But she couldn’t think about any of that now. She had ten minutes to find—
“Maddie . ..”
She focused on the vague call of her name, filtering out the crowd’s chatter. Notes of “In the Mood,” from the band on a nearby stage, took greater effort to block; music dominated her hearing above all else.
“Maddie!” At last, the soprano voice guided her to Emma’s china-doll face. The girl was scurrying toward her with a smile that made perfect little balls of her rosy cheeks. Maddie used to secretly babysit her when Lane was in high school. Naturally, he had preferred outings with TJ over watching his pesky little sister. He’d been adamant about paying by the hour, though Maddie would have done it for free. And one look at the youngster reminded her why.
“Hiya, pretty girl.”
Emma leapt into her outstretched arms. Adoration seemed to flow from the child’s every pore. It filled Maddie’s heart so quickly she had to giggle to prevent her eyes from tearing up.
As their arms released, she noted a substance on Emma’s hands. “Ooh, you’re sticky. Let me guess, cotton candy?”
“And a caramel apple,” Emma boasted. Then her smile dropped. “Don’t tell my mom, okay?”
“My lips are sealed.” An easy promise to make. Running into the woman, unreadable in her stoicism, had always occurred by mere chance, and Maddie’s talk with Lane would do anything but change that. “Say, Emma, where’s your brother?”
Emma twisted to her side and pointed. There was Lane, weaving around a family ordering ice-cream cones. He wore a trench coat and sunglasses. A bright red balloon floated on a string clutched in his hand. When Maddie caught his attention, he flashed a smile, the breathtaking one that seemed crafted just for her. She felt a warm glow rise within her.
“I was getting worried,” he said, once they were close.
“Sorry it took so long. We had customers, so I couldn’t leave until Bea showed up.”
Emma tugged her brother’s sleeve, looking troubled. “I thought you were gonna get yellow?”
Lane glanced at the inflatable swaying overhead, as though he’d forgotten it was there. He squatted to her level. “Turns out they were out, kiddo. But since Sarah Mae’s favorite color is red, I was hoping this would do.”
Emma contemplated that, and nodded. “Good idea. Sarah Mae loves balloons.”
Maddie smiled at the reference to the girl’s doll, equally ragged and beloved, while Lane tied the string around his sister’s wrist.
“Onsan, can we go down to the sand?” Emma asked him. “I didn’t get to collect shells yet.”
The Japanese term for “brother” was one of the few things Maddie understood about Lane’s foreign culture.
He checked his watch. “I guess we can. We only have a few minutes, though, so don’t go far. And don’t wade too deep into the water.”
“Okay, okay.”
“You promise?” he pressed.
Emma sighed, her pinkie drawing an x over her chest. “Cross my heart,” she said, and rolled her eyes, not in rebellious defiance, but in a gentle manner. As if at the age of eight, she could already see his barriers for what they were. An expression of caring. It wasn’t so different, Maddie supposed, from the strict guidelines TJ had instilled after assuming their father’s role.
Except that she herself wasn’t eight.
Side by side, Lane and Maddie walked toward the beach. Strangers with rolled-up pants and buckets and shovels speckled the sandy canvas. A choir of seagulls cawed as they circled yachts in the harbor, muting the hollers of a teenage boy chasing a scampering black puppy. The dog was yipping toward a pair of brilliant kites dancing in the air. With attentive eyes, Lane watched his sister sprinting like the pup, bobbing beneath her flag of a red balloon.
The picture of him as a father hit Maddie with a swell of emotion she swiftly shoved into a box, stored away for the future.
“How’s your eye?” she asked.
He shrugged, half a smile on his lips. “It’s still there.”
“Could I see?” Noting his reluctance, she added, “I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think.”
Slowly, he reached for the glasses and slid them free. In the swollen bruising she discovered an irony of beauty she didn’t expect. He’d always projected such certainty in her uncertain world that strangely she found the sight comforting, proof of his vulnerable side. A symbol of commonality she could actually touch.
“Does it hurt?” Her fingertips brushed his skin before she could remind herself to keep her distance.
