The Perfidious Parrot

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The Perfidious Parrot Page 19

by Janwillem Van De Wetering


  “Billions were earned here,” Peter Ambagt croaked, “measured in today’s values. Billions, dear sir. All made by smart thinking. Golden British pounds, yessir.” He held up index finger and thumb, some two inches apart. “Solid. The Golden Age, the era when America was still a colony and Britain made it illegal for her American subjects to trade with anybody but the homeland. Colonists sold their raw materials cheap and had to pay top dollar for finished British goods.”

  “So there was smuggling,” the commissaris said cheerfully. “I like restrictive laws.” He nodded approval. “Invite illegal business so we can all have adventures. Cops and robbers forever, Skipper Peter. British cops, eh? American free men?” He rubbed his small slender hands. “A splendid conflict. So deals with America were made through our merchants here?”

  So it was, Skipper Peter said. Smuggling between the Netherlands and America was channeled through Statia where large cargo vessels kept coming and going. Gigantic craft in those days, three stories high, filled to capacity with high-margin products. Why this particular island when there are so many? Because St. Eustatius had a perfect anchorage on its leeside. “Right where we are now,” Peter said. He raised his glass to toast the location.

  The commissaris visualized the scene. Wooden frigates and galleons, hoisting or striking thousands of square feet of complicated sails. The Netherlands tricolor flying, ashore and on many mast tops. Melodious shouts in many tongues as multiracial crews loaded or warehoused cargo. Rowboats manned by boisterous sailors skimming underneath bowsprits adorned with barebreasted figureheads of mermaids, courtesans, even noblewomen. Live women on the beach, posturing to attract potential clients’ attention. Gurgling jars filling pewter mugs with rum or jenever in cool basements or under quayside sunscreens.

  Statia’s commerce, Skipper Peter related, doubled as soon as America prepared for her own liberation.

  “Weapons,” whispered the old man greedily. “Gun powder. The never ending need for ammo. Uniforms. Food. Transport. The military is a money hole.” The mercantile fleets kept coming, protected by Dutch warships. It was the time of the great Dutch admirals. Old Ambagt pronounced their names with reverence: Heyn, Tromp, the redoubtable Michiel de Ruyter.

  “Pete Heyn,” Ambagt Senior sang in an off-key treble, “his name was sma-all.”

  “Big were his ba-alls,” sang the commissaris, remembering the lines of a patriotic school song.

  “His dee-eeds were fi-ne,” sang Skipper Peter. “His name still shi-nes.”

  “Wasn’t Admiral Heyn the man who seized the Spanish silver fleet?” the commissaris asked. “Much earlier on, in the sixteen hundreds?

  Yes. No matter. Profit is profit. Skipper Peter’s long spidery fingers trembled with greedy tension. Those were the days, he told the commissaris. The Spanish fleet was anchored off the Cuban coast. They had been through a bit of a storm and, stupidly, were sleeping in. The Dutch vessels anchored behind a wooded island, invisible, masts mingled with the silhouettes of tall trees. Admiral Heyn had his crews board sloops and row quietly toward the enemy. The small boats were shrouded by early morning fog. When Spanish guards raised the alarm they were already being shot at by marksmen using long barreled matchlock rifles.

  “Buena Guerra,” shouted the Dutch officers, “good war”, indicating that the enemy would not be harmed upon surrender. “Buena guerra, amigos queridos.” The beloved friends promptly surrendered. Shiploads of silver treasure taken from Inca temples changed hands once again.

  An example of profitable warfare, Skipper Peter explained, but there were also Dutch privateers, and there was always the slave trade. All business was transacted via Statia. Sugar plantations flourished on the tiny island, some coffee was grown, there were extensive vegetable gardens, cattle was grazed, there was an abundance of poultry.

  “Free black labor,” Skipper Peter squeaked, “a blessing for free white spirits. The Golden Rock, my friend.” His dentures clicked as he laughed. “Check the public library in Oranjestad. Nice etchings.” The excitement made old Ambagt squeeze his nose too hard. Blood seeped between his fingers and stained his gold-buttoned whites. “The ugly ones worked in the fields, the beautiful ones were kept around the villas. Handsome slaves walked naked. Free labor.” He wiggled his bloody fingers while tittering dementedly, “Mhree mhree.”

  “Free labor for free spirits?” the commissaris asked.

