Sybilla gathered what little courage she had left within her and tested out her theory. The same unrelenting blackness greeted her once again and she felt the tears trickle from the corners of those unseeing eyes. The touch of a cloth to her face surprised her and she startled and then moaned at the pain even that caused.
‘’Tis I, Soren,’ he said, revealing his presence and his identity to her. ‘I have a tisane from the healer to ease your pain.’
His hand slipped behind her head and eased it up from the pillow. As long as she let him move her, the pain was bearable. A few sips and he allowed her to rest back. She tried to speak, but her voice was gone. Sybilla lay quietly, unmoving for several minutes until the concoction began to spread through her and the severity of the pain began to dull.
‘It should ease soon,’ he offered softly as he moved around her, smoothing the bedcovers over her…her naked body.
She closed her eyes and wanted to die.
For so many reasons, she wanted to die right then.
‘I tended your injuries and stayed through the night, Sybilla,’ he explained as though he had heard the questions in her thoughts. ‘Though Aldys is quite an old dragon of a woman, she could not have handled your rage.’
She laughed at that, or attempted to, but the tears flowed freely now and she could not lift her hand to wipe them away. Even moving her fingers made her palms feel as though their very skin was being torn off. But she cried not at the pain, she cried at the loss that she now understood would never be regained. A cloth touched her face, dabbing the tears from her skin.
His manner was distant, formal even, as he wiped and washed her face and urged her to drink again from the healer’s brew. When its warmth spread into her limbs and took away more of her pain, he removed several bandages and smoothed on some cream before replacing the coverings. If he had seemed too caring, she would have lost control, but his seeming indifference allowed her to get through it.
In a short while, Sybilla felt herself being pulled down into a deeper sleep. His voice, deep and calm, urged her to allow it and she did. She thought the pattern repeated several times, but could not be certain.
When she woke and the keep was quiet, she knew night had fallen. From the heat emanating from a source close to her, she suspected what he confirmed moments later.
Soren slept or lay beside her in her bed.
‘How do you feel, Sybilla?’ he asked quietly. ‘Has the pain lessened?’
She gingerly moved a hand and then an arm, a foot, a leg and so on until she’d tested most of her body. She ached, some places worse than others, but the searing pain of some earlier time had been soothed. Sybilla tried to clear her throat to answer his questions and could not find her voice.
He cursed; she thought the words he whispered were foul Norman or Breton words, a suspicion confirmed when a hasty apology followed. She felt him roll away and climb out of the bed and then heard his path around the chamber until he turned, sitting at her side. Lord Soren slid his arm beneath her head and shoulders and he eased her up so she could sip from the cup he placed at her mouth. The watered wine soothed her dry throat and made it possible to answer him, though her voice sounded as scratchy as it felt.
‘Not quite so bad, Lord Soren,’ she said, almost whispering because it hurt less. She tried to brace herself up on her arms, but she slipped and her hand landed on a very hard, very naked male leg. A thigh, if she was not mistaken. She swallowed and tried to act as though she had not felt it, but she had.
Once again, he did not respond, but simply slipped off the bed and she heard him put the cup on the table. Then he climbed back in on the other side and eased closer to her. She waited for him to move nearer to her; however, he never did so, remaining instead just enough away that their bodies did not touch.
It mattered not, for she knew he was there.
The pattern repeated itself over the course of several more days, Soren at her side at all times of the day and the night, her maids permitted in her chambers only to see to her most personal needs and then gone as quickly and quietly as they’d come. She thought that Lord Soren must leave and see to his duties, but he was there whenever she woke. Then, one day—morning, she thought from the sounds outside and within the keep—the fog lifted and she felt more awake than she had in days.
Sybilla tried to move, slowly, easily, so as to not cause more pain and found that her body no longer screamed back with each attempt. As she rolled to her side to slide to the edge of the bed, she found a heavy weight holding her in place. Reaching down, she searched for it and found it.
