“Time travel isn’t possible, is it?”
Kaia shrugged. “John says it is, and so does some of my math, although I haven’t had time to do all of it.”
“But… but… how?”
“Well…” Kaia began, but then the door to the closet burst open and John stood there, smiling cheerfully.
“Sorry about that, ladies,” he said. “Hazel, I want you to turn that monkey off. I told the police everything that you ‘know’ and I want you not to be able to speak their language. Pretend you have no idea what’s going on.”
Hazel nodded and reached up to turn a switch on the monkey’s tail.
John led her to the police officer and then guided Kaia away from the conversation.
The brown furry robot monkeys were carted away by a team of graduate students to be studied and used. As they walked, John explained that the original robot – Squeak – who created all of these monkeys, had been built by someone named Lake Oliphant XIII, Engineer, who had died at a premature age. Kaia, of course, had heard of the famous engineer, but hadn’t known just how many robots he had ultimately created.
Finally, the commotion faded into the background as they rounded a corner and stepped through a doorway. Kaia felt relieved as she sank into a chair in a white-walled classroom. John plopped down on the floor and leaned against a wall.
“So what just happened?” Kaia asked as the gears in her brain began to click into place. She could remember bits and pieces; an image of Hazel’s hair peeking out from behind a column; Clyde’s hands resting on his mother’s handcuffs; fluorescent lights glinting off of Quin’s bald head; a notebook with the words ‘psychopathic nut job’ written on a page; Hazel’s huge eyes staring at her in surprise.
“I thought you may have shut down a bit,” John said kindly. “You looked a bit like a robot with an overloaded hard drive. In short, we mopped up the mess. Perla and her crew have been taken to jail. Clyde is babbling quotes from Ivanna the Bard at our in-house counselor. Maxwell will be taken to the Peabody Asylum where he will be taken good care of. And now it is my turn to debrief you.”
He sat silently for a moment, giving her time to absorb everything that he had said. Then he straightened his tie – decorated with a dragon breathing fire – and began to pace back and forth.
“As you have probably realized, the seven-sided Door is no ordinary Door.”
“It’s a time machine,” Kaia blurted.
“Well, yes. I mean, not exactly, but yes. It is limited to places and times which have Doors. For instance, the Ford Theatre where Abraham Lincoln was killed does not have a Door, so we couldn’t pop by and find out who killed him.”
“Couldn’t we go to a Door someplace else on the planet and just walk there?” Kaia asked.
John frowned. “Maybe, but the farther away you go, the less likely you are to make it in time for the event. The Door has one fatal flaw: it becomes more and more unstable when it goes to the same place multiple times – like we did today. If you use a different Door or a different time-Door I think it would be fine, but I haven’t tested it, and probably won’t. I think time travel is too dangerous, and I am going to send Hazel back to Earth and then teach her how to stay in one place. I can’t have the rest of Perla’s crew – the ones who aren’t going to jail – figuring out where I hid it. Then, when I die, I will release the formula to the public and they can deal with the consequences.”
“I figured it out,” Kaia said softly, leaning forward and putting her head on the desk in front of her. “And I told Hazel.”
John nodded. “I imagined you would figure it out, once you knew it was a theoretical possibility. I would appreciate it if you kept quiet about it. I will talk to Hazel, too, so she understands.”
It was Kaia’s turn to nod, albeit a very slow nod.
“Now I have to send Hazel home. Would you care to join me?”
They stood and headed back towards the Door Room. The spinning in Kaia’s head had subsided a great deal. She was feeling calmer – more focused on the world around her and less on the world inside her head. Hazel was sitting in a chair next to the office hosting the Door when they entered, where the police had left her after their conversation. She slowly stroked the soft fur of her translation monkey.
“How are you?” John asked.
“Fine,” she replied, the robot repeating her words so that Kaia could understand. “Just a little tired and confused. And I really want to go home.”
