She made her way to her table and sat in one of the chairs motioning for him to do the same. “She's a dreamer and yes, I agree with you about that. But, she's also the offspring of our ruling family – a family that has no heir to take over when Jeff passes. Carson's twin is named Cayson and a handsome lad he is; tall, strong and full of life. But in their infinite wisdom, our illustrious council, the babbling jackasses, have decided he's not good enough simply because they don't acknowledge empathy as a strong or appropriate gift for a leader.” She shook her head sadly. “The council insists that our pack have a beta, and not just any beta but a strong one that can take over in case of something happening to our alpha. We have not had one since Jeff's brother, Daniel, died five years ago. They have decided for us what is in our best interest as a pack and as a species. Our alpha has fought this battle for years – trying to make them see reason. But now time has run out; which is why you are here.”
“Me?” He wrinkled his brow. “I thought it was because you needed a new healer. What do I have to do with a run?”
She nodded and placed a hand on his arm. “I still have a few more years left in me and could easily handle the healing for a bit longer. However, with her run coming up, I convinced Jeff we need someone to keep an eye on things. That girl is like the granddaughter I never had and too important to just hope she's alright. There have been cases when a wolf's instincts take over to the point that he maimed or even killed his catch. I had seen runs in my youth and I've seen firsthand what can go wrong. When I told Jeff about the risks, he agreed with me. We were just lucky that you were available.”
He chuckled. “One pack's superfluous healer...”
“Is another's savior – especially when it comes to someone as precious as Carson.” She finished. “We can't let anything happen to her. As much as I hate the idea of this thing, I know that I can't stop it. The best I can do is what I can to see that she makes it through this as undamaged as possible. You can't interfere with the imprinting, of course, but you can, I hope, at least insure she comes through it physically unharmed.”
Chase nodded slowly and placed his hand on hers. “I promise Molly. I'll do everything in my power.”
Molly smiled and patted his hand. “Good.” She seemed to have had a weight lifted from her aged shoulders. “Now, about that wish list, you think you could sneak a couple new rocker chairs on there? For expectant mothers, of course,” she asked innocently.
CHAPTER 4
“Come on Amanda! Let me in just for a minute.” Cayson fidgeted impatiently on the Thistle porch. “I just want to talk to you.”
“Cayson Hennison, you go away right this minute. I done told you I don't want nothing to do with you,” Amanda screeched at him from behind the closed door.
He could hear her elevated heartbeat, the way her breath was short and shallow. It had been three years since the night of his sixteenth birthday – since the night everything went so horribly wrong, but she was still afraid of him. He sighed and lowered his voice slightly. “Please Amanda. I told you I had no control over what happened that night.” He hesitated a second before adding. “I still love you and I miss you so much.”
There was a panicked whimper from the other side of the door. “Well I don't love you. You scare the crap out of me. Go away before I have to call one of the Enforcers again. You know your daddy said for you to stay away from me.”
He growled as her words tore a hole in his heart. Balling his fist up he slammed it into the door facing, causing it to crack. She screamed and he heard her run to the back of the house, no doubt to call for help. Dropping the flowers and box of her favorite chocolates he had gone all the way to Rocky Bluff for, he turned and made his way down the steps and onto the commons.
“Morning, Cayson.”
He looked up and nodded glumly. “Morning, Mrs. Michaels.”
She stopped and looked at him critically. “Honey, I told you to call me Jan. Mrs. Michaels is, and always will be, Steven's mother.”
“Yes ma'am. I mean Jan.”
She chuckled and looked up at the porch behind him where Amanda was watching from behind a curtain. “Still trying, are you?”
He nodded then lowered his eyes. “I just don't understand it. How can I love her so much that it hurts to breathe without her, but she doesn't feel the same?”
Jan set the basket of laundry she was carrying on the ground. “It’s because you have a crush on her and she doesn't feel the...”
He interrupted, “no it’s more than just a crush.”
