by T L Gray
When I first shared my nightmares with Bruce, he explained that sometimes dreams were memories and other times they were the subconscious mind revealing desires, fears, or hopes. The pain in my chest felt so real, so terrifying. But wasn’t that my deepest desire? That it had been me who took the bullet that night instead of my mom. Despite my many promises, I’d failed to protect her.
I pressed hard on my aching back, pushing and grinding the lower muscles until they relaxed. Dragging my body to the bathroom, I let the hot water in the shower wash away another restless night.
“That’s not it!” I yelled, pushing Cody aside as I stood to get some water. I could see the hurt in his face and tried to get myself under control. His confidence was still so fragile.
“I’m trying, Matt. That double leg snatch is too hard for me.”
“That’s because you’re not strong enough. I gave you that workout routine for a reason.” I gripped the ropes and forced myself to breathe.
Cody stood stoic, looking at his feet. I hated myself for yelling at him, knowing how sensitive he was and how hard he tried.
Finally calm, I faced him. “I’m sorry. I’ve been getting very little sleep lately and it’s making me edgy. Let’s just call it a day and pick up here on Monday.”
He didn’t move, just nodded while I jumped out of the ring, still feeling like my skin was on fire. I barreled through the gym and threw open the door to Apocalypse, knowing I needed to hit something or I would explode.
An audible growl escaped my lips when I heard the music and saw the bare back of a man punching the bag. In two strides, I had turned off the stereo. “You have to schedule an appointment to use this room.”
The man turned and I immediately ran my hand over the short strands of my hair to absorb the surprise. “Devon? I was beginning to think you were avoiding me. Why aren’t you on the books?”
He pulled off his gloves and grabbed a towel to wipe the sheen of sweat off his face. “I heard you were looking for me.” His stance was defensive, but his eyes were remorseful. Devon and I had been tight back in juvie. His connections and fierce fighting skills kept me untouched while in the joint. Wanting to offer him what I had been given, I begged Bruce to try to mentor him. Devon hadn’t been receptive.
“You’ve been back in town awhile. Why haven’t you come by to see me or Bruce?” While I still cared about his well-being, my questions were more than just friendly small talk. I needed his help.
Devon threw his towel and picked up his T-shirt. “Ah, Bruce don’t want to see me. I’m one of his failures. Listen, if you don’t want me coming here, it’s okay. I get it.”
He carefully put on his shirt, his dark muscles bulging as he tugged. Despite the different paths we’d taken, Devon had been there for me, protected me when I needed it.
“Devon, you’re always welcome here. I’m glad to see you. Not only because it’s been a while, but”—I hesitated—“it turns out I need a favor.”
His dark eyes met mine as his eyebrows shot up. “What favor am I gonna help you with? You’re all straight and sober now, living the high life.”
“You still have some influence in the neighborhood?” I tried to be careful with my words, not wanting to give too much away.
Devon nodded. “Yeah, but my cred went down while I was in lockup. What’s up, bro? You need me to deliver a message?” His eyes turned cold, and I knew he’d do anything I asked, even if it meant breaking the law. He was built that way—loyalty and brotherhood came first.
“Actually, I need you to put out a ‘no touch’ order . . . for the new director at the Hartsford Center.”
Devon gave me a sly smile, telling me he knew more than I wanted him to. “Yeah, I heard about her.” A low whistle escaped his lips and it took everything in me not to pummel him.
“What have you heard?” I growled, barely keeping my arms pressed against my chest.
Devon raised his hands up and chuckled. “Whoa. Stand down, man. I’m just hearing the same stuff you’re hearing. It’s all good. I’ll put out the ‘no touch’ order for your girl. But it’s only gonna take care of half the problem.”
I furrowed my brow. “Half?”
Devon stepped close to me, his voice low and serious. “There’s a new guy in the hood and he’s got a following, if you know what I mean. Not sure how he does it, but his supply never dries up. He’s taking over parts of the city no one’s even touched before. He’s even supplying for half the price to his loyal regulars in the neighborhood. It’s pissing off the other suppliers.”
