York’s eyes narrowed, and Josh saw his meanness rise up in them.
“He thinks he’s good enough to marry my daughter, but I’m not good enough to marry his mother.”
“He’s impudent,” agreed Josh. “But is that any reason to kill him or be killed by him?”
“He’s tryin’ to take somethin’ from me,” York said coldly. “That’s reason enough, I reckon.”
Listening to his brother, Josh knew in a fresh way that he’d never understand him. Although the same father’s blood coursed through their veins, they were so different. “How did you come by the rest of the money?” he asked. “Other than what I found at Mossy Bank?”
York waved him off. “Gamblin’. I did real good the last couple of years.”
“That’s a lot of winnings.”
“Five thousand wagered right can go a long way close to twenty-seven thousand now.”
“You don’t plan to give it back, do you?”
“No.”
“What if I told Mrs. Tessier what we did at Mossy Bank?”
“So what? It wouldn’t change nothin’. She wouldn’t care, and the trail is too cold for the law. Walt probably wouldn’t even investigate.”
Josh felt guilty. “I’m a fool. Look what this has brought. If I’d only taken the money to Walt from the start, none of this would be happening.”
York chuckled. “You beat all. Any guilt here rests on my head, not yours. Yet you’ll carry the load around like it’s your fault. All that conscience of yours again.”
“Maybe you got too little conscience.”
“I ain’t arguin’ that.”
“You have enough to save The Oak?” Josh asked.
York spat into the side of the barn. “It’ll give us another year. We make a strong crop, we come out of debt. If we don’t, all bets are off.”
“So you’re gambling again?”
“Yep, for sure.”
“Hardly seems worth it.”
“Maybe not to you, but I got no choice. Here’s my chance to get that picture over the mantel.”
Josh nodded. “Your dream. What you’ve always wanted. But is it worth dying over, killing another man?”
York shrugged. “To me it is. I don’t expect that’s a surprise to you.”
“I won’t stand as your second. Won’t take any part in this.”
“I’d like you by me. But I can understand if you choose otherwise.”
“I choose otherwise,” said Josh firmly. “I won’t watch you die, and I won’t help you kill Trenton. That’s one guilt I don’t want to carry.”
“I’ll ask Johnny then.”
“He’s real young for something so serious.”
“You leave me no choice.”
“Guess not,” Josh said slowly.
York stuck out his hand. “Will you pray for me?”
“I don’t know what I’d pray,” Josh replied, taking his hand.
“Pray my aim will go straight.” York laughed, obviously trying to break the tension.
“Maybe not that,” countered Josh. “But I will pray that either you or Master Trenton will come to his senses before either of you takes a bullet.”
“I’d prefer my prayer,” said York, “but I’ll take yours if you insist.”
Josh squeezed his brother’s hand, then dropped it and stepped back. “He’s requested a response by morning. I’ll write up the letter. I’ll write that you will not return the money and depart; that you’ll not apologize or retract your proposal; that you are accepting the challenge.”
“What you figure he’ll do after that?”
“Knowing him, I expect he’ll write you a letter inviting you to choose a weapon, a place, and a time. He’ll keep it formal, in accordance with the code, the rules of the duel.”
York lowered his head. “What will you do?”
“I’ll write him a letter outlining your response. Then I’ll step aside and leave it to you and Johnny as your second.”
York nodded. “I hate it comes to this. But I can’t do what he wants.”
“What about Camellia if something happens to you?”
“She’s a grown woman now. She can care for herself, for Johnny.”
“What if you kill Trenton? She’ll hate you for it.”
York didn’t look up. “I reckon that’s better than if Trenton kills me.”
“It’s a rough time,” Josh claimed.
“It surely is.”
Josh trudged off, both heart and feet heavy. Nothing good could come of this duel. No matter what happened, somebody would almost surely die.
