by B. A. Wolfe
Mom and Dad had given Dan a hug and congratulated him when they found out, but it wasn’t the celebration I’d expected when he ripped open that letter. If he accepted, he’d be a Colorado University Buffalo football player. It was everything he wanted, everything we’d worked for. It was everything to me. But to the rest of my family it was now nothing.
“So, when are you telling them yes? You don’t get all month to decide, you know,” I reminded him as he walked into the kitchen and headed straight for the fridge.
He huffed and cracked open a bottle of water, chugging it down like he’d just run ten miles outside. Which he probably had. He ran more and more each day. “Jase, we have to talk.”
No one else in my family called me Jase, and I loved the way my name sounded shortened, like a nickname. This time, nerves tangled my stomach into knots at the sound of his tone. “About what?”
Dan stalked over with a grim expression stretched across his face. He braced his arms on the table, glancing at the letter and then me. “I’m not going. I’ve decided to stay here. Take some online courses and help out Mom and Dad.”
“What?” I leaned forward, leveling my gaze on him. “I don’t understand. You worked so hard for this, how can you just let it go?” I pushed the paper across the table at him.
He shook his head. “There’s more to life than that scholarship.”
My jaw hit the floor, anger making its way through my veins. We all worked so hard for this, for him. “We busted our butts so you could do everything you could to get this and now you’re saying there’s more to life than getting a full ride to the school you’ve always dreamed about?”
“You need a kidney!” he blurted.
Tell me something I don’t know. “Yeah. But I don’t see how that has anything to do with you playing football. A-are you sick, Dan?” I palmed the table, my heart racing.
“No, Jase. I’m fine.” He pulled out a chair and plopped down. “Listen, I had every intention of going. You helped me work so hard to get that damn scholarship and I wanted to go for you, but things change. You need a kidney and when I found that out, I knew I couldn’t go.” His attention drifted to the table, his hand strangling the bottle of water. “It’s my fault you’re in this mess. It’s my fault that you didn’t get help sooner. And now that I know you need a kidney, it’s even more reason to stay.” His glassy eyes met mine. “I’m not going anywhere. Mom and Dad know. And I’m pretty sure they’d have my neck if I went anyway.”
“Bu-but I don’t get it?” With my stomach sitting with my jaw on the floor, I tried to grasp the conversation. “You’re staying here and what? You’ll watch me go through dialysis? I mean, that’s no life for you, Dan. Don’t you get it?”
Dan gulped back a mouthful of water before replacing the cap on the bottle. “Jason—”
“Don’t Jason me, Dan,” I cut him off. “I’m pissed. We worked hard for this and now you’re just throwing it away?” I folded my arms over my heaving chest. How could he do this?
He released a heavy breath. “Throwing it away? No way. Jase . . . I’m getting tested. If I’m a match, I’m giving you my kidney.”
“You’re getting tested?” I asked, my voice almost a whisper as I fought through the golf ball in my throat.
The smallest grin in the world split his lips. “If I could, I’d give you any organ in my body. So yeah, I’m getting tested to make sure that my kidney will be a good match for you.” He smiled like he knew it already would be.
An overwhelming sense of happiness settled inside me. The only thing plaguing me was Mom and Dad. I hated to even ask but I had to know.
“Are they making you do this?”
He knew exactly who I was talking about. It was no secret that even though it was my fault for telling them so late, my parents blamed themselves for not paying attention and of course took it out on Dan since they had been so focused on him. It was a nasty, tangled web the Bradleys were in.
Creases lined Dan’s forehead. “They didn’t make me, Jase. You don’t get it now, but you’re my brother and this is by far the easiest decision I’ve ever made.”
“Y-you feel guilty, too, don’t you?” My voice cracked. He had no reason, but knowing Dan he’d blame himself too.
The water bottle crunched in his hand. “Of course I do. Of course I feel like this is somehow my fault. But it doesn’t matter. None of it does. I’ve made up my mind. I’m staying, buddy. I’m not leaving. You mean more to me than any damn scholarship, college, or football team ever could. One day, you’ll see this all in a different light.”
