“I was just wondering,” he began, looking even more cramped and uncomfortable than she felt. “Are you all right?”
She raised her eyebrows. He was asking if she was all right? He was the one who looked like he’d slept in a train station—if he’d slept at all. “I’m fine. Thanks.”
“Good.” He paused, running his hand through his sagging forelock. “Listen, uh . . . I’m sorry about surprising you last night. I shouldn’t have hidden out like that.”
“It’s okay,” she said, shrugging.
The relief in his eyes was almost too much to bear. For a moment she considered offering her own apology for having wigged out on him so horribly and uncontrollably. She could blame it on too much coffee or a period from hell.
But then she reminded herself that this was the same guy who’d gotten all nicey-nice with Loki. The guy who refused to believe her warnings and completely discounted her feelings. So, she thought, let him stew a little.
Besides, she was still sorting it all out herself. She had no idea why her fearlessness had returned or why she kept having encounters with Droogs or why she turned into an irrational extremist whenever someone dissed Skyler. If this had anything at all to do with Loki, it would probably be best to avoid Jake altogether—at least until she figured out what was going on.
“So . . you want to meet after school and talk somewhere?” Jake asked, hope stirring behind his sunken eyes.
“I can’t. I have plans.”
“With who? Skyler?” His voice took on a rough, growling quality.
She didn’t answer.
“Gaia, you have to tell me what’s going on between you two. I deserve to know what’s happening!”
“I have to go to class.” She turned and headed toward a nearby stable of lockers. It pained her to behave so brutally toward him. Of course he deserved to know what was going on between Skyler and her. But she had to continue on as if nothing had changed in the last twenty-four hours—including her feelings of anger toward Jake. Until she had a better grasp of things. A better understanding of why exactly she was spending so much time with Skyler. And in order to get the information she was after, she’d have to act exactly the way she acted when she had fear. So that no one’s suspicions would be raised. Even if it meant breaking Jake’s heart.
“Wait.” Jake grabbed her arm, his pitch softer, more conciliatory. “I’m sorry. Can we please just talk some more?”
“I don’t think so,” she said, wrenching out of his grasp.
“Please, just hear me out,” he pleaded. “Can you just listen to my concerns for one freaking minute?”
She eyed him suspiciously, stepping slowly backward as if wanting a more complete view. His eyes were wild and worried looking. Red blotches had erupted across his pale skin. Somehow she’d done this to him.
Did everyone eventually freak out on her? There was Oliver, and there was Loki. Natasha the mother figure and Natasha the diabolical traitor. Skyler and Scary Skyler. Again Gaia felt oddly misplaced in her own life, as if she were seeing everything through a distorted fun house mirror.
“This is important, Gaia,” he continued begging her. “I’m trying to help you.”
No. She had to raise shields, shut down, switch to sleeper mode. She spun around and continued walking away from Jake.
“Come back!” he shouted. “Don’t meet him after school, Gaia! Please don’t!”
But the desperation in his voice only made her speed away faster.
Joy and Surprise
OF ALL PLACES, HE SAW HER IN the library. Ed had shuffled in before school, needing to pick up a pile of catch-up assignments, and there she was. Gaia stood out like a supermodel among the typical denizens of the library—bespectacled bookworms and sallow-faced computer fanatics. She stood in a corner of the literature section, leaning against a shelf and thumbing through some gilded hardback. What could she be doing there?
Should he approach her? Ed stood scuffing his tennis shoes against the charcoal-colored industrial carpeting. His entire body said yes, except for the one tiny alcove in his mind, which seemed to have power over his legs.
On the one hand, it was the perfect time and place. Nice and private. And enough time had passed since their last meeting for it to feel proper again. Yet the way she huddled in the corner seemed to suggest that she really didn’t want to be approached right now.
He was just about to turn away when she glanced up at him. “Ed!” Her face filled with joy and surprise. “Jesus Christ! When did you get out of the hospital?” She rushed toward him.
