What he had with Mia, whatever this was or turned out to be, this has a heft to it, it has substance. It was a thing beating unto it’s self, but belonged to both of them.
At least he hoped it did.
Only one way to know for sure.
Say it Already
If Austin’s Grandma Lucille was a life long nurse with the gift of seeing behind a person’s visage and who is able to tell what is wrong with a person, none of it had apparently been passed down to Austin. If it had been he surely wouldn’t have taken Mia on a twenty minute hike up and down a bunch of sand dunes for fun.
Mia could see this place meant a lot to him, however, a point made clearer when Mia heard his sister tell her friend that “he’s never even brought me here,” in a tone that she couldn’t decipher, somewhere between jealous and introspective, probably a bit of both.
Mia put her game face on and drudged through the soft, ever-changing landscape of the dunes. Some parts would be caked hard and flat, and you could stay on the topmost layer without breaking through into the trap-like vices, if you treaded gently and didn’t push off too hard with your toes. Then other parts, it wouldn’t matter how kind you were to the sand it would only stay angry at you as you dug your feet into it’s side, making a small hole as the sides caved in, avalanching the walls of sand around your foot, filling your shoe with a million tiny grits.
It was a brisk fall night in the deserts of West Texas, but with all of the physical effort Mia was having to put into each and every step it had her taking the outer layers of jacket and scarf off with in the first few minutes, carrying them draped over arm like a fancy waitress with a napkin.
Austin had been so preoccupied, to see Mia playfully collapse to the ground when they reached their spot. She hoped she had played it off just right, acting like a girl used to big cities not the unruly, unflat nature of unpaved land. Not the ragged and winded, disease riddled woman she actually was.
When Austin threw a blanket down next to her, she rolled over right on top of it not even feigning trying to sit up, hoping he couldn’t see how exhausted she was. While he was digging around in the bag she just lay there looking up at the stars. With this view it was no wonder to her how someone could fall in love with everything about the stars.
Don’t think I’ve ever seen so many at one time before.
Mia was still too tired to raise her head off the ground to see what Austin was up to but she could hear Austin tapping on something metallic before she caught the familiar sound of a carbonated can opening. A few seconds later, out of the corner of her eye she could see Austin turning back to her, so she put her relaxed and somewhat bored face back on, hiding her fatigued, ready for a Red Bull face. When Austin reached out handing her a cup she still didn’t raise her head, just her hand and grabbed the cup he had held out for her. When she took it from his hands she could feel it shaking for a second before Austin let go.
Mia took it from him and was barely able to stop gravity from letting it careen into the sand. She wasn’t sure if Austin was starting to put two and two together or not about how she felt. He would look at the cup, then back into her eyes like the wheel was turning in his mind connecting dots. He did it several more times, looking at the cup then putting his focus back on her, cup, her, cup, her. Just when she thought he was about ask her how she was feeling, or make some comment on how they could go back whenever she was ready if she wasn’t feeling alright, he gave up on the arithmetic in his head and just laid down next to her.
Austin took an awkward laying down sip out of his own drink, before settling down a bit and really taking in the sky for the first time that night. He let out a long sigh, as a handful of meteorites flashed and lit up as they incinerated upon entering the atmosphere, seemingly all at once.
“Tonight is supposed to be the peak of the Leonid meteor shower, should be able to a lot of those tonight,” Austin said before grabbing Mia’s hand, lifting it straight into the air so it was perpendicular to them laying down. He then folded her fingers into a fist, leaving only her index finger standing out, then guided it slowly where he wanted it to go and asked “Do you see that star right…” continuing to move her hand in his until it was in just the right spot, “there?”
“I think so,” Mia answered meekly not sure if she did or not.
“That one there, that has a bit of a blue tint to it,” he said as he scooted his head closer to hers in order to get a better view of what she was seeing until their ears were almost touching. “Ok,” moving her hand again, this time in a small arc, “See these stars here that look like a sickle,” he said tracing again the shape in the sky.
“I think so… you mean that backward question mark looking thingy?” She said knowing exactly what he was talking about now, but wanting him to talk more about it.
“Yes that backward question mark thingy, perfect, now,” he said moving her hand just a few inches down and to the left before he continued, “Do you see these three here, the way they form an almost a perfect triangle?”
Smiling now, not feeling as tired as she was just moments before, she took her eyes off the sky for a split second sneaking a quick look over at him but only moving her eyes, just long enough to see his face in that half-smile, half-serious look he got when trying to educate her on all things astronomy.
“Yes, I see the triangle, those right there,” she said this as a statement, not a question this time, and she moved their hands in unison tracing the outline of the small yet obvious triangle.
“Yep, exactly,” Austin said taking back control of the pointer. What Mia didn’t know was that he actually had brought a special green laser pointer, that was over in the backpack still, that he planned to use. It would shine a thin green line out to whatever he was pointing at and it would appear as if it was actually touching whichever star or planet that he would come to rest it on. It would have been a lot easier to show her which one he was talking about using that laser, but education be damned. His hand caressing hers as they hovered in the air, while her hair tickled his cheek, beat an old laser any day of the week.