He walked toward the door but stopped to say one more thing. “There’s a war brewing, and that children’s center, along with your pretty lady, is sitting right in its path.”
I absorbed his warning as he disappeared, and then took all my anxiety and frustration out on the bag.
“Matt.” The sound of Bruce’s hard voice pulled me from the computer screen, and I looked up to see him standing in his doorway. “Let’s talk.”
He stepped back into his office and I begrudgingly followed. I knew this was coming. I had snapped at Rex earlier in the day when he’d smarted off. If Bruce hadn’t stepped in, I’m not sure what would have happened. Thank goodness it was Rex’s last appointment. He’d go into the column of kids who’d had a second chance and thrown it away. I had no doubt that kid would spend most of his life in jail.
Bruce was already seated when I took the other chair. He kept his back rigid and his eyes focused on mine.
“We’ve known each other a long time, and I’ve always considered you more than just an employee. I see you like the son I never had, and because of that I can sense that something is going on in your head. Something you aren’t talking about.”
I ran my hands down the sides of my face. “I’m not sleeping well. It’s getting to me.”
“This is more than sleep deprivation. You’re moody, you’re hot-tempered, and you look like you could jump out of your skin at any moment. Tell me what’s going on.” His voice was firm, but I could see the concern in his eyes.
Where did I start? I wasn’t ready to talk to him about the nightmares or Grace. Admitting my weakness was like admitting defeat. I could handle it on my own. I just needed to keep my distance from her while I worked it out. But I knew Bruce, and I had to give him something. He wouldn’t let up until I did.
“I’ve got a new little brother. He’s a punk kid from the neighborhood. His file looks a lot like mine, and I’m not really sure what to do with him. He doesn’t trust me.”
Bruce sat back and I could see that he knew I was deflecting.
“And that’s it?” he pressed. “There’s nothing else you want to talk about?”
“That’s it.” I hated lying to him, hated what a failure I was turning into. Bruce had spent a year with me, working through my issues. He’d declared me healed, freed. But now I was back in chains. It reminded of me of that verse in Luke, about the man who was freed from his demon. The demon roamed the earth, and when he came back to the man, the demon found his house in order. Getting seven friends more wicked than himself, the demon returned and the man’s condition was worse than before he had been freed. I felt like that man.
Bruce steepled his fingers. “Well, if it’s really about the boy, maybe his situation hits close to home. Is he still being threatened?”
I shook my head. “I don’t think so. He lives with his aunt now, although she admits that he’s become more withdrawn and hostile this past year.”
He nodded and got that Counselor-with-a-capital-C look on his face. “When he sees you are constant, he’ll start to trust you. I suggest you go up there every night at least for a while. Let him see you’re serious about him.”
Slumping in the chair, I knew Bruce was right. I’d just have to find a way to be at the center without being near Grace. I stood up and sighed. “I better get going then. There’s only an hour left of open gym before intramurals start.”
Bruce stood, too, and rested a hand on m
y shoulder. “I know there’s more, Matt. I’m here when you’re ready.”
I simply nodded and bolted out the door.
Chapter 12
* * *
GRACE
My cheeks actually hurt from so much smiling. From the moment I had placed my hand in his, a whirlpool of possibility spun in my stomach and still hadn’t cleared. Last night made everything so clear—the short words, the distance. He had been fighting the attraction. I guess I could understand. We were so different, and yet somehow last night felt perfectly right.
I sighed as I leaned back in my chair. I couldn’t concentrate. Glancing at my watch, I knew he’d turn up soon to play basketball with Marcus. Maybe he’d stay and help us clean up again. After all, it was Friday. Surely, he’d want to go do something with me on a Friday night. My mind raced with the possibilities until the phone rang.
I answered in the dreamy voice I’d had all day. “Hartsford Center.”
