“Yeah, Line wasn’t feeling too good so they went to the doctor to make sure everything is fine with the baby.”
I nod. “Hopefully nothing bad.”
“I’m sure she’s fine. She probably ate too much or spent too much time getting stuff done around the house. She’s unstoppable now that she’s on maternity leave.” He shrugs.
“I can imagine.” I chuckle.
“What happened with Nic?” He asks, getting straight to the point.
“I avoided her for a week. Went back to see her today and fucked things up yet again.” I sigh.
“What did you do and why did you avoid her? She’s a handful isn’t she?” He chuckles.
“That’s for sure. I needed time to sort my head and I pushed her away, hoping she’d realize I’m no good for her, but it didn’t work. I told her I was scared to commit even though I wanted to and she got upset.”
“Typical.” He sighs. “I still don’t feel like I deserve Viv. Aleck still doesn’t feel like he deserves Line. Hell, I’m sure even Ant still doesn't feel like he deserves Ayd, although knowing the fucker he probably does actually think he fucking deserved her from the beginning.” We both chuckle. “Our women are stubborn. They know what they want and they won’t stop until they get it. They aren’t afraid of talking back and telling us when we fuck up. They will lay it into us whenever we do something they aren’t happy with but they will be by our sides no matter what we do. In case you hadn’t noticed, Nicole loves you, she’s madly in love with you and nothing you say or do will drive her away. I’m sure if you cheated on her she’d probably kill you but still love you.”
“I would never cheat on her. I know she’s it for me I just don’t know how to fucking show her.” I sigh feeling like I’m turning into a woman.
“Trust me, we’ve all had our moments of doubt.”
“Really?” I scoff.
“Oh yeah, you have no idea how many times Aleck pushed Line away and yet she stuck with him after all these years. I tried to push Viv away, thinking that her being away from me would be the best thing, but I was wrong. It’s the same for Nicole. You feel like your past is tainting your life, but it isn’t, it’s just in your head and you have to accept it. I regret some of the things I’ve done in the past. I’ve killed people too and I’ve enjoyed killing some of them, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to go on a killing spree or hurt my woman or my friends. And I know you won’t hurt my sister, or I wouldn’t allow you two to be together. Yes, we live a fucked up life, but we aren’t cold blooded killers. We are normal human beings with a twist. A deadly twist at times, but a little bit of excitement and danger makes life interesting. Don’t let your past cloud the bright sky you’re under at the moment. You’ll get some clouds, even some thunderstorms but no matter what, Nicole will always be by your side. And so will we. You’re family. If you need a kick up the ass, we’ll happily provide it to you, both figuratively and literally. You’re not the monster you think you are.”
He does know how to shut me up. What he just said hit right home. I do think of myself as a monster, a heartless one. They all did and their women made them realize that they were just doing what they had to do to survive, and so was I. I never had a problem with it until I realized how much I loved Nicole. “I think you’re right.”
“I know I’m right. Nicole is precious but she’s also stubborn, can be a fucking bitch and a ball buster, but when she loves, she loves hard and will give it her all. She was ready to sacrifice her life for yours. Don’t let her slip through your fingers. You’ll be good for her, I think you’re the only one who could handle her and you’re the only one I’d approve of.” He sighs.
“You approve of me?” I ask in disbelief.
“Yeah. As much as it kills me to say because I kept telling her no one would ever be good enough for her. You are a good man, despite what you think of yourself. She loves you, I really don’t see why but she does. You are loyal and even though you’ve made mistakes, I see the way you two look at each other, it’s the same way Aleck, Ant and I look at our women. Just don’t hurt her, please.”
“I won’t. I promise.” I smile.
“What made you go back to her earlier?”
“When I went through some stuff from my past, I found some pictures and my first few Halloween costumes and I kept picturing Nicole and I with a kid wearing those costumes. That’s when I realized I needed her in my life permanently but the more I talked about it with her, the more freaked out I got.”
