by B. A. Wolfe
I laced our hands together before she had time to respond and guided her to the truck, helping her onto the seat. As I went to turn, she wrapped her small fingers around my arm. I glanced down at her grip and then up at her eyes. The mixture of regret and confusion that filled them was killing me faster than the disease I already had.
“Thank you, Jase,” she whispered. It was the softest voice, but I felt like the entire world heard those three words.
I smiled and headed back to the driver’s side. I knew she was confused. Hell, I was too. The desire to kiss a girl had never pulled me in like a magnetic force before. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it. Not this way, not like this.
I’m sorry, Cassandra.
Our moment was over, gone, and now only a memory. A tingle sparked as I thought about what an amazing one it was.
Six
ANOTHER LIE. ANOTHER “ERRAND” and another half day I didn’t get to spend with her. The same spring I possessed the other day had bounced its way right out of my life. My lies were getting thicker and I was getting in deeper. Things weren’t black and white anymore. They were all mixed up, a shade of gray.
I sat in the dialysis chair, bobbing my knee like I had downed twelve cups of coffee. Truth was, I full of anxiety, not caffeine.
“You look a little tense today, Jason. You all right?”
I glanced up at the sound of Colleen’s voice, her line of vision aimed in my direction.
Hot air flew out my mouth in an attempt to relax. “Yeah I’m good. Just have a lot on my mind, is all.”
“You feel okay, though?” She approached me cautiously, my pen and notepad in her hands.
I nodded. She’d already taken my blood pressure and weight, which was also another normal on treatment days. She knew I was fine; I just had to calm myself down. I needed to vent. And the only way I knew how was to write.
Colleen double checked my blood pressure then must have felt comfortable enough to start. After cleaning my fistula on my left arm, she hooked the needles into my ports, powered on the machine, and left me to my letter.
Dan,
We fought last night. Nothing major, but here’s what happened. I took her to Grandma Maggie’s for Sunday dinner. You remember them right? It’d be nice to have you down for one or two of them, just saying. Anyway, on the way home I did something crazy. I pulled up to the traffic light and instead of driving off when it turned green I parked the truck, got out, went to her side, and she came with me.
Maybe this sounds like something out of those damn romance novels you read, but we danced under the light, under the stars. Then there was this one moment when I was staring at her, and I wanted to say to hell with it and kiss her, but I couldn’t. She isn’t mine to have. And so later she asked me what it was all about. What was I supposed to say? I think you’re gorgeous and want to kiss you but can’t because I’m hiding things from you? I messed up. It didn’t end well, to say the least. So this morning, I heard her getting sick again and made her toast and apologized. She accepted it, but remember that thing I told you? I’m pretty sure I’m right, Dan. And that’s why she’s running. She’s scared. Maybe the dad doesn’t know? Should I confront her? Tell her I figured it out?
Oh yeah, that’s not all . . . you win. The boots were the best idea. She loved them and honestly? I loved going and helping pick out her first pair. Let me tell you though, the color choice was bold. Turquoise. But heck if they don’t fit her perfectly. They’re bright and beautiful and remind me so much of her. I guess she’ll always have a way to be tied to me now, huh? Whenever she looks down at them, she’ll think of me. I just wish I had something to remember her by.
Would it be weird to take her to the tree? I’ve been trying to find something to do this afternoon and I think that might be just the thing. Make her carve her initial in so she’s always got a piece of her in Keaton. What do you think?
One last thing, I forgot to tell you when I called, Cassandra walked in on me telling Mom about not getting the kidney. It’s getting harder and harder to keep this from her. I don’t know what to do.
Miss you, brother. Come down. Meet Cassie.
Jase
I folded the letter, gave it to Colleen, and waited out the rest of my treatment. Venting helped ease my stress. And as I rested my head back against the chair, my nerves weren’t running as rapidly through my body. I had to figure out what to do this afternoon. How does one top a day of shopping?