  There were stupid people, Skipper Peter explained, spilling liquor and catching his upper denture, snapping it back smartly. There were also clever people. The stupid are doomed. The clever are blessed. The doomed are to be ruled by the blessed. Ah, the blessed merchants of St. Eustatius.

  “That was then,” the commissaris said, watching the quiet coastline ahead. “What happens now?”

  Now little happens, Skipper Peter said sadly. Statia dozes like her volcano Mazinga. Mazinga, an old Indian word, means “Eater of Men,” but at present Statians were just sitting around, waiting to be eaten later. He himself would never put another foot on the damned island. It wasn’t worth the trouble to risk heart and lungs to climb the steep Slave Path up to the village. “They don’t have to carry me, slaves are out of fashion for the moment, I know, I know …” he was whining again, “… but they could install an elevator if they want to attract big spenders like me.”

  “Pity I don’t feel up to walking up steep heights right now,” the commissaris said, rubbing his painful thighs.

  Skipper Peter looked at the commissaris’s legs. He laughed.

  “I limp better than you,” he said, banging his stick on the deck. “You got nothing on me. I am the Eternal Winner.” He emptied his glass and held it up for the servant to fill. “You know that winning never bores me?”

  “Even now?” the commissaris asked, winking. “Do you really not mind losing that uninsured Sibylle cargo? Or do you have something up your sleeve perhaps?”

  Skipper Peter winked back. “Heheheheh.”

  Commissaris and skipper watched Statia’s shore through powerful binoculars, handed them respectfully by the servant. They saw how burly Grijpstra and tiny Carl climbed the path that twisted between cliffs and trees. The narrow coastal strip, crossed by the path, looked like a green belt around the island. “Behind it there is nothing but misery,” Peter Ambagt squeaked. “Those few palm trees don’t fool me. I’ll stay right here.”

  De Gier, from his balcony, watched Grijpstra and Carl approach. The hotel was within the island’s narrow green zone. Mauve bougainvillea and white oleander blossomed alongside the Slave Path. Cocos and royal palms waved their fronds above hibiscus and frangipani bushes. Red brick walls and blue roof tiles reminded him of Holland.

  Meanwhile, on the Rodney, the commissaris told Skipper Peter that the island looked pleasant. “The previous splendor could be brought back, don’t you think? Fix up the cottages, plant flower and fruit gardens. Invite a jazz combo to play under the palm trees. Go for quiet walks in the early mornings. I’m sure the islanders could be manipulated into cleaning the place up. Figure out what the locals are good at, have them do that, shower them with praise. Flatter the island’s government, make it believe that all the changes are its own work. Wouldn’t you like to do that, Skipper? A project for your old age? You, being a genius, might enjoy restoring St. Eustatius to its former glory.” The commissaris, energized by his own eloquent salesmanship, waved enthusiastic hands. “I might help you. Have a beauty contest, a music festival, a beach cleaning race, get the kids to draw or sculpt examples of local wildlife, rediscover popular dishes and make the grannies proud of their cooking. Play on their religion. Get priests and parsons involved, the governor, elders. Give them all the credit.”

  “Sounds like work,” Skipper Peter said moodily.

  The commissaris didn’t think so. “All you do is initiate the project. If it works out, okay, you leave it to them and tell them it’s their own doing. Then we sit back and get them to pick their beauty queen. You get to pin on the medal.” He pointed at t
he mountain. “You’ll be beloved.”

  Skipper Peter contemplated the idea. He admitted that it might provide some pleasure. His drunkenness ebbed as he talked about a descent into Mazinga’s crater some time back. There had been songbirds and giant lizards, an authentic rain forest, Statia’s own species of giant fern. He mentioned archaeologists, who found imprints of Carib Indian dwellings, similar to Venezuelan native housing that still exists, a type of pagoda with triple roofs. The Statian villa would have had walls of woven rushes, removable, so that seasonal sea breezes could cool the rooms. Old Ambagt’s thin arm swept toward Mazinga’s silhouette. “A clear view of forest and sea. The place was different then. Lots of tall trees, plenty of ponds in the valley.”

  “The present ecology could be improved,” the commissaris said. “A worthy experiment maybe. Have clever students figure out a way to use solar energy to distill sea water. Once you have irrigation get everyone to plant a hundred trees.”

  Skipper Peter shook his head. “I’m a scavenger, not an improver. The planet is going down. I’m after the final pickings.”

