by Candice Dow
“You ready to get in the tub?” He reached out for my hand. “Take a bath with me.”
I wanted to be resistant, but how could I be mad at him? We were both being unfaithful to other people. Devin lifted my T-shirt over my head and admired my body. I shifted uncomfortably and he wrapped his arms around me. He stepped from his pants and helped me into the tub first. The water was warm and inviting, and the sea salt opened up my sinuses. My pores felt free and clear, as Devin stepped in behind me. My back rested on his chest and my arms rested on his knees. We relaxed and reminisced and forgot about the other side of our lives. He reached down in front of me, rubbing me in between my legs. I turned to kiss him. It felt right. It was passionate. He dipped the sponge in the water and drained it on different parts of my body. Then on my hair, drenching my one-hundred-dollar hairdo. Yet my heart pounded with excitement, anxious to feel him in me again.
Devin sat on the side of the tub, water dripping from his sculpted body, and all my intelligence evaporated. I straddled him and sucked on his glistening neck. He took mouthfuls of my breast, as I grinded on him. We moaned and groaned. He held my legs, and my arms clamped around his neck as he stood to his feet. Nearly slipping in the tub, we staggered backward to the other side. He pushed me up to the window for the whole of Manhattan to see my ass. I gripped the windowsill as our bodies crashed repeatedly together. It was enthralling, invigorating, and everything I needed. Devin had always been a marathon lover, and nothing had changed. Finally, he released inside of me.
We moved from the tub to the shower. Inside the shower, we held each other as the water rolled down our skin. When we got out, Devin scurried around his room getting dressed and gathering his things. Before he left the apartment, he gave me four American Express gift cards, totaling two thousand dollars.
“Is this enough?” he asked.
“For what?”
“For whatever.”
I handed them back. “Devin, I don’t need anything.”
“No, I want you to buy whatever you want. You’re in New York. Buy yourself a purse or something.”
He sure knew what to say to tempt a girl. After he refused to take them back, I relented. He leaned in to kiss my cheek, gave me the elevator code to get back into the building, and told me he’d see me around nine. We planned to have another night on the town. I saw him to the elevator door and we kissed. I felt high as I floated back to the kitchen to make some coffee, but I stopped short of my quest when I noticed the music speaker system on the wall. I flipped through the music selections and found Brandy. She took me back to when Devin first moved to New York, as her Never Say Never album blasted through all the speakers in the condo. Never Say Never. It was the perfect sentiment. I never thought I could ever feel this way for Devin again. I never thought I would cheat on Kenneth. I never imagined adultery would feel so good.
The elevator bell rang and interrupted my mood. As I walked over to check who it was, an older lady entered. I assumed she was the housekeeper. She smiled and said, “Mrs. Patterson?” with a West Indian accent.
I considered explaining to her that I should have been Mrs. Patterson, but unfortunately, I wasn’t. I was just Mr. Patterson’s mistress, but I smiled and said, “Yes.”
“Nice to meet you.”
My eyes rolled as we embraced. This didn’t feel right. I suddenly felt slimy. Now, I was standing here pretending I was the wife. My heart began to race because I’d momentarily lost control. Then, I reverted to the conversation he had with his wife. Though he claimed he had a lot to lose, I had more to lose. Kenneth and I had a business together. We were going through a rough time, and an affair would only ensure the demise of our marriage. I had to get out of his space and think about what I was doing.
25
DEVIN
Devin, I’m not ready for this. You have a greater potential to hurt me than I have to hurt you. I think it would be best if we end this now. Every moment we shared was special. I hope it was enough to help you close this chapter of your life. I wish you much success.
Love, Clark
I reread her short note that lay beneath the gift cards I’d given her to shop. It was around twelve when her GoPhone just stopped working. I thought there was some mistake, and I’d erased her other number from my phone as she’d recommended. I called the number back over and over, hoping there’d been a mistake. Finally, when I stepped in the house it all made sense. Or better yet, it made no sense. She’d disconnected it.
If she felt the way I thought she felt, there was no way she could have left this message without speaking to me first. Suddenly, memories of our first breakup flooded my head. That same get-you-before-you-get-me attitude was why we weren’t together. My confusion turned into frustration.
I looked up at the ceiling, questioning God for his placement strategies. Why her? Why now? Why not? I stood up and paced the floor. Then I walked into the kitchen to pour a glass of wine. I had to let go of this dumb-ass fantasy. Clark and I would never be together, and maybe we’d never meant to be. Suddenly, I realized I hadn’t called Taylor to check in. She picked up.
“Hey, Devin.”
“Hey, TJ. What’s happening?”
“Watching CSI: Miami.”
“I don’t know how you sleep watching that mess.”
“Whatever, Devin. You should be asking how I can sleep when my husband is never home.”
I hissed. It bothered me that she expected that I should just visit my baby for one day and come back home. I ignored it and jumped to another topic. “So, whatchu do today?”
“Courtney came over earlier. We had happy hour, of course.”
“Of course.”
“Why you say it like that?”
“How else should I say it?”
