by Elena Aitken
He raised an eyebrow in response. “Um…yeah, I do kinda know what that feels like.”
She burst out laughing as she realized what she’d said. “Oh, Bo, I’m sorry. I totally forgot. Of course you know.”
“It’s okay,” he said, trying not to laugh. “I’m still trying to get used to it myself.”
Her outburst lightened the mood and she was much more relaxed when she started talking again. “I wanted to work with kids. Like I said, it’s all I ever wanted to do. But I also wanted children of my own,” she said. “I mean, ever since I was a kid myself. I used to dream about being a mother.”
“Used to?”
Her eyes filled with tears and Bo’s instinct was to lean over and kiss them away.
“That’s the thing.” She looked away and swiped at her eyes before looking back. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this but not too long ago I found out that I won’t be able to have children. Ever. That’s why I came here. I wanted to get away from kids and start fresh. Somewhere where I didn’t have to think about it all the time.”
“And then you got pushed into working at the Cub’s Club and with Ella,” Bo said. He wiped a tear from her cheek and took her hand in his. “Thank you for that. I really mean it.”
Morgan squeezed her hand and managed a small smile. “I’m glad I stayed.”
“You are?”
“I am, and as far as Ella goes,” she said. “It’s not just the mountains that are helping her heal. It’s you.”
“What do you mean—me?”
Morgan reached out and took his other hand. Her fingers were a little cold from being near the water, but her touch sent a heat through him to his core. “She’s bonding with you,” Morgan said. “I think she’s finally starting to feel safe with you, like you’ll protect her and care for her.”
“Of course I will.”
“But she didn’t know that when she first came,” Morgan said quickly. “Think about it, Bo. Ella lost the only parent she ever knew. The one she thought would take care of her. And then she was just given to you without any warning. Children who’ve been through something like that have to learn all over again how to trust. They need an opportunity to bond with their new caregiver.”
He let her words sink in.
“You think she likes me?”
Morgan laughed. “Yes. She likes you. Is that so hard to believe?” She dropped his hands and pushed off the ground. “I’m going to fill my water bottle with some of this amazing glacier water you’ve been raving about.”
Bo thought about her question, trying to wrap his head around it. Morgan may have always wanted to be a mother, but he’d never given any thought to being a father. Not until it all changed. He watched as Morgan knelt at the edge of the water. Just about a month ago, he’d still been a single man ready for a fun summer of leading treks in the woods and no-strings-attached sex. He never would have imagined that he’d be sitting here with a woman that made his heart beat fast and his blood run hot, thinking about a future that could very possibly include her. And his daughter.
~ ~
By the time they got back to the cabin, everyone had finished exploring around the glacier and they were ready to hit the trail. After getting everyone organized on their horses, Bo hoisted Ella on the saddle and they headed down the trail with Jeff bringing up the rear.
Bo was enjoying the peace, and the opportunity to think about what had happened at the falls. He was lost in thought when Jeff rode up alongside of him on the trail. “Hey, buddy,” he said, when he got close. One look at his friend’s face and there was no secret what Jeff was going to want to talk about.
“It was a good trip,” Bo said. “And for the first one of the season, I—“
“What’s going on with Morgan?”
Bo looked again at his friend, whose grin told him that Jeff knew exactly what was going on. He glanced behind him to see Morgan, riding next to Georgia, deep in conversation about something. She smiled when she caught him looking at her and a warmth flooded him.
“It’s like that, is it?” Jeff laughed when Bo turned around again. Bo knew his feelings for Morgan were written all over his face so instead of answering his friend, he shrugged and smiled at the memory of Morgan’s kiss.
“I never thought I’d see the day when someone would tame you,” Jeff said. “But it’s about time.”
Bo shot him a look. “Nobody said anything about being tamed.” Even as he said the words, Bo knew Jeff wasn’t going to believe it. Heck, he didn’t believe it himself.
