by Laura Brown
I sank to the floor, tucking my legs under me.
“So tell me, what kind of hearing aids do you have? Any fun colors?”
“Behind-the-ear, no fun colors.” I pulled my hair up on the sides, showing off my aids. I wore my hair down 90 percent of the time, partly because I liked my hair down, but mostly because I wanted to conceal my hearing aids.
“Been there. I hid my hearing aids for years. Best thing I ever did was take an ASL class.”
“It’s hard to hide them, isn’t it? Especially when the batteries die.”
“Oh my God. Don’t they have the worst timing possible? I swear, I’ll be in the middle of being proposed to, and I’ll have to stop to change my battery.”
I threw my head back and laughed. “Or, true story, in the middle of getting it on. Really hard to stay in the mood when your hearing aid is beeping.” Never saw that loser again. In hindsight sex wasn’t the most opportune time to let him know I couldn’t hear very well.
Willow doubled over in laughter. “Oh, yes, to the right, to the . . . dammit. Stop beeping already.”
I followed her over in laughter, liking Willow already. Never before had I chatted with someone like me. There was a connection with her and, by default, the rest of the room.
We were laughing over the dumb looks people gave us when they found out a young woman had a hearing loss when Reed came back over. He squatted down next to me and handed over a hard lemonade. I looked at the drink, then him. He tilted his head to the side, as if to say “so?” I took the drink.
He turned to Willow and signed something. I caught the word nice.
“Of course I’m playing nice,” she exclaimed, hands flapping at him. “You worried I’m going to share all your dirty little secrets?”
His good humor faded. “No.” He pulled out his phone and typed something, phone angled so I could read the screen.
Reed: Don’t listen to her. She lies.
I snorted, put my drink down, and grabbed his phone.
Me: Then why have you let me sit here with her for so long?
I handed the phone back, but he had already read what I wrote and held my eye contact.
“Fine. Later,” Reed signed. He leaned in and kissed my forehead, lingering in a way that made me think he wanted to be the one chatting with me. Then he turned to Willow, pointed an accusatory finger at her, and walked away.
“Wow, hot,” Willow giggled as we both watched Reed exit to the kitchen.
I took a sip of my drink. “And now I really want to know about these little secrets.”
Willow laughed, and Val plopped down in between us. “I’ve been hovering all night waiting for her to say that.” She turned to Willow. “Did you see Reed?”
Willow held her hands out at her sides. “I was right here. Hard to miss.”
Both ladies had stopped signing. I put my drink down. “If you two aren’t about to share some details, I’m leaving.”
Val got comfortable, which involved leaning on Willow. “Oh, I’m sharing. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Reed like this.”
“And how is that?”
“Like a love-sick puppy. Haven’t seen that since Beth, the bitch. And no offense, Carli, but you’re being screened for authenticity.”
Time to start drinking. I gulped down some of my tangy beverage. “And?”
“Keep looking at him the way you do, and you’ll pass with flying colors.”
It was my turn to have red cheeks. And I involuntarily glanced toward the kitchen, looking for Reed.
“Yup, she passes,” Willow said.
I took a deep breath and stopped searching the crowd for him.
Val, arms crossed, scrutinized me. “So far so good.”
Willow sighed. “Val grew up with Reed, and she’s very protective over her friends. Hurt him, especially after what we’re about to share, and she’ll kick your ass.”
I drank some more, even as Val turned to Willow and gave her an evil eye. “So what am I missing? Reed said a previous girlfriend talked about him like a charity case, but I know there’s more.”
Val let out a breath and checked our surroundings. She leaned forward. “Can I talk soft, and you’ll still hear me?”
I shrugged. “Give it a try.”
Val dropped her voice down a level. “How’s this?”
I gave her a thumbs-up.
“Okay. Beth. They met through a local deaf event and, since they went to the same school, struck up a conversation. She”—Val turned to Willow—“how do I put this?”
“Was a conniving bitch?”