Shutting my lids, all I saw was hazel. All I could think about was her. And I realized more than ever that I had to take her to the place where it all started. To the beginning, the first place I laid eyes on her.
The tree.
***
I grabbed two salads from the diner, and then took her to the most historical spot in town. A place where more love stories started than anywhere else. Maybe not anywhere, but it had to be close.
She followed me around the base of the tree, her vision glued to the carvings in the bark. “Wow, is this like a town thing or something?”
She had no clue. “The town legend says that it brings you good luck,” I whispered, coming up behind her. “If you believe hard enough.” Goose bumps prickled along the backs of her arms and I grinned. I did that.
“Is that so?” She peered over her shoulder, those soft golden irises of hers meeting my gaze.
“That’s what they say.”
“Why are there initials inside of hearts then?”
“Couples that want good luck. Are you not romantic, Cassie?” I side-stepped around her and leaned against the tree, smirking at her cuteness.
“I guess I just haven’t found the right person to make me believe romance like that exists.” Her voice grew quiet, pulling on my heart.
Her ex-boyfriend must have really done a number on her. Thinking of my own past, I cringed. But one thing I learned was that not everyone would hurt you. We met people for reasons. Some taught us lessons, like Anna. She was the type of person I didn’t want to be, or be with. And then there were others like Cassie. Kind, sweet, gentle—I could find a million reasons why I met someone like her, but honestly, I was pretty sure the real reasons were deeper than even I realized.
I wanted Cassie to have that hope. She deserved a little light in her life. Snatching the pocketknife from my back pocket, I flipped it open. Her eyes widened a little and I grinned.
“Well, I guess we’ll just have to give you some luck then, won’t we?” I dug the tip of the blade into the tree.
“Oh really? And whose initial is going next to mine?” Her voice was curious and a little lustful.
She’d just have to wait and find out. My heart raced wildly as I carved one side of the heart and then the other. The last thing was the letter C and it was finished. “You’ll have to leave it open until you find the guy. Then you can come back and put his initial next to yours.”
Hopefully mine when the time was right. There was no doubt in my mind that carving a J next to her C would make me the happiest man alive. But for now, she’d have an open heart, and I think that’s exactly what she needed. Something she could smile about, knowing that there was love out there waiting for her.
“And where will I find this guy? I seem to be looking in all the wrong places.” Her hand drifted over her stomach, causing my thoughts to swirl again.
“I don’t know where, but I have a feeling he’s close by.”
Her breath hitched at my words and her eyes twinkled.
He’s right in front of you, sweetheart. He’s waiting with a beating heart and open arms. Whenever you’re ready.
It was a game of time. What would win? Her leaving or our hearts giving in to whatever was going on between us?
Seven
NEXT I TOOK HER SOMEPLACE I probably shouldn’t have. The second she saw her car torn apart in Moose’s garage she gasped. I knew she wasn’t happy and I could’ve kicked myself. Her eyes had pooled with tears and the one saving grace was the fact that Moose had found her phone. T
o take her mind off of her parents, her car, and everything else in her life, I decided that I was taking her to Dog Gone tonight. It wasn’t until she came down the hall all dolled up in her little black dress and turquoise boots that I thanked every star above me that she’d agreed to go. She was gorgeous. Drop dead gorgeous. And tonight, she was all mine.
We arrived at Dog Gone and I felt like the luckiest man alive, strutting in with her next to me. She razed Moose, which made me laugh. Cassie fit in so well you’d have thought she’d been here her whole life: wearing her boots as if she walked in them everyday, chatting with Kasey like they were lifelong friends. I just hoped she liked to dance.
Moose glanced over his shoulder toward the end of the bar. The same end where Kasey and Cassie were sitting. He glanced back at me then slammed his empty beer bottle on the counter. “All right, man. I gotta go. I promised Kasey a dance,” Moose said with a slap to my back before running off but I sensed that he was up to something.