“It’ll heal.”
She nodded and withdrew her hand. Her gaze shifted to the distant figure of Emma, whose raised arms couldn’t reach her fleeing balloon. Already twenty feet up, it zigzagged a path toward the ceiling of clouds, away from the chaos, the worries of life. Maddie had the sudden desire to be tethered to its string.
“I don’t have much time,” he said. “But we need to talk.... It’s about us.”
That phrase again.
He gestured to a thick, weather-beaten log. “Why don’t we sit down?”
She didn’t reply, simply led them to perch on the bumpy seat. Waves before them lapped the sand, weakening the shore layer by layer. She clasped her hands on her skirted lap. So close to Lane now, she could almost taste the fragrance of his skin. It smelled of citrus and cinnamon and leaves. At the Pico Drive-in, where they’d spent numerous dates necking through double features, Maddie would inhale that lovely mixture. Afterward, she’d sleep in the cardigan she had worn, to savor his scent until it faded.
Would their memories together just as surely disappear?
She banished the thought. She needed to concentrate, to review the practical reasons to loosen their ties. Their usual outings, for one: hidden from crowds, cloaked in darkness. Lookout points and desolate parks. Only on occasion would they venture to the openness of a bowling alley or skating rink, requiring them to refrain from acts of affection.
Just like now.
Lane hooked his glasses in the V of his royal-blue sweater. He stared straight ahead as he continued. “Last spring, you told me you thought it was best if we didn’t tell anyone about our dating, and I went along with it. I lied when I said I agreed.” He wet his lips, took a breath. “But the truth is, you were right. It was better that we didn’t say anything. My family wouldn’t have understood, what with our ... differences. God knows, they wouldn’t have taken us seriously. They might have even thought I went steady with you to make a point.”
Their racial diversity had, before now, seemed an off-limit topic. An issue to deny through tiptoeing and silence. But more striking than this new candidness was his usage of the past tense. Went steady with you.Wouldn’t have taken us seriously.
He wasn’t asking for her opinion. To him, the relationship was already over.
“I’m tired of sneaking around,” he said. “I don’t want to lie anymore. I don’t want you to lie anymore. Especially to TJ. He’s more than a friend, he’s like a brother to me.”
She couldn’t argue. None of this had been fair, to any of them.
“Maddie ...” Lane’s mouth opened slightly and held. He seemed to be awaiting the arrival of a rehearsed conclusion, a finale to their courtship. He angled toward her with a graveness that wrenched her heart. “There’s something you don’t know. Something I should’ve told you before, but I wasn’t sure how.”
Maddie blinked. What was he talking about? What had he been keeping from her?
“It’s my parents,” he said. “They’ve arranged a marriage for me.”
The word marriage entered her ears with a calmness that, in seconds, gained the piercing shock of a siren. “To whom?” she found herself asking.
He scrunched his forehead, a revelation playing over his face. “I’m not sure, actually. The baishakunin—the matchmaker—found her in Japan. Tokyo, I think they said. Anyway, her family is supposed to be a good fit.”
“I ... didn’t realize ... they still did that.” The response wa
s ridiculous, trite. Yet the blow was too great to formulate anything better.
“The custom is crazy, I know. But as their oldest son, their only son, it’s my responsibility to do what’s best for the family.” Annoyance projected in the timbre of his voice. He shook his head. “It’s no more than a business negotiation. Same as my parents were. And they want to bring her over right away.”
A scrapbook materialized in Maddie’s mind: a portrait of Lane in a tuxedo, beside him a wife as exotic as her wedding garb; their children waving to the procession of a Chinese New Year parade; a snapshot of the family at Sunday supper, a foursome with identical almond eyes.
“All of this,” he said finally, “is why I needed to see you.” He laid his hand on hers, a sympathetic gesture. “I’ve given it a lot of thought, and there’s only one thing that makes sense for us.”
The breeze blew a lock of her hair that caught in her eyelashes, a shield to hide her welling tears. She lowered her lids and waited for the words: to break up. She’d been foolish, so foolish to believe she could walk away unscathed.