“Oh, that part’s a given. But she played dumb with ASL. Like she was just learning, but she was actually pretty proficient. Which meant she could twist Reed’s words around. And she did.”
“What’s the point in that?”
Willow shook her head and grabbed Val’s drink. “Beth banked on the teacher in Reed. Before her, he always enjoyed finding people who wanted to learn more ASL. He stopped, until you.”
Her words shouldn’t have made me feel special, but they did.
“Anyways,” Val said, taking her drink back, “I caught Beth in a few stretches of the truth but didn’t think it right to tell Reed. Word to the wise: I won’t do that again. He’s cautious with relationships, as I’m sure you’ve already seen, so it took them a while for things to heat up.”
“She doesn’t want to hear this,” Willow said, tugging on Val’s arm.
“She has to.” Val turned back to me. “Seriously, you need to hear this, even if you don’t want to. But I’ll stop if you don’t.”
I was more curious than a cat. “I’m not so naïve to think the man hasn’t had sex before.” In fact, I preferred it.
“Good. Reed and I have been roommates for a while. The place where we lived had thin walls, but with a deaf roommate, I didn’t care. Beth finally got into Reed’s bed. In the morning I caught her in the kitchen, sobbing.” Val shook her head and took a swig of her beer.
“I’ll tell this.” Willow shifted as she spoke. “Basically, Beth tried to play it that she was drunk, when she had the alcohol tolerance of a frat boy. She pulled a sob story with Val and actually tried to claim he date-raped her.”
My jaw fell open. “What?”
Val held up her hands. “Not true. So not true. I’ve heard less vocalization from porn. Not once did she tell him no. In fact, I heard her clearly request the opposite. No one who says yes and now that often was being taken advantage of, and I told her so. Her fake tears stopped and she didn’t even try to argue with me.”
“That’s when she went into the charity case,” Willow said. “About how a poor deaf guy wouldn’t know any better, wouldn’t know if she was into it or not unless he could hear. Which is a bunch of bullshit, if you ask me.” Willow flipped her braid over her shoulder. “And how she was taking pity on him, since he probably didn’t get much being damaged goods.”
I clenched a fist, far too used to the damaged goods line. “He’s not damaged.”
Val pointed at me. “I like you. Beth then tried the whole sob story again to Reed when he got up, but I cut her right off. Only now she was signing better than she had the entire time they’d known each other. I told him the full truth, voice off, and she understood every word. Then he kicked her out. It took us two more months to figure out where she learned ASL, which just makes me want to slug her even more.”
“Down, girl.” Willow placed a hand on Val’s shoulder. “I bumped into her around campus. She never saw me, too busy yelling into her phone. I followed her for two blocks as she bitched about her stupid younger brother. Turns out he’s deaf, and the family dynamics sounded worse than a soap opera.”
“That’s horrible,” I said, unable to stop the flash to my own family. Only my father was the one who called me stupid.
“Tell me about it. How could she pull that shit with Reed when her own brother—”
Willow clamped a hand over Val’s mouth, stopping her rising voice. �
��Let it go. It’s not worth it.”
Willow removed her hand, and Val took a deep breath, unclenching her fists.
I turned to look for Reed again. This time I found him in the kitchen, signing with some friends. And all his strange behaviors made sense. I would be a little gun-shy after an experience like that myself. He turned and caught me staring at him. Instead of pulling away, I smiled. Those butterflies fluttered again when he smiled back. He looked behind me at Val and Willow. The smile faltered, and he made his way over.
“Shit,” Val muttered.
He sat down next to me, knees raised, studying my face, before narrowing his eyes at Val and Willow.
“She needed to know,” Val said in both languages.
Reed shook his head and dropped it to his knees. I wrapped an arm around his shoulders and rested my chin on his arm, wanting to let him know it was okay. It wasn’t his fault he had a crappy ex. Didn’t we all have at least one?
He picked his head up and looked at me. His eyes spoke volumes, able to read what my own were saying. He moved a hand around my waist, pulled me in, and laid a hot, lingering kiss on my lips.