Chapter Thirty
Camellia knocked at the door of Josh’s house right after supper that night, her shawl gathered around her shoulders against the spring chill. Beth and Butler answered the door. She hugged them both as they welcomed her.
“Pa’s finishin’ in the kitchen,” said Butler. “I’ll go get him.”
Beth held up a doll as Butler ran out. “I made it from an old dress of Mama’s.”
Camellia admired the doll. It had brown buttons for eyes. Beth led her to the front room, where wood burned in the fireplace.
“I know I’m gettin’ too old for dolls, but I still like them,” said Beth, her eyes bright.
Josh and Butler stepped into the room. “Good to see you,” Josh said quietly, pointing Camellia to a rocking chair.
“I needed to talk to somebody,” she began, “about Pa and Mrs. Tessier.”
“I’m glad you came,” Josh replied. “Wanted to talk to you too.” He took a spot on the edge of the hearth.
“I guess you heard about the marriage,” she said as she sat in the rocking chair.
“Yes, he sure surprises me sometimes. He tell you?”
“No, I heard it from Ruby.”
“Everybody’s tongue is loose.”
Camellia glanced at Beth and Butler, and Josh noticed. “Why don’t you two give us grownups a few minutes to talk?” he asked them. “Maybe Miss Camellia can visit with you for a while after that.”
Beth started to argue, but Josh held up a hand and stopped her. She and Butler reluctantly tromped out.
“They’re growing up fast,” said Camellia. “Especially Beth.”
“I fear I don’t do well with her. Don’t know how to handle a young woman. She’s still hurting from Lucy’s death, Anna’s too.”
“Perhaps you should marry again.”
“Seems we already got a marriage to handle. Guess we don’t need another one just yet.”
“Can we let him do this?” she asked fearfully.
“Don’t see what we can do about it.”
“But he doesn’t love her.”
“Maybe not, but it’s not ours to say one way or the other. Your pa’s capable of it, you know.”
Her eyes lowered to the floor. “I see little evidence of that. He’s a hard man.”
“He loved your mother, you should know that. Loved her as much as any man has ever loved any woman.”
“Then why does he never speak of her?”
Josh stood and threw a piece of wood on the fire. “I don’t know that I have the right to say. Your pa ought to answer that question for you.”
“What’s the big secret?” Camellia blurted. “Nobody will talk of her—not Pa, not you, not Stella. Nobody who knew her will ever say anything. I’m tired of that: the dropped eyes when I ask questions, the way people look away. Why won’t they tell me about her? Did she murder somebody, do some terrible—?”
She covered her mouth as what she’d never considered hit her. People didn’t talk of her mama because she had done something bad, something not worthy of remembering, something they thought a daughter shouldn’t know.
“What did she do?” she asked quietly as she tried to grasp the truth of what she’d just figured out. “What is it nobody wants to tell me?”
Josh shook his head.
“Tell me!” she insisted. “Secrets like this do no one any good—not me, not Pa. It�
��s time for it to end! I’m a grown woman. Whatever my mama was, I want to know, deserve to know.”
Josh sat back down and focused on Camellia. “I guess you’re right. You should know the truth. You’re right about secrets too. They’ll eat you up after a while. I’ve told York more than once he needed to get this out. But he never wanted you to know, and I didn’t see it as my place.”
“Stop protecting me,” urged Camellia. “You’re my friend, aren’t you?”
“Okay.” He took a deep breath and said it straight out. “Just remember all this is from what York’s told me. I never knew her myself.”
“Okay.”
“Your mama wasn’t a chaste woman.” He said it quickly but firmly.
“What do you mean?”
He told her the story. How York met Lynette and fell in love. How he married her and took her baby girl into his heart. How she birthed Chester about seven months later. How York’s luck turned bad and they moved to The Oak to make a steady living. How her mama ran off less than two years later, not long after giving birth to Johnny.
“Your pa kept you and Chester after she left,” continued Josh. “You weren’t his, but that didn’t matter to him. He loved you because he loved her; raised you as his own because she was part of you; all he had left of her. You kept her alive for him; he’s told me that over and over through the years.”