“This is Mattress Shoppe. We have an order here for Ms. Grace Covington.”
Sitting up straighter, I replied, “This is Grace, but I didn’t purchase any mattress.”
“Well, ma’am, I have an order that says one was purchased for you. I just need to schedule a delivery time. Are you available tomorrow?”
“I’m sorry, did you say someone already paid for it? Who?”
She told me to hold on and soft music filled the phone. After a beep, her voice returned. “I’m sorry, ma’am, he wished to remain anonymous.”
A smile crept across my face. Daddy. I don’t know how he knew, but as always he was coming to my rescue. I should refuse the gift, but after another horrendous night on the couch, there was no way I could turn down the comfort—and sleep—a good mattress afforded.
After scheduling a delivery time, I stood to check again if Matt had arrived. The air left my lungs the minute I stepped into the gym. He and Marcus were engaged in an intense game of two on two. They were easily outscoring their opponents, and I smiled at the way they high-fived and encouraged each other. I had never seen Marcus without a scowl on his face, but he was laughing and cheering. I didn’t think it was possible, but watching the way Matt handled the troubled little boy, I fell even harder.
The game ended when Darius blew the whistle to clear the floor for intramurals. The girls were playing, and several of them had asked if I would be staying to watch. Of course I’d agreed, and I silently hoped Matt would join me in the bleachers.
His eyes met mine from across the gym and I smiled, sending him a small wave. He turned and walked away. Feeling a pit start to form in my stomach, I followed him to the kitchenette just off the gym.
His back was to me and he stood gripping the counter with his head raised toward the ceiling.
“Hey,” I said shyly as I stepped into the small alcove.
He slowly turned around and leaned against the counter, crossing his arms. His blank stare gave me chills, and not the good kind.
Swallowing hard, I moved a little closer. “I was thinking since it’s Friday, maybe you could show me later what there is to do around here.”
Matt closed his eyes for a second and then started toward the door. “Sorry, Duchess. I’ve already got plans. I just came to see Marcus, not be your personal tour guide.”
My mouth dropped as I watched him walk away. He didn’t look back as he dropped his ID badge at the counter and pushed through the front doors. I fell into one of the chairs, hurt and frustrated. I had completely misread him.
“Ms. Covington, the game’s about to start. Aren’t you going to come watch?”
I turned to see Olivia standing by the door. She was an eager sixth grader with big brown eyes and a contagious smile. Neglected by her parents, she attached herself to anyone who showed her the least bit of attention.
Sending her a smile, I stood and wrapped my arm around her shoulders. “Wouldn’t miss it.”
As we walked to the gym, I glanced wistfully at the front doors one more time before taking a seat in the bleachers.
I was restless and agitated, and getting more so with each passing second. I blamed it on being home on a Friday night, but deep down I knew the source was a hazel-eyed man who was taking me on a roller coaster ride.
In my attempt to be productive, I tried fixing the flickering vanity light, only to have the stupid thing go out completely. Now I had no light in the bathroom at all. I called the office manager again and got more promises that he’d handle it. Yeah, right. He hadn’t fixed one thing I’d called in and there had been a list.
I walked back to the kitchen and stood staring at Jake’s business card on the fridge. What would it hurt to call? When I’d stopped by Naomi and Jake’s condo for lunch, she had stressed how much she wanted to get to know me. Mustering the confidence I needed, I grabbed my cell and punched in the number.
“Hello?”
“Yeah, um, Naomi? This is Grace. Grace Covington.” I couldn’t believe how shaky my voice was.
“Grace! Hi, how are you? I was hoping you’d call. Silly me didn’t get your phone number.”
Her welcoming tone put me at ease and I let out the breath I was holding.
“What are you up to tonight?” Her voice sounded hopeful. Maybe she was feeling the same restlessness that I was.
“Nothing, actually. That’s why I’m calling. I’m sure you and Jake have plans, but I thought maybe you could give me some suggestions on what there is to do around here.”
