Her throat got smaller. A pinch hit her between the eyes. She cleared her throat. Blinked a bit. No time for a breakdown.
Every victim had the propensity to become someone they loved—a mental war zone she’d learned how to maneuver early on. Courtesy of the man in front of her.
Who wasn’t moving. Or joking or any one of the things he did in the normal course of an investigation.
“Hates gyms and dentists.” She took a deep breath. Stored her anxiety behind the desk labeled numbness, in her mind. “Check. Anything else? Like doctors, gardeners, housekeepers, spiders, thunderstorms or large dogs?” She stood as Robinson’s favorite tech approached with his gear.
A small smile found the corner of his mouth, not quite as bright as normal, but a decent start. “It’s not the dentist that’s the issue. It’s the needle. They must like causing pain. I swear there’s always a gleam in their eyes when they give the injections.”
A shudder ran through Amanda. “Remind me not to see whoever you visit.”
“Hey, boss-man.” Mark laid a kit near the girl and shot Amanda a grin, but returned his attention to Robinson. “You’re not grossing out boss-lady, are you?”
Her laughter mingled with Robinson’s. The familiar sound always warmed her. Brought back memories of cases. Their easy friendship. A whirlwind courtship she wouldn’t forget and would never be rivaled.
“He’s not crunching an apple in my ear, so I consider myself lucky.” She removed her gloves.
“Ah, the infamous apple.” Mark smiled as if he knew some bigger secret. This wasn’t new. His gaze bounced between her and Robinson, landed on the girl between them and traveled upward. Right past the left hand she’d braced on her hip.
Amanda resisted the urge to tuck it out of sight. Damn Robinson and his mega-watt lights.
The smile on Mark’s face got bigger. “Man, Saragosa owes me fifty bucks. He wagered you two would never get back together. I’m the optimistic type.”
Oh boy. Robinson wouldn’t like the thought of people taking bets over their relationship. And especially not Saragosa. Not tonight.
It was private. “That’s not—”
“This is you guys we’re talking about. Anyone with eyes can see you belong together. So, the wedding was a little bit of a disaster.” Mark’s gaze flicked to Robinson. “And your sister said some pretty horrible things.”
Every. Time. Amanda bit the edge of her tongue. A sick swirl started in her stomach. There was never a break. Just people who meant well, lending unneeded advice. Would anyone notice if she banged her head against one of the nearby buildings?
Mark’s voice droned on. He detailed Lilly’s mid-wedding rant—an event no one would likely forget—as if he were retelling the story to a friend who hadn’t been present.
If he knew what kind of day they’d had, he wouldn’t be talking at all. Would pick up on the lack of response and get to work. And pray it didn’t take long.
“What kind of idiot says something like that? In the middle of a wedding.” Mark’s voice echoed in the sudden quiet. “That’s the kind of discussion you have at home.”
Robinson wouldn’t meet her eyes. His tongue flicked across his lower lip before he pressed them together, tight. Pink tinged the skin on his neck.
Some of the techs surrounding them stole glances in their direction, gazes curious. Five feet away, Chelsea Settergrin nudged the tech next to her. Nodded at Robinson’s back, in a check-this-out gesture.
This was bad.
“I’m sure she felt awful afterward. And she should have.” Mark said.
Robinson’s hands clenched into fists at his sides, because this was his sister. She’d practically raised him. So, he couldn’t do any less than protect her.
Amanda got that. Respected it. Admired his loyalty in a difficult situation. Had never asked for or wanted anything different.
Except to have all those things and the man she loved at the same time. And keep their private business, private.
Mark shifted, the stupid grin still in place. “You guys should have another wedding. Maybe smaller. Leave the crazies at home. Or have them committed.”
Yeah. Amanda ground her teeth together. Nobody would ever understand how much redoing a ceremony wasn’t possible. And explaining it was personal. And nobody’s business.
Robinson hadn’t moved. Attempted a joke or plain cut off Mark’s conversation. Just stood there as if he were recalling every hateful thing ever said.