A large arm and hand draped over her hips.
And only a thin sheet separated the two body parts—one of which was not hers.
Chapter Seventeen
‘Good morrow, Sybilla.’
She’d had no doubt about the identity of the man, but his deep voice, made even deeper by sleep, greeted her pleasantly enough as though having a man in her bed was her usual custom. She shifted, trying to slide to the edge, but he held her in place.
‘I would like to get up,’ she began, reaching for the edge of the bedcovers and then realising she lay naked beneath them.
Sybilla felt him move, lifting his arm from her and getting out of the bed. Then he took her hand at the side of the bed.
‘You have been abed for several days and Teyen said you will be unsteady the first time or two you get out of it.’ Lord Soren put something in her hand and then let go. ‘I thought you would want that first.’
A syrce. He helped her ease it over her head and shoulders, remarkably with little pain, and then took her hands in his and drew her to the bedside. Sybilla let her feet drop to the floor and let him help her to stand. Unfortunately Teyen was right, once more, and she began to wobble. She thought to sit back on the bed, but Lord Soren had other ideas, encircling her with his arms and holding her up…and tightly against him.
She noticed several things quickly. His body always seemed warm. His body, including a very prominent part of it, was always hard. And one more thing came to mind—he was completely naked. Though tempted to grab hold so she did not fall to the floor, she did not dare touch him…anywhere!
‘Give yourself a moment to gain your balance, Sybilla,’ he whispered, sliding his arms to hold her around her waist, which freed her arms now. ‘Just stand and let me get the chair for you.’
He released his hold in increments and she did reach out for him once when the dizziness took over and threatened to spill her to the floor. He held her hand until she let go, never saying a word. Then, she heard the scrape of the chair as he dragged it to her. Once she was seated, he moved away and she heard him as he walked from one place to another and another. Then, when he guided her hand to his, she felt the fabric of his tunic on his arm and knew he’d dressed. He placed a cup in her hands and, when she winced, he explained.
‘You burned your palms sliding too fast on the rope. Teyen left some ointment and said to keep them wrapped for a few more days.’ She thought he now stood by the door, his voice was in that direction. ‘I am going to allow the she-dragon in, so prepare yourself, Sybilla.’
She smiled at that, remembering now that he’d called Aldys that several times now. And, truly, she could be quite a formidable force when she wanted or needed to be. The latch lifted and the door opened.
‘My lord,’ Aldys said in a stern voice.
‘Aldys,’ Soren replied, but his voice was tinged with laughter. ‘Good day, Sybilla.’
Then he was gone, his heavy steps echoing down the corridor as he strode away.
Aldys helped her to get cleaned and dressed and soon she felt almost herself. Moving in this direction or that did yet cause some twinges, but Sybilla found that most of the pain had dissipated away. Aldys opened the shutters and the warmer breezes flowed into the chamber. Sybilla walked slowly to it and stood before it, feeling the sun on her face and wishing she could see its light.
Well, that was not going to happen. She kn
ew in her heart and soul that her vision was gone. A long, empty life stretched out in front of her now.
The sound of laughter outside drew her attention. A game of some kind, mayhap. Or a contest? Some of the voices were familiar, while others carried the accented tones of the foreigners. A few called out in their native language, then stuttered over the English words. The thing that struck her most was the happiness in their voices. Clearly, her people had found some middle ground between them and their new lord and his men. They would be all right because he would protect them.
‘My lady, the day is a fine one,’ Aldys said, approaching her. ‘Would you like to take a walk?’
She turned to Aldys, though she could not see her, and shook her head. ‘Oh, what they must think of me now?’ she whispered. ‘A madwoman in their midst?’
‘They saw their lady racked by grief and loss of an unimaginable kind,’ Aldys answered softly. She took Sybilla’s hand and patted it. ‘They saw the woman who’d cared for them and their families through the winter and who’d stood up to the demon lord for them. Worry not, lady. They understand.’