And everything about him clicked. He was cautious by nature, caused to increase tenfold by Beth. But he didn’t want to be cautious with me. Nothing about his kiss said caution, only his reactions to the smoldering heat we created together.
“She’s the real deal,” Val said when we parted.
Reed reached into his back pocket and pulled out his phone.
Reed: What am I going to do about you?
I picked up my drink and chugged half down. Liquid courage.
Me: Keep me?
He smiled and placed an arm around my shoulders. I couldn’t think of any other place I’d rather be than right there, next to him.
Chapter Fourteen
Reed
A FEW HOURS later, I learned something very important: Carli was a lightweight. Worse, a lightweight where everything hit her at once. She held her own for three hard lemonades. One sip into her fourth and her balance slipped away. She laughed, she flirted, and I knew she’d hate me in the morning when her hangover hit.
I hated me already, because any plans I had for the two of us were canceled.
Barely able to keep herself upright, she tried to go home when only Val and Willow were left. Considering the T had stopped running, she wasn’t going anywhere by herself.
“Me home,” she signed.
I shook my head. “You’re drunk. You’re not going home.” I didn’t bother slowing down. I wasn’t sure she could understand much in either language at this point of the night. “Come on. You need sleep.”
I wrapped her arm around my neck and helped her to my room. She hiccupped, a hand over her mouth. I pointed to the trash can, but she shook her head, falling back on the bed in laughter.
My plans for sleeping in the living room vanished. I’d stay on the floor and make sure she remained safe. She reached for her left shoe, grasping at thin air, her foot moving out of the way as she reached, playing cat and mouse. After three tries she gave up, falling back on the bed, tears streaming down her face in laughter. I took both her shoes off.
When she sat up, she checked her feet, then looked around for her shoes. I couldn’t stop my own laughter. I pulled out a tee shirt for her to wear and tossed it on the bed.
She nodded and stood, wobbling a bit, before turning around. I kept my eyes on her, afraid she’d fall over and crack her skull open. She grasped the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head. I needed to turn around, but I couldn’t. First of all, she was here, in my room, in the flesh. I knew I was a prick, but I soaked up every inch of her backside. I justified my actions with her continued lack of balance; I couldn’t let her fall.
She reached behind her and unclasped her bra, tossing it on the bed. My heart stopped beating. There was no blood left to move. She pulled the shirt over her head, wobbling again. Half of one breast came into view before the shirt blocked it all out. Then she wiggled out of her skirt and climbed into my bed.
That small view nearly killed me. The same pale skin covered her from head to toe and looked as smooth and silky as the few places I touched. I cursed myself for fucking up the night and giving her too much to drink. If not, I’d have my hands on her right now.
I stood still for a good ten minutes, willing my body to relax. When my blood moved normally again, I checked on Carli.
She lay face first on one of my pillows, mouth half-ajar, fast asleep. I brushed her hair back and kissed her cheek. “Good night.”
I collected the other pillow and grabbed a spare blanket. Once settled on the floor, I stared up at my bed, wondering how different the morning would be from the one I spent with Beth.
But as bad as the Beth shit storm was, the aftermath was worse. I had ignored a call from Dad to be with her. The next one I received was Mom telling me he was dead. I had spent the night with a lie. If I hadn’t, if I had answered the call, maybe I would still have my father.
Chapter Fifteen
Carli
THE JACKHAMMERING IN my head woke me up. The shards of pain were so intense I couldn’t even move my heavy eyelids. Instead I pushed my head as far into the soft pillow as it would go.
Sure, hangovers were a bitch. My nightly aspirin helped with my daily pain and any hangovers destined to come my way. An aspirin I didn’t have because I crashed at Reed’s place. I hadn’t intended to drink so much. Reed kept handing me another hard lemonade, and I kept drinking. In the light of the morning, as I tried to hold back tears from the throbbing, I added a new equation to my list: my tolerance + Reed = way-too-drunk Carli.
