by B. A. Wolfe
“Imagine being a kid at Christmas, getting everything you asked for, and more, then having it all ripped away in the blink of an eye.” I met his eyes; they hadn’t left mine since I started talking. There wasn’t amusement in his expression. He was simply listening and being the ear I needed. The more I talked about it, the better I felt—that was the theory, anyway. I stared forward toward my toes, wiggling them as I tried to fill him in on the rest.
“I’d stare at green lights and consume myself with all things Jason. Melanie was freaked out. I was numb. I didn’t want anything but Jason back. What brought me back was my story, writing it out and reading it back. I realized that I had everything to be grateful for. If I’d never met him, I don’t even know what I would be doing today. He saved me from myself. I miss him, more than words or crying until my eyes bleed could ever do justice. But to have met Jason—to have written our story, to have been kissed like I always knew it was supposed to feel—I’m grateful I was given the chance to love. As much as it broke me when he was taken away, I wouldn’t ever wish I’d never met him.” I lifted my gaze from my toes and looked back at Aidan. His eyes were still where I left them, but his jawline appeared tight now.
“I close my eyes and still see his green eyes looking back at me. I remember his black casket and imagine the smoothness of it under my hand. I regret every day that I didn’t have the heart to stay at his funeral.” I paused as memories flooded my mind. Focus, Cassandra. Focus. Tears were threatening in full force, but I continued.
“I’m not doing okay,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m just doing. I’m doing what I have to, to keep myself from breaking apart every time one of those memories plays in my mind, because I have a baby to take care of. He’s what keeps me from driving myself crazy. I’m better than I was a year ago, but I still feel as if a piece of me is missing. I’m hoping time and figuring out what else life has in store for me will help. Until then, I just go about my days.” I let my gaze drift to the grass, where my hands nervously fidgeted with themselves. Tears welled in my eyes. For Jase? For myself? My brain couldn’t decide. The thoughts swirling in my head were gone in seconds as a warm hand covered mine. I inhaled and looked up. The pain in his face, matched the pain that burned inside of me.
“I’m sorry.” He didn’t need to say anything more than those two words. I could tell from his expression that he understood. A sincere smile now broke across his face. “Remembering is important. It’s good not to forget him.” A feeling of relief washed over my aching heart. His eyes blinked a couple of times as I pondered how to respond. His dark lashes brushed against his cheeks. Was he trying to blink away tears, just as I was?
“How are you doing?” I asked.
His hand drifted away and the once warm expression was replaced with one I saw too often on my own face. “Wishing it was me in the ground instead of him.” His voice cracked after he said ground, in turn cracking my heart. My eyes couldn’t leave his poignant face. I couldn’t move my body. Listening to him talk was all my body allowed.
“I’m trying to be the person he would want me to be, the guy he knew I was. To understand why my brother was taken and I wasn’t. Why he had this hereditary disease and I don’t. It haunts me. So, I channel my emotions into my work. I feel that in some messed up way if I do what he always told me to do, then I’m not this awful person that I feel I am. I gave him my kidney and it failed him,” he said, his voice such a low whisper not even a mouse could hear.
He pushed himself up so he was sitting and I followed suit, our backs now off the cool grass and warmed by the sun. His hands gripped themselves so tight they looked ghostly white. “The world doesn’t make sense, my parents don’t understand me, and then once . . .” His head turned, the color gone from his eyes. My body stayed frozen as each word he said ripped a new hole in my already wounded heart.
My mouth muscles relaxed and I spoke as though it was the first words I’d said in years. “Yeah?”
“I had an incredible drink with a girl who made me feel that finding someone, an incredible someone in a sea of millions, might not actually be as hard as I imagined. But she barely wants to talk to me now, and I don’t know if I can handle that. You see, the day I met her I wasn’t going to go out. I knew what week it was, and no part of me cared to celebrate what I had accomplished—my new job. I went out because something told me to. But being there and trying to play like I was excited to be out was hard, until I saw her.” His eyes grew brighter as he talked.
