“I also told you before I slept with you.”
“Good thing, because I wasn’t having you investigated.”
“You should’ve told me,” he said, as if nothing else she said mattered.
She looked at him. He was filled with distrust and anger. A few simple lunches with a client she had thought liked art and her gallery and she was a monster. That’s all it had taken. The anger drained out of her, replaced only by a deep disappointment, the likes of which she’d never felt so strongly before. “You know, for some reason I knew I’d get crucified for it. I knew this was how you’d react,” she said, not caring how he’d respond to that.
She sat on the floor next to her bag. Her entire life had been spinning out of control, somehow culminating to this very moment. She didn’t want to fight with him. Didn’t see a point in it. Just sat there on the floor with her only bag of possessions and wondered what she should do. She knew she should leave, even if it were to just go back to Cutty’s, but she couldn’t get up the energy to do anything but sit there.
And then the worst possible thing that can happen to a relationship occurred. They both fell silent and he walked away, and it wasn’t to take some space because things were getting too heated. It was because he didn’t have anything left to say and neither did she. She watched him walk to the door and that was the last time she saw him that day.
Chapter 30
Faith woke to Lars’ phone vibrating on the living room end table. It was the wee hours of the morning, and even the sun had refused to show its face yet. She didn’t know when he’d come back but in the hours that had passed, she’d grabbed her bag and walked out the door more times than she could count. But she’d always walked back in.
As pathetic as it might be, she found she couldn’t walk away from him that easily, no matter what he might think of her. She kept hoping somehow he’d come around, that the shock of what he’d seen had made him temporarily lose his judgment and that in the deep recesses of his mind—his heart—he knew who she really was.
He rolled over on the couch toward the table, the blanket pooled at his waist as he sat up, his bare tattooed back displayed.
“Yeah?” Lars said, answering in a voice that wasn’t so much quiet as weary.
He stood, phone in hand and walked a couple steps. His eyes met hers as she sat up in bed, making no pretense of being asleep.
“Ok, I’ll be down in fifteen minutes,” he said in a normal voice and then laid the phone on the table.
He looked at her and a flicker of recognition passed between them. She didn’t know what they were to each other and he didn’t either. They were in a no man’s land of emotion. Not friends but not enemies, no longer lovers, just floating above a cesspool of emotions with no real place to land.
“I need to let the guys in downstairs,” he said in a calm voice that made it clear he was done fighting. It was as if he couldn’t expend the energy to figure out what they were right now or what he wanted them to be.
“Should I come?” she asked, not for him but because whatever was going on, she still felt a loyalty to the guys. If something was happening that they might need her help for, she was going to be there, regardless of where she and Lars ended up.
He hesitated before he finally said, “Yes. That’s a good idea.”
She climbed out of bed and dug out a pair of jeans from the bag she lived out of, a harsh reminder that she was a visitor in his home. This situation had always been temporary. She should have realized that but she’d wanted to believe that it could be different.
“What are they coming over for?” she asked as he moved around the room. She knew what she was doing, clinging to find some normal ground between them, even if it was a conversation about other people.
“Karma, Fate’s girlfriend. There’s something going wrong with her tattoo,” he said, also acting like yesterday hadn’t happened.
“Something can go wrong with them?”
“It has nothing to do with the type you have. There are some other factors involved where Karma is concerned.”
“Oh.”
“It might be nice just to have another female face there,” he said.
Another female she’d never met. If she was having a problem, she wasn’t going to want to make idle chitchat with some woman she’d never met before. He either didn’t know women well at all, which struck her as highly unlikely from what she’d gathered of his past, or he was making excuses to have her participate. And why would he want her there?
Because Karma would be there. This wasn’t a truce or a cease-fire between them; he was setting her up for a fishing expedition. If she had to take a wild guess, Karma had a way of telling if someone was a good person or not, just like Cutty got hunches.
The truce idea, now blown to little pieces like a grenade had gone off on it, took with it her desire to participate. She forced herself to finish getting ready and follow Lars down to the shop anyway.
They’d just reached the door when Cutty arrived. He greeted Lars and then gave Faith a humble smile. She smiled back even though she knew he was the one who’d supplied the report to Lars.
When they walked in she spotted an old man walking around the place who would’ve made someone in their eighties look like a spring chicken. He was sporting a fedora and a sports jacket like it wasn’t boiling outside. She watched as he stopped in front of some tattoo books as if he were contemplating getting a piece.
“Who’s that?” she asked Cutty.
“That’s Paddy. He’s upper management for the agency. He’s tight with Karma.”
Karma walked into Dead Ink shortly after. Faith knew it had to be her, as Fate walked in beside her, his fingers wrapped firmly around the dark beauty’s hand. She was earthy and sensual and everything Faith felt she lacked. And it was achingly clear Fate loved her.
Watching the way Fate was so protective of Karma made Faith look at Lars, and the difference felt like ice picks stabbing at her.
“Hey,” Lars said, as she watched him walk over to Karma and Fate.