Ed stood stock still, watching her advance. For one gleeful second he wondered if she might actually embrace him. But suddenly her momentum tapered off. She stopped a half a foot away from him and hugged the book to her chest. Ed glanced at the title on the cover. Kafka’s Metamorphosis.
“A couple of days ago,” he replied. “My parents didn’t want me to come to school today, but I managed to convince them. You know me. Always the responsible student.”
She smiled. “I’m glad you’re better.”
“Me too. I’m glad I’m better, too.” He smiled back at her, nodding. See? he told himself. This is nice. This is natural. He continued nodding and smiling. Seconds passed. Suddenly it wasn’t feeling so natural anymore.
“So. . . . uh . . .” He searched his mind for something to say and alighted upon the question that had been nagging him for the past twenty-four hours. “I got this weird e-mail from Megan yesterday. Did, um . . . did something happen between you and Skyler Rodke?” He laughed nervously. “The way the girls are talking, it’s like the scandal of the century.” He stared at her intently. He was giving her a way out, a chance to explain.
Something shifted behind Gaia’s eyes, shuttering out all depth and emotion. “Yeah, well. Gotta give Megan something to live for, you know?”
Ed laughed politely, making mental note of the fact that she didn’t deny anything. It had been none of his business, really. He knew that. But it just didn’t sound like the Gaia he knew. He couldn’t help feeling worried.
“Anyway, I’m really glad you’re back,” Gaia said over her shoulder. She was leaving now, walking speedily toward the library’s double doors. “Take care of yourself, Ed.”
“Thanks. You too,” he called. But she was already gone.
Ed was left waving at a swinging wooden door and the scattering of energy molecules left in her wake.
Waste of Energy
GAIA SMACKED THE SIDE OF THE vending machine, and her stuck Baby Ruth bar finally plummeted. She reached in and retrieved it, ripping off the top edge of the wrapper.
Not exactly the healthiest of lunch choices, but there was no way Gaia was setting foot in the cafeteria today.
It wasn’t the snide whisperings she was avoiding. News of her supposed tryst with Skyler had already spread like the Ebola virus, and people everywhere were shooting smug or snide glances her way. Just a few days ago something like this would have completely crushed her. Now she thought it was amusing. People were always so eager to hear the sordid details of someone’s life—as if it were a gripping morality play staged just for them. Maybe if they read more Kafka or Tolstoy, they wouldn’t be that way.
Let them talk. She didn’t care. The only person she wanted to avoid was Jake. And maybe Ed, with his sad, probing stare. It was like she’d fallen into a classic horror story. Everywhere she went, she was haunted by the ghosts of boyfriends past.
She was confused enough as it was. She didn’t need to take on their demands (loud or subtle) to explain her behavior.
“Oh my God, Tammie. Look!” came a familiar screeching voice.
“What?”
“Over there,” continued the screecher irritably. “I didn’t know they let prostitutes into the student center.”
Gaia almost smiled. Here they came, a gaggle of FOHs with Megan in the lead. After a long weekend’s work of gossip and slander, they were coming to collect their booty, to see her squirm in shame an
d humiliation.
They were expecting fearful Gaia. Fearful Gaia would cower and tremble and turn various colors. She was no longer fearful Gaia, but she would do her best to offer up a reward.
She tried to look meek as she watched them saunter toward her.
“I’m surprised to see her here,” Megan said loudly. “Aren’t you guys?”
Her pals agreed in unison, like doo-wop girls in Donna Karan clothes.
“I figured she’d be with her boyfriend.”
“Which one?” Tina asked, smirking.
“Right,” Megan said, dramatically clapping a hand to her cheek. She turned toward Gaia. “How do you keep track?”
Gaia pretended to look stricken. “It’s none of your business,” she said, her voice weak and whiny. “Why don’t you just leave me alone?”
For a moment they just stood there, reveling in their power. Then Megan placed her hands on her hips, cocking them sideways. “Everyone’s talking about you, you know,” she declared triumphantly.