My lips struggled to tip up. I was stuck between wanting to cry and wanting to rejoice. From the way he spoke, I could tell his decision to stay wasn’t out of guilt; it was because he was my brother.
And my God, he really was Batman. He would always find a way to protect me wouldn’t he?
“As angry as I am that you’re not accepting your scholarship, I’m-I’m . . .” I paused, my jaw locking tight. Tears crawled their way up, threatening to release, but I pushed through. “What I’m trying to say is thanks, Dan.”
“Anything for Robin, remember?”
Seven
Two weeks later . . .
“AIDAN IS A MATCH. We can proceed with the kidney transplant.”
It was D day and there we were, hooked up to IVs and monitors as we waited for the moment that I had always seen coming but couldn’t comprehend until it was upon us.
The sun warmed my face and I opened my eyes. Mom had drawn the blinds in our hospital room and was staring out the window, not saying a word. I glanced from my mom to the bed next to the window. The one Dan was in. His face was pale as he fisted the sheet that lay over his lap, staring at the whites of his knuckles. He looked petrified, making me remember one night . . .
Lying on my bed, I stared at the ceiling, unable to even blink. “These stories are kind of scary, Dan-Dan.” I didn’t like ghost stories, I decided.
He chuckled and sat up next to me on the bed. “That’s what big brothers are supposed to do, though. They tell scary stories.”
“But now I’m scared,” I admitted, my voice shaking as I lifted up from my spot.
He smiled and shrugged. “It’s okay, you wanna know why?”
This ought to be good. “Why, Dan-Dan?”
“You remember the movie we watched with Batman?”
“Yeah. I liked him.” It was the best movie. We watched it every weekend.
“Well,” he paused and tilted his head. “I’ll be your Batman. I’ll protect you from the scary bad guys.”
That seemed so much cooler than just watching the movies. “Wow. My very own Batman.” I pondered for a second. “Can I be Robin?”
“Of course. Batman’s nothing without his sidekick, Robin. He always has his back and Batman always protects Robin. It’s like they’re brothers.”
“I’m not afraid anymore, Dan-Dan.” I shook my head and grinned.
Dan wrapped his arms around me. “I’ll always be here, Robin.”
Mom sighed and walked straight past Dan and over to me.
“Only a few more minutes. You doing okay?” She checked the monitors next to the bed.
She didn’t even bother asking Dan, acting like he wasn’t even in the room. The whole morning had been like this.
“I’m fine, but why don’t you ask Dan how he is?” I whispered, gesturing in his direction, getting more furious by the minute.
She glanced at the fluid in my IV bag and then gave me a cross look. “Jason, you’re my concern right now. Dan’s a big boy, but you’re our baby.”
I shook my head and wasn’t even sure what to say to make things right. The tension grew thick between us and she offered me a weak smile, then headed to the door.
Before she left, she stopped in the entryway and glanced over her shoulder at Dan. A frown bowed her lips and she palmed her chest, right over her heart. I thought she was going to turn around and stay, but she closed her eyes and walked aw
ay.
Gritting my teeth, I slammed a hand down on my firm bed. It was my job to take care of my brother now. He always looked out for me, and it was my turn to look out for him. That’s what we did. Ever since we dubbed ourselves Batman and Robin.
I gulped back my nerves. “Are you scared?” I made sure my voice was loud enough so he’d hear me no matter what was going on in his head.
A few seconds passed before he opened his mouth. “Terrified,” he mumbled, his head still down.
My chest caved at his confession. Dan was scared? Batman was afraid? I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Mom and Dad had doted on me all morning. I tried to get them to stop but they wouldn’t. Dan probably felt so alone. Pure anger rushed through me, pumping in my veins.
My mom and dad were being so cruel, so callous. They only saw me, the baby, the one who was sick, but Dan was their child, too. Their star, their champion on the field and off. They hated him and it was all my fault.
I sighed and said what he needed to hear, what my parents should’ve told him. “You’re gonna be okay, Dan.” He has to be okay.