If the faithful Robinson gasket blew, whatever he said wouldn’t be forgotten. Any steam he wanted to unleash regarding their wedding day, he could. To her. In private. They didn’t need a ton of wagging tongues stirring up barely settled dust.
Robinson’s mouth opened.
“Thanks, Mark.” She stepped around the young girl, grabbed Robinson’s arm. It flexed in her grasp as if he were holding back the urge to break through her grip. And turn into something much worse than the Incredible Hulk.
“Do your thing.” She placed herself between the two men. “Get this sweetheart to the morgue. We’ve got to meet the distraught parents.”
“Yeah, sure.” The other man grappled with a pair of gloves before getting them in place. Blinked as if remembering who he’d been talking to. “No problem, boss-lady.”
Robinson moved with her, his muscles rigid.
“Breathe, Robbie.” She kept her voice low. Pasted a smile on her face. “There’s already enough gossip running rampant, we don’t need to add to it with a knock-down drag-out session.”
A hiss of air left his lips as they reached his SUV. “Guys don’t have knock-down-whatever sessions. We punch each other. Hard. Then move on.”
She tucked a wayward piece of hair behind her ear. “Either way, one big-mouthed technician doesn’t need the imprint of knuckles as a walking advertisement for weeks. It’s not your style.”
“After today, anything goes.” As if loosening stiff joints, he stretched his neck side to side.
A street lamp illuminated the vehicle, out of sight of the crime scene. He’d parked across the street from the Jumpin’ Jack bar. A woman exited through the door, letting a loud burst of Guns N’ Roses into the air. She stumbled half a step, then righted herself and proceeded to vomit into the bushes to the left of the building.
Disgust traveled over Robinson’s face as he turned to Amanda. “Why didn’t you set him straight, A.J.?”
She shrugged. “Mark’s a talker. Seemed easier to hear him out than explain that I got the ring stuck on my finger. Sounded a lot less embarrassing. For everyone. Had I known he planned to rehash every detail, in tabloid fashion...”
“Worse.” He grabbed her hand and inspected it. Didn’t ask why it had gotten that way. Had the positions been reversed, she’d have stopped at nothing to get an answer. And annoyed the crap out of him in the process.
He pulled it forward.
A hiss left her mouth as pain sliced through the digit and up her arm. “I’d like to keep my finger, thank you.”
“Has it been like that all day?”
The concern emanating from him wrapped around her like a warm blanket. Resisting the feeling was a lesson in futility. “Pretty much.”
He released her hand. Opened the door. “Get in. I’ve got something that will help. Straight from the guru.”
Shock filtered through her tissues as she hopped inside his vehicle. “When did you talk to my mom?”
He reached across her, his lower torso coming into contact with her thigh as he opened the center console. A whiff of spicy aftershave hit her nostrils. Added to the cozy Robinson buzz floating through her system.
He pulled out a package of dental floss. “She called me from the care center this afternoon.”
Alzheimer’s prevented her mother from doing a lot of things. Like remembering she even had a daughter. Or where she was. That she had a husband. It hadn’t made the decisions regarding her care easier. Living life without her constant presence, made Amanda want to qui
t her job, pack her mother up and take care of her forever.
“I didn’t want to leave her there. My dad didn’t want to leave her there. It seemed wrong.”
Even after six months. She imagined her mother must see it as punishment, at least in her coherent moments, since it had come on the heels of their disastrous big day.
He pulled out a length of the hygiene item. “She’s in good hands. Sounded happy. And she asked about you.”
“Really?” Something warm bloomed in her chest. “I was there yesterday. She didn’t recognize me.” The thought shouldn’t hurt. It was normal for the disease. The difficulty with everyday tasks. Incontinence. And the outbursts at inopportune moments. With company. In public. At a wedding.
The image of Robinson with Eileen Nettles in the loose circle of his arms, as she tried to lash out at anyone who got near, would stay with her forever. And every single moment before it.
Amanda’s eyes were on Robbie’s. The fabric of her white dress crushed against his tuxedo as he pulled her closer.
A cocky smile lit his face. “Think you can handle The Jerk for the rest of your life?”