Camellia listened intently as he talked, her heart rising and falling with the story. When he finished, she folded her arms and leaned back, rocking slowly to combat the confusion, the grief she was feeling.
“I have the red dress she wore the day they married,” she whispered. “A navy blue cape, a pair of her earrings, and a Bible. That’s all. Found them a long time ago in Pa’s trunk. Don’t know how he got them.”
“She sent a box,” explained Josh. “And told York she was dying of typhus.”
“It’s hard to believe. After all these years, hearing this.”
“It’s true. I’ve got no reason to lie.”
Camellia stopped rocking. “He’s not my father,” she said quietly.
“He’s as close to one as you’re ever going to get. Don’t shortchange what he’s done for you.”
She looked at her shoes. “I’ve not always thought well of him.”
“He sometimes makes it hard to do that.”
“Ruby said Mrs. Tessier is marrying him for money. I don’t understand that. Didn’t know he had any.”
“Ruby ought to talk less. Why a man and woman marry is not my business, nor yours, nor hers.”
“Does Pa have money?”
“You need to ask him that.”
Camellia nodded. Then another idea hit her. She focused on Josh. “You’re not my uncle.”
“No. I’m your friend.”
Camellia remembered the feelings she’d had for Josh, the way he made her breath come in short gasps the time she saw him without his shirt. Maybe she’d sensed this somehow, known it all along as only a woman can know things about a man. But now it didn’t matter. Trenton loved her and surely would come back to her. Now that her pa planned to marry Mrs. Tessier, she and Trenton would face no more obstacles to their matrimony. Then why didn’t she feel more joyful?
The fire shifted as Camellia tried to sort her emotions. The notion of Trenton proposing scared her more than anything else. He’d walked away from her once. Would he have done that if he truly loved her? And she’d never told him what had happened at his father’s death. What would he do if he knew? Confusion ate at Camellia’s stomach. A proposal from Trenton would cause a lot of upset, and that made her fearful.
“Who’s my true pa?” she asked, hoping to settle her jumbled thoughts.
“That’s one you need to ask York.”
She stared into the fire, her mind stunned at how much she still had to find out.
“I need to tell you one more thing while we’re getting secrets out of the way,” said Josh.
“Yes?” She stared back at him.
He smiled, but his face wore a heavy sadness. His eyes were so kind, so gentle, unlike the eyes of any man she’d ever known. He wasn’t her uncle, he believed in the Lord as she did, and he made her breath come in short gasps.
“I’m leaving The Oak,” he said.
Her face turned white. “What?”
“I’m taking the children and going away from here in a few weeks.”
“But why?” She felt lost, as if somebody had just dropped her in a forest in the middle of the night a thousand miles from home.
“How can I explain it? Lots of reasons.” He turned and pointed toward the fireplace. “I used to draw.”
“I remember the sailing ship. It was good.”
“I don’t draw anymore,” he said sadly. “Not since Anna, then Lucy. Too many hurts here, too many memories that cling to me like big rocks. I need to shed myself of all of that. Plus, your pa and me, it’s true we’re brothers, but I’m not good when I’m with him. I let him take me on paths I don’t want to go. I’m not blaming him, but I’m weak; don’t follow my best instincts when I’m with your pa.”
“You’re the strongest man I’ve ever met.”
“Then you need to meet more men.” He grinned.
She smiled too, but only briefly. “I don’t want you to go,” she said, her voice pleading, sad. “I need you here.”
“You’ll be fine,” he said softly. “You’ve got a strength few possess. You’ll marry Trenton, move to Charleston, and raise some wonderful children.”
“That’s all I ever wanted. A loving husband and a good family; somebody to talk to me, to hold me when I’m cold; somebody to sit by the fire with and read good books when I get old.”