She thought for a moment. “Honey, I know you think it’s more, but that's what it is,” she continued gently. “No matter how much you wish and hope and want her to be your mate, it's just not going to happen. Nature gives us all one perfect mate, a wolf that was created just for us and nobody else. The moment your eyes meet for the first time, you fall into them. It's like you surrender your soul to them, lose yourself and become a part of them, and they become a part of you. Then the blood bond comes and you can feel what they feel, that piece that you both share is a living, breathing thing inside you. It's really hard to find the words to explain how it feels to know they are always there. It's far beyond just comforting.” Her eyes had become misty and a gentle smile curved her lips. “At least that's how it is for us.” She placed a hand on his chest over his heart. “This knows the truth, Cayson. You may love Amanda now, but it’s nothing compared to your mate. When you find her, you'll see the mating mark on your chest and feel her in your soul. It's an incredible feeling. Don't settle for less.” She dropped her hand and gave him a smile, picking the basket up and winked. “Speaking of mates, mine is hungry for some lunch so I best be getting home. You think about what I said.”
He watched her move around him and make her way towards her house where her mate was waiting. He sighed. Why does everyone think he doesn't understand about love? He knew Amanda was the one for him and if she would just let him look in her eyes, she would feel it too. They would have the mark and everything would be perfect again.
“Son.”
Slowly he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, blowing it out slowly. Turning around he opened them. “Father.”
Jeff looked at the porch where Amanda and Gemma's father, William, was standing with his arms crossed over his chest glaring at Cayson. The alpha raised a hand in greeting then looked at Cayson. “My office. NOW!”
.-~*~-.
“How many times are we going to have to do this, Cay?” Jeff leaned against his desk and looked at him with barely contained anger. “This is the third time this month I've gotten a call from one of the Thistles about you. When are you going to get it through your head that she doesn't feel the same way as you do?”
“She is just confused. I know if she will just let me explain,” he began.
"No!” Jeff growled. “This is getting way out of hand. Son, I know you think she's the right one for you but she's not.”
“You don't know that,” he growled sullenly, “Amanda is my girl.”
“Stop! Would you just listen to yourself? You are making that poor girl insane with your obsession. I know that you are still struggling to deal with this whole empathy thing, but if you can't get a better control of your own emotions, I'm going to have no choice but to send you to another pack. I can't have you scaring her half to death anymore!”
Cayson stood up and began to leave.
“Stop right there, get your butt back here and sit down,” Jeff used his alpha to compel his son to obey. Slowly, Cay turned and made his way back but refused to sit. Jeff could see the strain as he fought the compulsion. Cayson's muscles were tensed and his hands curled in fists. He glared openly at his father and Jeff could see his wolf defying his alpha.
And they said he's not strong enough to lead? What a bunch of Idiots!
Jeff released his will and Cayson all but sagged in relief. Swallowing, he tried another approach. “Sit for a minute. I want you to do something for me.”
Ca
yson hesitated then realizing it was a request and not a command, he sunk in the seat. Jeff sat on the edge of his desk and clasped his hands in his lap. “I want you to close your eyes and I want you to reach down into yourself and connect with your wolf. Do it for me, Son. Find your wolf and meld with him. Find that moment just before shifting when you are thinking as one, feeling as one.” He watched and when he was sure Cay had done it, he took a breath knowing this next part was going to be hard but necessary.
“Now, using your wolf's senses, his intuition, think about Amanda. Don't use the human side, just the wolf. Think about her smile, her smell. Think about her animal and how she looks, where the sun hits her when she runs, the movement of muscles under her fur. Now, you have that firmly in your mind, open your eyes and tell me what your beast thinks about her, not you the human but the wolf only.”
Cayson's face fell as he opened his eyes. “He thinks she’s a nice looking wolf but that's all. He really doesn't have much interest in her.”