Karma looked toward her and immediately started in her direction but Lars stepped in front of her. He dropped his voice so low that even with her better senses she couldn’t hear what was being said. It was probably instructions to Karma to get a read on Faith, try and out her as the horrible person he believed her to be.
Karma looked over at Fate, and Faith saw a look pass between them that she couldn’t read. Fate shrugged. Karma shook her head in response, as if her patience was wearing thin. All Faith could think of was how amazing it must be to know someone as well as they did each other. The man she’d just slept with didn’t even know if she was going to try and murder him tonight.
Lars was talking again. Every second he spent trying to convince Karma to do what he wanted, another dollop of resentment piled on.
“Yes. Now step aside. I feel like you’re a dark cloud hovering over me,” Karma said. They were the first words Faith could make out from their conversation.
Finally, Lars stepped aside, having gotten what he wanted, someone to vouch for Faith’s unworthiness.
Karma headed toward her, noticeably breathing heavier and looking annoyed with Lars. Faith didn’t blame her. She was annoyed too.
Faith fidgeted under the appraisal of this woman who looked like she could kick her ass and would determine what Lars believed of her.
Karma stopped in front of her but didn’t look like she was ready to condemn her. She held out her hand as she said, “I’m Karma. You must be Faith.”
“Hi,” Faith said, as she tentatively took Karma’s hand. Faith’s eyes darted to the men behind Karma, watching. “Can they hear us?” Faith asked.
“Probably. But I think the office is sound proofed,” Karma offered, surprising Faith and making her think maybe this woman could be an ally.
Faith gave a short quick nod as her eyes darted to Lars and back to Karma. She headed toward the back but before they could enter the office, Lars blocke
d Karma’s way, probably wanting a front row seat to the witch-hunt.
“Where are you going?”
Karma looked to Faith, and she knew what the woman was expecting. She thought Faith could back Lars off. What Karma didn’t understand was he wouldn’t listen to her. Nor did she feel like speaking to him at the moment.
“We want a minute to talk without all of you guys hovering,” Karma replied, when Faith didn’t say anything. When Lars didn’t move she continued, “We’re fine. Get out of the way,” she said, waving her hands and demonstrating she wanted a clear path with him out of it.
Faith took a step away from them, losing whatever patience she had, and walked into the office alone, not caring if she stayed that way.
Karma followed her in seconds later and closed the door behind her.
“How are you doing?” Karma asked.
Crappy? Shittier than I ever thought possible? “Getting by. I’d heard you were human first?”
She nodded but remained silent. Faith grabbed a pen from the desk and flipped it end over end. “Does it get better? I mean, it’s not bad, I just feel…”
“Lost?”
Faith looked at Karma and could see the understanding she’d been looking for. “Kind of.”
“It gets a lot easier.” Karma tilted her head towards the door that closed them off from the guys and gave them a thin layer of privacy. “I’m not sure if they start seeming less crazy or we get more so, but you’ll adjust.” She walked around and propped a hip on Lars’ desk. “You two involved?” she asked.
The way Karma asked led her to believe she already knew something. But to call them involved? Faith still was but she wasn’t sure about Lars. “I don’t know what you’d call it,” she answered, somewhat evasively.
“He’s very protective of you. I’ve never seen him act like that.”
“He also thinks I might have been the scum of the Earth in my mortal life, so I’m not exactly sure why.” Faith let out a laugh, even though nothing she had just said was funny. Sometimes it was easier to pretend things were a joke.
Karma stood up and took a couple steps around the small room. “There’s an easy fix to that.”
She knew exactly what Karma meant. It was what she had assumed; Karma could read whether someone was a good person or not. She sat down in Lars’ desk chair and let the idea sink in. Wow, was it tempting. One word from Karma and Lars would suddenly trust her. She could walk out of here and things could be completely different between them. But what a way to start over.
She shook her head, defeat surely written all over her as her shoulders slumped, knowing she was going to decline. “I know what you do. And I know if you told him I wasn’t a bad person, he’d believe you. But do you know how that feels? That he needs to hear it from someone else?”
“Why make this difficult? I can tell you care about him and that he cares about you. A handful of words from me and you two can get a—maybe not a fresh start, but something better than the place you’re in now.”
No, she didn’t understand at all. “And be with a man that can’t take my word? Can’t believe I’m a decent person unless someone else tells him so?” She shook her head. That wasn’t a relationship worth keeping.
There was a knock on the door before Fate yelled, “You almost done?”
Faith stood. “I’d appreciate it if you’d refrain from telling him anything.”
Karma nodded. Faith could see she had doubts, but she believed that Karma wouldn’t say anything.
Karma opened the door to find Lars looming close by and Fate looking impatient. Faith followed Karma out. She saw Lars staring at her as she walked by but ignored him and moved to the other side of the room.
She settled into a chair, off in the corner where she could survey the room without being overly involved, and watched the chips fall, waiting to see if Karma would speak of her to Lars or would respect her choices.
