Where was she going to find a space in the span of a week that would allow her to cater the Lapham wedding? She needed large ovens, portable ovens.
Now, she had nothing.
Who in the world would do such a despicable thing like set fire to someone else’s property?
She had no enemies. Who in the world would do this to her?
Her mind raced back to the gang of teens in the park. To the one who was arrested for setting the fire. To the red Honda that she had shrugged off despite the warnings.
Was it a vendetta for giving a report to the sheriff that led to the gang member’s arrest?
The thought made her so sick to her stomach she started to shake. It was either that or retch. Shane pulled her closer, and she wasn’t about to lose her dinner on his shoes.
There really was no safe haven in this world, was there?
Not in the big city. Not in the small town where she’d grown up, the place she’d come back to after losing Danny. But this place wasn’t safe, either.
She’d gotten a false sense of security because she was shrouded by her alarm systems and the newly established neighborhood watch program that she was protected. The same way she thought bulletproof vests would protect Danny.
They didn’t.
Now she stood there helpless, wondering if she could ever feel safe anywhere in the world. Right now, she just wanted to disappear into the sanctuary of Shane’s arms. But that wasn’t safe, either. There were still too many unanswered questions. And the one that answered them all was the fact that he was leaving. For Italy. For whatever it was that had a hold on him there.
Still, just for tonight, she had no other place to seek refuge but in Shane’s arms. So, when he insisted on staying with her that night, this time she didn’t refuse.
“It’s up to you,” he said. “You can come to Houdini’s and my luxurious rent-by-the-week digs...” He paused, obviously trying to make her laugh. She gave it her best try, but the sound came out a dry, humorless chuckle. He gave her another squeeze. “Or why don’t we come to you? Come on, I’ll drive you home.”
All the way home, AJ sat on the truck’s bench seat sandwiched between Shane, who had one arm around her as he drove, and Houdini, who sat on her right, leaning into her, occasionally looking up and whining as if to assure her that he empathized with her pain and was there. Numbly, she stroked his soft fur. The feel of his warm, fuzzy body so close to her and Shane on the other sine was reassuring. For a moment it felt like this might be the one safe place on earth. Until her thoughts strayed off in rogue directions, traveling to places like how women were raised to believe in fairy tales, that if they’re perfect enough and worked hard enough someday they’d be rewarded with their heart’s desire, they’d be swept off their feet by a handsome prince and live happily ever after in their ivory tower where they had everything they’d ever wanted or needed. But nobody talked about how dreams went up in smoke and how the ivory tower wasn’t impenetrable. People destroyed hard-won dreams and men left...one way or another, they always left.
She knew she wasn’t in a good place right now. She really should just keep her mouth shut. But she wanted to lose herself in Shane tonight. She wanted him to hold her until the entire world and all the heartache and disappointment faded into oblivion. And she was going to do just that. The only problem was the very distant shred of reason that didn’t seem to be numb and was in touch with reality—barely—and reminded her that he was leaving, too. If he became her sanctuary, that would eventually be taken from her, as well.
“You’re really going to leave, aren’t you?” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
“You’re going to Italy after your work is done here and you’re probably never coming back, right?”
He wavered a moment. “I have to go. I don’t have a choice.”
“Yes, you do,” she insisted. “We always have a choice. Saying you don’t is a cop-out.”
At a stop sign, he slid his arm from her shoulders and put both hands on the wheel. He stared straight ahead out the windshield.
“In the army, you really don’t have a choice. I have to go where they send me. But I’m done in a matter of months. We can see where we are once we get to that point.”
She was an idiot for being so combative. She really shouldn’t try to pick a fight. But maybe this was the only way to quash the chemistry, to drive distance between them so that she wouldn’t wake up in the morning having done something that she’d regret. For an instant, she wished she could be the kind of woman who could distance her heart and soul from the physical act of sex. She wished she could be the type to lose herself in down-and-dirty, mindless sex for the sheer escape of it.
Even if it was a temporary escape.
But because it would be temporary, and the spell of forgetting would fade fast, she knew she...couldn’t.
“Why Italy, Shane?”
Then he slanted her a look. His gaze was narrowed, but not in an antagonistic way.
“It’s hard to explain. Other than I guess recently I’ve felt I needed to go back to the beginning—where all the hurt and pain started—before I could put it behind me. For a while, I thought if I just moved on, kept going, someday I could forget. But that was my family, AJ. I lost them in one terrible accident that didn’t have to happen. A lot like what’s happened to you. Sort of. I guess you could compare the two.”
Her heart sank at the thought that he would downplay the loss of his family to make her feel better. The comparison was a sobering awakening. Of course, it was about healing. He deserved to be able to do whatever it took to heal. “Bricks, mortar and business plans can be replaced, flesh and blood can’t,” she said. “I’m so sorry for that. I’m sad and really pissed off at whoever did this, but thinking about your family really helps put things into perspective.”
And the woman...? She wanted to ask, but she couldn’t. She’d already put her foot in her mouth.