  The commissaris was quiet.

  “There are better spots,” Skipper Peter said gruffly, “where everything is in place already, like on Bora Bora, Fiji, the southern Solomons. But wherever I go ashore they’ll make me pay taxes.” He pointed at cannon barrels peeking out of Statia’s ancient fortress, then shook his fist at the Dutch flag flying over the ancient battery. “They’d squeeze my bank account dry.”

  “Quadrant Bank,” the commissaris said, “employed that British fellow, Stewart-Wynne, who broke his neck driving a jeep through Duval Street. You didn’t know the man, did you?”

  “Who?” Skipper Peter asked.

  “Insurance inspector Thomas Stewart-Wynne,” the commissaris said.

  “Bank inspector,” old Ambagt said triumphantly, squinting at the commissaris across the rim of his glass. “Quadrant is a bank.” He gingerly touched his nose. “Nothing to do with insurance.”

  The commissaris shrugged. “You know how it is with these big companies nowadays, they like to branch out. I hear Quadrant has been in freight insurance for a while now. Specialized in tanker cargos, so I am told.”

  Skipper Peter’s eyelids fluttered uncontrollably.

  “Hire a cop to do dirty work,” the commissaris said. “and you face the curiosity that police training breeds.” He smiled at his host. “And now that you admit to having insured the Sibylle’s cargo would you mind filling me in on its worth?”

  Skipper Ambagt nodded. “That would be the exact amount I expect you to recover.” He gestured for a refill. “Half, dear boy.”

  “You’re sure you don’t want a full glass, Skipper Peter?”

  Ambagt Senior watched his glass fill up. He sipped, then squinted at the commissaris. “The cargo’s value? Twelve million gallons of crude in the Sibylle. Forty-two gallons to the barrel. Say twenty dollars value to the barrel. Lemmesee. Twelve million divided by forty-two, that would be around, mhree, two-hundred-and-eighty-thousand barrels? Times, whaddeewesaynow? Twenty? Yes? Okay. That would be, eehrm, five-and-a-half million dollars worth.” He showed his fist. “That isn’t cat piss.”

  The commissaris tsked compassionately.

  “It’s the complete cat,” Skipper Peter yelled. “And you’ll skin it for me Mr. Fuzz, you and old Fatso and Master Movie Mustache.” He banged his glass on the upturned nude woman table. “If you know so much, eh, do you know that Quadrant has not paid me yet?”

  “Is the insurer denying your claim?” the commissaris asked pleasantly.

  “Delaying the claim pending a routine investigation.” Ambagt Senior was squeezing his nose again. “And because that insurance inspector, that faggoty storefront cowboy, couldn’t drive a recreational vehicle through Key West without killing himself, the delay keeps on.” Old Ambagt smashed his glass on the table. “That’s why Carl told you the cargo wasn’t insured. As long as we haven’t been paid, that statement is true.” The skipper’s nose seemed ready to burst now. “You know what money costs these days?”

  “Seven percent?” the commissaris asked.

  “For risk-taking entrepreneurs like me?” Ambagt’s polished boots stamped on the teak deck. “Eighteen-and-a-half percent, and that’s with the Rodney as collateral.” The boots stamped faster. “Anything goes wrong and I lose my vessel.”

  “How,” the commissaris asked, “did you come to know that the Quadrant inspector was gay, dressed like a cowboy, and lost his life driving a jeep in Key West?”

  Skipper Peter grinned. “Because Stewy phoned us daily and then he suddenly didn’t. Because we read the newspapers when we were docked in Key West. Because we watched local TV.” The skipper’s grin widened. “Okay? Mr.-Know-it-all-but-not-quite?”

  The commissaris remained unperturbed. “And why did you tell me you never heard of Quadrant Bank while you were doing business with their insurance department?”

  “Because it has nothing to do with why I hired you clowns.” Skipper Peter looked at the island’s denuded hills. He toasted the commissaris with his shaking glass. “Ketchup and Karate recommended you as all-out go-getters. One cargo lost, two cargos recovered.” He gestured for a new glass. “I hired you clowns as bounty hunters.”

  The expression made the commissaris think of action films that he saw on the VCR in his study, while Katrien watched the romance channel in the bedroom. Bounty hunting was for tough guys. This was to be for real. Double Caribbean piracy. Recovered treasure. A tale to take home to Turtle.