Naomi laughed. “Your timing is perfect. Jake is gone all weekend for work and I hate staying alone. Normally, I’d go see my parents, but—anyway, why don’t you come over? We can sit in our pj’s and get to know each other.”
Smiling from ear to ear, I agreed and was knocking on her condo door in less than an hour. She greeted me in a pair of flannel pajamas and pulled me inside as if we’d been friends since childhood. The feeling took me aback. I’d had a friend like her once, and I still missed her even though I knew we’d never be close again.
“So tell me all about your week. How did your first day go?” Naomi settled into the couch opposite me with a glass of water and waited for details.
I laughed at her eagerness. “How long has Jake been gone?”
“Since Wednesday and I’m dying for company. I’ve grown so spoiled since we’ve been married and now I hate to be alone.” She laughed and took a sip of water. “So spill.”
“Okay. My first day was great. My staff is amazing and those kids, Naomi, they steal your heart the minute you walk in the door.” I hesitated, careful not to sound too earnest. “You know, Matt volunteers there.”
Interest lit up her eyes. “Really? Where do you work, by the way? You never said the other day.”
“The Hartsford Children’s Center, downtown.”
Naomi’s eyes got even bigger. “Wow, Grace, that’s amazing. Everyone knows about that program. That neighborhood gets worse every year. It’s so wonderful that those kids have a place to go to that’s safe and fun. I bet you love working with Matt. He’s such a great guy.”
I choked on my water as she said that, and took a minute to get back in control. Naomi watched me skeptically and I wanted to ask her a million questions about him. Have her tell me everything she knew and how I might possibly get past that cold exterior of his. Instead, I pushed thoughts of Matt aside, unwilling to spoil this new friendship by putting her in the middle.
“I’m organizing a banquet and silent auction to raise money for renovations and new staff. You don’t happen to know of any venues that might be affordable, do you?”
I had successfully changed the subject and Naomi seemed none the wiser. She looked at me apologetically. “Not really. I did attend one banquet last year that the Winsor football staff hosted. The company was miserable, but the room was beautiful. You can try there. It’s the Hotel Mayan. They’re locally owned, so maybe they’d cut you a deal.”
My hands flew to my heart. “That’s perfect. If the city is as crazy about the center as I a
m, I know I can get them to host us. Thank you.”
The night continued much like that, the two of us talking about every subject—from our childhoods to our most embarrassing moments. Our new friendship was as easy as the conversation.
“So what about boyfriends? Did you leave someone special behind when you came here?” Naomi asked.
“Not exactly,” I deadpanned, but Naomi quickly realized there was more to the story.
“I told you how Jake and I met and all our crazy drama. Surely you have something that will make me feel better.”
Stewart’s face filled my thoughts. “You have no idea.”
“Oh yeah? Do tell.”
I wanted to decline, but she had been so open and honest with me that I couldn’t hold back. Sitting straighter, I forced a smile. “Okay, I’ll tell you, but please don’t mention any of this to Jake. It’s pretty humiliating. For weeks after everything went down with Stewart, my ex, people looked at me with this pitying expression. I never told anyone why we broke up, but there were rumors. I don’t want to see that look again.”
The lighthearted air we’d had until then suddenly felt heavy as Naomi agreed not to say anything.
“I’d known Stewart since high school. Our parents were good friends and we hung in the same circles. There was always an attraction and a lot of flirting, but he never pursued anything with me. He was a year older and going off to Stanford while I was staying in New York, so I think we both knew the bigger picture was better left alone.
“He’d call periodically through college, and we’d go have dinner when he’d come home for the holidays. But it was always just friendship, nothing more, at least on his end. I’d kind of had a crush on him since high school. Then he graduated and came home to work for his father. The calls came daily and soon we were dating. Our parents were thrilled. A few years later, he proposed and I said yes, of course. Everything was perfect. I thought Stewart was just like my father. He was warm, funny, and affectionate. We’d go to church together and he treated me like a princess.”