The Comedy of Errors

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The Comedy of Errors Page 25

by Kent Cartwright

230

  I did obey, and sent my peasant home

  For certain ducats; he with none returned.

  Then fairly I bespoke the officer

  To go in person with me to my house.

  By th’ way, we met

  235

  My wife, her sister and a rabble more

  Of vile confederates; along with them

  They brought one Pinch, a hungry, lean-faced villain,

  A mere anatomy, a mountebank,

  A threadbare juggler and a fortune-teller,

  240

  A needy, hollow-eyed, sharp-looking wretch,

  A living dead man. This pernicious slave,

  Forsooth, took on him as a conjuror,

  And gazing in mine eyes, feeling my pulse

  And with no-face, as ’twere, out-facing me,

  245

  Cries out, I was ‘possessed’. Then all together

  They fell upon me, bound me, bore me thence,

  And in a dark and dankish vault at home

  There left me and my man, both bound together,

  Till, gnawing with my teeth my bonds in sunder,

  250

  I gained my freedom, and immediately

  Ran hither to your grace, whom I beseech

  To give me ample satisfaction

  For these deep shames and great indignities.

  ANGELO

  My lord, in truth, thus far I witness with him:

  255

  That he dined not at home, but was locked out.

  DUKE

  But had he such a chain of thee, or no?

  ANGELO

  He had, my lord, and when he ran in here

  These people saw the chain about his neck.

  2 MERCHANT [to Antipholus]

  Besides, I will be sworn these ears of mine

  260

  Heard you confess you had the chain of him,

  After you first forswore it on the mart,

  And thereupon I drew my sword on you;

  And then you fled into this abbey here,

  From whence, I think, you are come by miracle.

  265

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  [to Second Merchant] I never came within these abbey walls,

  Nor ever didst thou draw thy sword on me;

  [to Angelo] I never saw the chain, so help me heaven,

  [to Adriana] And this is false you burden me withal.

  DUKE

  Why, what an intricate impeach is this!

  270

  I think you all have drunk of Circe’s cup:

  [to Second Merchant] If here you housed him, here he would have been;

  [to Adriana] If he were mad, he would not plead so coldly;

  [to Luciana] You say he dined at home; the goldsmith here

  Denies that saying. [to Dromio] Sirrah, what say you?

  275

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS [Points to the Courtesan.]

  Sir, he dined with her there, at the Porpentine.

  COURTESAN

  He did, and from my finger snatched that ring.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  ’Tis true, my liege, this ring I had of her.

  DUKE [to Courtesan]

  Saw’st thou him enter at the abbey here?

  COURTESAN

  As sure, my liege, as I do see your grace.

  280

  DUKE

  Why, this is strange: – Go call the Abbess hither.

  – I think you are all mated, or stark mad. Exit one to the Abbess.

  EGEON

  Most mighty Duke, vouchsafe me speak a word;

  Haply I see a friend will save my life

  And pay the sum that may deliver me.

  285

  DUKE

  Speak freely, Syracusan, what thou wilt.

  EGEON [to Antipholus]

  Is not your name, sir, called Antipholus?

  And is not that your bondman Dromio?

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS

  Within this hour I was his bondman, sir,

  But he, I thank him, gnawed in two my cords:

  290

  Now am I Dromio, and his man, unbound.

  EGEON

  I am sure you both of you remember me.

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS

  Ourselves we do remember, sir, by you,

  For lately we were bound as you are now.

  You are not Pinch’s patient, are you, sir?

  295

  EGEON [to Antipholus]

  Why look you strange on me? You know me well.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  I never saw you in my life till now.

  EGEON

  O, grief hath changed me since you saw me last,

  And careful hours with Time’s deformed hand

  Have written strange defeatures in my face.

  300

  But tell me yet, dost thou not know my voice?

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  Neither.

  EGEON Dromio, nor thou?

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS

  No, trust me, sir, nor I.

  EGEON I am sure thou dost!

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS Ay, sir, but I am sure I do not, and

  whatsoever a man denies, you are now bound to

  305

  believe him.