“There was something about her. She took my mind off of everything, if only for those twenty minutes. The best twenty minutes I’d had in a long time. And don’t even get me started on the phone call I had with her.”
I did everything I could to remain calm on the outside; but inside, it was like a steam horn going off as each flutter of my heart remembered that night.
He lifted his arm to run a hand through his short, dark hair. “That’s how I am.”
I gulped, my eyes closing for a brief moment. I didn’t know how to respond. Hundreds of words flew around in my head, forming sentence after sentence to offer him, but nothing came out. I didn’t quite know how to swallow that.
Were the feelings he shared and the feelings I felt—so similar I could have sworn he’d stolen them from the very safe in my heart—okay to feel? We’d known each other longer than I once thought. I knew him before, when he was just Aidan, the guy from the coffee shop. The guy who scribbled a message on a napkin for me. Before he was Jason’s brother.
Those last words preoccupied my mind. I swallowed any reason to feel as if this were okay and gulped it down. I opened my eyes, only to find his gaze staring right back at me.
We sat for a few more minutes. Aidan must have felt my uneasiness and filled the air with a cute story from when Jason was younger. How he fell from the tree but Aidan caught him, all because of a cat they were trying to save.
“You’re a good brother.” I nudged his arm.
His eyes looked up into the tree shading us and then back at me with a smile. “Thanks.”
I could’ve sat out there for hours, chatting about nonsense, but I needed to return to my baby. “I should probably get back. Are you coming with?”
He ran a hand along his jaw. “No, I’ll catch up later.”
“You sure?” I asked, the pit in my stomach feeling hard for this guy who was here remembering his brother.
“Yeah. You go ahead.”
“Okay.” I stood, slipped on my shoes, and wiped the grass off my capris. One last look in his direction and I started to walk away.
“Cassandra,” Aidan shouted from behind.
“Aidan,” I answered, looking over my shoulder.
A sexy grin swept across his face. Doing a little head nod, he responded, “Thanks for staying out here with me.”
“What are friends for?” I answered, grinning the whole way back to the house.
Twelve
Cassandra
THE DRESSER MIRROR REFLECTED the image of my feet—clad in perfectly beautiful high heel shoes.
What I wished to have adorning my feet on our night out though, I didn’t have the heart to say. Tears threatened each time I thought about my favorite boots—the boots that should be decorating my feet with their unique turquoise color. They were as much a part of me as the very legs that had delivered them to Jason’s casket, leaving them for him to keep. What I wouldn’t give to have them back, encasing my feet, prompting the smiles they once did.
The door to the bedroom opened. I sniffled back my emotion as Mel strutted in dressed in a pair of black skinny pants, black patent heels at least four-inches high, and a soft green, sleeveless blouse.
“Wow! You look hot, Mel.”
She struck a pose and smiled. “Thanks, babe. You, too. I love the dress.”
It was a plum-colored sleeveless dress with a sweetheart neckline. It was a little dressier than I should be wearing, but I couldn’t help myself. “A little much for tonight, no?”
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“Hell, no. You look gorgeous.” She rummaged through her clutch and pulled out a lipstick. After applying a quick coat, we grabbed our stuff and went upstairs.
I pulled Jase out of the swing and held him close.
“You guys go on. Have fun,” Trish said, stealing Jase from my arms.
I placed a soft kiss on his head and told myself I wouldn’t be long tonight. I’d miss him. “Okay, thank you. Bottles are on the counter and there are extra diapers—”
She gently laid her hand on my arm and laughed. “Cassandra, I’ve got this.”
I took a breath and nodded. “Thanks again. We won’t be late.”
Moose met us at the door wearing a dark pair of jeans, a button up shirt, and one large belt buckle. Somehow he pulled it off. He offered to drive, which I was more than grateful for. He parked his truck in the crowded dirt lot and Mel hopped out of the truck before he even had a chance to open her door. He shook his head in frustration and I just laughed.