“Maddie,” she heard him say. “Will you marry me?”
Once the question fully soaked in, her eyes shot open.
“What?”
He smiled. “Marry me.”
She couldn’t answer. Her thoughts were a jumble of fragments. An orchestra of musicians, each playing a different piece.
Lane brushed the strands from her face and tucked them behind her ear. He tipped his chin down, peering into her eyes. “The only way they’ll ever accept us is to not give them an option. Maddie, I love you. I want to see you every morning when I wake up, and fall asleep every night next to you. I want us to raise a family and spend our whole lives together. And if you feel the same”—he tenderly tightened his grasp on her hand—“then marry me.”
Logic. She grappled for any shred of logic. “We can’t though. It’s—not even legal here.” A fact she’d known yet never liked to dwell upon.
“Just the wedding isn’t. The marriage would be perfectly valid. A college friend of mine is from Seattle. He says interracial couples get married there every day.”
“Seattle?”
“That’s right,” he said. Then his smile faded into something tentative. “But sweetheart ... we have to do it next weekend.”
Next weekend? Next weekend?
The very idea was rash, and insane. She tried to protest, yet her sentence amounted to a whisper. “That’s so soon.”
“There’s no other choice. They plan to bring the girl’s family here before New Year’s. I don’t want to hurt other people, just because we’ve waited too long.” He caressed her cheek. “I know we’re meant to be together. Since the first time I kissed you, I’ve known it with everything in me.”
The warmth of his fingers on her face revived the memory of that day. He’d been there when she came home from visiting her father, another one-sided exchange. Lane had been in town for the weekend, relaxing on their couch while TJ finished up at the ball field. She’d walked in to find a fresh envelope from the Juilliard School of Music. Even though she’d predicted their decision—a surety after her poor audition—reading the actual form rejection had struck her with a reality that ripped through the seams of her soul. The reality of lost dreams, a lost life she had taken for granted.
Until then, she had been proud of how dignified she’d been about it all. The perfect portrayal of strength in the face of disaster. But with the weight of that letter in her hands, dignity became too much to carry. When her strength buckled, Lane was the person who’d caught her. She literally cried on his shoulder, soaked his shirt with pent-up grief. He held her close and safe, stroked her hair. And once their lips joined, more than passion flowed through her; it was the peace of finding someone whose heart felt tailor-made to match hers alone.
Now, with Lane’s hand on her cheek, her skin melting into his palm, she felt the same overwhelming emotion. The family she’d been raised in was gone, but she and Lane could start a family of their own. The kind she’d always dreamed of. Together, they could be happy.
“Yes,” she answered.
“Yes?” A request for clarity.
“Yes.” She smiled. “I’ll marry you.”
Recognition settled in his eyes and a grin across his face. He jumped to his feet and drew her up into his arms. Their hearts were pumping at the same rapid pace. “Oh, Maddie, I love you so much,” he said against her temple.
“I love you too,” she whispered. She had conveyed the sentiment plenty of times, on notes she’d snuck into his pockets, or in letters she’d mailed to Stanford. Yet only now did she become aware of how much she meant the words.
He leaned back and gazed at her, his eyes glinting with joy. Then he placed his curled fingers under her chin to bring her in for a kiss. Their mouths were a few inches apart when a voice cracked through the moment.
“Onsan,” Emma yelled. “I found one!”
In an instant, they stood a respectable distance apart, though Maddie couldn’t say who had created the gap. How could she have forgotten where they were? That Emma, too, could have been watching?
“Look!” The girl ran toward them, holding up something round and white. “It’s a whole sand dollar. And it’s not broken or chipped or anything. It’s a sign of good luck, right?”
Lane gave Maddie a brief glance and grinned again. “Definitely.”
“Did you know there’s five doves inside?” Emma asked Maddie. “And the North Star is in the middle, and an Easter lily’s around it?”
Unable to speak, Maddie nodded.
