After Hannah and Joshua had moved away to talk to other family members, Emily said, “I know it hurts for you to talk about Jared, but my family will want to know.”
James sighed and told her, “I’ll do the best I can.”
****
The house was filled with guests, and it was shortly before dinner was served that Emily was able to get James off to himself. “My grandmother wants to talk to you.”
“What about?” James said with some alarm.
“Well, I’m sure she’ll want to hear about Jared. They were very close. She loved him dearly.”
“She’s a very gracious woman. How old is she now?”
“She’s seventy-five. Her husband died two years ago. He was a wonderful man. His name was Davis.”
“Your grandmother’s still very attractive.” He smiled at Emily and said, “I can see where you get your good looks.”
Emily shook her head. “She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, and Dad says I should have seen her when she was younger.”
“So she and your grandfather lived here in this house?”
“They sure did, James. And she was a spy for the Confederacy.”
“Really! That sounds like something out of a novel.”
“Her life was like that. When she married her cousin Davis, he was in the Federal army. After the war he became a Methodist preacher, and they moved all over the country. They moved back to Belle Maison when my grandfather retired a few years ago. I just loved Grandfather. He was the most interesting man to talk to. Well, come on. You’ll have to let Grandmother make up her own mind about you. She’s very determined. I’ve always thought she could read my mind.”
“I feel like I’m going on trial.”
“Don’t feel like that. She has such a good heart.”
Emily then led James into a small room off of the main drawing room, where her grandmother was waiting for them. Belle stood up and thanked James for coming to speak with her. “This was our sewing room back when I was growing up,” she said when they were all seated. “Of course there were no electric lights and no indoor plumbing in those days.”
James smiled. “Things are better, I suppose, than they were then.”
Belle considered the young man for a moment, then shrugged her shoulders. “I’m not sure about that. Of course I’m in favor of indoor plumbing, but I’m not at all convinced that the times or the people are any better. It seems to me that people were more neighborly in those days.”
James listened attentively as Belle spoke about the Civil War and her childhood. Finally she said, “Did Emily tell you I was a spy?”
“Yes, it must have been very exciting.”
“It was terrible,” Belle said simply. Her face grew still as she remembered her life years ago. “I had to pretend to be something I wasn’t, and I had to betray some people who were very dear to me in order to do my work. It almost killed me at the time, and I wanted to quit.”
Emily reached out and took her grandmother’s hand. “But you found your husband. That made it worthwhile, didn’t it?”
“Yes, it did, but I can still remember incidents that happened so many years ago. Davis’s father took me in when no one else would, and I had to betray him to be true to my work for the Confederacy.” She looked at James and said, “I hope you never have to do anything like that.”
Emily turned and saw that James’s face was set.
“It must have been terrible for you,” he finally managed to say.
Belle saw that the young man was uncomfortable and changed the subject. “Now,” she said, “I know it’s painful for you, but I want to hear about Jared.”
James spoke quietly for the next fifteen minutes, substantially telling her the same story Emily had heard before. When he finished, his face was pale. “I wish I could have done more for him, Mrs. Winslow.”
Belle had listened carefully, her eyes fixed on the young man’s face. She said, “We can never understand God’s way, why one is taken and one is left. But I thank you for telling me.”
Emily said quickly, “James, you run along and talk to Lewis and his wife. They’d like to get to know you better. I want to talk to Grandmother a little longer.”
James rose and nodded. “It’s so good of you to have me in your home, Mrs. Winslow.”
He left and at once Emily turned to face Belle. “What did you think of him, Grandmother?”
Belle did not answer at first. “He seems to be wound up tight,” she remarked finally.
Emily nodded. “I think that’s what happened to the men who stayed in the trenches a long time. I know such horrible memories must still trouble James a good deal.”
Belle looked Emily squarely in the eye and asked, “What is this young man to you, my dear?”
“Why . . . I don’t know what you mean.”
“You haven’t taken your eyes off of him since the two of you came in here.” Belle smiled slightly. “Are you in love with him?”
“Why, Grandmother, I haven’t known him for very long.”
“That’s beside the point. How do you feel about him?”
Emily bit her lip and looked down at her hands. “I don’t know. I guess I was so grateful to him for taking care of Jared.”
“That’s fitting and just. You should be grateful to him, but that’s enough.”
Emily looked up quickly. She saw that her grandmother had some reservations, and she smiled and said, “Don’t worry, Grandmother. We’re just good friends.”
Belle was silent for a moment, and then she rose stiffly and said, “Come along. Let’s go in with the others. It must be almost time for dinner.”
****
The Winslow tradition was to open presents just before dinnertime, and James Parker sat as far out of the mainstream as he could get. The room was crowded, big as it was, and the large tree glittered with a variety of fine ornaments. Presents were stacked high underneath it, and James soon gave up trying to keep track of the children and the grandchildren. Wes stopped by long enough to grin and say, “Are you gettin’ all the names straight?”
“I don’t think so, Wes.”
“Well, there aren’t as many here as there usually are.”