Mel reached the heavy wooden bar door first and stopped. “Well, here’s to a great night in honor of Jason,” she said, wearing a genuine smile across her face.
“For Jason,” Moose and I repeated in unison. We each sucked in a deep breath and strolled through the door. The only style this place had was chaos meets country. A sea of cowboy hats, tight jeans, and boots shuffling across a scuffed dance floor to the music of a five-piece band blasting safely from behind a wall of wire mesh. Mel looped her arm through mine and we were at the bar before I had the chance to take in anything else.
“What’ll it be, babe?” Mel asked as she leaned into the bar. I took a seat next to her and before I could answer, a loud voice stole my attention.
“Big D in the house.” Moose’s voice sang through the bar.
I looked at Mel. Her eyes were on the front door, clearly looking around for Aidan too.
Within seconds, she met my stare. “Did you know he was coming tonight?”
I tapped my fingers against the rustic bar top and shook my head. “He wasn’t at the house when we left, though.” I chewed the inside of my cheek. “I honestly didn’t know he’d come here.”
“Maybe he had a pit stop first?”
I twisted my neck once more and fought a smile as I watched him approach Moose with one of those guy hugs. I wanted him here. Aidan drove me insane, but in the best way possible.
“Just relax,” she said. “I’ve got a plan.” She put her fingers in her mouth and let out an excruciatingly loud whistle.
“Ouch. What the hell?” I muttered as I covered my ear that was now half deaf.
“Taking one for the team, that’s what,” she said as she waved someone over.
“Jesus, Mel. What are you doing now?” I tried not to panic.
She hopped off of her stool and stood beside me. “Trust me.”
I closed my eyes and shook my head.
“You whistled?” Moose’s voice sounded behind me.
“Be a gentleman and ask a lady to dance.” Mel smiled at him while shooting me a wink.
What was she doing? She wasn’t interested in Moose. Those two were on their way to becoming enemies, not friends. I cocked my head and peered down at Mel.
“Cass, would you like to dance?” Moose asked, looking at me. Mel’s hand slapped the side of his arm the second the words left his mouth.
“Ouch! Goddamn it. What? You said a lady.” Moose rubbed the side of his arm, pretending she’d hurt him. A groan escaped Mel’s pursed lips. “All right, let’s dance. But you better keep up.” He took her hand in his.
Her lips curved upward for a split second. “My heels will out dance your cowboy boots any day, TJ.” Mel angled her feet, one at a time, showing off her party shoes.
Moose rolled his eyes. “We’ll see about that.”
“Play nice, you two,” I scolded as he whisked her off.
I swiveled back to the counter as I evaluated the situation. I was more than confused and now alone. The bartender set a napkin down in front of me.
“I didn’t order anything,” I said, pushing it toward him.
“The gentleman down there sent it over,” he said, shoving it back my way.
I turned the napkin over and sure enough, I immediately recognized Aidan’s chicken scratch. I couldn’t help but smile as I read it.
Hey Sweet Tea, is the seat next to you taken?
If it’s not, show me a thumb’s up.
I looked over in his direction, meeting his stare. His lips were curled up to one side.
It was now clear why Mel said she was taking one for the team. The chair next to mine was empty; it was like she knew he would want to sit there. I decided against my better judgment to let him come over. He wasn’t the plague. He was Jason’s brother, and in some weird way, for that reason alone I felt the need to let him in.
My smile spread, knowing what I was about to do with my damn thumb. I raised it and glanced over at his seat, except he wasn’t there. I scanned the bar, but I couldn’t find him. Instead, I received a few questioning glances from those around me.
Suddenly, my body tingled. A warm hand gripped my thumb that I held in the air, sending a flash of goose bumps down my arm.
“I couldn’t wait any longer.” Aidan’s husky voice rumbled in my ear as he let go of my hand and took a seat next to me.
I bit down on my lower lip. My insides bubbled with excitement.
“I was a little worried you’d say no, and I didn’t want to give you the chance.” He smiled as he took a sip from his beer bottle.
“You should have a little more faith in people,” I said. “Question is . . . are you stalking me?”
