.
“I think…I’ve lost it,” he breathed.
“Could it be in your room?” I asked, trying not to panic just yet.
“No…I never removed it from my jeans…I—I could have sworn…” His sentence trailed off, and he looked as if he were about to faint.
“Benedict, i-it’s okay,” I reassured him, reaching out to comfort him again. His entire body was shaking, which seemed like an extreme response. I realized that I’d put my brother under a lot of pressure. Too much. Too much for just a kid.
“This is all my fault—not yours, I promise you.” I looked dead straight into his eyes so that he would see the truth of what I was saying. “The stone was my responsibility; I should never have let it out of my sight.”
Tejus growled from the back of his throat.
Crap.
I needed to get my brother out of here before Tejus exploded.
“Why don’t you take a bath up here? I’ve got clean clothes you can wear.”
“Yeah, thanks,” Benedict agreed, still looking like he was stuck in his own world of guilt and fear. Feeling helpless, and not knowing what to say to make him feel better, I showed him to the bathroom and left some clea
n sentry clothes for him to wear.
Feeling sick, I returned to the living room.
Tejus was standing by the windows, waiting for me.
Here goes.
“I know what you’re going to say,” I started, before he could talk. “But it’s not his fault.”
“I know,” Tejus bit out. “I don’t blame him—I blame you.”
I nodded, rubbing my forehead, trying to think what we were going to do now. I had been hoping that the stone would have somehow led us to the rest of them…or, at the very least, we could have shown it to the ministers to see if they could discern whether it was one of those that trapped the entity.
“How could you have been so reckless?” he asked.
“You know I had no idea what it was,” I replied. “If this is anyone’s fault, it’s your father’s and his stupid labyrinth trial’s. If it is one of the stones that belongs to the lock, then it was him who removed it in the first place!”
“You are so frustrating!” Tejus exploded.
“So are you!” I snarled back. I meant that with every cell in my body—I wasn’t just referring to the stone, but literally everything else about Tejus.
I slumped against one of the sofas, looking dejectedly at the books littering the room. I didn’t want to have another argument with Tejus about the stone—what was done was done. Yes, I’d been stupid, but I hadn’t known. Right now the important thing was trying to find a way to fix it…but how?
“I guess we hit the books again?” I asked.
“I don’t have any better ideas,” Tejus fumed.
He marched back over to the coffee table and started flicking through the books with the short, staccato movements of a man who was well and truly pissed off.
“Hazel?” Benedict called from the door of the living room. He was clean and dressed in the fresh clothes I’d put out, but still deathly pale.
“How are you feeling?” I asked, walking over to him. We stood out in the hallway, away from Tejus.
“I’m okay… tired. I think I’m going to go back downstairs now,” he told me, but looked longingly inside the living room of Tejus’s quarters.
“You’re more than welcome to stay, you know that, right?” It was probably Tejus putting him off staying up here.
He shook his head, now looking toward the stairs.
“I need to go,” he said quietly.
“I’ll come down with you.”
We made our way back to the human quarters, Benedict silent the entire way, but walking close to me—obviously needing some kind of comfort. When we reached the rooms, most of the kids were already asleep. Yelena was sitting up on the sofas, curled in a blanket, her eyes fixed on the door. She smiled in relief as we approached.
“You look better,” she said to Benedict.
“I feel better.”
She nodded, her expression more somber and concerned than I’d ever seen it.
“Did you tell Hazel about the—”
“Not yet!” Benedict interjected loudly.
I looked at them both, wondering what was going on. Benedict looked sheepish, while Yelena just looked mad.
“Anyone want to tell me what’s going on?” I asked, unnervingly sounding like my mom for a moment.
“It’s nothing…just that I almost got attacked by wolves in the forest, but it was fine in the end.”
“What? Why didn’t you tell me?” I exclaimed.
No wonder he was so pale and shaken. He must have been utterly terrified.
“Sorry, didn’t want to worry you, and like I said, I’m actually fine. Yelena was overreacting.”
“No, she wasn’t.” I glared at him. “You could have got yourself killed! I know you’re worried about Julian, we all are, but running off into forests isn’t going to help anything.”
“What happened to ‘I’m just happy you’re safe’?” he asked mischievously.
I rolled my eyes at him, “Don’t push your luck. And come on—bed, you need to get some sleep.”
He huffed, but made his way over to his room without saying goodnight to Yelena. The girl looked at me, opening her mouth like she wanted to say something. She hesitated, and then she smiled halfheartedly at me.
“Night, Hazel,” was all she said.
“Night, Yelena. And do tell me if he decides to make any more boneheaded decisions, please.”
“I will.” Her reply was firm, but her eyes darted quickly to the shut door of Benedict’s bedroom, no doubt worried about what he would do if she ever told on him. I shook my head as I left the room, so relieved that Benedict had come back in one piece.