Jeff nodded. “A life mate is one that fits perfectly with you both, wolf and human, because you were created specifically for each other. If Amanda was your mate, even without the mark, he would be interested in her. Everything would entice you both, and even with the fear, she wouldn't be able to resist being with you. Your human side is infatuated with her, but that's it. She's the kind that you could settle for, but she's not your life mate.”
He bowed his head. “I guess I finally understand,” he whispered, “but it still hurts.”
Jeff nodded then clapped his son's shoulder. “Crushes hurt, Cay, but in time you'll move on. I know you feel like you love her, but now you know the truth. One day, mark my words, you'll find that person that interests you both and then when you gaze into her eyes you won't even be able to remember what Amanda looked like.” He checked the clock on the wall and slid off the desk. “Stay away from the Thistles,” he warned him one last time then ushered him out the door. “Oh, I need you to go check the pack room and make sure it's ready for the unmated males that should start arriving today. There should be plenty of cots set up.”
Cayson stopped, a muscle in his jaw twitching. “You know how I feel about this,” he said quietly.
“I know. I don't like it either but the least we can do is try to make it easier for her. Support her.”
“Easier?” Cay growled. “You just gave me the life-mate-is-the-only-one-for-you talk and you are going to force her to mate with some random wolf.”
Jeff shook his head sadly. “I wish I could do something to stop this.” The words were barely above a whisper.
“Then stop it, Father,” Cayson closed the space between them. “You're the Alpha. STOP THIS!”
“I CAN'T!” Jeff growled. “It's either this or lose our home. I don't have a choice. Being alpha sometimes means you have to do what’s best for the pack. It means making the hard choices. It means doing what's best for the greater good.”
Cayson's eyes had turned gold, his wolf snarling just below the surface. “If that's what it means to be an alpha, then Luna knew exactly what she was doing in making it so I could never be one. I may be ‘weak’, but I would fight for her and for my family. I would never sacrifice my own daughter for anyone.” He stalked out the door and slammed it behind him.
CHAPTER 5
Rachel sat cross-legged on the end of Carson's unmade bed watching her best friend as she paced back and forth, chewing on a fingernail.
“You'll get worms if you don't stop that. Oh wait, if you get worms then you will have to go see that hunky new healer. Don't you think he is yummy? ” She sighed wistfully. “I mean seriously, I could just spread him on toast and devour him with a glass of cherry soda!”
Carson stopped and snapped her fingers in her friend's face. “Earth to Rachel. I don't know if you're aware of the current situation, but I'm sorta in the middle of a crisis. I don't have time to go stargaze at men who are probably old enough to be my father. I hear he's been to medical school and internships and all that junk. He has to be in his 30's.”
The petite redhead shrugged her shoulders “Maybe. But, thanks to those lovely hot werewolf genes, he looks twenty – a perfect age for me. Oh, and speaking of hot werewolf genes, have you seen the influx of hotties that has been pouring in the lands? It’s like a smorgasbord of wolf flesh, and they are all here for you, girlfriend.”
“No, I haven't looked at them.” Carson threw herself on the floor and let out a miserable sigh. “What does it matter? By midnight tonight I will be forced into a loveless mating for the rest of my life and no hope of escape.”
Rachel slipped off the bed and hugged her oldest friend. “Maybe we should try to find the good in this. They say that imprinting is almost as good as life mate. I mean, well you will be fiercely loyal to him and he to you. Perhaps in time, maybe you can grow to love him.”
“You're deluded. Imprinting is nothing romantic. It's just a wolf's instinct, Rach, it's nothing better than wolf prostitution. That's why my father will compel me to shift and not let me change back until it’s over, because only a wolf can imprint.” She threw her head back against her bed. “I want MY mate. Rach, it won't be the same. Somewhere out there, he is waiting on me. If I give up now, I'm giving up on him. Not only will I be miserable, so will he. Did you know that some wolves would kill themselves rather than live without their mate? They say it's like half your soul and all of your heart is ripped out – that there's nothing anchoring you here anymore.” Carson's voice had dropped to a whisper. “But to keep living would be the true death. My whole life I’ve dreamed about my mating night; what I would wear, how it would feel to stand there under the full moon and know the person next to me loves me completely, hopelessly and madly. I don't want maybes, I want the certainty.”