  EGEON

  Not know my voice! – O Time’s extremity,

  Hast thou so cracked and splitted my poor tongue

  In seven short years that here my only son

  Knows not my feeble key of untuned cares?

  310

  Though now this grained face of mine be hid

  In sap-consuming winter’s drizzled snow,

  And all the conduits of my blood froze up,

 
Yet hath my night of life some memory,

  My wasting lamps some fading glimmer left,

  315

  My dull deaf ears a little use to hear;

  All these old witnesses – I cannot err –

  Tell me thou art my son Antipholus.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  I never saw my father in my life.

  EGEON

  But seven years since, in Syracusa, boy,

  320

  Thou knowst we parted. But perhaps, my son,

  Thou sham’st to acknowledge me in misery.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  The Duke and all that know me in the city

  Can witness with me that it is not so.

  I ne’er saw Syracusa in my life.

  325

  DUKE

  I tell thee, Syracusan, twenty years

  Have I been patron to Antipholus,

  During which time he ne’er saw Syracusa.

  I see thy age and dangers make thee dote.

  Enter [Emilia,] the ABBESS,

  with ANTIPHOLUS [OF SYRACUSE, wearing the chain,]

  and DROMIO [OF SYRACUSE].

  ABBESS

  Most mighty Duke, behold a man much wronged.

  330

  All gather to see them.

  ADRIANA

  I see two husbands, or mine eyes deceive me.

  DUKE

  One of these men is genius to the other;

  And so of these, which is the natural man

  And which the spirit? Who deciphers them?

  DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

  I, sir, am Dromio; command him away.

  335

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS

  I, sir, am Dromio; pray, let me stay.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

  Egeon, art thou not? Or else his ghost.

  DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

  O my old master! – Who hath bound him here?

  ABBESS

  Whoever bound him, I will loose his bonds,

  And gain a husband by his liberty.

  340

  [Unbinds him.]

  – Speak, old Egeon, if thou be’st the man

  That hadst a wife once called Emilia

  That bore thee at a burden two fair sons.

  O, if thou be’st the same Egeon, speak,

  And speak unto the same Emilia.

  345

  DUKE

  Why, here begins his morning story right:

  These two Antipholus’, these two so like,

  And these two Dromios, one in semblance –

  Besides his urging of her wrack at sea –

  These are the parents to these children,

  350

  Which accidentally are met together.

  EGEON

  If I dream not, thou art Emilia;

  If thou art she, tell me, where is that son

  That floated with thee on the fatal raft?

  ABBESS

  By men of Epidamium he and I

  355

  And the twin Dromio all were taken up;

  But, by and by, rude fishermen of Corinth

  By force took Dromio and my son from them,

  And me they left with those of Epidamium.

  What then became of them I cannot tell;

  360

  I, to this fortune that you see me in.

  DUKE [to Antipholus of Syracuse]

  Antipholus, thou cam’st from Corinth first.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

  No, sir, not I; I came from Syracuse.

  DUKE

  Stay, stand apart; I know not which is which.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  I came from Corinth, my most gracious lord –

  365

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS

  And I with him.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  – Brought to this town by that most famous warrior,

  Duke Menaphon, your most renowned uncle.

  ADRIANA

  Which of you two did dine with me today?

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

  I, gentle mistress.

  ADRIANA And are not you my husband?

  370

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  No, I say nay to that.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

  And so do I, yet did she call me so;

  And this fair gentlewoman, her sister here,

  Did call me brother. [to Luciana] What I told you then

  I hope I shall have leisure to make good,

  375

  If this be not a dream I see and hear.

  ANGELO

  That is the chain, sir, which you had of me.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

  I think it be, sir; I deny it not.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS [to Angelo]

  And you, sir, for this chain arrested me.

  ANGELO

  I think I did, sir; I deny it not.

  380

  ADRIANA [to Antipholus of Ephesus]

  I sent you money, sir, to be your bail,

  By Dromio, but I think he brought it not.

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS

  No, none by me.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE [Shows the purse to Adriana.]

  This purse of ducats I received from you,

  And Dromio my man did bring them me.

 

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