“It’s a little late for second thoughts,” she whispered. Her smile had to be the biggest, goofiest grin ever. It didn’t matter. “I already said the magic words, Mr. Robinson.”
“There’s still an out, Miss Sass. The preacher hasn’t pronounced us man and wife.”
She laughed. Heard it echo in the quiet church and tried to stifle it. “Technicalities.”
“Wait.” The female voice rang like a bell. An angry, clanging bell. All eyes in the church focused on a woman dressed in a muted blue, standing in the front row. Shock covered Lilly’s face as if she hadn’t meant to stand up. Hadn’t meant to speak.
“Lilly?” Robinson broke away from Amanda, but kept her hand inside his.
Tears drowned out the color of his sister’s eyes. They were focused on Amanda as if they were the only two in the room. “You don’t deserve this. How many lives were destroyed because of you? How can you even live with that? Move on as if nothing has happened. As if I didn’t waste away in a hospital bed while you lived normally, without a care.”
Murmurs went through the church.
For the first time in months, Lilly was saying more than perfunctory words. They were horrible, but true. How could Amanda live with the death a serial bomber had caused in her name?
Moving on was paramount to survival, wasn’t it? Living in a cycle of self-recriminations would do little good. It would not bring back lost life.
Had she been naive in thinking they could work through anything?
A mask of frustration and concern highlighted Robinson’s handsome face. He hopped down the two steps leading to the altar. “Lilly, stop. That’s unfair. It’s not Amanda’s fault.”
His sister backed away from him. The tears had spilled down her face. “Don’t tell me what’s unfair. I see it at the cemetery every day. Please, explain how I should be okay with knowing he will never see Ariana grow up, graduate or get married.”
“This isn’t the place.” His voice was low, but stern.
Something thick gathered in Amanda’s throat. Ariana stood next to McKenna, at the front of the church, a junior bridesmaid, her gaze stuck on the floor.
“Things happen in life that we can’t control.”
“One moment could have stopped it all!” Lilly’s voice echoed around the room, in a screech. Their guests were beginning to shift around, their glances pinging between brother and sister with an occasional peak in Amanda’s direction.
This had to stop. She picked up the edges of her dress and touched Ariana’s dark hair, tucked in a side braid, as she neared. “Love you, Ari-Bell.”
The girl nodded. Gave a sniff. Didn’t look up.
Amanda descended the stairs. Touched brother and sister’s shoulders. “Outside. Now.”
Lilly glared at her with venom so dark, Amanda removed her hand from the other woman. As if she’d been burned, she felt the radiating hatred. A shot of electrifying pain, from her hand to her heart.
This day was supposed to be so much more. Filled with love. Uniting of families.
Lilly turned from the foyer and charged out the door. Pretty much every eye was on them now. Except maybe poor Ariana, who would have the embarrassment only a teen could embody. Robinson’s hands clenched at his sides.
When she really wanted to crawl into a hole in the floor and figure out where she’d gone wrong, she turned to him. She didn’t have to determine where things had gone off course. Lilly had spelled it out. “We can’t let her go this way, Robbie.”
His gaze centered on the now closed door, jaw clenched. A blaze of raw anger flashed in his eyes. “If I see her right now...”
The whispers around them were getting louder. Her dad had gotten up and was headed their way.
She shook her head in his direction and he stopped. Centered her attention on her not-quite-husband. “Listen, you don’t have to do or say anything right now. Let’s just take a minute. Outside.”
Those beautiful eyes traveled the space between the door, to where they stood. The weak-kneed reaction zipped into her blood stream, even with the vice gripping her heart. This man was her best friend. She’d die for him and make sure he never had the need to do the same for her.
Lilly was hurting. Had been hurting all this time. In silence.
And now they all were, too.
Those blue-green orbs rested on her in complete torture. He grabbed her hand and started walking. “She never said anything.”
Robinson might not have expected it, but Amanda had been waiting. A person didn’t lose the love of their life and have nothing to say about it.