“Her name was Manuela, in case you were wondering. I haven’t seen her since the accident—more than twenty years ago. But I do have to admit, I’d been curious about her. Before I met you, I thought that maybe, just maybe if I went back over there and she was somehow free...that maybe that would be key to closure. Eh, that sounds so stupid now, when I say it aloud. Twenty years. She probably has kids and a husband. A family, which I guess is all I’ve wanted since I lost mine. I just didn’t realize it until now.”
At the next light, he slid his arm around her again and pulled her close. They rode in silence for a while. Until he said, “Come with me to Italy.”
What? Her heart hiccupped. He was asking her to go with him... Really? No. She couldn’t. She had so much to do—insurance claims, finding a new space or rebuilding that one...
She laid her head on his shoulder. “Shane, you know I can’t.”
“Sure you can. It’s your choice.”
His invitation wasn’t insincere. In her heart, she believed that. But she had to wonder if he was calling her bluff. She’d told him he was copping out earlier when he said he didn’t have a choice. Was he transferring the fate of their relationship onto her shoulders? The point that she was trying to make was the reason it was a bad idea for her to lose her heart to him: he couldn’t stay, she couldn’t leave. He had another year in the army, another assignment. Her business was here. So were her family, her friends.
What if she said yes, that she’d go? Was he really trying to find a way to make this work, or was he simply trying not to be the bad guy?
“You know I can’t leave now. Especially after all that has just happened.”
“AJ, is staying here for your career any more of a cop-out than me following where mine leads me?”
No. Yes... Ahh, but see he was testing her. Her heart sank low in her chest.
They pulled into her driveway and sat there for a moment with the engine running and the lights shining on the garage door.
“So all along, your plan was to make me fall in
love with you even though this is an impossible situation?”
“No. I wasn’t planning on anything like that.” His expression turned serious as his gaze knotted with hers. “But are you?”
“Am I what?”
“In love with me?”
She felt utterly transparent. She knew the answer was written all over her face, but she couldn’t bring herself to say the words. Because what was the use? Her feelings for him were her own fault. She’d let him in even though she knew he was leaving. This wasn’t going to work out the way she’d hoped and the sooner she accepted it, the better off they’d both be.
“Thank you for everything,” she said. “But I’m really tired. I’m going to bed. You and Houdini can sleep in the guest room.”
She led him down the hall and turned on the light. “This is it. There are sheets on the bed. The bathroom is off the hall. There are towels in the linen closet in the bathroom. I’ll show you how to set the alarm. After you take Houdini out, I’d appreciate it if you turned it on. Especially after tonight.”
He was being really quiet, watching her, but not saying a word. Outwardly, he appeared calm, but the tick in his jaw belied his facade.
“I meant what I said about you coming to Italy with me,” he finally said. “A lot’s happened tonight. I want you to think about it.”
“Shane, you know I can’t.”
He held up a hand as if to fend off her words. “Don’t answer me now. Just think about it.”
Then they were standing face-to-face with nothing but good-night between them.
He put her arms around her and pulled her to him until their lips barely brushed.
For a moment, AJ went very still, but she wasn’t about to pull away. Her patience was rewarded when he deepened the kiss, pulling her even tighter against him.
Every part of her sighed with want, and suddenly, she knew she needed him desperately. Judging by the way he was holding on to her, he needed her, too. She leaned in even closer, pressing against him, closing all space between them so that she could feel the heat of his body through their clothes. Still, her desire and yearning weren’t satisfied. She needed more from him.
As if reading her mind, he tightened his grip on her and she felt his strength encircle her, hot as a ring of fire.
He pulled away a little and muttered something that sounded an awful lot like, “Damn.” He whispered the words right over her lips before he kissed her again, this time with the same punishing need she was feeling for him.
Fire, white-hot and intense, shot through her, starting at the seam where their lips met and plunging all the way to her toes that were curled in her Dr. Martens.
For a few moments, she forgot the fear and danger of the fire, of losing herself in him. Fervently, she pushed the thought out of her head, then she slipped her hands under his shirt so that she could feel the heat of his body and explore the solid, hard-as-steel sinew of his muscles.
He pulled back a little, his forehead resting on hers. “You know where this is leading, don’t you?”
Overcome with emotion and conflict because, yes, she knew and she wanted him with every fiber in her being, she turned her head, allowing herself some space, some room to breathe. But she could still smell him and taste him and her body demanded more.
He made a low, barely perceptible sound deep in his throat. She understood that he was just as consumed as she was by the passion that coursed between. But the reality was their days together were numbered. She couldn’t just drop everything and go to Italy.
Think about it, he’d said.
No. Right now, it was the last thing she wanted to think about. She didn’t want to think about anything. Especially when he pulled her to him again and his mouth came down on hers.
She wanted the hot, hungry kisses to last forever. Because of that she quit thinking, quit fighting and melted into him, letting their heat fuse and ignite, envelop them in the flames their passion stoked.