“Whatever you say, man.” Jeff rolled his eyes. “But whatever you do, don’t screw it up,” he added, and pointed to Ella who had resumed her position half holding on, half hugging Horace. “Because I think someone else really likes Morgan, too.”
“Of course she does,” Bo said. “And of course I’m not going to screw it up.”
“Look, all I’m saying is that it’s not just you that you need to worry about anymore,” Jeff said. “It can’t be about just having a good time. Because if you sleep with her and then get ready to move on to the next one—“
“Hey. I told you, it’s not like that.”
“Whatever you say, man.” Jeff held up one hand in mock defense. “But I have to tell you, before I went in to foster care, my mom…well, let’s just say that she didn’t have the best track record with men.” Bo watched Jeff’s face cloud over with the memories. “It was hard, man. Just when I started getting attached to a guy and thought maybe he’d be my dad, he was gone and there was someone new. It messes with a kid, ya know?”
“I didn’t know,” Bo said. “I’m sorry that happened to you, buddy.”
Jeff waved his hand in the air. “Don’t worry about it. It was a long time ago. I’m just thinking about this little one here.” He pointed down to Ella, who was still entranced by the horse. “It looks like you guys are starting to find your groove and I don’t want to see you do anything that will screw it up.”
Bo glanced back again and said, “Really, it’s not like that with Morgan.”
“Well, whatever it is like, I hope you know what you’re doing. Because it’s not just about you.”
Before he could respond, Jeff rode off to lead the group and Bo stared after him. His friend’s words replayed in his mind and he looked down at Ella’s blond head. As much as he hated to admit it, Jeff had a point. It wasn’t just about him anymore. Whatever decisions he made would directly affect Ella. That was huge. If things didn’t work out with Morgan, it wasn’t just him that would be affected.
“Dammit.”
Ella turned around, her eyes wide at Bo’s curse, but she didn’t say anything.
“Sorry,” Bo muttered.
Bo managed an apologetic smile that Ella seemed to accept. She turned around and resumed stroking Horace’s mane, murmuring words in his ear. Bo scrubbed a hand over his face and exhaled a long breath. Only a few hours ago, everything had made perfect sense and he’d allowed himself to think about the possibility of a future with both Ella and Morgan. But Jeff was right; he knew Bo better than anyone and he knew that Bo didn’t do relationships. There was a reason for that. He didn’t know how.
The situation was all too damn complicated. Bo inhaled deeply, desperate to fill his lungs with air. He focused on the trail in front of him and carefully avoided looking behind him, even when Morgan’s sweet laughter rang through the air.
~ ~
Once they returned to the Lodge, the group split up. Bo managed to hang out in the barn just long enough to avoid Morgan, who he knew had to hurry and get ready for her shift. It was a chicken move, but he didn’t know what to say to her. He’d spent the rest of the ride back going over his options and the only conclusion he’d reached was that he had no clue what to do.
By the time Bo finished with his duties, Ella was asleep in a pile of blankets in the tack room. He scooped her light weight into his arms and started back to the main building. She instinctively snuggled close to him and his hea
rt clenched. He took his time walking the trail, enjoying his daughter in his arms because only in sleep did she seem to trust him. No matter what Morgan said, Bo wasn’t sure Ella had bonded with him yet. Or if she ever would.
Instead of heading straight back to the condo, Bo had to stop in the main building to sign off on the trip and check his schedule. Carmen was the first person he saw when he walked through the doors. She was talking to a woman and a man; they had their backs to him but something about the woman was familiar.
Carmen saw Bo but didn’t smile. She said something to the couple, who turned around and looked at him. Bo’s first instinct was to squeeze Ella a little tighter against the penetrating stare of Clara Kersey, the social worker. He looked to the man. Bo had never seen him before, but the man’s familiar brown eyes told Bo exactly who he was and more important, why he was there. Clara had found Ella’s uncle.