“It’ll happen again. Just don’t let those nagging voices in your head get the best of you. They won’t do you and Nic any good.”
“That’s for sure.” We both chuckle.
“Last question. Why do you call her kitten?” He chuckles and I burst out laughing.
“You really don’t want to know.”
“I do.” He looks at me, confused.
“Alright, if you’re sure.” I try to keep a serious face.
“I’m sure.”
“She purrs when she orgasms.”
“You sick fuck.” I duck just in time to miss his fist as he tries to punch me.
“You asked!” I laugh and he joins me shaking his head.
“I’ll keep my mouth shut next time.”
“Told you.” I shrug and we both join the others in the bar. I try to decline a beer, but they all insist.
CHAPTER 31
Nicole
I’m sulking in my corner as the girls are gossiping and chit chatting, all the while eating cake.
“What’s with the long face, Kitten?” Ayd mimics Jase, making me smile.
“We had a fight.” I sigh.
“Why?”
“Because he’s stubborn, that’s why! Same as with Aleck and Gabe, he’s pushing me away to protect me and all that shit.” We all frown.
“Men! They need a good kick in the balls but we do need those balls." Viv says making all of us laugh.
“So true.” I sigh.
“So, what do you want with Jase?” Ayd grins widely as she stuffs a piece of cake in her mouth.
“Everything. I want kids, a wedding, a nice house, the whole package, but I feel like he’s going to fight me on that too when we get to that talk.”
“He’s it for you.” They both squeak, scaring Cameron who was peacefully eating his piece of cake. “Sorry, honey,” Ayd says kissing his head.
“Mama more cake!” He stands up on the bench and tries to reach for more cake.
“He’s totally like his mother. Obsessed with cake,” I whisper loudly to Viv.
“I heard you! And it’s a healthy obs- okay, maybe not so healthy, but it’s homemade at least, that’s something, right?” She looks at us, her eyes wide.
“It’s better than store bought that’s for sure.”
“Phew, goodie then, more cake!” She giggles and serves Cameron and herself another slice each.
“What if he doesn’t want what you want?” Viv asks putting a downer on my mood until I think of it for a minute.
“I do want everything with him, but if he doesn’t want that then we compromise and work on things. He’s got to see it my way too, but I guess we’ll have to wait and see how things go. So far, he’s still too stubborn to come back.” I pout.
“He’ll come around. He’s probably with the others having a drink. You know how our men are when they start talking, they are worse than us.” Line says and we all burst out laughing.
“What’s so funny?” We hear Ant say from behind us, scaring all three of us.
“Daddy!” Cameron screams and runs towards his dad, jumping into his arms.
“My little slice of cake.” He chuckles and kisses his cheek. “I missed you buddy.” We all sigh happily and look at them fondly. Perfect husband material right there!
“Mama let me have cake!” Cam squeals happily.
“I can tell.” Ant squints his eyes at Ayd who looks at him innocently. They both grin at each other, the love emanates from the two of
them. He walks towards her and bends down, kissing her softly, but the passion is unbearable. Viv and I both squirm in our seats.
“Can’t wait to have one of those.” Gabe smiles and ruffles Cameron’s hair. He walks over to Viv and sits next to her and kisses her as well. He surprised all of us with that statement. He’s never been very open about wanting kids, it’s the first time he’s announced it and we are all grinning wide.
“Really?” She looks up at him, hopeful.
“Really.” He beams and kisses her deeply.
“We should get going,” Ant tells Ayd.
“Why?” She pouts.
“Because these two need to talk.” He motions between me and Jase who must have walked in behind him
“Oh. But I want to watch!” She’s about to throw a tantrum just to annoy him.
“Don’t make me pull your pants down and spank you in front of everyone.”
“You’re no fun. And you missy,” she points at me “Tomorrow 8 am, I’m calling you and you better pick up or I’m here at 8:15 am without donuts or 8:30 with. Your call.” She narrows her eyes at me.