“Yeah. They can’t believe what you did to poor Jake,” Tina went on. “The whole school knows the way you dumped him for Skyler. Have you seen him? He’s, like, a total wreck. It must be so embarrassing for him.”
“Gee, and I wonder how the whole school happened to hear this embarrassing story?” Gaia muttered, anger suddenly flaring inside her. She couldn’t believe they had the nerve to act all high and mighty with her when they’d put the whole rumor mill in motion.
“What?” Tammie asked. “What did you say?”
For a moment she saw it. A slight wariness in their eyes. Was Skyler right? Were these girls truly intimidated by her? Was that why they had to butt into her life and stir up all these extra dramatics (as if she needed them)?
But she couldn’t stop to ponder that. She had to make these girls think they had power over her. News of Gaia regaining a spine could spoil everything.
She quickly fashioned what she hoped was a hurt, shamed expression on her face and stared down at her scuffed tennis shoes. “Nothing,” she mumbled.
Megan leaned forward and lowered her voice to gossip level. “Yes. That’s what you are—nothing. And don’t forget it.” Holding her nose at a regal angle, she turned and walked away, the rest of the girls following like well-dressed ducklings.
Gaia waited a few beats until she was sure they were gone. Then she calmly strode down the corridor, taking a bite of her chocolaty lunch. Christ, how could she have ever cared what those bitches thought of her? What a total waste of energy.
She was midway down the hall when she suddenly heard a high, hissing noise, like a puff of escaped steam. “Psst! Psst! Gaia!” She turned and saw Liz and Chris standing in front of a row of lockers.
“Gaia! Come here,” Liz was calling, beckoning with her hand. Chris, meanwhile, was leisurely shoving books in and out of his locker, not even looking at her.
Gaia veered left and walked toward them. She gave a sloppy wave in greeting, her mouth still full of candy bar.
“What happened this weekend? Is it true you were with Skyler?”
Gaia sighed in exasperation. Et tu, Liz? Would she have to give the entire Village School a satisfactory account of her whereabouts over the weekend?
She swallowed her candy. “I was there,” she replied. No need to keep it from them. They’d find out anyway.
Liz’s eyes widened. “You know, Jake came by our place practically demanding I give him Skyler’s address. But I wouldn’t. Skyler would have killed me. Besides, I felt I should, you know, look out for you, too.”
“Thanks,” Gaia mumbled. Chris continued meticulously rearranging his locker, looking like he wanted to be anywhere else.
“So.” Liz smiled secretively. “What’s going on between you and my brother?”
Gaia met her gaze, sensing her desire to bond, sisterlike, on the issue. But what could she tell her? She didn’t really know what was going on. Lately her feelings for Skyler had been incredibly strong and spellbinding but completely uncategorical.
“Actually,” she began, “I don’t know. We’re just . . . looking out for each other.”
Liz lifted an eyebrow conspiratorially. “Oh, is that what we’re calling it? ‘Looking out for each other’? Fine. I’ll play along.” Just then a high-pitched beeping emanated from her pager. “Damn!” she said suddenly, staring down at her pavé-encrusted Bulova watch. “I forgot I have to make up a quiz in English.” She shouldered her messenger bag and pivoted toward the north wing of the building. “Let’s talk cryptically about this later, then. Okay?” she said with a wry grin. Then, with a toss of her glossy hair and rustle of her silk jacket, she turned and raced down the hall.
Gaia turned to Chris, who was finally gazing at her. Great, now it was his turn to third degree her. “Listen,” she said before he could start demanding information. “I’m sorry, but I just don’t want to talk about it, okay?”
“That’s okay,” he said with a shrug. “But just promise me something, all right?” He shut his locker and faced her head-on. “Promise me you’ll be really careful.”
Gaia was alarmed to see real anxiety in his eyes. What was this about? Chris was typically so unconcerned and cocksure about everything.
“Yeah,” she replied. “All right.”
He gave her a solemn nod and then strode away after his sister.
