by Elena Aitken
“Morgan, I—“
“Bo. You didn’t even know you had a daughter and hours later you were a father. To a four-year-old girl. That couldn’t have been easy, but you did it. A coward would have turned her away from the very beginning.” Morgan was twisted around in her seat, speaking with so much passion that for a minute, Bo believed her. “You did what you could, and you did good.”
“It doesn’t change the fact that I gave her away.” Emotion choked him. He was thankful that he was driving and had something else to focus on. He didn’t want to cry in front of Morgan. Not again.
“You did,” she said. “And I still don’t understand why. But it happened and you can’t change it now. But, Bo—“
He looked at her, taking his eyes off the road just long enough to see the unguarded expression on her face. “You are not a coward,” she continued. “Think of everything you’ve been through and everything you’re doing right now.”
He didn’t want to look away; he wanted to see her looking at him like that forever. But when he turned back to the road and then glanced at Morgan again, her face was once more carefully masked leaving him to think that maybe he’d imagined it.
~ ~
Bo had never felt more like a reprimanded child than he did at that moment, sitting in booth across from Clara Kersey. In fact, even as a child, Bo was pretty sure he’d never felt quite so chastised. Sitting in front of her as she explained to him the responsibilities of being a parent, Bo had to bite his lip and take the tongue-lashing like a man, because he knew in his heart that he deserved every minute of it.
He looked to the empty seat next to him in the roadside diner and wished that Morgan had come in with him. He would have liked her support, her hand on his next to him, her warm smile making him feel more at ease. Really, he would have just enjoyed her presence close to him. But when he’d asked her to come in, she declined with a shake of her head and said she’d wait outside. “Ella is your family, Bo,” she’d said. “Not mine.”
Those last two words had squished Bo’s heart, but he didn’t have time to ask her what she meant. Heck, he knew exactly what she meant.
“Mr. Clancy,” Clara was still speaking, dragging him back to the present. “A child as vulnerable as Ella cannot withstand much more of this being jostled around. You will have to make a decision, one that we will agree to, of course,” she added, almost as an afterthought.
“Of course,” Bo agreed. “Ms. Kersey, please believe me when I tell you that I have no intention of ever letting Ella out of my sight again. In fact, I fully intend to be the best father I can be.” He looked again to Ella, sitting in the corner of the booth, picking at a plate of French fries. “I’m Ella’s dad,” he said, liking the way it sounded, “and I have full intentions for us to be a family forever. I plan to do everything in my power to make sure she’s happy and healthy from now on.”
He turned back to the social worker, whose mouth was set in a thin line. “You do sound convincing.”
“That’s because I mean every word,” Bo said as emphatically as he could without sounding as though he was a total lunatic.
“As I told you before, Mr. Clancy, it’s always our first goal to place children with immediate family. We do believe that blood relatives are the best place for children. It seems that Ella’s uncle, while willing to step up and take responsibility, has his own family issues. As you can see, I’ve asked him not to be here, and because it was her mother’s wish for her to be with you, he does agree that it would probably be the best place for Ella. But,” she held her hand up when Bo moved to speak, “it is also a priority for the children to be placed in stable homes. Preferably homes where there is both a mother and a father.”
Bo’s mind flashed to Morgan, but quickly pushed the thought from his mind.
“But failing that,” Clara continued, “we really just want what’s best for the child.” She glanced down at Ella, who had stuck a fry in her mouth and was watching Bo warily, as if he’d take off again. “And I think we both know that a placement with her biological father would be best.”
Bo nodded, but caught himself. He didn’t want to seem too eager. Even if he did want to shout from the rooftops that he was a daddy.
“There will be spot checks, Mr. Clancy.” Clara was still talking. Bo wanted to grab Ella and go. He wanted to get on with his life. This time, properly. But that couldn’t happen until Clara Kersey said the word. He smiled and nodded.
Something over his head caught Clara’s attention, and then Ella’s. The little girl immediately sat up, her plate of fries forgotten. “Morgan.”