He huffed immediately. “It’s not me I’m worried about.” His sad eyes lifted and met mine. “This is major surgery, Jase. You’re my brother . . . I just, I can’t . . .”
He was worried about me? He had no clue. “Robin doesn’t exist without Batman. You’re stuck with me for life.” I smiled and then it faltered a little. “I can’t lose you, Dan.” I was selfish. I wanted my brother to live because I wasn’t sure I could do so knowing he wasn’t.
He shuffled in his bed, resting on his side. “Let’s make a pact, right here, right now. We fight. Nothing’s going to tear the Bradley duo apart. Nothing.” His hand stretched out between our beds.
“I really can’t lose you, Dan. You’re the only one who still treats me like I’m normal.”
And he was. Anna tried to pretend things were normal between us, but each time I couldn’t do the things she wanted, she went alone. And Mom was worse than ever. My jaw clenched as I thought about everyone but Dan. Everyone who treated me like a dying kid.
“I don’t like living on eggshells. I really hope this works. I just want to be me again.”
“It will. Trust me. You’re getting one of my kidneys. It won’t fail you. I won’t let it.”
A small curve crept across my tense mouth. “You know? You’re pretty all right for a big brother.” I smirked.
“You’re pretty awesome for a little brother.”
Feeling so alive, I raised my IV-free arm in the air and made a fist. “Let’s do this, Dan. Let’s fight. We’re in this together.”
He nodded in approval. “Nothing can break this duo apart, man. Nothing.”
“In case I forget to tell you . . . thanks. You’ll never know what this means to me.”
Dan smacked his lips together, his whole face lighting up. “I’d give you both of my kidneys if you needed them.”
And I knew he would have. Just like I’d have done the same for him. Except, what if . . . “What if you weren’t a match?” I asked, my voice small and my thoughts going to a place I tried so hard to avoid. What would’ve happened then?
“Don’t!” he shouted. “Don’t even think about that shit. You can’t. Everything happens for a reason. I’m your brother, with the matching kidney you need for a reason. You always say I’m your hero, but damn it, Jase. You’re my hero. Do you see yourself the way I do? Cause you should. You go through more in a week than most go through their entire lives. And not once do you complain. I just . . .” He shrugged, his face red from the shouting. “God, I want to be like you.”
Me? He wanted to be like me.
Before I could speak, the nurse barged into our room and stood between our beds. “You guys ready in here?”
We had the same wide grin spread across our faces as we nodded at the exact same time.
“Are those smiles code for giving me the go ahead? The good old green light?” She laughed as she eyed us both.
“Definitely,” I said.
“Absolutely,” Dan mimicked.
Eight
IT WAS JUNE. It had been a few months since the surgery that turned me into a new man. A man that got his life back. Well, for the most part. I still had to take it easy and watch myself, but the kidney my brother gave me had changed my life.
I rounded the corner and saw Dan. He was sitting at the kitchen table, our favorite board game in front of him, with his chin resting on the heel of his palm as he stared at the Scrabble pieces. He had just got home from work at the farm, which I’d finally gotten to start doing again. Not as much as before but they were letting me work up to it.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey, man.” Exhaustion swam through his low voice.
He should’ve been at college, with the scholarship he got, playing football like he planned. Instead, he stayed for me. As time passed, each day stole a little bit more of my sanity as I watched every part of him fade away. I couldn’t figure out why he hadn’t left yet to live his dream of going to college like I knew he wanted. I had my suspicions though and it was time to confront him.
The minute he stood from his chair and got a glass of water, I cornered him. “I’m healed.” His eyes widened with curiosity as he took a drink. “You’re healed.”
He gulped the water down. “What are you getting at, Jase?” he asked, setting the glass on the table.
“The surgery worked so what the hell are you still doing here?” My voice raised a few octaves.
He shook his head like he didn’t care and lowered onto the chair. “I’m not leaving. It’s Friday. Let’s play Scrabble.” He started sorting the tiles out for the four of us.