“You’d think that wouldn’t be too much to ask.” Josh sighed. “But sometimes it’s hard to find, even harder to keep.”
“I still grieve your Anna.”
“So do I. I pray Trenton will make you happy,” he said. “You deserve it.”
Camellia again rocked slowly. “You’ve never liked Trenton.”
Josh waved her off. “It’s not my place to speak ill of him.”
Camellia stopped rocking. “But I want to know what you think. I trust your judgment. Why don’t you like him?”
Josh hesitated, but she waited. The fire cracked as a piece of wood shifted. Finally, he spoke. “Please understand that whatever I say about Master Trenton is influenced by my care for you. I … I want only the best for you and don’t believe he can provide that.”
“Why not?”
“Many reasons. First, from what I can see, he’s always taken you for granted. Treated you without respect, figured you were there for his taking when and if he asked. Next, how could he ask Miss Rouchard to marry him if he loved you? You can’t tell me he did it to save The Oak. What kind of man would do that to a woman?”
Josh’s voice rose as he talked. “Now you’re going to just welcome him back with open arms? You need to respect yourself more than that! He’s hotheaded too, just like his father; you know it’s true. Yes, he can give you all the fine things you’d ever want, but those aren’t the things that count in the long run.” He paused to catch his breath.
“Maybe worst of all,” Josh continued, “he’s not a believer. I know I have no right to say anything; I’m not worthy of judging another. But a man’s faith tells a lot about the kind of man he is. You’re a believer in the Lord. How will you two mix that?”
He stared at her, as if waiting for an answer, but she was stunned to silence. Her eyes watered as she realized the truth of his words.
“Hey,” he said, pulling out his handkerchief and wiping her eyes. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“I asked for your opinion.”
“Yes, you did.”
“Is he worse than other men? Can he change?”
Josh put his handkerchief away but didn’t respond. She pressed him. “Do you think he’ll change if he marries me?” He shrugged, and she saw again he didn’t want to hurt her
.
“All men have their faults,” he finally said. “And if anyone can lead Trenton to the Lord, that person is you.”
“You have no faults. None I can see.”
He dropped his eyes. “You have poor vision. I’m the most unworthy man of all.”
Camellia studied him. “You’ve said that before. More than once. Why is that?”
“I’m like Paul, chief of sinners.”
“I don’t see it, nor why you would unless you’re being falsely humble.”
“You don’t know me,” he claimed. “What happened during my years at war.”
“What did happen?”
He shook his head. “It’s past. No need to burden you with it.”
“You may never get the chance again,” she coaxed. “What with your moving away and all.”
He paused and was silent a long time.
“I’ll not ask you again,” she finally said.
He stood and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I’ll miss you when I leave. You’ve been fresh air to me.”
She stood and stepped toward him, her heart heavy as an anvil. “When will you go?”
“After the crop is in the field. Maybe second week this month.”
“I can’t believe you’ll move from here; take Beth and Butler from me.”
“They love you,” he said.
“I love them. Will you draw again after you move?”
“That is my hope.”
“Draw me something someday, send it to me?”
“I will look forward to that.”
He opened his arms, and she fell into them. Her breath choked in her throat. She wanted to tell him she loved him too, but how could she mean that? Wouldn’t Trenton soon ask her to marry him? Wasn’t that what she’d counted on all her life? So how could she run away from it now?
As she leaned into Josh’s chest, she listened to his heartbeat and wondered why hers felt like it wanted to stop.
Chapter Thirty-One
Camellia rushed home after leaving Josh, her mind spinning with questions, her heart pounding with confusion. She’d learned so much in the last hour, so much that it seemed she’d become a different person all at once, more mature, more aware of everything around her. She found her pa sitting on the front porch, a chaw in his cheek, his chair tilted back on its hind legs, a contented, pleased expression on his face. One part of her wanted to scold him for his proposal to Mrs. Tessier; another wanted to comfort him for all the troubles her mama had caused him.
Secret Tides Page 35