The tears burned her eyes and her throat as she asked the question that plagued her the most. ‘But what do I do now, Aldys? What do I do?’
‘You live, my lady.’
So simple, those two words, but Sybilla could see only the impossibilities stretching out before her.
‘I cannot see. I cannot carry out the simplest of duties or perform the easiest of tasks now. How can I live this way?’
‘You have a quick mind, lady. You will learn. You will learn new ways to do old tasks. And those you cannot do, you assign to others,’ Aldys finished with a laugh. ‘Do you truly wish to help the butcher salt the meat?’
Sybilla smiled at that. The smells of that process, a necessary and vital one for their survival, made her stomach retch, but she did it because it was needed. Having someone else oversee it would be no hardship for her.
‘But I will never be able to read again.’
‘Aye, lady, ’tis true, but someone could read to you. I would be happy to do that,’ Aldys offered. The woman did not seem like a she-dragon now. Sybilla smiled and nodded.
Never someone who shied away from the difficult situation or task, Sybilla wondered which things she could accomplish without her sight. Lord Soren, if his offer was an honest one, thought she could oversee the harvest and setting up stores for the winter. Had he meant that?
‘Lord Soren offered to make this marriage a temporary one if I assisted him here over the next six months.’
Sybilla needed to talk over this strange offer with someone and it seemed right to do so with Aldys. She’d served her family and her mother for years and had seen much in that time. She’d not planned to blurt it out, but now she waited on Aldys’s reaction to such a thing.
‘I know, my lady.’
Of all the words she could have said, either supporting or opposing such an offer, Sybilla never expected those.
‘You know of this?’ she asked. Sybilla turned her head, looking around the room before remembering she could not see. ‘Are we alone?’
‘I sent that silly child off on some errands, lady. We can speak about this, if you wish it.’ Aldys took her hand and led her to the chair. ‘I—’ A knock interrupted whatever she was about to say.
Sybilla waited while Aldys saw to it. So many questions raced through her mind over the matter that she was surprised when Aldys spoke from right next to her. She placed something on the table and slid it closer.
‘Lord Soren ordered this sent to you and commanded that you finish it.’ The she-dragon was back in her voice.
‘What is it?’ she asked, reaching her hands along the table to find it. A tray. A bowl. A plate. Then the aromas spread. Food. He’d sent her food.
‘A porridge in this bowl. Some meat on the plate. ’Tis torn into small pieces already,’ Aldys reported, the surprise evident in her tone. ‘Eat while we talk, lady. You will need your strength.’ Aldys spoke as though all plans were in place while Sybilla remained uncertain of what was to come.
When she dropped the first morsel she picked up, Sybilla knew she would stain her clothing. Holding out her arms, she asked Aldys to pull the sleeves up the way Lord Soren had and to give her a cloth napkin. Once her garments were protected, she began to feel each plate and eat from them, now ignoring any misplaced food. ‘So when did he speak of this to you?’ she asked.
‘The second night after you…’ Aldys paused and Sybilla nodded her understanding. After she’d lost her mind in the hall. ‘He moved his belongings in and—’
Sybilla dropped the bowl. ‘His clothing is here?’ A wave of chills rushed through her. ‘He moved into my chambers?’
Aldys placed the bowl and spoon back into her hands. ‘Aye, lady. When his men moved his trunk and other things here, he asked me to accompany him to the chapel. I thought it a strange thing, but his man Larenz was there as well.’
Aldys paused, but Sybilla had noticed a slight change in her voice when she mentioned this man Larenz. She nodded.
‘He called it not a marriage contract, but an unmarriage contract when he told Father Medwyn of it. Keeping you as wife, blind or not, at your word. Offering a dowry if you seek the convent, offering to set up a household if not.’
‘He told you these things?’ Why? Why would he speak of such private arrangements with her servant with the priest? ‘What happened then?’