“I am going to teach you how drive your ship,” John said, “although you’ve probably mostly figured it out.”
They headed towards the little tourist shop, now sitting awkwardly inside Kaia’s ‘office.’
“They don’t have cognitive mathematics on Earth yet,” John began, “but this branch of physics basically proves that human thought and behavior can be mathematically determined.”
“Well, that takes all the fun out of things,” Hazel said.
“It’s incredibly difficult,” he continued, “because it involves allowing for so many variables. So it’s only semi-useful in the long run. It’s easy to do the math wrong. Except Kaia-kee always gets it right.” He smiled at her.
She flushed and shook her head. “Not when it’s cognitive mathematics, I don’t,” she muttered.
“So the basic idea is that you think where you want it to go. Then you activate the target indicator – in this case, walk through the door into the back room of the shop.”
“I think about it,” Hazel said incredulously. “That’s it?”
“Don’t knock the science!” John frowned a little, but the expression didn’t last long. “It sounds simple, but it’s really not.”
“I have another question,” Hazel said, turning to look at John with her hands on her hips. “Why is my shop a magic disappearing spaceship? What did you do to it? And why my shop?”
Kaia turned to look at John, too. She felt rather curious herself.
John looked sheepish and ran a finger through his hair. “Well,” he began hesitantly, a little embarrassed smile crossing his lips. “It may have been… a mistake of sorts.”
Kaia could feel herself start to grin. She could tell this was going to be good.
“Well, Earth is something of a habit for me.”
“Obsession,” a deep voice sounded from behind them.
Kaia jumped. Once again she had not noticed Quin standing right behind her. A small amused smile flashed across his features for a fraction of a second.
“Perhaps a small obsession,” John conceded.
Hazel raised her eyebrows.
“So a few years back – our years, mind you, they’re longer than your years – I snuck over to Earth. We’re not supposed to do that, you see. It’s against all the rules. And I mean all the rules, right up to … well, God.
“Anyway, I wanted to try this thing I read about called a ‘Pub Crawl.’ It’s this thing where people go from bar to bar—”
“I know what it is,” Hazel interrupted.
“Right. Of course you do. You’re from Earth.” John nodded and began to untie and retie his tie. “So at my first bar, I met your dad. A really nice fellow, he was, and extremely smart, too. He bought me a drink and we started talking.”
“I see,” Hazel nodded with understanding. “My dad was exactly the sort of person who would meet someone like you. Let me guess – you talked about physics.”
“We did!” John grinned as he remembered. “After about the third drink I was feeling… well, that way you feel…”
“Drunk,” Hazel suggested.
“…and I started telling him about some science that is way beyond Earth. I am extremely lucky your father is a trustworthy guy. I told him about my idea for a time machine based on the new Door—” he looked at Kaia. “—the Bridge Door I talked about in class this morning?”
Kaia nodded in understanding.
“By the time I finished telling him about it, I was convinced that all I needed was a place to do it. He
was a bit drunk too, at this point (although not as drunk as me), and told me to do it to his shop.”
“And you did,” Hazel offered. “Where was I?”
“You were sleeping on the little cot in the back room. We went back and your dad sent the babysitter home. I was very quiet, I promise.”
“So how come we never went anywhere while my dad was alive?” Hazel asked.
John shrugged. “I don’t think he believed it worked. But when he died, the ship attached itself to the nearest living thing because it needs a brain to direct it. That was you.”
“No kidding,” Hazel muttered, reaching forward and pushing open the door to her demolished shop. The graduate students had done their best to clean up, but it still looked like the night after a party full of teenagers.
John turned to look at her. “Anyway, all you have to do,” he said, “is decide you want to go somewhere and direct your thoughts in that direction. Then step through the door into the back room. Also, try not to go to the same place twice. It will destabilize the technology. This is experimental technology, remember.”
Hazel nodded, and turned back to look at Kaia and John. “Will I ever see you guys again?” she asked. “I mean, if I don’t decide to come here myself?”