Rachel's face lost all color. “I... I guess I can see what you mean.” She got up and walked over to Carson and grabbed her hand. “Why don't you run? Phase and just run, now... go as far as you can away from here?”
“Because our father has forbidden her from leaving the grounds,” Cayson walked in without knocking. Rachel jumped and dropped Carson's hand, her face flushing a deep red. It was obvious that she had a crush on her best friend's brother, but then again, Rachel tended to have a crush at one time or another on pretty much every unmated male for miles around, human and were alike. Her exploits in dating were becoming something bordering on legend. “I'll just...,” she mumbled and almost tripped over her own feet backing away from Cayson, finally sprawling across the bed.
Cayson leaned in and kissed his sister on the cheek. “Happy birthday, Squirt,” he mumbled and thrust a small box in her hand. It dawned on her. Today was their nineteenth birthday, but with everything else happening, she had forgotten.
“Happy birthday, Goliath,” she mumbled. “I've been so stressed, I forgot it was our birthday. I'm sorry, but I don't have a gift for you.”
“Just make it through tonight as your normal, irritating self and I'll call that gift enough.” He waved at Rachel. “Hey. How's it going?”
Rachel turned purple and her mouth opened then closed like a fish out of water.
Carson hid her laugh behind her hand and cleared her throat. Looking up she saw Cayson staring at her, his eyes full of sadness. Quickly she slammed a wall down on her emotions to protect him from picking up on them.
“Too late, Car, you've been broadcasting your misery for days now.” He whispered softly and rubbed her shoulder. “I wish I could do something. I even tried to talk to Father.”
Carson took a ragged breath. “So have I. I know he has to obey the council's orders, but that doesn't make it any easier. Whether or not he wants to, he will go through it and condemn me to a life without love. The best I could hope for is a young death, my mate's or mine, not that it would matter after imprinting. The bond will be severed forever.”
Rachel chewed her lip a moment, her foot starting to bounce as it did when she was thinking. “If she can't go on her own, can we take he
r? Just load her up in your jeep and drive away?”
Cayson shook his head. “The alpha's compulsion wouldn't let her. We would have to knock her out and even then, when she came to, she would be compelled to return. She literally has no choice. The word of the alpha is law. She could have left before he compelled her had she known. Father was smart to not say anything until she was here.”
Rachel let out a little noise of sorrow at her best friend then knelt beside her. “Maybe your life mate will be there. Maybe he will be the one to catch you and then you'll have your happily ever after.”
“It’s hopeless.” Carson whispered through the curtain of black hair obscuring her face. “Totally and completely hopeless. What am I going to do? How will I live the next 200 years without my mate?” She looked up at her friend and brother, their hearts breaking for her. She wrapped her arms around herself and shivered. Unbidden, a pair of deep chocolate eyes flecked with gold and amber stared at her from her mind, the eyes that had haunted her dreams for several years now. The look of disappointment, betrayal and hurt almost ripped her heart in half. She felt the hot sting of unshod tears burn her eyes but forbade them from falling.
“Have you tried to, you know, see who you'll end up with?” Cay asked softly, his fingers tightening slightly on her shoulder. “Do that dreamer stuff you do to see what your future will hold?”
Carson shook her head. “It doesn't work like that. Mostly, I see other people's paths; glimpses and flashes of what they have done or will do. Sometimes I don't understand what I'm shown until the situation presents itself, but it's only for others, never for me. According to Manna, my teacher, it's the way it manifests. The gift will not allow you to influence others’ lives in ways to coerce your own into a specific path. So though I may know the lives of others, my own is shrouded in clouds unless by some chance I get a glimpse of myself through their eyes. It’s rarely enough to really understand what is going on, where I am or what's going on.”
Shattered Dreams (Luna's Children) Page 4