Chapter Eighteen
It had only been one day since they’d returned from their overnight trip, and although Bo was busy, Morgan was still hoping to see him soon after they returned. She felt like a teenager caught up in the bliss of a crush and she couldn’t stop thinking about him. She couldn’t wait to get down to the Cub’s Club for the start of the day because of course Ella was scheduled, which meant she’d get to see two of her favorite people.
“I didn’t think your shift started for another hour.” Sleepy eyed, Astrid appeared from her bedroom and made a beeline to the coffeepot.
Morgan took another big gulp from her own cup and smiled. “There’s nothing wrong with getting a head start on the day, is there?”
Astrid shook her head, the beads in her hair clicking together, and slumped into the chair. “The energy is just way off with you morning people. Besides, you wouldn’t be nearly so perky if you’d come to the party last night. That would’ve settled you down a bit.”
When she’d returned from her private babysitting job the night before, Astrid had tried to drag her to a party in another of the staff buildings, but Morgan had been worn out after a day on horseback and then working, so she’d begged off.
“I wasn’t in the party mood,” she said. “But it looks like it must have been a good one.”
Astrid grabbed her head. “I have to think there’s some bad spiritual karma for whoever thought beer pong was a good idea.”
Morgan laughed, but handed her friend a glass of water and some Tylenol. “Take this.”
Astrid dutifully swallowed the pills. “I think I would hate you for looking so good this morning if I didn’t love you for taking care of me.” She crossed her arms on the table and rested her head.
“Aw, I love you, too. Now go back to bed,” Morgan ordered. “You don’t start till three, which means you have lots of time to rest. Why are you even awake?”
“I wanted to ask you something.” Astrid’s voice was mumbled in her arms.
Morgan glanced at her watch. She still had time so she poured some more coffee. “What’s that?”
Astrid propped her head up with one arm. “Jeff was saying something last night about Bo.”
Her face immediately burned with heat, and she was sure her face was probably the same shade as the bowl of apples on the table. Her brain spun with what Jeff could have said. Surely Bo wouldn’t have told his friend about them. Not before they’d even figured anything out.
“Oh?” was all Morgan could manage.
Astrid took a tentative sip of her coffee before continuing. “Yeah, and I just wondered if he’d been acting weird on the trip. The whole thing seems so strange that I couldn’t even believe it when Jeff told me. But Jeff was pretty pissed about it—his aura was flaming red and black. And I’ve never seen it so dark. Jeff is normally a blue and green kinda guy—”
“Wait.” It took Morgan a second to catch up with Astrid was saying. “What are you talking about?”
“He’s usually so bright and vibrant.” Astrid rubbed her eyes and blinked hard. “But last night he was so dark. Stormy almost.”
“Jeff was?” Morgan struggled to keep up with what Astrid was talking about. “Why would he be angry? It doesn’t have anything to do with him.”
She hadn’t realized she’d spoken aloud until Astrid said, “Jeff was pissed because he thought Bo made the wrong choice.”
“With me?” Morgan blurted before she could stop herself.
Her outburst seemed to shake Astrid from her sleepy stupor. She sat up and examined Morgan. “Wait,” Astrid said. “What are you talking about? Did you and Bo—“
“No.”
Astrid raised an eyebrow.
“We didn’t,” Morgan insisted. The heat in her face grew more intense but she didn’t look away. “Why would Jeff be upset about…well, whatever he was upset about.”
“You don’t know? I thought for sure you’d be upset too. I’m actually shocked to find you so-”
“No,” she whispered, cutting Astrid off. The hair on the back of Morgan’s neck stood up and a tingle of what could only be fear streaked through her landing in the pit of her stomach. Slowly, she shook her head from side to side. “Tell me.”
“Bo sent Ella away.”
The words reverberated through Morgan’s skull before she could process them. “What? With who?” They were the only two questions she could manage to get out.
Astrid took another sip of coffee before answering. Morgan had to force herself not to rip the mug out of her friend’s hand and force her to tell her everything she knew. “Some lady from Social Services was here when they got back from the trip. I guess there was a guy with her, too.”