I stood next to him, towering above him in a way I never had, my blood pumping fast. “I’m so Goddamn sick of Scrabble. I never want to see that board again!” I snatched up the game and flung it across the room, tiles raining all over the place.
He hadn’t moved an inch as he stared at the empty table. “What do you want from me, Jason?”
I slammed a hand down next to his water, getting him to finally look at me. “For you to believe this surgery worked.” I would be forever grateful for what he did, but now he needed to do something for me. Treat me like he did before I was sick. Something had changed in him after the surgery. It was like he placed me in the same protective bubble everyone else had. I wanted my brother back.
His shoulders rose and fell. “I know it worked. What’s all of this about?”
I sank into the empty chair, my heavy breaths slowing. “Stop thinking I’m not going to wake up the next day. That your kidney is going to fail me. I’m great. Look at me.”
His eyes narrowed. “I don’t think that. That’s not true. Why would you even say that?”
“Yes it is and you know it! You think I’m gonna die, that’s why you stay here.” I focused on my jeans, unable to look at him. I wanted to laugh, cry, yell. I wanted to hit something, hold something. It was like he knew my days were limited so he held on to what was left of me, knowing today could be my last. Who wants to live around that?
Minutes had gone by without anything being said. I lifted my chin and what I saw I didn’t expect. Tears covered Dan’s cheeks as he stared at me, his hand covering his chin.
“Leave, Dan. Go live! For you! Prove to me that you know I’ll be fine and get the hell out of Keaton.”
He shook his head. “Mom and Dad would kill me. And I don’t want to leave you.”
Tears pooled in my lids and I realized this was as hard for him as it was for me. “Do this for me. Don’t worry about them. I’ll figure that out. I’ll tell them I forced you.”
He chuckled under his breath, sniffing back his tears. “You kind of are, aren’t you?”
I picked at the silver on my belt buckle, staring at it instead of him. “I’m sick of being treated this way. Go to college. Go be the man I know you are. Live the life I can’t.” At the sound of him wiping tears, I looked up. “Do it f
or me. If you stay here, all I’m gonna think day in and day out is that tomorrow I won’t wake up. I ask myself before bed, is this my last night, my last week?” I swallowed hard. “Stop moping around me, around here, and go to college.”
He arched his brows. “I really make you feel like that?”
He had no clue. “Every Goddamn day, Dan. I can’t do it anymore. Mom doesn’t even hover this much.”
“I’m sorry.” His voice was low, but I heard it.
“You really think I’m not gonna make it, don’t you?” That’s what hurt the most.
“I don’t know what to think, okay? You’re my little brother.”
“Robin has to learn how to be on his own. Please?”
“For you. I’ll leave for you.” He raked a hand roughly through his hair. “Mom is gonna murder me.”
She would too. But there was no way I could let her. “I’ll tell her I made you. Don’t worry about it.”
“Hell no. You will not tell them you asked me to do this. She’ll be pissed at you and that’s the last thing I want. Promise me, Jason. You won’t tell them you asked me to do this.”
I eyed him like he was crazy. “No way.” They already took out everything else on him, they couldn’t use this against him, too.
He huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “Then I’m not leaving.”
I smirked. He had me there. “Fine. You leave for me. I’ll stay quiet for you.”
We shook hands. “Done.”
And two months later, the first day of August, my brother was gone, off to Denver to attend college and do something with his life.
“How can you just leave us? We did everything for you and you can’t even stay to help with your brother? With the farm and store?” my mom cried, shouting at him the minute she saw his bags by the front door. My dad repeatedly told him ‘hell no’ as he reached for his two duffle bags, ready to take them back to his room.
I rushed to Dan’s side ready to speak up, until his large hand covered my mouth and he told them, “I have to do this. I’m not staying here.” My chest pulled tight as he hugged me. Even though I didn’t want him to stay for me, I never wanted him to leave on these terms. Still, I promised I wouldn’t say anything, and I didn’t—even as my parents screamed at his back as he walked through the door.