“Wow.” Emma studied the shell. “I can’t wait to show Papa. He’s gonna love it. Can we go home and show him? Can we?”
Lane looked at his watch, then sighed. “I guess we’d better go. My train ...”
“Of course,” Maddie said, regaining her voice.
He turned to his sister. “Hey, Em. Race you to the snack stand?” He didn’t have to ask twice. She automatically assumed a runner’s starting pose. “Ready?” he called out. “Set ... go!”
Unlike Emma, Lane didn’t dash away. He stepped back toward Maddie and, picking up from where he left off, he leaned in and placed his lips on hers. Although she closed her eyes, she saw a vision of strangers walking past, pointing, whispering their disapproval. And when the kiss ended, she couldn’t help feeling relieved.
“See you next Saturday?” he asked.
She prodded herself to nod.
“You promise?”
“Cross my heart,” she said lightly, pushing out a smile.
He touched her check once more, then jogged off to catch up to his sister. After the two faded into the crowd, Maddie lowered herself onto the log. A chill from the wind prickled her neck. She crossed her arms and stared out into the endless ocean that stretched straight up into the clouds.
Remembering Emma’s balloon, she panned the sky for what had become a tiny red dot. When it vanished from sight, she wondered how much pressure she, too, could take before bursting into nothing.
9
“Got any idea what you’re lookin’ for?”
TJ turned from the hardware store’s shelves to find his sister’s friend Jo. Her tone made clear she doubted he could find the right part on his own. Just the kind of conversation he needed after the lecture from his coach.
“I got it handled.” He swung his attention back to the bins of gaskets, the same ones he’d been staring at for the past five minutes. The smells of kerosene and turpentine were making him light-headed, compounding his frustration.
“Problem with the sink?”
He edged out a nod.
“Kitchen or bathroom?”
“Kitchen,” he muttered, picking up a random gasket to study the thing. He was hoping she’d take her cue to move on to another customer roving her family’s store.
But she didn’t. She continued to watch him, hands in the pockets of her gray work uniform. Her lips bowed in amusement. “You know, I
could save you a whole lotta time if you let me help.”
Was there a skywriter over his head today announcing he needed charity?
He snapped his eyes to hers. “I said I got it.”
Pink spread over her cheeks, a look of surprise, then aggravation. “Suit yourself.” She pivoted sharply on the heel of her loafer. By the time she exited the aisle, TJ saw himself for the jerk he’d been.
“Shit.” He flung the gasket into the bin. Abandoning his sports bag on the cement floor, he trudged after her, ready to smooth the waters with the I’m-just-tired-and-have-a-lot-on-my-mind spiel. Sure it was only half the story, but no one needed to hear more. He rounded the corner and bumped a display of paint cans. The pyramid held its ground. Jo’s loose ponytail in his sights, he trailed toward the cashier’s table in front. He was about to call Jo’s name when a voice from the side stopped him cold.
“TJ,” was all she needed to say and he knew it was Cindy Newman.
The harsh fluorescent lights did nothing to take away from her stunning face, her knockout figure. The girl was known to pass as Veronica Lake any day of the week, and today was no exception. Her golden hair draped long and styled, her sundress snug around the curves. Her full lips shimmered in the same red that had tainted his shirt collars more than once.
“Hi, Cindy.”
She smiled broadly. “How have you been?”
“Doin’ all right. You?”
“Terrific, thanks.” The difference between their answers was that hers sounded genuine. “So,” she said after a pause, “who won?”
It took him a moment to follow the question. He’d forgotten he was wearing his baseball uniform and jacket. He wished he could as easily forget about the game. “We did.”
“That’s grand. You were pitching?”
“Yeah.” He left it at that.
“Then I’m not surprised.” She offered another smile, though this one wasn’t solid enough to block the awkwardness rising between them. She fidgeted with her purse handle and glanced down and away. It was the same look she’d given at the end of their last date, a look that said she didn’t expect to hear from him again. No question, she had put in effort. She’d tried to talk to him, to kiss him until he would open up. But his wall of fury had sealed her out.
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