James watched as some of the younger children tore open their presents, and then he was suddenly interrupted when Emily appeared with several packages in her hands. “These are for you, James. Merry Christmas!”
“Why, Emily, you shouldn’t have done that! I couldn’t get you anything.”
“Next year you can,” Emily said, smiling. “Open them up.”
Somewhat reluctantly James began to open the presents. They were small, inexpensive gifts—a tie from Aaron, a pen and pencil set from Gail, a half-dozen silk handkerchiefs from Wes. The last present he opened was from Emily. When he pulled the wrapping aside, there lay a fine leather billfold such as he had never seen.
“It’s made of alligator,” Emily explained.
“It’s beautiful, Emily, but you shouldn’t have done it.”
“I wanted to,” Emily said simply. “Now every time you take it out to put money in it, you’ll think of me.”
James rubbed the fine leather and said, “I will think of you, but I don’t suppose I’ll have much money to put in there.”
“Yes, you will. You’re going to have a successful career.”
“I wish I had your faith.”
Emily sat beside him, and the two watched until all the presents were opened. And then Aaron said, “Come along. Dinner’s on the table.”
Dinner was indeed on the table, the centerpiece being an enormous turkey. Aaron went to the head of the table, picked up a carving knife and fork, and said, “I wish I were a surgeon, but since I’m not, I’ll hack this bird up the best I can.”
The meal included ham as well as turkey, corn bread dressing, all sorts of vegetables, fried and mashed potatoes, and an array of pickles and other enticements. It was topped off by mince pie, and when James tasted it, he said,
“This is the best pie I’ve ever had in my life.”
“I’m glad you think so,” Belle said. “It’s my mother’s recipe. I’ll make you another one next week.”
“I don’t think I’ll want to eat for a week.”
“Yes, you will. You’ve got to put on some weight, James.”
At that moment, Aaron rose and said, “Well, it’s time for the Christmas Winslow speech.” He looked at Belle and shook his head. “I was so used to Dad making this speech, and he always did it so well. I miss him, Mother. Indeed I do.”
Belle smiled rather sadly. “Yes, but he’s with the Lord now. That’s where he always wanted to be. You go right ahead, son. Do him proud.”
Aaron began to speak, and Emily whispered to James, “This is kind of a tradition. We talk about the Winslow family going all the way back to the Mayflower. I guess we’re a little bit proud of that heritage.”
“You should be,” James said. “It’s a wonderful tradition.”
For the benefit of any newcomers to the family gathering, Aaron was explaining, “There are Winslows all over the world, but it all started with a man named Gilbert Winslow, who brought his family to the New World from England. I suppose many of you have read his journal.” Nods went around the table. The first edition of Gilbert Winslow’s journal had been published by none other than Benjamin Franklin. His journal was reprinted several times, mostly for the family, but historians also were interested, for it gave a firsthand view by an excellent writer of what life was like on the Mayflower and later on in the Colonies.
“Gilbert Winslow, according to his own words, was a scoundrel of sorts,” Aaron went on. “We have had our heroes and our scoundrels, but if Gilbert could be here today, I think he would be proud of his family.” Aaron picked up a book and said, “I want to read just a brief entry from Gilbert’s journal. I think I have it memorized, and so have some of you. This particular entry was written when Gilbert was in prison at the Salem witchcraft trials.”
James blinked his eyes and listened carefully as Aaron read the passage:
“It seems as though we will not survive this place. Every day someone is taken out and executed. I think of how I got here and what God has done in my life, and I can’t be sad, for God has been good. He gave me a wife and a family, and when a man has God and a family, he has everything there is to be treasured. I think of how I fought against God when I was a young man and wonder that He did not strike me dead. But as I read through the Scriptures, I find one thread: He is a merciful, long-suffering God filled with tender mercy. I praise His name even here in the shadows of the valley of death. I regret that others of my family may die at this time, but they all know the Lord Jesus, and if it is His time for us to be taken from this world, I praise and rejoice in His holy will.”
Aaron closed the book and said, “I can’t read that passage without weeping. How I would love to have known Gilbert and Humility Cooper, his wife. I look at the genealogical tree of the Winslows, and I see men like Adam Winslow and his son Nathan, who fought under George Washington. I see men like Paul Winslow, who became an admiral, and men like Zack Winslow and his wife, Bronwen, whom some of you in this room remember. And Sky Winslow, my grandfather, who left a legacy I will always be proud of. We have the younger generation, such as Lewis, who fought so bravely on San Juan Hill.”
“And you were there, too, brother,” Lewis called out with a smile on his face.
“Yes, I was there, too.” Aaron returned the smile, then said, “I have no speech to make except to say that I hope those of you who are younger will find Jesus Christ as Lord, as so many Winslows have. We’ve had our ups and downs, and some of us, including me, have run from God. But He has brought us all back, so I want us to bow our heads and give thanks this Christmas to a merciful God—for all that He has done in our family, and for sending His Son into the world to save us from our sins.”
Everyone in the room closed their eyes except Emily. She glanced at James and saw that he had slowly bowed his head, but his eyes were wide open. She wondered what he was thinking, but there was no way to make it out, for his face was still. After Aaron said “Amen,” James got up at once and left the room without a word.
