Transcending Queen

by SK Thomas

  “You don’t think I want that too? You don’t think I watch people around here with their families having that. For some reason, God only knows why, I yearn for that too!”

  “I don’t know if you can handle boring, maybe if we had met under different circumstances or better timing.”

  “You need me to be your rock and help you through these bad times.” His hands surrounded my face cupping it as he caressed my cheek and gave a smile.

  “I can’t, not now. You should let me go.” I pleaded.

  “God damn it! Let this happen, let me lead you.” His temper again rose as he didn’t have much patience. He snatched the glass from the nightstand and flung it across the room hitting the mirror as both smashed into tiny pieces. The flowers lay crushed on the floor amid a wash of water and broken glistening glass. I held still, scared he’d attack me next and out of nowhere I caught myself with words again fumbling out of my mouth, “I want to feel secure with you. I don’t believe it’s possible, but I want to.”

  “I’m dealing with a lot, but you know me.” He stated gently as he kissed my forehead.

  Tears rolled down my cheek, “This pull I feel keeps me near. You’re destroying my sanity but I can’t help myself.”

  “I feel it too.” He comforted as his hold was tight.

  “I love you...” I whispered as I stood trembling in his arms.

  He nodded, softly enveloping my lips with his as he lay me down onto the bed pulling me into him, “It’ll change, I promise.”

  Chapter 18 – Say You Love Me

  I heard the water running in the bathroom before throwing the blanket off and heading towards a mirror only to find the mess that still lingered from yesterday. As I blindly tried to pull myself together the best I could, Colin strolled out neatly tucked and ready for the day.

  “Hey…”

  “Good morning.” He said.

  “So, what’s going to happen now?”

  “I got meetings all day, church stuff.”

  “When will I see you again?”

  “Hard to say, congregation needs me. When the timing is right I’m guessing.”

  “Fine, just go.” I stated nonchalantly forcing myself to hide anger and frustration. I wondered why I even bothered with such emotions, but some things were out of my control.

  “It’s complicated, Melissa.”

  “Yeah I know, you belong to your congregation that you hide behind. You’re making it complicated! You want to retire one minute and then you’re over it the next, kind of like your feelings for me.”

  “I…we…then…” he stalled.

  “We’ve been through this so many times and it’ll never change. It’s no surprise here.”

  “Your right, it’s me, I don’t know.” He stated.

  “I’m done talking.”

  “I have obligations, I can’t just leave.”

  “You can do anything you want.” I suggested.

  “It’s not that easy, I’ve got a lot of things tethering me down.”

  “Why do I feel our conversations never go anywhere?” I questioned.

  He stopped talking with his back to me.

  “Please don’t be a priest right now waiting for me to answer my own questions. I need Colin in this conversation.” I insisted.

  He turned and met my stare as if he wanted to say something, but knew better.

  “You feel like a stranger to me in this constant confusion, no nix that, in this constant manipulation. How could you be so cruel? And why do I keep asking these questions that you refuse answer?” His manifestation of emotionless silence and manipulation swelled like a tidal wave sweeping me out to sea. Leaving me treading water alone, unable to breathe and waiting for me to sink. He secretly took joy in watching me drown. “This is the very definition of insanity. I can’t let you push me over the edge. I refuse to cry for you any longer.” I collapsed to the floor onto my knees hoping he’d buy into the theatrics of it all. I would rather be beat by his hands daily than endure his constant, cruel emotional abuse. I had to hear it, waiting for him to speak those words forcing his hand to admit it. “Say you love me.”

  Finally, he spoke.

  Chapter 19 – A New Queen Rising

  His spoken word didn’t amount to much as he refused to acknowledge any real feelings which made me feel insignificant. I felt used in my time of need, but the lines were long ago blurred for when we came here it was only to be about business. We were here to take a person down, expose their secrets and collect a paycheck until I decided to fall for one of them. People warned me and I ignored them. I have only myself to blame. I still had some belief at one point he really cared and did want a life with me, but it was over his head to comprehend as well. I leapt up to get some fresh air when Jack appeared.

  “What the hell?” I yelped as I hopped back.

  “Good to see you too?”

  “No, don’t take it the wrong way. It’s very good to see you.”

  “I came to talk. Can we have a meeting?”

  “Of course”, I stated as he made his way in.

  “I have answers, are you ready to head back to Barrington?” Jack asked.

  “That’s a loaded question.”

  “Are you?”

  “I don’t have an answer to that yet.” I admitted.

  “Why is this so tortuous?”

  “Go to hell, Jack.” I stated as I punched his arm as if he was my older brother.

  “Stop it, I’m not going to fight a girl!” he yelled as he backed a clear distance away from me.

  “I’m not the enemy!”

  “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I said as I reached out for him.

  “What’s all this about?”

  “I need a friend right now.”

  “What’d he do? He didn’t do anything in my absence, did he?”

  “That’s another loaded question.” I acknowledged.

  “Did Clayton hurt you?” Jack questioned.

  “Does it really matter? You know what he’s capable of.”

  “That son of a bitch, I’m going to kill him!”

  “No Jack, then you’ll be the one in jail and all of this would have been for nothing.”