His eyebrows rose and his eyes grew wide as a finger went to his chest. “I think you’re stalking me if I’m not mistaken. I’m the one who grew up here, remember?”
His eyes lingered. Heat rose in my cheeks as I watched him look my body up and down in one slow, fluid motion.
“First you show up at my house, then here? Just saying,” he teased.
I fiddled with the napkin in front of me. “Technically, I was at your house before you were.”
“Exactly. You’re always one step ahead. Kind of suspicious, don’t you think?” He raised his brow and instantly my palms began to sweat. What was it about him?
“Think what you want. I’m no stalker,” I said.
His lips spread wide. “You want to know what I think?” he asked.
My gaze was now riveted on him. I dropped the napkin from my sweaty hands. “What’s that, oh wise one?”
“That we . . .” he paused and lowered his eyes. My heart sped up. “Should dance.”
I lowered my gaze to his chest. It seemed to be rising and falling quickly. Was he nervous? My eyes found his again. “I’ll pass. I don’t really know how.”
“How to dance?” He set his beer down and stared at me like I was crazy.
I lifted my shoulder, then let it fall. “No. The county twenty step or whatever the hell it’s called.”
He let out a throaty laugh. “The country two-step maybe?”
“That’d be the one,” I said, pointing at him like he was the winner of a game show.
He took another drink, then set his bottle down again. “Jase never taught you?” His voice trailed off after he realized what he’d said.
I pressed my lips together and shook my head. “If I remember correctly, he said in good time.” Time just wasn’t on our side.
He fixed his eyes on mine. “Well, beautiful. It just so happens I’m a master two-stepper. I even taught Jase how to dance. He’d kill me, knowing I told you.”
He did? I wouldn’t have guessed that. I grinned at his confession. I kind of liked this new information.
“What do you say, Sweet Tea? Will you let me teach you?”
Anxiously, I picked at my nail beds. “I’d say I’m not sure.”
He eased back and slid off the bar stool, standing tall behind me. “Then I’d say . . . Don’t think. Not for a second.
Just go with what you feel.” His breath tickled my neck, causing a shiver to course through my body.
My stool spun around and Aidan rested his hands on the bar behind me. His face was mere centimeters from mine. I stared up at him, enjoying the all too sexy grin on his face.
“What do you feel in there?” he asked, his eyes traveling to my chest. The very chest that held my racing heart. “Tell me . . .”
“I want you to teach me to dance,” I replied breathlessly. I answered with my heart, not letting my mind think for even a second.
His lips curled to the side. “What was that? I couldn’t hear you.”
“Teach me. Teach me how to dance,” I replied hastily.
“All you had to do was ask,” he teased as he reached out his hand for me to take. I loved when he teased me, when he got me to say what I felt.
With my hand secured in his, he led us to the middle of the dance floor. Couples around us were already dancing as if they’d been doing it their whole lives, not missing a single beat as they moved with ease. The song continued to play through the speakers, loud enough that nearby voices were muffled, but low enough you could hear and understand the lyrics about a rundown bar and two young lovers being wild and free. It sounded forbidden.
My hand moved to Aidan’s bicep, not ready to fully envelop his body with my arm yet. The other palm stayed tight in his hand as he brought it away from our bodies. It was the moment his other hand touched my back, scooting me closer to him that the beating in my heart became louder than the music. I heard every thump and watched his eyes light up as we took our first steps, his hold securing me to him.
“Remember, just let me lead. I’ve got us,” he said, dipping his head close to my ear.
I nodded. His words threaded through me, syllable by syllable, making me go weak as he did what he said.
I surrendered my body to him, giving him full control as he led us around the dance floor, knowing damn well he did have us. He wasn’t letting go. In fact, he only held me tighter. His broad chest brushed mine with each step that steered us around the floor. But it wasn’t chaotic. It was methodical, pre-planned. Each step served a purpose as he continued to sway. It wasn’t hard to notice the other women flashing glances at Aidan as we passed.