“And they took Ella?”
Morgan’s chest ached for what Bo must be going through. For them to just come and take his little girl, after everything they’d been through. And Ella. She must be terrified. Morgan put her mug on the counter, and turned to leave. She had to find Bo and help him.
“They didn’t take her,” Astrid said. “He gave Ella to them. I guess he’d called them and asked them to come. That’s why Jeff was so angry.”
Time froze as Morgan turned around and looked at Astrid. “He gave Ella to them?”
Astrid nodded. “Are you okay, Morgan?”
She nodded and rubbed absently at her arms. It couldn’t be true. Bo wouldn’t do that.
“Morgan?” Astrid put her hand on Morgan’s arm. She hadn’t even noticed that Astrid had gotten up from the table. “Do you need to sit down? You don’t look so good.”
Morgan shook off her friend’s touch. “I’m fine,” she whispered. “I have to go.”
~ ~
Morgan went straight to Bo’s condo and banged on the door. She needed to hear it directly from him. She needed to hear him tell her that he’d sent his beautiful, broken daughter away. Disbelief had given way to anger on the short walk through the wooded trails and Morgan was ready to demand answers.
“Bo!” She hit the door again. “Let me in.”
Before she could bang again, the door swung open and a girl that Morgan recognized from the staff BBQ and had only met once or twice, appeared, wearing only Bo’s denim shirt over bare legs. Morgan took a shaky step backward, and swallowed hard.
“Morgan, right?” The girl leaned against the door frame and crossed her arms. “I’ve seen you—“
“Where’s Bo?”
The girl’s face hardened and she stood straight. “He’s not here.”
She was lying. She had to be lying. Morgan forced herself to make eye contact with the girl whose name continued to elude her. “I need to talk to him.”
“That makes two of us,” she said. “When you find him, you can let him know that I’m not impressed.”
Morgan stumbled backwards, tripping over a rock before turning and walking down the trail. She heard the door close behind her but she didn’t look back. Despite the storm brewing inside her, she still had a job to do. She needed to get to the Cub’s Club. People were depending on her, and there was no point wandering around, anyway. Bo would have come to
her if he’d wanted to talk about whatever it was that happened. He hadn’t. And the half-naked girl—Morgan refused to let herself think about what seeing her meant. Bo didn’t owe her anything. Obviously, despite what she’d thought only a short time ago, they didn’t have a relationship; he could do what he wanted.
But even as she tried to rationalize it in her mind, Morgan’s stomach knotted and a sense of heaviness descended on her. For just a moment, she’d allowed herself to believe that it could be possible to fall for someone. She dared to think it might work with Bo, that not only could she accept his situation, but welcome it. And maybe, they could even be a—no, she wouldn’t even think the word. Because now she’d never know. As quickly as it had come, the possibility was gone. She kicked at a stray pinecone on the trail and sent it skittering into the bush.
By the time Morgan walked through the doors to the Cub’s Club, she was resigned that whatever she may or may not have had with Bo was nothing more than a convenient distraction for him while he sorted things out with Ella and got back to his regular life.
“Are you okay, Morgan?” Lisa asked when Morgan wandered into the office.
Morgan nodded and took the clipboard from the desk. Only four kids were signed up for the day. Ella’s name had been crossed out. Her stomach flipped and the tightness in her chest grew as she stared at the clipboard.
“Morgan?”
She blinked back the unwelcome tears and thrust the clipboard back at Lisa. “The kids should be here soon,” Morgan said, changing the subject. “We should get ready.”
~ ~
The morning went by in a haze and for Morgan, everything felt wrong. More than once, she caught herself looking to the pile of pillows where Ella liked to curl up and nap. When the kids had popsicles, she couldn’t help but think of Ella and her sticky red fingers the first time they’d met. It was crazy how in only a few short weeks, one child could wrap herself around Morgan’s heart so completely. And then break it with her absence.