  “Remember that woman you saw me with a while ago?”

  “How could I forget?”

  “Brace yourself because she’s one of the many pieces of this intricate scam. The nuns from the convent along with Tony and Joseph are a part of it too.”

  “Ok, we knew people might be stretching their legitimate business dealings.” I reminded him.

  “Yeah, well, we’re talking prostitution here.” Jack admitted waiting for some backlash.

  “Wait, nuns in prostitution?” I mentioned with a chuckle thinking Jack was setting some elaborate joke.

  “Believe me, I’m not kidding.”

  “Yeah ok, now tell me the real story.”

  “I am.”

  “You didn’t mention Colin. He’s in the clear?”

  Jack didn’t know how to break it to her. He made several facial expressions at a loss.

  “Is he in the clear? You didn’t mention his name.”

  “I’m sorry, Melissa…he’s the ring leader of the whole operation.”

  My fears had come to fruition. The old saying if you fear something long enough it will enter your life. Even though I was done with him, it was still hard to understand. I stared at the nasty carpet covering the creaky floor unable to come up with words to describe how I felt.

  “What are you thinking?” Jack asked.

  “Nothing, I’m numb.”

  “He has too many connections within the court system to keep people tied up for years. The day he had been recently cleared of the money skimming charges, he hired others to figure out who tipped off authorities in the first place. Our main focus is to get the local authorities involved, Joseph promised to talk for some immunity and then we hope the rest of them start to fall like dominos. This whole operation is crumbling around him as we speak, yo
u need to prepare yourself and get your head straight.”

  “I’ve already cut him off. Its fine, we need to finish this case.” I was ready to move on although emotionally it’s still a tricky situation. No matter how badly you want it over, a person can’t completely shut off how they feel that quickly. But I knew this was the beginning of the end and it was time for me to take care of myself instead of always expecting a man to.

  My mind spiraled back, standing on his porch spotting blood on his shirt he claimed happened while gardening. Then hit rewind again as I thought about how he carried me to his home from the bar when I had passed out. And fast forwarding to when he held me captivated as he revealed our picturesque future together. Another panic attack stricken as it all built up forcing a visceral reaction. “Jack, I’m getting dizzy.”

  He knew exactly what to do as he grabbed a paper bag, “Here blow into this, it’s probably another attack. Relax, I’m here.”

  “I can’t catch my breath.”

  “Yep, we’re dealing with this, calm down and breathe slow. You’ve been under a lot lately, stress mixed with anxiety and grief. C’mon now, just breathe nice and slow.” He held onto me as I worked to unclench my body. “We need to get you out of here before this situation hits the fan.”

  “I won’t leave. I have to be there for the train wreck, I have to see it for myself or I’ll never believe it.”

  “Ok, just breathe into the bag. I might have a pill I can give you to relieve the tension.” Jack said in a neutral tone.

  Joseph entered the church not sure what to expect but nonetheless he had to find Father Clayton. As he walked the perimeter, he studied the statues and their stations within the bible verses and stories. Thoughts of how he got to this point in his life arose remembering how he sat in this very church as a child with his parents imagining his life so different. He was brought back to the church before Father Clayton had started his work here and wondered what secrets these statues were holding. What would possess any man to give his life over to the Catholic Church and take a vow of celibacy? He pondered how many priests actually kept that vow and which ones could resist temptation contrary to human nature.

  “Joseph, you’re here. What have you got for me?” Father Clayton asked as his voice thundered throughout the architecture.

  “I have nothing to report, Father.”

  “Absolutely nothing, that seems odd.” He said in a condescending tone.

  “Jack is lost trying hard to dig for something, but people won’t talk. They’re staying loyal to you. Melissa has been in the motel with no visitors. It’s another day.”

  “Did you know I was at Melissa’s on Wednesday?”

  “I saw, but it was Thursday and you stayed the night, brave move with so many eyes watching.” Joseph acknowledged.

  “Oh right, yes. What has she done since?”

  “Quit testing me Father, I’m on your side. She’s held up in that room, I think she’s given up. I see Luann taking food to her. You pushed her too far, nothing but a child.”

  Father Clayton took a moment to ponder that statement and shook it off, “No, she probably desires some rest. It’s been a lot for her, losing her husband and all.”

  Joseph realized right then and there he could spin any tale in his favor without regard for anyone. He felt a cold chill run up his back hearing this egomaniac blame Melissa for her woes, forcing this scenario as if he didn’t exist in the picture at all and shirked any responsibility after putting her through a complete nightmare. He thought, “Truly evil, messing with a girl’s head after all she had been through.”

  Later, Jack and Joseph met outside of town and glanced around searching for eyes that didn’t belong to them, “You sure you’re ready for this?”

  “I’m in, let’s take this bastard down.” Joseph proclaimed.

  “Follow me to the police station and we’ll get started.” Jack announced.

  Back at the motel, I made my way out of the shower as Father Clayton came in without knocking.

  “How are you today?” he asked as I dressed.

  “Alright I guess, getting some rest.”

  “Saw Jack here yesterday?”