Maybe they could talk to her. Get her some counseling. They could all do it together. In time, Lilly would forgive her for a choice that hadn’t been hers.
When they made it outside the sanctuary, his sister paced the area like a caged animal. One hand raised, the pointer finger extended while her other fingers curled inward in a clenched fist. Eyes were wide and feral, every emotion captured there like a still frame. “I hate—”
The door, behind them, burst open. Eileen Nettles rushed toward them as if the devil were dogging her steps. Her lips were squished together. “My daughter would be disappointed in all of you.”
Oh, no. No. Not now. Her heart sank.
Her dad came out next, panic stamped on his face like a misbegotten tattoo. Half their guests were standing. This had to be some kind of pre-wedding nightmare. She’d wake up and shake it off.
Marry Robinson. Live happily ever after.
“Mom...” Amanda moved to her side. Laid a hand on her shoulder.
“Don’t touch me.” The other woman shrugged off her fingers. This hadn’t been the first. Wouldn’t be the last. “You disgust me. Thinking you can have this man.” She gestured toward Robinson.
“Eileen.” Her dad stepped forward, panic turning to bone-deep sadness. “Honey, you don’t mean that.”
She turned on him. Used her pointer finger to jab Amanda’s dad halfway across the room. “I mean everything I say. Who are you to question that?”
“Eileen.” He raised both of his hands, palms toward the woman all but physically attacking him. “Think about what you’re doing. On your daughter’s wedding day.”
Before anyone could blink, Eileen’s fist headed toward Walter Nettles’ face. A blur of black tuxedo entered Amanda’s peripheral vision as Robinson stepped between husband and wife. Wrapped her mother in a hold reserved for combative psychiatric patients. Talked to her quietly.
From across the room, his eyes met Amanda’s. Anger crashed with pain, there.
For once her mother’s Alzheimer’s rant was right on target. How could she think she could have Robinson without consequence?
“She doesn’t remember it, A.J.” Robinson’s soft voice pulled her from the memory. His fingers were the barest of touches on hers. It still sent tingling through her body. A
nd the sudden urge to snuggle into his arms and forget everything.
She blinked. “What?”
He slipped the thin dental material between her ring and finger. Began wrapping it around the digit. “Your mom. She doesn’t remember saying anything to you at the wedding.” He concentrated on his task as if it were of utmost importance. “She doesn’t know I’ve even asked you to marry me. All she knows is that she had a moment of lucidity and everything was unfamiliar. She found my number. Harassed me about popping the question. Told me if a ring got stuck, it was meant to be there.”
Amanda laughed past the lump in her throat. “There’s more, isn’t there?”
“Or you should go on a diet. Stop wearing someone else’s ring.”
The laughter fell into heaviness that soaked into her heart like a dark stain. “I miss her.” Everything from her easy smile to the way she talked about health-related topics. How she always supported Amanda, even when she’d wanted things far out of reach.
Robinson slipped the ring past her knuckle with slow steady movements, sans pain. “You just walked away.” His voice was low, as if he hadn’t meant to say anything. He sighed. “One minute we were going to focus on our families, the next you’re gone.”
It must have seemed that way to him. The disagreements over things they couldn’t change. Constant discord without a solution. They couldn’t use a magic wand to poof everything better. Or heal Lilly’s heart. Couldn’t help a woman who refused that end.
One day everything had been great and then it wasn’t. Every day they spent together hurt somebody. Lilly was angry. Ariana was scared. They were all sad.
And everything they’d built was crumbling. Anyone who said love was the only ingredient to success was only half right. They’d forgotten to mention the sweat and blood required to bridge familial issues so wide it would scare the bravest soldier or most creative architect.
“I couldn’t ask you to leave them to deal with that kind of trauma alone. Ariana needs you. And so does Lilly.” And she’d never have been content with such strife. They’d either had to find a way to heal or risk more damage.
His lips pressed closed, his jaw tightening.
Lilly was right. She’d done enough—unknowingly. Couldn’t bear to cause more upheaval. Disentangling herself from their lives had seemed the best course, the reality akin to ripping off parts of her flesh.
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