by Emma Davies
‘Aren’t you going to ask me how I knew?’
‘No,’ she said weakly. It was pointless to try and deny that she’d been about to leave. ‘Because if you know, that must mean you know other… things… as well. Fraser, I’m so sorry, I—’
‘Have no need to apologise, lass, I’m not cross with you. Neither am I psychopathic…’ He frowned.
It took a moment for her to work out what he meant, then she laughed. ‘Er, I think you might mean either psychic, or telepathic,’ offered Flora, a grin crossing her face.
He lifted his hand. ‘Aye, that’s the one… Anyways, it was really quite easy. But only if you know that the chimney in the dining room and the one in the study are connected. And conversations that take place in either room can sometimes be heard as clear as if you’re standing in the same room. Not all the time, of course, I think it has to do with certain weather conditions, the direction of the wind maybe. I dunno, but aye, I heard it all…’
Flora groaned, her ears beginning to burn in shame. ‘Shit.’ There was a long pause while the conversation replayed itself in her head. Fraser hadn’t just heard her argument with Ned, he would have heard everything, and that included what had happened to the farm, how much debt they were in, and the fact that it had been kept from him. ‘So…’
‘Aye, lass,’ was all Fraser said.
She hung her head. ‘You weren’t supposed to find out like that. I would have told you, I think Ned would have, or Hannah… once things were more… settled. I’m really sorry, Fraser…’ And then she stopped as she remembered why Fraser hadn’t been told. ‘Jesus, are you okay?’
‘Well, I’m still standing…’
They had walked a few steps out into the garden and Fraser indicated that they should keep walking.
‘And as Caroline’s visit of a couple of days ago and our subsequent chat set me thinking anyway, you could say you’ve done me favour today. I had been wondering quite how to bring the subject up…’ There was even a wry smile.
She looked across sharply, and to her amazement, Fraser nodded.
‘Of course Caroline told me about the loan,’ said Fraser simply. ‘People like her can’t help themselves and she couldn’t possibly keep something so juicy as that from me. All said and done in my best interests of course, she was very keen to tell me that, and all—’
Flora’s anger surged. ‘How dare she tell you! Doesn’t she know what that could have done to you?’
Fraser held out a reassuring arm. ‘Actually, in a way it was the best possible time to tell me. I’m not saying it didn’t start my heart fluttering, ’cause it did, but I reckon now maybe it’s strong enough to take it. Besides, I’ve faced my terror, Flora, faced it and stared it down. I don’t think Caroline could tell me anything that was going to hurt any more than what I’ve already been through in the past few weeks.’ He paused, gathering himself before taking another step.
‘You could, though,’ he added.
Flora frowned and was about to ask him what he meant when Fraser suddenly let out a breath. ‘Sheesh, it’s like learning to walk again. I think I did a better job when I was a wee lad.’
‘Then let’s stop a while. I can get a stool for you to sit on if you want, just for a minute. You’re talking as well, which doesn’t help.’
But Fraser resolutely shook his head. ‘No. To the fence, that’s what we agreed, and that’s where I’m going.’
Flora pulled a face, but she couldn’t argue. They took a couple more steps in silence, but then she cleared her throat. ‘What did you mean, Fraser? That I could hurt you?’
He was quick to answer. ‘Not intentionally, lass, I know that, and I also know you have to do what’s right for you. Sometimes, though, we don’t always know what that is. We think we do, but time has an uncanny ability to prove us wrong…’ He trailed off to search her face, his pale eyes lit by the afternoon sun. ‘Will you stay, Flora? Please. I don’t want to beg, but I will if I have to.’ He held a hand to his chest. ‘All this stress… it’s not good for me…’ But the corners of his lips were twitching.
‘Fraser, that’s not fair!’
‘What?’ he replied, a sudden grin brightening his face.
She shook her head, smiling in return. ‘You know what.’
He walked on ahead and, as she watched him, each step requiring almost superhuman effort, she realised how much this must have been costing him, and yet he had done it anyway, for her as much as for him. And then she realised how inordinately fond she had grown of him over the last few weeks.
‘But what about the farm? And everything else?’
‘That’s what I meant when I said we need waking up. That’s what you’ve done for us, Flora, and I’m sure, if you put your mind to it, you can come up with something that will help us get through this.’ He winked at her. ‘That’s if you haven’t already.’
She stared at him. How could he possibly know?