Once again Gaia sensed a definite carnival-like vibe in the air. Welcome to the fun house. Next stop, the emotional roller coaster.
unflinching eye contact
. . . people would be saying she’d had sex with Skyler right in front of the building.
King
GAIA STEPPED OUT OF THE SCHOOL’S front entrance, shielding her hand against the outrageously bright sunshine. Students all around her flounced merrily down the steps, drunk with the newfound energy that only a release bell could bring.
She saw him sitting on a stoop across the street. Skyler’s platinum blond hair shone like a beacon in the brilliant light.
He saw her and immediately stood up. “Gaia!” he called, raising his right arm as he hailed.
A hundred eyes watched her as she waited to cross the busy street. She could feel them glomming onto her, like tiny invisible leeches, greedily feeding their curiosity.
“Hey,” she greeted as she strode up beside him.
“Did you have a nice day at school, sweetheart?” he asked dryly.
“Yes, honey,” she played along.
Skyler seemed unaware of their audience. Either that or he was used to being gaped at by the masses.
“Got something for you.” He turned and grabbed two Starbucks cups off the low wall of the stoop, holding one out for her. “Milk and two sugars, right?”
She grinned. “Yep, that’s it. You know all my secrets.”
He smiled proudly.
A few nearby students were now blatantly staring and whispering. Gaia could only imagine the next day’s headlines. By the time the story filtered down the rank assembly lines of the Village School Gossip Factory, people would be saying she’d had sex with Skyler right in front of the building.
“Come on,” he said, finally noticing the onlookers. “Let’s walk to the park.”
Cradling her coffee, Gaia matched his now-familiar leisurely pace along the sidewalk. Soon their spectators were far behind.
“You know,” he said as they turned the corner, “I’m a little mad at you.”
“You are?” she asked, her brain whirring frantically. What did she do? Had he seen Jake leave her bedroom? Did he hear about her fight in the park?
“You wore your hair up.”
Gaia patted the back of her head, fingering her oval tortoiseshell clip. She’d haphazardly shoved some particularly wayward strands in it that morning, forgetting all about Skyler’s preference. “Oh. Sorry.”
“Forget it. I was just—”
A loud, piercing wail suddenly drowned out Skyler’s voice. An ambulance was backing out of a nearby depot, its lights on and
siren blaring. It didn’t scare Gaia at all. But a startled Skyler jerked backward, reminding Gaia that she needed to put on a show of fear. So she quickly wrenched Skyler’s arm and buried her face in his jacket.
“You all right?” he said as the shrill notes of the siren died away in the distance.
She glanced up, smiling sheepishly. “Guess I wigged out a bit. It was just so loud.” She released her grip on his jacket and patted his arm lightly. “Did I hurt you?”
“No,” he said, laughing. “Come on. Let’s cross.”
The park lay before them, full of joggers and stroller-pushing urban moms. She and Skyler walked across the street and in through the brick-walled entrance.
Skyler led the way to an empty concrete bench and sat down, his long arms resting regally across the back. Gaia settled in beside him, taking the last, long sip of her coffee.
“I’ve got a lot planned for us tonight,” Skyler said, absently watching the park activities like a king surveying his kingdom.
“Oh?”
“You’ll love it.” He turned to face her. “You should probably call Suko and give her an excuse for coming home late or maybe not at all. Then we might want to stop by my apartment and freshen up first. This restaurant I’m taking you to is really hard to get into, but I know the code. I got us a reservation for seven-thirty. . . .”
Gaia nodded along as he talked, focusing on the thin rims of gold around his pupils. It was mesmerizing—as if the shadows of tiny moons had moved in front of the solar-powered orbs of his eyes.
Just then she remembered something. She was doing it again. That resolute stare. The unflinching eye contact.
Quickly, before he had the chance to notice, she pulled her gaze from his eyes and looked submissively at the ground in front of his feet.
If nothing else, she now had the fear thing down.
As soon as she opened her eyes that morning, Chloe decided that she would go to Coit Tower instead of Parker S. Shannon High, her usual destination on a Tuesday.
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