“I’ll make sure to have my phone on, but keep a box of donuts ready.” I grin at her.
“That’s my girl.” She hugs me and gathers her stuff. “Dibs on the cupcakes!” She squeals and packs them back into the box, making us all laugh.
“We should go too,” Gabe says, kissing Viv’s head before coming to me. “Be nice and patient with him.” he whispers and hugs me.
“Have fun!” Viv and Ayd squeal while walking away with the leftover cake and cupcakes. Gabe and Ant look at each other shaking their heads and pick up Cameron’s stuff and their women’s' bags since they didn’t bother picking anything up.
“They are something.” Jase says uncomfortably.
“That they are.” I sigh and sit down.
“Can we talk?” he asks sitting down next to me.
“That’s why you’re here.” I shrug.
“Don’t fake being uninterested in this talk.”
I can’t help but smile. “You’ve got me. I’m all ears.”
“I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to upset you and make you think I didn’t want to be with you. I’m still adjusting and I know it’s a lame excuse, but I really am. I never felt like I belonged anywhere besides with you. Those few times we got to spend together while you were away at college were amazing and I cherish those moments. Shit got real when you moved back here and I’d see you all the time. It wasn’t easy to stay away from you and I didn’t want to but I had no choice. I di-”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.” He looks slightly worried.
“Let’s say none of this happened. I mean the bad stuff. Jenny getting killed and all of that. What would have happened?”
“I would have ended things with her to be with you. I was never in love with Jenny. I just wanted to protect her and she was there to give me what I wanted, a family. Things didn’t go the way I planned because simply, there was no real love.” He sighs.
“I’m sure she always knew and just wanted to make things work.” I squeeze his hand.
“You’re probably right. I just hate what happened to her. I hate what happened to you.” He brushes his fingers over the fading but still evident bruise.
“I’m alright. I’m tough. I can handle it. Strangely enough, even though these past few days have been fucked up, I’m glad I came back. I’m glad we got the chance to be together and open up about our feelings.”
“Or that your brother accepts and approves of me.” He chuckles.
“What?” I look at him, puzzled.
“We had a nice talk. He approves of me.”
I squeal, something I rarely do, and jump on him. “That’s fucking amazing!” I squeeze him tight, unable to control my excitement.
“It really is.” We both sigh happily. “When I met you, I never wanted to fall in love with you. I knew you were trouble, but I can’t help it. I do. I love you. I don’t know how to live with you and I don’t even want to imagine living without you.” He says as he strokes my cheek and I nuzzle into it.
“Any relationship takes time and effort from the two people involved. It’s not always a walk in the park but when the two people love each other. It’s pretty freaking amazing.”
“That it is.” He kisses me softly but deeply, nibbling on my lower lip, making me moan.
“Get a fucking room you two!” Gabe groans.
“What the fuck are you still doing here?” I glare at him.
“Viv forgot her phone. Women.” He rolls his eyes and fist bumps Jase as I throw a stray piece of cake at his head.
“Dickhead.”
“You love me, Kitten!” He mocks Jase and I groan.
“You didn’t.” I hide in his neck, mortified.
“He asked.” Jase chuckles.
“I regret it, trust me. See you tomorrow, Brother.” They fist bump again and Gabe leaves.
“Tomorrow?” I look at Jase in confusion. He sits up and points to his back. “No. Fucking. Way!” I scream in happiness when I see the cut and pull him in for another hug.
As long as we have each other and our extended family, life is going to be pretty fucking amazing. My big brothers approve of the man I’m in love with, said boyfriend has been patched into the MC and we can finally put all this mess behind us and live happily. My life might have been chaos. But chaos is good when you have such amazing men by your side.
EPILOGUE
Nicole
May 4, 2015
Things have been crazy these past three months.