I cracked open one eye. The morning light shone through the thin cloth shades, casting Reed’s room in a dim yellow glow. I let one eye adjust and then forced the second open. My stomach lurched and nausea messed with my already overloaded system. I took a deep breath and exhaled through the pain, preparing myself for a long, long morning.
Desperate for a distraction, I fumbled on the nightstand until I found my phone. I turned the screen facedown and clicked it awake, then shifted it up inch by inch to adjust to the bright light.
D: Things heating up with your hottie?
D: OK, it’s late. I’m getting worried.
D: Send me a text ASAP to confirm you are not another missing college student!
Me: Alive, drank too much, full living status questionable.
I hit Send, and before I could remove my thumb, I had a response.
D: THANK GOD! I was seriously about to call the cops.
I felt awful for worrying D, but appreciative to have such a caring friend.
Me: Sorry, D.
I put the phone down and tried to lift my head, only to have the jackhammer kick into high gear and my stomach roll in protest. Head back on the pillow, I pushed into the soft cushion, desperate for some relief.
A warm hand on my head stopped my squirming. Reed stood next to the bed. He sat down, not moving his hand, which I was eternally grateful for as his warmth soothed the horrible aches. With one hand he pointed in front of his forehead, twisting his hand as he went, then signed, “P-A-I-N?”
I closed my eyes and nodded. I hid this from everyone. Sure, Matti and D knew I had frequent headaches, but neither one of them knew how bad it could get or how frequent. Right now, at my absolute worst, I couldn’t hide a damn thing.
Pain tangled with my thoughts, with Reed’s concerned face, and I broke. The tears escaped, and I crumpled into a tight ball. The bed shifted and Reed held me tight, everything about his embrace a proactive barrier I had never known before. Somehow he found the spot that hurt the most and pressed his lips there. Just pressed, not quite a kiss. With him there, the pain calmed down, and I pulled myself together.
He took my face in his hands, studying me, trying to figure me out, no doubt. Then he held up a finger and left. I wished for the ability to get up and walk away, avoid any further humiliation. But I didn’t trust myself to move.
“A-S-P-I-R-I-N?” I asked hopefully.
He shook his head. “No, sorry. I-B-U-P-R-O-F-E-N.”
I let out a breath. Not my usual drug. But I wasn’t in any position to be choosy. I pushed myself upright, one painstaking inch at a time, and Reed helped me. Then I popped both pills in my mouth and swallowed them with the water.
Reed brushed my hair back behind my ear, one side of his mouth quirking, then falling. He grabbed a pen and notebook off his nightstand.
You either can’t handle your alcohol, or you weren’t kidding about those headaches.
Give the man a million points, because no one had ever seen through me like he did.
“Both,” I signed, fearful that after everything I learned about him the night before, I wasn’t going to be able to hide much longer.
He leaned forward and kissed the top of my head.
Not normal unless this is a hangover.
Tears pricked at the base of my eyes, so I rolled over. He cuddled into my backside. A feeling of safety washed over me. I picked up the paper and pen.
I usually take aspirin before bed to prevent this.
That revealed more than I intended. A tiny door to the Real Carli cracked open, a door I dead-bolted from everyone. I tucked the paper against me to block him from reading. He turned me until I was on my back, and the minute I looked into his eyes, I knew he had seen what I wrote.
His face filled with questions, but he didn’t sign. He didn’t write. Instead he lowered his head and brushed his lips against mine. Once. Twice. Then sunk into a sweet kiss. Those lips distracted me from my head, from the unease of revealing so much. I wrapped my arms around him and opened my mouth to take the kiss deeper. Probably not my best idea, considering we had both just woken up after a night of drinking.
Reed pulled back. Yup, not my best idea. I was about to put this morning on the List for Worst Morning Ever when he brushed a hand over my forehead. No longer was the look in his eyes full of questions and concern. No, oh no; now heat resided. The hand on my head asked a silent question, one to which I nodded my answer.