  Skipper Peter, exhausted, and the commissaris, bemused, watched schoolgirls swim between ship and beach. A puff of cloud made its leisurely way to the top of dormant Mazinga. The commissaris thought it was a pity his legs were hurting. He would like to look down into the volcano’s crater, hear finches warble amid banana leaves, hear giant lizards rustle between fern trees.

  “One loss that leads to double profits,” Skipper Ambagt said, “but so far I’m the fisherman on the bridge in front of our house in Rotterdam, in the old days, when I was a kid, and there were still canals like you guys have in Amsterdam and the Germans hadn’t bombed the city and filled in all the water with our own rubble.”

  “Hmm?” the commissaris asked dreamily.

  “I used to ask that fisherman,” Skipper Peter said, “whether he had caught something yet and he’d say: ‘If the one that is nibbling bites and I catch another I will have caught two fishes, sonny.’ ”

  “The insurance will be paid and we will deliver,” the commissaris said. “Not to worry, sir.”

  Peter Ambagt’s rubbing caused his tortured nose to bleed profusely. He kept talking while applying Band-Aids handed to him by the servile servant. “Doubling your return on investment is what makes business go round. The first principle of business, sell at double your cost.” He laughed. “The only useful thing Carl learned at school. Buy for a guilder, sell for two, so you can pay a little commission to associates who do the work. Keep everyone happy.”

  “My father was a trader,” the commissaris said. “He said the principle of business was continuity. Keep profits modest. Don’t just go for one trade, consider the next one. Enjoy yourself quietly while the profits flow in.”

  “Continuity?” Ambagt Senior asked. “But we have that too, my man. You really think I had just one tanker coming? There’s also the Rebecca. Another supercargo on its way from Iran, due within ten days now.” The skipper smiled. His hands trembled and his knees shook but he looked excited. “Again bound for Havana. Cuba still won’t pay. Same thing all over.”

  “All this time you’ve been scheming for a repeat?” The commissaris moved forward on his seat, clasped his hands around his cane, stared intently at the skipper’s face. “Two cargos lost, four cargos recovered?”

  “Me?” Skipper Peter asked, sipping sherry.

  24

  A WARRIOR’S REWARD

  Carl Ambagt, in a spotless off-white linen suit, wearing a white-brimmed matching ha
t, followed by little kids who had been playing on the pier, observed how Grijpstra and de Gier greeted each other with formal hellos. “No hugging and backslapping?” Carl asked. “Aren’t you two pals?” Carl embraced then patted air, to show how energy passes between close friends. “Or are you blaming each other for not doing your job?”

  “Runt.” Grijpstra shook a hairy fist under Carl’s red face.

  “Fisticuffs, Fatso?” Carl did a boxer’s dance, his hands balled into fists.

  De Gier pushed Grijpstra aside so he could face the opponent. “My dear chap,” de Gier said sweetly, looking at Carl kindly, “fine friend, little buddy.” He bent an arm, as if to invite Carl to lean into it. Carl relaxed. De Gier’s hand darted forward and pulled Carl’s wide-brimmed hat down. De Gier’s foot tripped Carl’s leg. Carl fell over backward. Grijpstra caught Carl, set him upright, spun him around. Carl, blinded by his hat, became a spinning top on the quayside. The Statia kids cheered, and Grijpstra and de Gier walked along the coastal footpath.

  Grijpstra was still upset. “Pushy little scumbag, isn’t he?”

  “Now,” de Gier said, “is that nice? You were Carl’s guest on that beautiful boat.”

  “On that tub?” Grijpstra bellowed that nobody would ever get him to put one foot on the Admiraal Rodney again.

  “You’re safely ashore now, Henk.”

  Grijpstra stamped on flagstones. “Bah.”

  “You’re on a tropical island. Every bourgeois dreams of this.” De Gier shook Grijpstra by the shoulders. “Enjoy your bourgeois dream.”

  The coastal route, designed and kept up to lure cruiseships, was shadowed by palm trees. Low brick walls supported concrete planters filled with lobelia, impatiens and juanitas, mingling their prettily colored flowers. A skinny old donkey, loaded with baskets partly filled with sickly looking fish, overtook them. The donkey’s mistress, an old woman in dark clothes said Good Day in Dutch. The detectives lifted their hats. Grijpstra stopped to study the outline of de Gier’s hotel. “This joint okay?”

 

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