After all that happened, our group is closer than ever and Jase being patched in is the best thing that could’ve happened. I was shocked to begin with considering my brothers’ reaction when they first heard the news that Jase and I were together. It’s been working out quite well for them and all three of them have been bonding over fixing Jase’s old Harley. He knew how to ride it but not how to fix it and it needed some serious work. Gabe and Aleck spent a lot of time showing him and helping him with it, which was amazing to see. They were constantly joking together and having fun which warmed my heart and made me melt into a puddle of mush whenever I saw it. Not only are they all accepting him, but they are acting as if they’ve known each other forever. More importantly, Line, Viv and I get to perv on them as they usually fix the bike shirtless. Might seem weird since two of them are my brothers, but I don’t see them. I only see Jase in all his bare chested glory.
Line and Ayd are going crazy with pregnancy clothes and everything, much to Ant and Aleck’s despair and to my amusement. It’s hilarious to see them struggle to keep up with everything their women want and their extensive shopping sprees. They will never complain but it’s fun to see them being dragged around shops, and even funnier to see the faces of the cashiers when they see a big badass biker paying for tiny baby stuff. They are either amused or scared.
Viv and Gabe are trying for a baby. They are in no hurry and have decided to let nature do its thing and see how things go. I’m so thrilled to see him finally taking care of himself and his own happiness. He’s still helping others and giving good advice, but is also taking a lot of time to take care of Viv and make her happy. They both radiate happiness whenever you see them and it is so good to see both of them happy.
Jase and I have moved in together. According to Gabe, it was too fast to his liking, but he sees how happy we are and that’s all that really matters to him. And I am incredibly happy. I never thought I would be, but ever since I was freed from the burden of having to go out with men for money and protection, I’ve felt a lot lighter and the pressure of someone finding out has been lifted off my shoulders. Jase and I have finally opened up fully to each other and I know every little detail of his life. He’s still ashamed of what he has done and still thinks from time to time that he’s a monster so I keep reassuring him that he’s nothing like a monster and how much I love him.
&nbs
p; Not having his parents took its toll on him and he’s been struggling to trust people ever since their death. Growing up without love must have been hard. I didn’t have my parents but I had Gabe and the club, who gave me more than enough love. They were my family whilst Jase had no one really. Now he has a complete family and he’s feeling the love. Sometimes he still finds it difficult but he’s getting better. Callum told him that if he needed time away from everything he could go to his cabin in the woods. Callum is one of the hardest to win over but Jase managed it pretty quickly. I think the fact that he worked and still is in contact with Steph Lewis helped sweeten everything.
We have had a couple of fights in our two short months, but we’ve always made up and he listened to Aleck’s advice of never going to sleep upset or angry. The main reason we fought is because I want kids and a wedding and while he wants it too, he is scared things will go wrong. That’s still a big issue for him, things going wrong between us. I guess the few relationships he’s had turned sour because of the lack of love. I keep reassuring him that I don’t need to be married or have kids right now, it’s just something that I want in the future. He’s pictured us married too, but still has trouble accepting it as a reality. I do often see him go into his office to look at the pictures of him with his parents and his Halloween costumes. I think he really wants to fill them someday but just needs to get his head around it. He doesn’t want his child to potentially grow up in a loveless family or without their parents.
Another issue has been our age difference. I’m turning 23 in a couple of weeks and he’s turning 35 in September. He thinks I’ll get bored of him because he’s older and I struggle to get him to understand that I love him for him, age is just a number. He can be so stubborn sometimes, but when he leaves all the worries and doubts by the door, things are pretty freaking awesome.
We love each other, we have fun together and the sex is amazing. He’s my best friend, my confidante, my everything. He’s saved me in more ways than I could possibly say and I hope that one day he’ll realize it.
We’re sat in the living room as it’s pouring with rain outside. He’s sprawled on the sofa, playing with my hair whilst I’m sitting on the floor studying for my exam tomorrow. With everything that has happened, I haven’t had the mind set to really study. I mean, I’ve opened my books more than once but my mind always strays. I’ve always been a daydreamer and it’s even worse now.
Trusting Nicole Page 21