‘I’ve had a heart attack, Flora, not been struck deaf and blind. I know you’ve been up to something the last couple of days.’ He broke off, smiling. ‘And of course there’s the fact that I also heard everything you’d been planning earlier. Plus, I saw you just now,’ he added. ‘Marching out across the fields. You don’t half go when you want to, I wasn’t sure whether it made me feel determined or just plain pathetic…’
He put out a hand to stop her from interrupting. ‘But I knew where you were headed and, although I couldn’t see you after a while, I guessed you’d be sitting somewhere pondering on this place, and Ned of course. Deciding what you were going to do…’ He scratched his head. ‘And then you came a marching back in exactly the same way, determined, like. And I know you were thinking about leaving, but I also know that you can’t get this place out of your head, can you? Nor everything you’d planned for it. I know you can see it would work. And I also know that, despite everything that’s happened, you’d still love the chance to make it so… Or did I get that wrong?’
Flora couldn’t help smiling. ‘You’re a very wise man, Fraser,’ she said.
‘Aye, and a knackered one.’ They had come to rest at the boundary fence between the garden and field beyond. ‘So am I right?’
‘We’ll see.’
‘Right,’ replied Fraser, blowing out a puff of air from his lips. ‘Well, that’s me done then, well and truly. Now before we go back, there’s just one more thing I need to tell you.’
Flora braced herself.
‘Because while you’ve been very patient watching me shuffle about the garden like an old man twice my age, I’m aware that there was a lot more to your conversation with Ned earlier than just this place. Now, I don’t profess to find talking about emotions all that easy, and I’m also very aware that this is a private matter between the two of you, but I couldn’t let you go today without saying this…’ He shifted his weight a little, supporting himself on the fence post and waving away her concern.
‘I’ve loved Hannah since the minute I clapped eyes on her, and never stopped neither. I know she’s a fusspot and a martyr to the regimen of housekeeping, but she’s looked after me and loved me for more years than I should probably be able to remember. Despite the fact that most people think she rules the place, she has never tried to influence what I think, and more than that she’s the one who always gave me the courage to be the person I wanted to be. People are like flowers, Flora, they are every shade of every colour, and some colours you will like and others you won’t. Love is about acceptance, about knowing who a person is, the good and the bad, and loving them anyway. Not in spite of it, but because of it.
‘Life’s too short to be with someone who doesn’t set you free, Flora. You need someone who doesn’t seek to change you but is happy for you to be anything you want to be just as long as they can be by your side whilst you’re doing it. Someone who makes you feel more alive than anyone else. So, you need to ask yourself if Ned does that for you. If he doesn’t, then you already have your answer, but if he does, then do
whatever you have to do to keep him. Don’t let him go just because he’s an idiot, Flora. We’re all capable of that. Love makes idiots of us all…’
Chapter Twenty-Three
And so the next day dawned and Flora stayed. She and Ned were courteous and civil with one another and, after he had left to milk the cows, despite the earliness of the hour, she was summoned by Fraser to accompany him on another walk. And all the while they walked, she tried not to think about the look on Ned’s face, or the way his hair curled around the nape of his neck, or the way his legs had a habit of walking on ahead of him before his body was quite ready.
Back inside the house, Fraser bid Hannah to make a large pot of tea and then the three of them sat at the kitchen table, an expectant air settling between them.
‘Right you are then, lass. I reckon you had better tell us what this is all about, and if I were you I’d start at the beginning and not stop until you get to the end.’
And so, fixed with Fraser’s fierce stare, Flora did just that. And when she was done, she went on to tell them about her ideas for the farm and all the information she had found. Fraser may have been surprised by her ideas, Hannah certainly was, but neither laughed and, bit by bit, Fraser began to ask questions. And then more followed, and Flora found she had answers to them all. By the time she had finished talking, over two hours later, Fraser’s face was split wide with a smile.
‘Aye, lass,’ he said. ‘I reckon that might do it.’
Nearing lunchtime, Flora returned from the garden, her arms laden with bunches of daffodils, to find that Fraser had called a family meeting. Or at least that’s what it looked like. Three solemn faces met her as she walked into the kitchen, stopping her in her tracks.
Fraser patted the chair beside his.
‘Come and sit down, Flora,’ he said. ‘You look worn out.’
She gave a wan smile. ‘I should put these in water,’ she replied; the last thing she wanted to do was sit down.