Lars hovered over Karma like she knew he would.
She couldn’t hear the words spoken but saw the shake of Karma’s head. Lars turned, and his eyes looked even darker and his mouth stern.
Karma walked away from where he stood, not looking very happy either, and then Fate was back at her side. Faith saw her features soften as Fate’s hand took hers.
There was a table set up in the center, along with a line of what looked to be surgical instruments. She wasn’t sure what they planned on doing to Karma as she lay on the table and tugged down the side of her jeans. Fate settled in beside her.
No, Karma didn’t need support from her. She had everything she needed wrapped up in Fate and he looked more than willing to supply it.
The old guy, Paddy, walked over to Faith, as she watched the other guys prepare by Karma. She didn’t pay much attention to him until he spoke. “You know, I was sending someone for you.”
“Excuse me?” Faith asked, not sure if he was talking to her or not.
He sat down beside her. “I was going to send someone to recruit you for the agency.”
“For what?” she asked, wondering if he was senile.
“Can’t you guess?”
She shook her head.
“What’s your name?”
“Faith?”
“It was Hope, the life before. There’s a reason.”
She almost snorted but pulled it back at the last second. Faith? Hope? Maybe once she was that girl. She didn’t know who she was now.
“You’ve been bumped around a bit but you’ll see. It’s still in there.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Then why are you here? Looking at him like that?”
“Because I’m an idiot?” She hadn’t realized how transparent she was and made a mental note to not look at Lars again.
“No, you just don’t give up easy,” he said in his gravelly voice.
“Thanks for the pep talk, Paddy, but I think I’m going to head out.” With everyone else hovering over where they were preparing to cut open Karma, Faith decided to slip out. She didn’t have any desire to see what they needed the scalpel on the tray for. “It was nice to meet you.”
“We’ll meet again,” he said before she slipped out of the room.
She weaved her way until she left the shop, feeling Lars staring at her as she went. It was a relief when she got outside and opened the door that led to Lars’ apartment. She was halfway up the stairs when she heard the door swing open.
“Where are you going?” Lars asked.
Was it getting to the point that she’d have to explain every action she made? Why did she even care for him at this point? Why did his distrust make her feel like she was bleeding from a wound that wouldn’t close?
She paused. “I’m not one for blood.”
There was a pause and she didn’t move while she waited to see which way this would go.
“Are you hungry? I’m not sure what’s left in the apartment. Do you want me to go get you something?”
Her hand gripped the railing and she looked back at him. “No, I’m just going to lie down for a while.”
His dark eyes were warm as they looked on her and her breath hitched. He leaned along the wall of the hallway. “I’ll be up in a little while.”
She nodded and turned, taking a couple more steps up before Lars calling her name stopped her. She turned again and looked at him. He was still leaning against the wall but looking down. She waited, hoping he’d say something—anything.
He shook his head. “Forget it. It was nothing.”
She took another step away from him as he shut the door. She walked into the apartment and over to her bag, sitting by the dresser. She hesitated by it but then walked away from it.
She guessed that Paddy was right. There was still some hope left in her, even when she couldn’t fathom why.
Chapter 31
Lars didn’t come upstairs for another hour, and when he finally showed, he wouldn’t look at her. She lifted her hand out to touch him as he passed her but let it drop. “Lars
?”
“What?” he said, grabbing some things from a drawer, looking like he was going to hop in the shower. She had a sinking feeling he was really only trying to get away from her.
She sat down on the bed, resting her elbows on her knees and fisting her hands in front of her mouth. She took a deep breath, trying to hold back the emotions already clawing at her insides just trying to keep up a calm veneer. She prayed the numbness she’d been feeling on and off would return and swallow her emotions whole this time.
She could pretend she didn’t know what was coming, maybe buy herself some time. Maybe he would change his mind if she hung around for another couple of days, or if she could somehow eke out another week, he’d magically come around. More likely, any additional time she spent with him would be self-inflicted torture of the worst kind. She didn’t want to sit here and watch him pull back from her more and more until he finally said the words she knew were coming.
He was walking toward the bathroom when she finally forced herself to speak. “Stop.” He didn’t turn around to face her and she was glad for it. “Just say it.”
There was a hesitation for a few precious seconds and she thought maybe she was wrong. Then he did turn and she knew she was right.
He said the words she was dreading. “I think you should move into Cutty’s after we get this Keith situation under control.”
This had always been a possibility, and yet she’d allowed the situation to continue, thinking, maybe even praying, that it wouldn’t. He wasn’t the relationship type. She knew that. She also knew he’d tried but this last obstacle was too much. Maybe she should’ve told him from the beginning but she feared they would’ve ended up here anyway. She’d known who he was and had taken the risk. She only had herself to blame for the burn she now sported.
“I think it would be more comfortable for you. It’s tight around here, and I know you wanted your own place. You’ll have more room there until you can get something of your own,” he said, filling the silence and acting as if this were purely a space problem.
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