“You make me sick. Don’t hate because you missed happy hour,” she said, laughing. “Sike, baby. I’m just playing.”
“Nah, I’m cool. So, what else you do?”
“We went shopping for our vacation.”
I ran my hand down my face. I couldn’t describe what I was feeling. Taylor having her own life and doing her own thing was the one thing that I loved about her. So why was I feeling like she could totally live this life without me? She and Courtney made each other happier than any man could ever make either of them.
“You know Courtney and I are going to the Bahamas for a few days, right?”
“Yeah, that’s cool.”
I needed something from her at the moment. I needed something to confirm she was the one for me. I wasn’t feeling it. Taylor had a way of living in bliss and ignoring my emotions. I used to think that it was cute, because no matter what, at least she was happy. But as I sat there, needing her sensitivity, I finally realized that was what my marriage lacked.
“So, what did you do today?” she asked.
“Just hung out with Nicole.” I yawned. “Yeah, and I got a lot of campaign stuff on my mind, and a bunch of briefings to read. I’ma talk to you in the morning, a’ight, baby?”
“I love you, baby. Have a good night. Don’t work too hard.”
“I won’t. I love you, too.”
I placed the phone on the coffee table and strolled back into the kitchen to get my glass of wine. After I few swallows, I was convinced this was all a big prank, and I dialed Clark’s number one more time.
“This number is not in service.”
26
CLARK
When I walked into Sheena’s apartment, she looked at me suspiciously and asked, “Clark, where did you stay last night?”
I’d told her several times that I wanted to stay in a hotel and clear my mind. I needed some space. Yet she asked the question with such conviction, so she obviously suspected something.
“Where did I tell you I was staying?” I said.
“You told me you’d be downtown in the Hyatt. I mean, Times Square is not peaceful at all.”
My eyes rolled. “Okay.”
“And I called there after I called you an
d you didn’t stay there.”
“Okay, so arrest me.” I walked toward the bedrooms. “Where’s Sage?”
“She’s in the shower. Your mom called last night.”
I walked back into the living room. “You got any coffee?”
“She told me that you went to see your ol’ college boy a few weeks ago.”
I sucked my teeth. “Why did she tell you that?”
We walked into the kitchen. Sheena pulled a bag of coffee from the cabinet and handed it to me. “Well, I think she thought you may be here seeing him.”
“Y’all are funny. I decide to get away and clear my head. Now, I’m here seeing Devin.” I shook my head and scooped the coffee. “Not to mention, he lives in Maryland.”
She raised one eyebrow. “Yeah, and she said he’s married.”
“He is,” I snapped. “So why are you questioning me?”
“Clark, girl. You know me; I’m not going to accuse you. I’m just warning you, because your mother is really concerned. She doesn’t want you to start fooling around with that loser again and lose the good man you have.”
Once Sheena set her mind to believing something, that’s what it was. I decided it might make better sense to just leave it alone. Not to mention, I was technically fooling around with Devin. It rattled me that they thought he was a loser. Married, but not a loser. They didn’t see what I saw. What made Kenneth a good man? He’d said less than twenty words to me in about three months. That didn’t seem good to me. As I set up the Devin vs. Kenneth battle in my brain, I concluded at the end of the day that Devin belonged to someone else and, if nothing more, Kenneth belonged to me.
I hung my head, and finally looked back up at Sheena. Before speaking, I took a long breath to gather my thoughts. Finally, I said, “I can’t explain why I came here to see Devin. But—”
“Clark, no! Are you really seeing him?” she asked as if she were stunned.
A part of me wanted to laugh, because I thought she was already convinced. Hence that is why I’d confessed.
“Sheena, Kenneth has been so cold, and when I got in contact with Devin, it seemed like the right thing to do.”
“What? Go sleep with your old boyfriend because your husband was tripping?”
I sucked my teeth. “No. It wasn’t about sleeping with him. I just felt loved again when I was with him and I haven’t felt that in my home in a long time.”
“You’re not playing house. This is the real world. You’re not always going to feel loved at home.”
“Maybe I just needed some affection.”
She huffed. “Clark, affection? Are you serious? You’re going to throw your marriage away for some temporary affection? You’re going to fuck up people’s lives for some temporary affection?”
For some strange reason, I couldn’t fully explain what I was feeling. It seemed that no matter what I said, it sounded stupid. Maybe this whole thing was stupid. Maybe only Devin and I could understand why we needed to see each other despite our commitments to other people. I looked at her with no answers.
“Your brother,” she said with conviction. “He probably hooked up with Tanisha for affection and look what happened. She’s gone. Two kids without a mother, all for temporary affection. Is that what you want to do? Follow in their footsteps?”
That realization stung as it dawned on me how cheating drove Tanisha’s boyfriend to that point. And based on the way Kenneth had been acting of late, I wasn’t certain what he was capable of. As I watched Sheena, her veins popped from her temples, like she and Reggie broke up yesterday, when nearly four years had passed. I didn’t want to inflict this kind of pain on Kenneth or anyone else. I shook my head, feeling slimy for what I’d done so far and vowed to myself that I would end it now. It was too late to turn back and we had to accept that our time had passed.