“I’ll stop by as often as you want,” John replied. “Or you can find me by mailing this address.” He handed her a piece of paper.
Quin grunted and shook his head.
“What?” Kaia asked.
“A post office box on Earth,” Quin muttered.
“Shhh!” John hissed. “That is a secret.”
A smile began to slowly blossom across Hazel’s face.
“What?” John asked.
“I don’t have to go anywhere if I don’t want to.” Her smile grew broader.
“Yes…” John stated slowly, raising an eyebrow.
“That means I can have friends. Maybe date. Or buy groceries without worrying if my shop will leave without me.”
“Yes...”
Her smile turned into a blazing beaming grin, spreading across her face like a sunset. “And I can go back and visit my father’s grave. And I can pay taxes!”
Kaia smiled as she watched Hazel do a little dance.
“It was nice to meet you,” Hazel’s robot repeated as Hazel held out her hand towards Kaia.
“And you,” Kaia replied.
“Oh, and hang onto those jewels,” John said, gesturing to her ears. “They’re expensive and might come in handy.”
“I will!” Hazel’s grin widened even more. “And now I’m going home!”
“Safe travels,” Kaia said, and as she watched, first Hazel disappeared into the back room of the shop, and then the shop disappeared altogether. It was as if it had never been there.
John turned to Kaia.
“I think you can go home now.”
Kaia sighed with relief, her whole body relaxing as she began to imagine the deep comfort of her mattress, her head sinking into the soft pillows, cool sheets wrapping around her legs—
“—one more thing,” John interrupted her train of thought. He held out his hand and grinned. “Welcome to the Globe.”
Kaia smiled, shook his hand, and then she went home.
How are you, hm?” Mr. Oliphant asked Maxwell Dippings, villain.
“That isn’t the right question,” Maxell answered.
“How is Maddy?” Mr. Oliphant corrected.
“She is terrible!” Maxwell whined. “You should have seen that evil, horrible, stupid, nephew person punch her in the nose. She says it still hurts, and it’s red and bruised and the Doctors won’t even look at it! I am so mad. Can you please do something about it?”
“I will see what I can do,” Oliphant replied, glancing at Maxwell’s broken and bruised nose. “So how are you?”
“I am fine. There is good food here.” He nodded, looking around the large room. They sat at white picnic-table style tables that were chained to the floor. A few other therapist-patient pairs sat at other tables around the room. Maxwell leaned forward conspiratorially. “The food tastes better than pigeon. And I like the colours here.” He gestured towards the beige walls and white tables, and then leaned back nonchalantly and looked around.
“Can you tell me what happened at the Globe, hm?” Mr. Oliphant asked. He was very curious. After all, the whole incident had been very hush-hush.
“I stole the pencil but it was the wrong one. Then my own family betrayed me! I am glad I am here. It’s better than out there, although I do miss my pillows.” He tapped his finger on the table. “There were lots of monkeys, too. Evil ones. Brown and grey with big white mustaches. The big black man picked me up, but it didn’t hurt. It just hurt when my own nephew punched Maddy. The gall! To punch a girl! And a beautiful one, at that!”
Mr. Oliphant nodded and scribbled, delusions of monkeys, in his notebook.
“How did the whole incident make you feel, hm?” he asked.
“Mad. Sad. Frustrated. But mostly mad.” He nodded rapidly. “Definitely mad.”
Mad, Mr. Oliphant scribbled in his notebook.
“Has anything interesting happened this week?”
“Oh yes!” Maxwell replied. “John came to visit.”
“Oh really?”
“He said that I was right and he was wrong and that I deserved the pencil after all these years.”
“Did he, hm?”
“Maddy said he was lying, but I think he was telling the truth. You know why?”
“Why?”