‘Father Medwyn argued with him. Said the marriage could be annulled if you were blind, but there was no way to end it if there was no impediment. Lord Soren seemed convinced that you would end it either way and so he ordered the priest to write it down.’
She doubted that anyone could resist Lord Soren when he set his mind to something. ‘He said that if you remained married to him for the next six months, the choice was yours and he would see to it.’
Sybilla sat back, leaving the food on the table. Stunned by such a thing and that he’d aired his intentions before the priest, his man and her maid… That was why he did it! She had not trusted him or his offer and so he made it a binding contract with her maid as witness so she would believe him. When she said nothing, Aldys continued.
‘We waited while the priest wrote out two copies, complaining and even praying under his breath the whole time of it, and then the lord made his mark and ordered the priest to keep one and gave me the other.’
‘You have it? Now?’ she asked and then she realised the futility of it.
‘It is safely stored, for you, if you have need of it,’ she answered.
‘He slept here these last nights?’ she asked. The question came out of nowhere with no exact connection to their discussion, but in a way it did.
‘Aye. ’Twas after I questioned him about his plans—’
‘You did not! Aldys, he could have you put out!’
‘He smiled in his way and told me to come to the chapel. And that is when he had the document drawn up.’
Aldys was a she-dragon and on Sybilla’s behalf! She suspected that a man like Lord Soren respected strength even in a woman.
‘He has moved in then?’ she asked again, understanding the true meaning of such an action now.
He was keeping her as wife, at least for the next six months, and intended to claim his marital rights to her. She shivered, remembering the feel of his mouth on her skin and the heat it created. If that was only the beginning of joining, what would the rest of it feel like?
‘Aye, my lady.’ Aldys placed a cup of wine in her hands and Sybilla drank it down.
Filled with nervous anticipation, she could eat no more. But, considering the way he’d cared for her these last days, the protection he’d offered by making up a contract, and the way her body reacted to him, it was not the dread of their first days. Sybilla knew she faced a life of blindness, but Lord Soren had offered her some measure of choice in how she lived it. No matter how this turned out, her people and Alston would be protected.
/> ‘Aldys? Would you help me learn to walk down the stairs?’
She heard Aldys’s muffled reply and knew the maid was crying now. So much for being a she-dragon. Sybilla felt her own tears, but brushed them away. She had too many things to do this day to waste time crying like a babe. She pushed back from the table and stood, ready to take the first step in learning how to live without her sight.
An hour or two later and countless times of going down and back up the steps, Sybilla returned to her chambers, exhausted from all of it. Though she had not held on to Guermont’s arm or on to Aldys’s, she still feared falling. Yet, if she took each step carefully, holding on to the rope as a guide and support, she could make it down to the bottom without falling or screaming the way she had the first time.
By the time she gave in to her exhaustion, a crowd had gathered in the hall and had begun cheering her on. Calls for her to be strong and not to be afraid echoed around her in the stairwell as she pushed on to conquer them and her fear. Their cheering and support gave her courage to keep trying and their applause when she reached the bottom warmed her heart.
Sitting in her chambers, while the servants brought in a meal she knew was for two, Sybilla realised that this was only the first task she must learn. There was so much about herself and her limitations she needed to discover before she could make any other decisions. The stairs had only been the first.
Lord Soren would be the second.
Chapter Eighteen
It felt good to be outside and to have the sun shining after these last days, he thought. Soren made his way to the end of the new wall to meet with Stephen and Guermont and hear news from Brice. But, even as he left Sybilla behind, his thoughts seemed to return to her.
Had she discovered his trunk in her chambers? Did she object? Did she even know he’d slept at her side these last four nights? His body reminded him of it again. Soren had touched her, cleaning her and applying salves to the bruises and cuts, but he was a man and did not miss the creaminess of her skin or the fullness of her breasts. Or the curve of her hips. Or the pale triangle at the top of her thighs.
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