Hannah came over to ask, “What’s the matter with James?”
“I’m not sure,” Emily said.
“He was listening so intently to Aaron,” Hannah remarked. “I wonder if he got offended.”
Emily could not imagine. She went to hunt for James but could not find him. Then she went into the kitchen to help with the dishes, but she was troubled over his reaction.
****
That night Emily simply could not go to sleep. She had been assigned a room with Hannah, and the two girls had stayed awake a long time, talking about the family. Hannah was full of her plans to move to New York, and Emily listened with some envy. “I wish I could do something like that.”
“What are you going to do now that you’re out of school? Are you going to college?”
“I think I probably will next year. I’m going to become a writer if it kills me.”
“I don’t think it’ll do that,” Hannah said, and she reached over to pat Emily’s arm. “But I don’t think it pays very well for most people.”
Hannah had finally gone off to sleep, but Emily tossed and turned until finally in desperation she realized she wasn’t going to be able to sleep. Stealthily she got out of bed, pulled on her robe and slippers, then went downstairs. She knew that sometimes a glass of warm milk made her sleep, so she warmed some milk on the stove, stirred in a little honey, and drank it slowly. She washed the cup out and thought, Well, I’m just as wide awake as I was. I think that’s an old wives’ tale anyway. She started back toward her room, but as she passed by the double doorway that led to the drawing room where the Christmas tree was set up, she stopped suddenly, for James was standing at the window staring out. She hesitated, then entered the room and called out, “James, is that you?”
Turning toward her, James said, “Yes. What are you doing up this late?”
“I couldn’t sleep. What about you?”
“Me neither. I’ve just been watching the stars.”
Emily went to stand beside him and looked out the window. “They are beautiful, aren’t they?”
“Makes a man feel pretty small, all those stars.”
The sky was indeed adorned with glittering diamonds, so it seemed, and Emily said, “I’ve always loved that verse in the Bible that says, ‘He calleth them all by their names.’ ”
“The Bible says God named all the stars?”
“That’s what it says, and there are billions of them.”
“Hard to believe there are that many names.”
“I know. I thought the same thing. I tried to think about how many stars there are, and our little world is just one of them. But I think it is the one that God is most interested in.”
“You don’t suppose anybody else is out there?” James asked rather idly. His mind seemed to be far away, and he simply was making conversation.
“There could be, I suppose, but I’ve come to believe that God made the earth for people, and all the rest of the stars are just an adornment for us to admire.”
James turned toward the young woman and studied her. There was a single light on at the far end of the room that cast its glow on her. He studied her, taking in the well-formed face, wider than most women’s, and her hair, which even in the dim light was red enough to almost give off a glow. He had never seen such red hair, and he thought it quite beautiful. “I don’t think about such matters enough, I suppose. It always seemed to me to take a long time to create that many stars.”
“I don’t think it’s like that. I think God just spoke, and they were there.”
Her words caught at him, and he looked back out of the window. There was a troubled expression on his face, and she suddenly touched his arm. “Is there anything wrong, James?”
He turned to her and shook his head. “Nothing to troub
le you with.”
“It wouldn’t be a trouble. Can’t you tell me?”
“I’ve been thinking about what your dad said about the Winslows. I don’t think any of you fully realize what a wonderful blessing it is to have a family like yours. Oh, I know you’re proud of them and all that, but to someone who hasn’t had any family at all, like me, it’s the most wonderful thing in the world. I envy you.”
Emily could not speak for a moment. His words had been kind and sincere, and she felt she had gotten a glimpse inside of him. There was a loneliness in him that she had sensed from the first, and now as they stood there in the darkness, she wanted to reach out and help him. She looked up suddenly, and then she touched his arm and pointed upward. “Look up there, James.”
Looking up, James saw several sprigs of mistletoe bound together and dangling from the ceiling by a thread. He turned back to her and did not speak.
Finally she said, “That’s mistletoe.”
“I know it is.”
“Don’t you know what it means?”
He did not speak, and finally Emily whispered, “I wouldn’t think a soldier who’s been to war would be afraid of a little kiss.”
Her words touched James, and he reached out suddenly and pulled her into an embrace. His lips touched hers, and she returned his kiss with a sweetness and softness. And yet as he held her, he felt some hesitation on her part—as though she were half giving herself and half refusing him. He drew his head back and studied her. “I shouldn’t have done that, Emily.”
“I’ve been kissed before.” Indeed Emily had been kissed before, but she knew that this was the first time she had been stirred by a man’s embrace. She was astonished at how she had responded to the touch of his lips and the pressure of his arms.
James could not speak for a moment, and finally he released her and took a short step back. “Jared would break my skull for this.”
“For what? We’ve done nothing wrong.” Her words seemed to trouble James, and as he straightened up, Emily was puzzled by the tortured expression on his face.
“I wish . . .” he said in a tone so low that she almost missed it, “I wish I were as good a man as Jared.”
The Amazon Quest (House of Winslow Book #25) Page 12