“Because he brought me the pencil. But the nurses won’t let me have it. They said I can have it when I’m better. But they don’t understand that it will help me get better! It’s magic, you know!” Maxwell was getting more and more animated. He waved his hands in the air and spoke loudly.
“I think having it nearby will be very helpful for you,” Mr. Oliphant said.
“That is probably true,” Maxwell answered, calming down slightly.
“Well, Mr. Dippings,” Mr. Oliphant said, “I think you had a traumatic experience, but I think you are going to do very well here.”
“I never want to leave,” Maxwell agreed.
“We are going to try to help you get better,” Mr. Oliphant said.
“And Maddy, too.”
“Of course.” Mr. Oliphant scribbled, what to do about Maddy? in his notebook. “I will see you next week, hm.”
He stood and the nurses guided him to the front door of the asylum. He was glad they had put Maxwell in one of the nicer ones.
As he walked down the steps, he glanced at the looming building behind him and shrugged. Perhaps he should have called the police after all.
EPILOGUE
The crew cheered when she stepped out of the shop holding Squeak. She turned around just in time to see it vanish from behind her, without a noise or a flicker. One moment it was there, and the next it was gone.
Pilgrim gasped. “What happened to Hazel?” he asked.
“She’s back where she belongs,” Holland stated calmly. She held out Squeak to McGraff. “I want you to round up any of the other monkeys that are remaining and shut them down. The override code is two seven one one eight zero seven bravo. Have Henry run a virus scan on all of them. We can’t have this getting out of control again.
“Lieutenant Song, please begin rounding up a team to evaluate the condition of the arboretum. We will need to begin producing live food as soon as possible, as well as harvesting what is already growing.
“Pilgrim, I want you to come with me. Everyone else, please continue with your assigned duties.”
“Yes, sir!” her soldiers replied. They saluted sharply and then hurried off into the depths of the ship.
When everyone had gone, she turned to Pilgrim.
“Pilgrim,” she said, “for the next four hours, you are in charge. I am going to my quarters where I am going to have a hot bath and a vodka on the rocks. The only valid reasons for disturbing me are... none. There are none. Please
inform the crew that I will be with them as soon as possible.”
“Of course,” Pilgrim said. “Is there anything I can do to help you?”
“You can get yourself ready. We are going to fly this ship through hell and high water with no more unnecessary deaths – not a single one! – and then we are going to colonize that damn planet! Do you understand me?” She scowled in his general direction.
“Yes, sir!” he exclaimed, saluting.
“Now go supervise the waking of this old, lonely Whelk.”
As everyone turned to attend to their duties, Holland was left alone in an empty hallway. Her footsteps echoed and she smiled, glad that she was awake, glad that she was alive, glad that her body was functioning properly and that the waking of the ship was reasonably under control.
What happened today was unreal, strange, weird… and yet she felt calm and secure. That man, John, whom her husband had liked as a child, he had been so excited to meet her. At least she was favored back at home. But what about Hazel? Holland still didn’t really understand why she had come, or what those people back in Pomegranate City had been trying to steal, or any of what was going on. But Hazel and her shop were off of the Whelk, the monkeys were shut down, and the individuals who remained were waking up.
It seemed that it would be the most helpful and logical if she just put the whole incident behind her.
“I will put it all behind me,” she stated in a calm and straightforward manner. Her voice echoed in the corridor.
Then, Holland, Admiral of the Lonely Whelk, turned and hobbled down the old metal hallways of home towards a hot, relaxing bath; there she proceeded to mourn the loss of her husband, her son, and her shipmates, and afterwards, she led thousands of people to Sagitta’s first manual planetary colonization.
It was a success.
Acknowledgements
When I first burst into the world as a squalling, screaming ball of grossness, my mother was there to yell right back at me. She is still here, supporting and encouraging me every step of my author’s journey. My dad was there at my birth as well, staring deep into my eyes and begging me not to go bald. I did go bald temporarily, but I have grown up in his footsteps, both with my hair and in my writing career.
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