It was the first thing Ella had said since Bo had sat down. It must have been the first thing she’d said in a while because even Clara looked shocked.
Bo turned around and his eyes took her in. She’d been crying. Bo could see that right away and a pang went through him. His selfishness had caused too much pain for everyone. And it physically hurt him to think of how he’d affected those he cared about. He tried to catch her eye, but Morgan was trying very hard to avoid looking at them. She peered around the small diner and then started walking through the tables, toward the bathrooms at the back of the room.
“Morgan,” Ella said again, this time louder, and Morgan heard her. She froze and turned slowly. Bo watched as her face transformed into a warm smile, directed straight at Ella.
“A friend of yours?” Clara asked.
Bo nodded. “Morgan,” he called out to her. “Please, come meet Clara Kersey.”
For a moment, she hesitated and Bo was afraid she’d decline. But then her eyes locked on Ella’s and a smile crossed her face. In the next moment, she crossed the floor and came to stand in front of the booth.
Bo stood and made the introductions. “Would you like a coffee?” he asked Morgan.
Her face flushed and she shook her head. “Oh no,” Morgan said. “I really don’t want to interrupt. I know this is family business and I…” She glanced toward the bathroom. “I really just had to come in to use the facilities. It was nice to meet you, Ms. Kersey.” Morgan looked back to Ella and took her hand across the table. “And I hope I’ll be seeing you really soon, kiddo.”
Both Ella and Morgan’s face lit up with happiness at the contact and Bo felt a surge of…what? Happiness? Excitement? He couldn’t pinpoint the feeling, but as Morgan left them, heading towards the back of the diner, he did know that he needed that woman to stop walking away, because more than ever, he wanted her to stay.
Chapter Twenty-Two
It had been a long day, and when Bo finally pulled the car into the staff parking lot at the Lodge, Morgan was relieved it was over. She’d dozed a little on the way back from the city, but it was difficult to let herself relax enough to sleep when there was so much tension between her and Bo.
“You’ll be okay?” Morgan asked, referring to Ella who was asleep in the back seat, her clay deer clutched in her hand. Bo had brought it to her at the diner, and Ella hadn’t let it go since. Morgan turned and watched Ella, lost in the gentle rise and fall of her chest and the simple beauty of a child sleeping.
She startled when Bo touched her arm. “I’ll be fine,” he said softly in her ear. “I have everything I need.”
A shiver ran through her. From his touch or his words, she couldn’t be sure. The last few hours with him had been a sweet torture for Morgan. She’d wanted to be with him, close to him, talking, touching, just being. But at the same time she knew it would never be.
She placed her hand atop his and turned to face him. His handsome features were blurred by exhaustion. But he looked happy, too. The type of happiness that goes straight to the soul. He had his little girl back, and that was all he needed. All that mattered.
Morgan managed a small smile and squeezed his hand. “You will be okay,” she said and before he could say anything else, Morgan added, “As long as you love her hard, you’ll be okay.”
“Love hard?”
“My mom always used to say that if y
ou loved hard enough, all the other stuff wouldn’t matter. Or at least, it would matter less.” Morgan pulled her hand away and held it in her lap. “And I think for you, right now, you need to love really hard and all the other stuff that’s happened won’t matter anymore.”
“Love hard,” Bo repeated the words to himself. “I like it.” The smile on his face lit him up and for the first time since she’d met him, Morgan thought he looked content.
“I’m going to go.” She slipped her hand to the door handle and made her escape. He didn’t try to stop her, but she didn’t think he would. He was completely lost in his daughter.
~ ~
Morgan managed to sidestep a party that was going on in the first floor of the resident apartments and slip up to the second story. She was just about to put the key in her lock when a voice stopped her.
“Did you talk some sense into him?”
Morgan turned to see Jeff, his bulk propped against the wall at the end of the corridor. He had a beer in his hand, and by the sway in his posture and the droop of his eyelids, it wasn’t his first.