I really didn’t think he and Kasey were into each other like that. I shrugged and then took another sip of my water.
“Hey there. This seat taken?”
A grin split my lips. I didn’t even have to look to know who the voice belonged to. That sweet sound made everything inside of me come to life. “For a girl like you? It’s never taken,” I answered, finally realizing the reason Moose had left. Sneaky bastard, but I’d have to thank him.
Her smile reached her eyes, the same ones that were fixed on mine, and I couldn’t stop staring at them even if I tried. But then her mouth went slack and she did what I never wanted her to do—she looked away.
I glanced down at her fingers that were fidgeting with her glass. The contents were clear and only confirmed what I thought I already knew. She continued to look down, lost in thought.
“What are you thinking about over there, Cassie?”
She swiveled her stool in my direction, her cheeks painted a soft pink. “Nothing,” she replied, blinking several times.
“I can tell you’re lying.”
She exhaled. “Fine, you seem sad, Jase.”
My heart leapt into my throat. I dropped my gaze to the floor as my grip tightened on my glass. She couldn’t know why I seemed sad or how my secret ate at me when I was around her.
She. Couldn’t. Know.
“You can talk to me.” A warm hand found my knee, the skin under my jeans blazing beneath her touch. Her fingers curled around my leg, holding me in a way that both broke and healed me, all at once.
God, it was all I could do to keep from screaming out to her what was wrong. But she had too much going on in her life to have to deal with my problems, too. I was stuck. I couldn’t tell her the truth. She wouldn’t accept it and then it would just be more heartbreak. For us both. At least at this point, we weren’t anything but friends.
But I wanted more.
And a part of my heart was punching me internally for not making a move already.
A sudden coldness drifted over my leg. Her hand was back on the bar, and already I missed her warmness. I needed a reason to touch her. It was simple, we had to dance.
I hopped off the stool and eased behind her gorgeously dressed body. It was the biggest battle of all, telling myself not to put my lips on her bare shoulder as I inched my mouth closer to her ear. “You can talk to me too, you know?” I whispered, and a row of goose bumps blanketed her skin, making me smirk.
Grasping her seat, I twirled her around so she was resting between my legs. Her face lit up. She was in this moment and I wasn’t about to waste it. “Let’s dance, pretty girl.”
A smile curved her lips and I grabbed her hand, taking that as a yes. But as I walked away, she didn’t follow. I turned and met her wide eyes.
“There’s a slight problem,” she muttered.
Worried, I scooted closer, braced my hands on her knees, and leaned forward, placing my ear near her mouth so she didn’t have to yell.
“I don’t know how to dance country,” she confessed.
What? That’s what her problem was?
I pulled back and immediately started laughing, uncontrollably. Her problem was adorable and innocent and in turn, only made me want her more. Why couldn’t it have been that she had to go the restroom or something awkward like that? Why’d she have to be so damn cute?
Her palm suddenly covered my mouth, stopping my laugh in an instant. My stomach knotted. This was way too close. This wasn’t just skin to skin, this was flesh to mouth. It took all of the control I had in me not to press a kiss to the inside of her hand.
Her gaze narrowed. “Stop laughing, this is serious,” she demanded.
Yes, it is serious. Seriously cute.
I reluctantly moved her hand from my face. “I’ll lead, you just follow. You’ll be okay. Just go with it, Cassie,” I reassured her.
This time, I made sure she came with me and lifted her off the stool. I weaved us in and out of the crowd, and as I listened to the song that played through the speakers, the heat built on my cheeks. It was perfect and I didn’t even plan it, but hell it worked out to my benefit. A part of me wondered if she’d recognize it. I really hoped she did.
I settled us in the middle of the dance floor. A sea of couples surrounded our bodies as I took her hand in mine and guided her other behind my back. She didn’t hesitate and kept it there, secure, like she wanted it there. With a pleased grin, I wrapped my other hand around her lower back. She drew in a sharp breath as I did, only making my smile widen.