“Now that sickle, and that triangle together,” he said moving their hands back and forth tracing both shapes as if they were one, “make the constellation Leo.” He kept their hands high in the sky but was holding the weight of hers so Mia didn’t feel any strain at all.
“The sickle, excuse me, backward question mark is the head of the lion,” moving back down and to the left, “while the triangle here makes up the hind legs in a sitting position.”
“Oh, yeah… yeah, I can see how someone would call that a lion I guess,” Mia said giggling more than she thought she would have at that.
“Ok good,” Austin said as he let a small chuckle escape his lips as well, “Now this star here, see the dot of the question mark?” he asked as he stopped her finger in between the head and body. “That’s Regulus, the star that makes up the Lion’s heart.”
“Awwww, how cute,” Mia said with out any sarcasm, actually believing that it was cute. Several more shooting stars exploded in the sky, so that there was one almost every five or ten seconds, now. Austin tilted his head towards hers just a bit more and she thought Austin was about to kiss her then. Instead however, he pivoted his head back to the sky and started talking again.
“Um, did you know that they call it the Leonid shower because when the meteors light up and spark in the sky they look almost as if they are coming right out of the constellation Leo,” he said in more of a recitation of fact than trying to convey a passion like before.
“No I didn’t know that,” Mia said waiting for the tilt of his head to come back towards her, when she realized that wasn’t about to happen she gave him a quick “hmmmmmm?” like she was still pondering about the constellation.
“And you know?” Austin said moving right along anxiously to the fill the silence, “Regulus is actually made up of four different stars but it’s so far away the light coming off em combine, making it look as if ther
e’s only one.“
“Oh?”
“Yeah pretty cool huh? Pre…tty…coo…wool” Austin said drawing out these last two words hating himself for going on like a nerd and obviously missing his moment.
“Also, you know, I’m sure you’ve heard me say this before but-”
Austin stopped talking all at once, like he just realized he had been going on and on about something that his audience had no interest in what so ever. Except that Mia was interested in it, more than just interested actually. She loved listening to Austin geek out over astronomy, wishing she had something like that in her life that she felt such a pull towards. She also thought however, that she would rather be making out under the stars right about now, and could finish their lesson later.
What’s going on with him, he hasn’t been this nervous, rambling, and so locked inside his own mind since the first time we had sex.
Oh no.
“Mia,” Austin said a little too seriously.
Oh shit.
“Austin,” Mia said a little too abruptly.
“I’ve been wanting to-” he said not breaking stride.
“Austin, look I-” she said trying to break his stride.
“Tell you something for awhile now and-”
“Austin, please, there’s something I need to-” she said trying desperately to snag his attention.
“I love you.”
Damn it Austin.
“Damn it Austin,” she exhaled the words she had just been thinking with a frustrated sigh.
Maybe if Mia hadn’t been so focused on hiding what was going on, and thinking of the words said to her by Austin’s grandma she would have been able to see this coming and head it off at the pass. But, being so wrapped up in this facade, even with the best of intentions she failed to connect the pieces on why he brought her out tonight. She sat cross-legged staring at Austin’s face not able to tell if he was more hurt or confused, knowing what she would have to do.
She had been fighting it so hard, not wanting this moment to happen, hoping she could find a way where she could end it that wasn’t harsh.
And make no mistake Mia, doing this now would be a downright harsh, bitch of a move, but it’s the only way to make sure that your hurricane will be turned to a gust of hot air. Prick him now to prevent amputation in the future.
“I can’t do this,” is all Mia was able to force out at the moment.
“What do you mean you can’t… I don’t… I mean I know-”
Mia was having as hard of a time finding the exact sharp words to say, as Austin was at trying to make sense of it all.
Come on Mia, be the bitch you need to be, push the damn button.
“You don’t love me.”
Mia crossed her arms and forced a stern look on her face when all she wanted to do was sob here and now and tell him that she loved him too. She did, she knew she did, which is why she had to say this now “I have been lying to this whole time, and you’ve either been too stupid or just too plain in to yourself to even look up and realize what was going on.”
Austin had been on his knees, his posture ramrod straight, but now he slunk back, sitting on his heels. She could tell she had inflicted a little damage, and knew it wasn’t time to let up yet. Tears welled up in her eyes but this time she wasn’t strong enough to keep them at bay and they streamed down her cheeks with relentlessness.
She continued on “you can’t possibly love some one you don’t even know. I mean what did you think would happen tonight? Think I would say it back and we would kiss and fall over and have sex right here in the middle of bumfuck nowhere?”
“Mia, stop. What are you doing? I don’t underst-”
“No, you wouldn’t understand, would you? This isn’t the movies Austin, and I’m so freakin tired of trying to live up to one.”