* * *
The fleeting thought that they should stop passed through his mind. He should be the strong one and leave because she was vulnerable right now, and he didn’t want to take advantage of her fragile state of mind. But the feel of her body against his—that heady combination of female softness giving way to firm male resistance—blurred the edges of what he should do and what his body craved.
She wanted him to stay.
He wanted her to feel safe.
Wasn’t that enough reason to stay?
The part of him that was cognizant and registered the way her lips responded to his kisses placated his conscience. The way she was kissing him back fed his appetite, until there was no sense in fighting it. It was simply too powerful to ignore. He drank her in as if she were wine, and he was intoxicated by the sheer essence of her.
Finally, when he feared he might drown in the sweetness of her lips, he released her, resting his head against hers, closing his eyes against the urges that threatened to overtake him.
“I can’t go to Italy.” Her voice was a hushed murmur of bewildered anguish. “I can’t leave. You can’t stay. What are we going to do, Shane?”
Her words sobered him, pulling him back to the present, forcing him to fight the undertow of yearning that had swept them both out into an emotional sea that was way over their heads.
After steadying himself, he pulled back and studied her face. Her eyes were dark with passion and she looked slightly breathless.
He drew in a deep breath as something new and fragile flooded through him. He couldn’t remember ever feeling such tenderness for a woman. Sure, he’d cared for others, but he’d never experienced the deep, soul-rending tenderness he was feeling for her right now.
What the hell were they going to do?
Released her gently, he swallowed hard and said, “We really should say good-night.”
He saw her blink a few times, as if to regain her bearings. She smoothed her hair off her face with hands that shook ever so slightly. At that moment he wanted nothing more than to scoop her up and carry her to his bed where he could finish what they’d started.
But this wasn’t the time.
Thank God he’d be able to salvage his senses.
“Good night, AJ. I’ll be right across the hall if you need me.”
Chapter Eleven
She tried to look casual as he said good-night, but she had to work at the nonchalance. Her smile felt pasted on. “See you in the morning.”
She walked toward her room knowing she needed to leave now. If she didn’t... Well, she knew exactly where they’d end up.
As she headed down the hall toward her bedroom, she glanced back, over her shoulder. But he wasn’t behind her. She kept walking, feeling foolish for hoping he’d be there. He’d offered to stay to give her peace of mind. That certainly didn’t mean he’d come with the intention of ending up in her bed. He wasn’t the kind of guy who took advantage of a fragile situation and that was one of the many reasons she was falling in love with him.
She paused in the threshold of her bedroom, biting her bottom lip, trying to erase the feel of his kiss. She listened. But all was quiet except for the soft hum of the air conditioner and the occasional rattle of Houdini’s tags. He’d obviously made short order of settling in for the night.
Inside her room with the door shut, the quiet felt oppressive. As her ears adjusted to the silence, she could hear the faint symphony of the cicadas outside. It was one of those sounds that could go unnoticed until you heard it, and once you did it seemed to grow louder with every second. She wanted to put her hands over her ears to block out the noise, but even that felt as if it required too much effort.
Uggh...her office was...gone. She felt miserable. Absolutely alone and miserable.
But as she searched for a silver lining, she realized at least she wasn’t scared. He might not be in her bed, but he wouldn’t let the boogie man get in.
She took a long shower and dressed in a short nightgown. Before she slid between the cool sh
eets, she turned off the light and twisted opened the blinds so that they slanted up enough for her to see outside. In bed, she turned over onto her side and stared out into the dark of night. A flicker of lightning flashed across the sky illuminating a bank of sullen clouds. A rumble of thunder sounded as angsty as she felt.
She hoped it would rain, that the sky would open up and the heavens would cry. Because that’s exactly what she wanted to do. But she’d stored the tears away for so long, she’d forgotten how to let down.
Instead, she felt the anger of what had happened tonight coursing in her veins. These punks weren’t mere vandals now, they were criminals and their handiwork would set her back. What the heck was she supposed to do about her business? About the Lapham wedding next week?
Because of these amateur terrorists, she had to have a man sleep in her spare bedroom for protection and she couldn’t even open her bedroom window and listen to the approaching storm or the smell the showers moving in, that loamy, earth scent of decay and renewal.
She’d always loved thunderstorms—even as a child. As long as everyone she loved was inside, safe from the elements, a good, hard rain seemed to put another barrier of protection between them and the outside world. Not that she had to worry about protection in those days...before her father and Danny had died. Before the wacko who’d tried to set her office on fire had finished upending what little of her life she’d managed to put back together.
No, tonight, she would not open her windows to welcome the storm. If she did, the rekindled fear might very well consume what was left of her.
She closed her eyes and listened to the rumble of the thunder, and let her mind drift to happier times.
* * *
Later that night, a sound roused AJ from her fitful sleep. At first, she thought it was the thunder, but before she closed her eyes, light streaming in from the hall silhouetted a tall figure in the threshold of her bedroom door. The door that had been closed before she went to sleep.
Texas Wedding Page 12