“Too many other people are involved now, huh?”
“Basically. Let bygones be bygones.”
She pleaded with me for just seconds more before I rushed out of there and back to Devin’s house to drop off the gift cards, and to the AT&T store to disconnect my secret cell phone. I didn’t want to lose it all for something that probably wasn’t worth it.
After I went to lunch with Sheena and Sage, I headed for the train station. I had to accept the cards I was dealt. I vowed to love Kenneth in sickness and in health. Maybe he’d eventually get over the ills plaguing our relationship, because there was a time when we used to be happy. I just wanted to go back there.
When Ms. Teeny picked me up from the train station, I threw my luggage in the backseat and climbed in. She smiled from ear to ear, waiting to hear about my sexual escape. First I told her about that, and she squirmed in the driver’s seat like she was getting it.
“Dag, Ms. Teeny. Calm down,” I said smiling.
“So, when y’all getting together again?”
“We’re not.”
“If it’s that good, why not?”
“My best friend died cheating on her boyfriend. It ain’t worth it.”
“What did he say when you told him it was over?”
“I just left a letter, because if I talked to him, I’m not sure I’d be so strong. You know.”
She reached over and popped me in the back of my head. “You are just as silly.”
“I know. This relationship can hurt too many people. It’s just not worth it. Mia is coming home from school for the summer. Morgan would be devastated. I mean, it’s just not fair.”
“Being neglected in your own home ain’t fair, but it don’t stop that ol’ rockhead husband of yours from doing it, does it?”
“He’s just bitter that I won’t try again and he thinks I’m quitting for wanting to adopt. He just wants us to have a family and he’s angry with me, angry with God. He doesn’t mean it. You know, Kenneth has never acted this ugly.”
“I don’t know, but he sure is acting ugly now. But I guess you can’t make your body do something that your heart can’t handle. Maybe all you needed was a one-time shot. Kenneth might shape up now. I’m telling you, it’s like they can sniff you and know something changed, and they need to step up their game.”
“I hope so.”
“For your sake, I hope so, too,” she said, shaking her head.
I hung my head, because I wondered if we’d ever get past this phase.
I walked in the house to the same cold husband I left the day before. He sat in the family room watching a basketball game. His stomach poking out of his wife beater greeted me.
“Hey, Bae.”
“What’s going on?”
He glanced at me and quickly switched back to the television. His jeans were unbuckled and he looked like a slob. After the last few years, he picked up at least ten pounds a year. After looking at Devin’s physique, I was instantly repulsed looking at Kenneth. I pulled my roller backpack behind me, as I headed through the kitchen toward the stairs. “Did you eat yet?”
When I heard his footsteps behind me, I flinched. For a second I felt like he knew what I went to New York to do and he was coming to attack me. Surprisingly, he smiled. “When you said you were coming home, I ordered Famous Dave.”
I smiled back, though my heart still pounded a mile a minute. I continued toward the stairs and he headed back to the kitchen. I paced the floor of my bedroom, wondering what I could say when he asked about my trip. When I got enough courage, I walked downstairs, grabbed a soda from the pantry, and plopped beside him on the couch.
“Who’s playing?”
“The Celtics.”
“Are you going to eat dinner with me?” I asked.
“I already ate. The food is in the refrigerator.”
“Whatchu get?” I said, as I stood to head into the kitchen.
“The All-American Meal.”
My neck snapped around and I frowned slightly. Why would he get such a large platter of food for the two of us? We used to order that when the girls were home.
After I warmed up my plate, I sat back besi
de him. He reached over to my plate and grabbed a buffalo wing. I tapped his hand and he smiled. I returned the smile. I’m not a complex person. All I need is a smile and something that resembled communication. I hoped we were at a better place and things could work out. As I sat there befriending my husband, I wondered how Devin was coping and when he’d be back in Maryland loving TJ.
27
DEVIN
By the time I left New York, I decided Clark’s disappearance might be for the best. If I was going to make it work with Taylor, I didn’t need distractions. They say the first year of marriage is the hardest and if you can get past that, things get better.
When I walked in the house, Taylor burst out of the laundry room full of energy and walked over to hug me. I arrived early on Saturday afternoon so that we could spend the day together. She was wearing a tank top and thin sweatpants. I wrapped my arms around her waist and lay my head on her shoulder. I just wanted to be quiet and hold her for a minute. She pulled away.
“I’m glad you made it home so soon.”
I pulled out a chair at the kitchen table. “You happy to see me?”
She rested her weight on one leg, tossed her hair out of her eye, and said, “Devin.”
“Taylor,” I said in the same tone that she spoke.
She slouched toward me and stood in between my legs. I leaned my head into her stomach and ran my hands up and down her round butt. As she wiped my forehead, she asked, “So what are we doing today?”
“Whatever you want to do.”
She pulled away and sat in the chair adjacent to mine. She smiled sneakily. I said, “What?”
“I want to go shopping and out to eat and to the spa and to the movies and dancing and—”
“Taylor, pick two things.”
“You said ‘whatever.’ I was just giving you options,” she said, laughing.