The loss of the stone wasn’t great for us, but I was relieved that at least Benedict no longer had it. The story about the young prince hanging from the rafters flashed into my mind again. It was just the stuff of grim fairytales, but even so, I felt better with Benedict well away from it.
The new anxiety that was starting to play on my mind was that if Benedict didn’t have it… then who, or what, did?
Hazel
When I re-entered the living room, Tejus was in the same place that I’d left him, poring over the books. The candles and torches in the room were lit, casting a warm yellow light over everything. He shut one of the volumes abruptly as I approached and he stood up, turning to face me.
“Hazel, I have an apology to make. I do realize that this is not entirely your fault. I should have realized that the stone was potentially more dangerous and potent than I assumed—my father never did manage to stick to the straight path.”
Whoa.
The apology was sure unexpected. As I’d ascended the staircase, I’d been preparing mine, not for a moment thinking that Tejus would admit wrongdoing.
“Thank you. But I own my part—leaving it with Benedict was probably one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done in my life. I’ll probably always regret it.”
Tejus nodded slowly, lowering his eyes to the floor as he rubbed his hand along his jaw.
“Yes, but you did it for me.”
Suddenly the room was thick with tension, and I felt color rising in my face. My stomach tightened as I realized the truth of his words—well, the half-truth. It wasn’t the whole picture.
“And to ensure the barriers were raised.” I smiled crookedly, trying to break the atmosphere, suddenly afraid. Afraid that Tejus would start realizing how I felt about him, and I didn’t think I was ready for that yet…not till…
Not till he tells you first.
“That image that you saw…the one in my mind. I want you to forget it,” he said brokenly.
“Uh…” I swallowed hard. “I don’t think I can.” I found myself closing the distance between us, trying to make him look me in the eye. “I don’t know what it means. What was it, Tejus?” I dared breathe.
He groaned softly before replying.
“An idea I once had—a foolish one, something that can never be.”
“What do you mean?” I whispered. “Why?”
“For reasons I can’t explain. I hardly understand it myself, but I need you to trust me that it’s for the best. Whatever was happening between us, it just can’t.”
His answer didn’t make sense. But I didn’t know why I expected anything else. Tejus was clearly determined to remain an enigma, keeping me shut out. This was the second conversation we’d had about us, and I still didn’t understand where I stood—or what he was keeping from me.
“Look me in the eye and tell me,” I said, “that you don’t want anything to happen between us—that you don’t feel anything for me. That image was me sitting beside you as your queen. How on earth do you think I can just brush that aside?”
“Because it’s what I had to do!” he burst out.
Our eyes locked. His were black, the pupils drowning out the irises of his eyes, and all I could see in his expression was desire—hot, urgent and completely consuming him.
I took a step closer toward him, but his hand shot out to stop me, grasping my hip, keeping me
at arm’s length.
“Don’t, Hazel,” he whispered, flinching.
He was silent for a moment, trying to keep himself in check. “I’m sorry that I’m making no sense,” he said after drawing a breath. “Will you just please believe that this is as difficult for me as it is for you?”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t believe that,” I replied, trying to keep my own voice steady.
“But it’s the truth. You being here—having you as a…friend—has altered me fundamentally, Hazel. And I will never be the same again, with or without you.”
“I… I’m not sure that I want to be without you,” I replied, holding my hands across my stomach, trying to keep myself whole while I felt like I was breaking apart.
“The price is too great, Hazel. As soon as this is all over you will return home, and you’ll feel differently. You’re young—”
“That is so patronizing!” I ripped the words from my throat. “You can’t tell me how I will feel or what I won’t feel—you don’t have that right.”
He swallowed. “You are right. I am just trying to make this easier…”
“Well, don’t.”
I took a step back and briefly closed my eyes, trying to calm down. But all I could think was that somehow I had fallen in love with him. I didn’t know when, and I didn’t know why, not when there were so many reasons to stay away, but it didn’t change the fact that I had. I had abandoned myself in the worst possible way, and I was out there alone on the ledge—Tejus just wasn’t willing to take the risk and fall with me.
“I’m going to the library,” I whispered hollowly.
Tejus removed his hand from my hip, and he seemed to relax a fraction.
“No, it’s warmer here. I’ll go…I want to look at some blueprints of the castle’s foundations as well.”
I nodded, not caring either way. I just needed space.
“Please stay here,” Tejus said quietly. “The castle isn’t safe. I don’t want you to go wandering off.”
“Okay.” I wasn’t going anywhere in this state.
The door shut quietly behind him, and the tears I’d been holding at bay started to run down my face. I brushed them aside angrily, determined to continue looking at the books.
A Shade of Vampire 36 Page 13