Mia started to walk away, throwing her jacket and scarf back on in a huff, chilled to the bone now from the Autumn winds soaring over the dunes. Turning back to Austin, with her arms still crossed, hands rubbing up and down the opposite arms for warmth she stared into his wounded eyes and coerced herself into giving the final blow.
“I don’t love you Austin,” she said trying to not let her voice break and give her true feelings away, “Yeah, okay fine, what we have here… had… was fun, it was great, but it’s not love.”
Austin sat there still on his heels, head down, tears running down the tip of his nose making small divots into the sand.
“I want to go home,” she said.
“Okay, I’ll go get the others,” Austin said in a monotone voice, stifling any feeling trying not to heave his thanksgiving dinner out of stomach to pile on top of his tears.
“No, I mean back to New York. After this semester is over, I’m going back. And as for tonight, I don’t know, it would just be too awkward staying with your family after all of this.”
“What do you wanna do, drive back tonight? Leave me here? What? I just don’t get-”
“No, no, I looked earlier, and there’s a red eye flight out of Midland back to Austin. I’ll have Ashley take me to the airport, you all can just drive back without me.”
“You looked earlier? So, what, you planned this? What the hell, Mia? What the fuck is going on? And what do you even mean you’ve been lying to me this whole time? What are you talking about? None of this makes sense. I mean what did you think would happen tonight, huh?”
Austin’s hurt and confusion was now turning to anger as words that were so hard to find earlier now were flying out of his mouth without a thought behind them. “Did you think you would just stub me out like a cigarette, and be done with me? Well it’s not that easy, you can’t just get rid of me and run off and think I won’t be there right behind you because guess what? There is something here between us whether you believe it right now or not and you know I’m right.”
The tears were streaming down both of their faces now, but neither one giving an inch towards the other’s direction.
“You know I’m right,” he repeated and reached for her only to be shrugged off as she turned without saying a word, head down.
“So what now?” he began losing his temper again and hurled out “What? You’re just gonna… fine… you know what? Whatever, just go. That’s what you want right? You just wanna leave me right?”
Austin started to pack up his things, kicking the Starbuck’s cup into the sand a few feet away, before he looked at her walking away. Mia didn’t look back once as shuffled through the sand and the night, arms crossed in front of her, partly to fight off the cold, mostly though it was to keep her chest from splitting open and spitting out her heart for her willful betrayal of it.
Good Doctor's Research
Much like her unawareness of Halloween, Dr. Greer barely noticed the fact that Thanksgiving had already come and gone. Nor did she know that right now as she was waking up stiff and achy on this horribly uncomfortable couch in her office at 10:45 pm, that millions of Americans were already braving the winter cold and late hours, standing in seemingly unending lines all across the country waiting for glass doors to slide open and kick Black Friday off.
She knew that it had to be one of the days somewhere during the week of Thanksgiving, but only just because Izzy had asked for it off. Even though to Dr. Greer it almost felt like she was here anyway as many times as she called and texted, asking if the Doctor had found anything exciting in one of the tests yet.
Doesn’t that girl have a life?
Left to her own devices for however many days in a row now, Dr. Greer thought she had finally been getting somewhere on the research side of things. She had been looking more closely into the actual transfusions themselves instead of every other facet of Austin’s life. The reason she woke up just now, a full fifteen minutes before her alarm clock even thought about alerting her, was to make sure she didn’t sleep through a call concerning the fruits of her research.
Unfortunately, the caller she was now waiting on happened to not only be a former colle
ague of hers but also a colleague of her not-so-dearly departed ex-husband. He was still back on the east coast, and was supposed to be gathering information to decipher what was known as a Donor Identification Code. This unique identifier was slapped onto every pint of blood donated, no matter where.
Before the donated sample goes anywhere near a patient, or hospital for that matter, it goes through numerous screenings and tests for things like AIDS and sickle cell, as well as general blood type antigen tests. Once it passed these with flying colors and the type was analyzed, it generated countless barcodes and other strings of letters and numbers seen as only gibberish to human eyes.
This Donor Identification Code however, was the very first of these such codes that were generated. That way if it didn’t pass any of the given tests the donor could and would be notified promptly. It was a code made up of 13 letters and numbers unique to each donor given to them at their first donation. No matter how many times or different places they donated at, this code followed them everywhere they went. Some places even issued plastic ID cards with all the information on them for faster processing at time of donation.
Luckily for Catherine Greer however, this former colleague she was waiting on happened to be a workaholic like her, or at least he would be today. He promised her that he could have the information to her this morning around midnight eastern, at the latest.
At first she thought she would just work through until he called. That changed tonight when her body betrayed her by falling asleep, mid-page while reviewing yet another file. Sure it had been her tenth time going over that exact copy, so nodding off wasn’t too big of a surprise, but she still couldn’t help to be a little disappointed in herself for spending so much time devoted to this and still barely have anything to show for it.
The Heart of It All (HeartSick Series Book 1) Page 21