Not trying to push my luck, but needing to be closer, I pressed our bodies together, making sure there was no space between us, not even room to breathe. With our faces only inches apart, I whispered, “Don’t be scared, just like we practiced in the street.”
Her eyes gazed into mine as if they were seeing them for the first time.
Originally, my mission tonight was to get her to let loose and have fun, but now, all I wanted to do was recreate the moment under the streetlight.
And to be honest, this was already far surpassing that tenfold.
Not wasting anymore time, I took control and did as I told her I would. I led us, keeping our movements smooth and slow, just like the song. We hadn’t stopped staring at one another since we stepped onto the dance floor, and every ounce of me wanted our skin to physically touch. For once, I was sick of wanting, so I eased my cheek against hers. At the moment of impact, the heat immediately radiated from her skin onto mine, traveling down my torso and continuing further. This girl had me flushed from head to toe.
And as if she felt it too, her body finally relaxed into mine, like she knew it was safe there, with me, in my arms. My chest thundered because I knew I had her, all of her . . . mind and body. Completely at ease, my voicebox let loose and hummed along with the song.
Suddenly, Cassie’s soft cheek slid away from me and her eyes searched mine, like there was a hidden answer in them.
I know you know this song, sweetheart.
Two beats later, she smirked. “This is the song you were humming in the street isn’t it?” she asked, even though she’d already put two and two together.
God yes. She knew it. My lips grew into a smile that was larger than life. I urged our bodies back together and moved my lips to her ear. “It’s called ‘Wanted’ by Hunter Hayes.”
Without warning, she delicately cupped her fingers behind my neck. The way she latched on to me was enough to make my brain fog over and my knees want to collapse. I did everything I could to contain myself as I locked my hands behind her back. We were a chain link; nothing could break us apart now as we peered softly into each other’s eyes.
The soft hazel color of hers could get you lost if you stared into them long enough. They swirled green and brown and got lighter the happier she was. They were like a drug, look once and that’s all it took to capture your soul and never let you go. Those hypnotizing irises, those pink-tinted cheeks, and those red lips drew me in like a gravitational pull. Tugging me so far that her soft b
reath warmed my hungry mouth.
We weren’t inches apart or even centimeters. We were mere millimeters, a breath and one second apart.
As the song winded down, my heartbeat grew louder. It was the only thing I could hear.
Boom-Boom.
Boom-Boom.
Boom-Boom.
It pumped harder, faster, as I moved past our millimeter mark. One more second, one last breath, and my mouth would be touching hers. The rights, the wrongs, and every reason why I shouldn’t kiss this phenomenal girl silenced as my breath hitched and we were now only one second from kissing.
Her lips were within reach. Almost grazing.
And then it happened.
The song changed, the mood altered, and the crowd around us went chaotic. We stopped moving toward each other and gravity now yanked us apart. Our moment was gone, vanished. One second was all it took to steal it away.
Was it a sign?
I knew I was playing with fire, but maybe it was bigger than a matchstick flame and more like a bonfire. I almost kissed this amazing girl again. What was I thinking?
“My turn next,” Moose shouted as he grabbed the very hand that had just been around my neck.
A suffocating lump in my throat surfaced as I kept my gaze on her face. It had lost its luster as we both stared. Was she thinking the same thing as me? Were the wheels turning in her mind about the coincidence of the moment we lost? I tried to smile for her but it would’ve been a lie if I said it was easy.
Kasey snatched my hand and led me off in another direction, far away from the only person I wanted to be next to. I lost sight of Cassie as we got closer to the edge of the dance floor, away from the crowd. We were dancing, but it was weak and the allure of having fun had vanished the minute my hands left Cassie.
The suspicious expression on Kasey’s face snapped me out of my thoughts. “Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked.
“What was all that about?”
I popped a brow at her.
“With Cassandra. Stop playing dumb. I know you better than you think.”