  “Checking on my progress and he’s hoping to go back to Barrington soon, but I refused. He thinks a change of scenery will snap me out of this, I reminded him it didn’t work when we came here.” I assured.

  “I think you’re better off taking things easy, being here under my care.” He answered with conceit in his voice. “You know I’m here to take care of you and as soon as you’re better, we can leave here together.”

  “When will that be?”

  “Depends on your progress, now doesn’t it.” I nodded. Jack had come up with the idea to take him down once and for all. After Father Clayton thought I’d had a mental breakdown all bets were off as his true self emerged. My world in his eyes only revolved around him and that fed his ego giving him a weird satisfaction of always knowing where I was. The darkness opened wide letting me see firsthand what he kept secret for so long as I then passed it along to Jack. Clayton felt overly confident that if I were to turn on him, he’d use my condition and instability against me. But even with my insight, Jack had a monumental undertaking with this one. I also suffered, not knowing how much longer I could hold out being with this madman before encountering a real breakdown.

  “What if I decided to stay?” Clayton asked.

  “Then I’d support you, my love. I’d need better accommodations and would want to have material items to feel settled.”

  “I wouldn’t expect any less for you, glad to hear we’re on the same page.”

  “I’ve learned there’s no point in going against you. The power you have over me and others, no one can beat you at your own game.”

  “You give me too much credit, but I accept.”

  Jack exited the police station after handing over pertinent information to ruin people. Joseph stayed behind to give facts regarding his time under Clayton’s rule. The plan is a huge gamble and there was great potential for it to backfire. Jack sat in his car acknowledging all the ways it could go wrong but knew too many people were in the thick of things and he just couldn’t walk away, there’s no turning back now.

  Chapter 20 – Finding Essence

  Jack strapped the wire on from the department. They said he needed evidence and Clayton proved too smart for the usual run around. He didn’t trust giving it to Melissa worried Clayton would find it and no one could take that chance. She’s already done more than asked, so Jack took the responsibility for this one. “Ok, it’s show time.” He mumbled to himself as he found his way into the bar.

  “Tony, give me a beer.” Jack requested.

  “You back?” Tony questioned.

  “For a beer, I followed you’re lead but Joseph sent me around on a wild chase. I’ll be leaving town, I can’t stand it here.” Jack relinquished his authority.

  “Sorry to hear that, these parts aren’t for everyone. It’s a hard life around here, some things are nearly impossible to penetrate.” Tony preached handing over the beer.

  “Just keep those beers coming, will you?”

  “No problem, remember your tab when you leave town.”

  “Right, how could I forget?”

  “And Melissa’s too, she’s out of commission so you’ll have to pay for her.” Tony snickered.

  “Right, sure.” Jack saw Tony snicker and wanted to punch his lights out but refrained, he figured he has the easy job here. Melissa’s the one still spreading her legs for that piece of shit in charge.

  “Are you thinking of taking Melissa with you?”

  “No, she wants to stay here for Clayton, whatever.”

  “Just let it go man, she’ll never get out of Clayton’s grip unless he tires of her and from what I hear he’s nowhere close to that.”

  Jack’s skin crawled once again as he heard Tony’s crap.

  The cops raided the warehouse and found the evidence Joseph promised, two main
guys were there and got arrested. “What the fuck is this?” Angus asked as he was put in handcuffs.

  “Don’t worry about it. We’ll take good care of you.” One of the cops advised.

  “No, this blows. We were running a legit operation here!” Rich piped in.

  “Save it. You’ll have all the time in the world to defend yourselves.” Another cop informed.

  Joseph walked in to see who got tagged and if Father Clayton was present. He soon saw the disappointing sight but knew if they could keep these maggots quiet, it’d all work out in the end. The biggest issue was Clayton getting wind of this and fleeing before they could close in on him, but worse taking Melissa with him.

  Hours later back at the bar, Jack drank too many beers or so he made people believe. Tony took delight in watching him spiral down out of control. “Tony, come here, I need to talk to you.”

  “Jack you’ve had a lot to drink, why don’t you go sleep it off?” Tony asked.

  “No, no, no, I need a favor. I’m leaving town but since I’ve been here I’ve had some company, if you know what I mean.” He stated slurring his words as he laughs, “C’mon, hook a brother up. Call one in to help me out.”

  “I can’t, only when Clayton says it’s good.” he confided.

  “What the hell! C’mon it’s my last night, I need servicing.” He stated only to realize Tony let it slip on tape that Clayton was in fact the head of their operation.

  Tony glances down the bar and the other men are nodding as if they could use a go themselves. “Let me find Clayton and ask.”

  “No man, I need it now. Consider it my going away gift, get them here!” Jack insists.

  “Ok, since it’s your last night.”

  “Alright, cheers fellas.” Jack said knowing all is getting recorded and as soon as the girls arrive, money exchanges along with his password, the bar will be raided.

  The convent was raided next. They scored a mixed bag within the compound walls which consisted of nuns, johns, drugs and calling backup twice all while trying to keep it under wraps so not to frighten the big whale. As proud and relieved as Joseph was of that bust he abruptly became aware Clayton wasn’t there either, this isn’t a good sign.