She tucked the key in her pocket. “What?”
He pushed off the wall and made his way toward her. When he came to stand next to her, he slumped against the wall and took a deep pull of his beer. “Did you talk some sense into that fool friend of mine?”
Morgan turned and crossed her arms against her chest. “You mean—”
“Ella.” Jeff took another swig of beer and nodded. “Stupidest thing he ever did. Children shouldn’t be given away so easily. Just handed back and forth like they’re nothing more than—“
He stopped and his features clouded over but Morgan couldn’t be sure whether it was the beer or something deeper going on.
“He freaked,” Jeff said after a moment. “I guess I can’t blame him, but…it sucks. She was a cute kid and so good for him. Just what he needed. I’ve never seen him so settled than when we were up at the cabin and he was with the two of you. It would have been good. But now—”
“Wait,” Morgan said, taking a minute to catch up. “You haven’t spoken to him?”
“Not since right after that woman came to take Ella.” Jeff tipped his head and finished his beer. “And that coward let her go.” He crunched the can easily in his fist.
Morgan reached out and put her hand over his until the tension released. “He got her back, Jeff,” she said. “He went and got her back.”
It took a moment before her words sank into Jeff’s alcohol-clouded brain, but when they did, he looked at her and burst into tears. He opened his hand and pulled her close to him into a tight embrace. He was strong and smelled distinctly like a brewery, but she let him have his cry.
When his tears subsided, Morgan eased out of his grip. “I didn’t think it mattered so much to you,” she said with a smile.
“Ah, ignore me.” Jeff swiped at his face. “I’m a bit of a softie for this type of thing and, well…”
“You’ve been drinking,” Morgan finished for him. “That does seem to be the way to handle problems with you boys,” she muttered under her breath, and then added, “Come on. Let’s get you a coffee.”
Morgan had already accepted that she wouldn’t be having the quiet evening alone, drowning her troubles in too much ice cream, that she wanted. So when she opened the door and saw Astrid lounging on the couch, it didn’t much matter that her roommate wasn’t out at the party either.
“You’re home,” Astrid said as she twisted around. “And you look like shit. What’s wrong?” She hopped off the sofa and came to meet Morgan at the door. “Your energy is way off,” Astrid said. Her hands flew over Morgan, hovering only inches away from her skin. “What happened?”
“What the?” Jeff pushed through the space between them and forced Astrid to take a few steps back. “Of course she looks like shit. Sorry, Morgan,” he said to her before turning back to Astrid. “Bo has been completely screwing things up again.”
“With Ella? I knew that, but…oh,” Astrid looked back and forth from one face to the other. “Bo?”
Morgan nodded slightly.
“I knew it,” Astrid said with a touch of triumph. “You said it was nothing, but you were putting out love vibes big time.”
“I don’t—“
“Come, tell me everything.” Astrid grabbed Morgan’s arm and dragged her to the table.
~ ~
“Well, he didn’t sleep with Taryn,” Astrid said and sat back in her chair.
Morgan had been filling her roommate in on all the details of the last few weeks, including her growing feelings for Bo. To be fair, Astrid had mostly figured those out on her own. She had some sort of sixth sense for that type of thing anyway, so there was no point in trying to deny it. By the time Morgan had gotten to the part of the story where she’d met the half-naked girl at Bo’s condo, she was so tired, she almost didn’t hear what Astrid had said.
“What?” It was Jeff who asked, his mouth hanging open in disbelief. “He took Taryn home?” He shook his head.
“Why do you seem so shocked?” Astrid asked. “She’s a total cutie.”
Jeff sat back and folded his arms over his chest. Sometime over the past hour, he’d sobered up enough to be part of the conversation. “Yeah, Taryn’s a hottie for sure. But I’m confused about his taking anyone home at all.”
“Really?” Astrid cocked her head and laughed. “Because the Bo I know—“
“He’s changed,” Jeff interrupted. “I’ve known Bo a long time and I’ve never seen him as settled as I have in the last few weeks. It’s different, I’m telling you.”
“Wait,” Morgan jumped in. Her head was spinning from exhaustion and everything she’d heard. She focused on Astrid. “What did you mean, he didn’t sleep with her?”
“Taryn? I don’t know what happened, but she was busy bitching about it to anyone who’d listen,” Astrid said. “It’s no secret that she’s been trying to get him for the last few years, but he’s had no time for her. Apparently, he’s the one who suggested they go back to his place, but…”
“What?” Morgan needed to hear it.
“When they got there, he freaked out and ran off.”
“Freaked out?”
“I knew he wouldn’t sleep with her,” Jeff said. “He was drunk and totally out of his head.”
“There’s a lot of that going around, I see,” Astrid said, giving him a pointed look.
Confusion and unanswered questions swirled through Morgan’s head and she rested it in her hands on the table. “I don’t know what to think anymore. I just don’t know what to do.”
“I think that’s obvious,” Astrid said.
Morgan looked up to see her friends exchanging knowing looks. “What?” she demanded. “What’s so obvious?”
“You need to talk to him.”
“I can’t.” Morgan shook her head. “No, he has too much to worry about right now. Ella needs to come first.”
“And she will,” Jeff said. He put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed. “But I know him. Bo needs you, too.”
“I don’t—“
“Go,” Astrid said. “You need to talk to him. Tell him how you feel.”
Morgan shook her head. “I want to, but…”
Astrid’s eyes locked on hers. “Whatever it is holding you back,” she said, “let it go. Or you’ll regret it forever.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
For a moment, Bo considered waking Ella up when he carried her from the back seat of the car and put her in the bed. He wanted to talk to her. He wanted to tell her how sorry he was for letting her go with Clara Kersey. He wanted to hug her and have her hug him back. Or at the least, feel her little hand clasped around his fingers.
He settled for watching her sleep after he tucked her into the big hotel room bed. He sat on the end of the mattress and watched her eyelids flutter and her chest rise and fall with each deep breath. She was home now, and that’s all that mattered.
Except it wasn�
�t home. The unwelcome thought hit him as he looked around the room. A little girl’s room should be full of color. Pinks, purples, yellows and greens. Not beige. Pictures of rainbows, horses, bunnies—or whatever it was that little girls liked—should be everywhere. Not professionally-done, mass-produced landscapes adorning the walls. Bo shook his head. A hotel room was no place for a child. It was a temporary solution, but the time for temporary was over.
A knock on the door caught his attention and he slipped out of Ella’s room, pulling the door shut behind him. He could think of only one person who would be coming to see him, and his heart raced faster at the thought of seeing Morgan again. Even though he’d just left her, it had been too long. Besides, he had a lot he needed to say to her, too. No one should have to be so patient, and put up with so much from one man. He’d been self absorbed and a jerk, and he had a lot of explaining to do. He just hoped it wasn’t too late.
He swung the door to the condo open, his smile melting off his face when he saw it wasn’t Morgan at all.
“Hello, Bo,” Carmen said. “I brought you some dinner.” She held up the tray she was holding as if he hadn’t been able to see it.
“Um, thanks.” He stepped to the side to make room for her to enter. “I don’t want to sound rude, but, why are you here?”
Carmen walked through the condo and placed the tray on the kitchen island before she turned to face him. “I want to help.”
Bo didn’t say anything. There had to be a catch.
“There’s no catch,” she said, reading his mind. “I really do want to help. I heard about Ella and I really am glad you got her back.”
Bo searched her face for any indication that she was trying to trick him. “Thank you,” he said cautiously. “I’m glad, too.”
“Have you thought about what you’re going to do now?”
That was it. Carmen had come to kick him out of the suite. Of course, it couldn’t last forever and it was his own damn fault that he hadn’t thought of a plan. He refused to look away from her. He forced his face into a hard line. If she were going to force him and his daughter out onto the street, he sure as hell wasn’t going to go quietly.