‘Will they die in the next twenty minutes if you don’t?’
She paused. Fraser was getting altogether too good at reading her.
‘It’s just that I’ve been having a good long think about the things you said this morning and it struck me that now might be a good time to discuss this with all of us, as a family. Now that Ned’s here,’ he added, as if Flora couldn’t already see him.
‘But you don’t need me here to do that,’ countered Flora.
‘No,’ said Fraser slowly. ‘I don’t…’ He broke off, looking her straight in the eye. ‘Or do I…? Because this is the part I’m having real problems with, Flora. You see, you are a part of this family, and if anyone needed any more proof of that then they just have to think about your ideas on how to save the farm, or they can just watch you leave, and I can explain what I think we should do…’ He smiled.
‘You’re leaving?’ Ned’s startled retort was loud in the quiet room. He got to his feet.
Flora shot Fraser a glance. ‘Well, I…’ The truth was that she hadn’t really decided yet and was just about to say so when, to her surprise, Fraser got to his feet as well, pulling himself up by the table.
‘Sit down, Ned,’ he said. His voice wasn’t loud but Ned dropped to his seat as if he’d been shot, his face a mixture of shock and sheepish indignation.
‘I should think so too,’ he added. ‘I’m not sure how you can possibly act surprised when you’ve not even asked her to stay, have you?’ He gently lowered himself back into his own chair before turning to look at Flora. ‘You too, lass. Come on, sit down.’
Flora did as she was asked, laying the yellow blooms on the table.
‘And in case you were wondering,’ continued Fraser, his voice shot through with the effort that standing had cost him. ‘You’re right to feel ashamed, Ned, but that’s the kind of stupid thing that happens when you’re in love and can’t think straight. Besides, this isn’t about laying the blame at anyone’s door, for anything… I asked Flora to stay, in fact, I practically begged her to and I don’t mind admitting it. We’ve all been guilty of stupidity and a certain… blindness to circumstance – well, all except Flora. Which is why I really don’t want to dwell on how we’ve behaved in the past; it’s the future that will count.’ He shifted slightly in his chair. ‘Besides, I don’t have the breath for it.’
He held a palm to his chest and cleared his throat. ‘Now, before I ask Flora to say what she needs to, I’d just like to make it clear that I do know everything about this whole sorry mess we’ve got ourselves into, and I do mean everything… So if you’ve any notion about trying to deny any part of it, Ned, save your breath.’
Ned’s eyes were fixed front and centre although Flora could see the effort it required to keep them that way. Even so, he still managed to look incredibly guilty. Hannah, on the other hand, stared first at Ned and then at Fraser as if she had never seen them before. She opened her mouth to speak and then closed it again.
Flora didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Fraser was by far the frailest in the room – stringing several sentences together was leaving him panting – and yet if he had asked any of them to do one hundred star jumps, stark naked, they would have. Even Brodie was sitting to attention.
Fraser jerked his thumb at Flora.
‘Off you go, lass,’ he said, sitting back in his chair.
She had no idea where to begin but a deep breath seemed called for at the very least. She tucked her hair behind her ears and wriggled in her chair.
‘I haven’t been entirely honest, Ned,’ she began, avoiding his eyes. ‘And there are some things I need to say first about my life before I came to Hope Corner. Things that you don’t know.’ She dropped her hands into her lap. ‘I’ve been accused of coming here under false pretences, but I didn’t, I—’
‘Flora, wait––’
Fraser put out his hand. ‘Let the girl speak, Ned, you’ll get your chance.’
Flora gathered herself again. ‘I didn’t come here under false pretences, but neither can I pretend that it wasn’t the most serendipitous timing on your part, Ned. You came into my life at a time when I had reached a crossroads and, from where I was standing, there was only one route available to me. I hadn’t even bothered to look at the other roads because frankly any idiot could see that they weren’t viable options. But then you came along, Ned, and suddenly my whole world was filled with possibility, the roads became endless, stretching out on all sides…’
She held his look for a second, but it was all she could manage. ‘And so I accepted your offer to travel those paths and I understand full well how that might appear dishonest, but in my book that’s just the universe doing its thing, in all its wonderful glory…’
Her head was suddenly filled with an image of Ned standing in her shop on the very first day she had met him, the sun glinting off his coppery hair, his mad freckles a dark smudge across his otherwise pale skin. At the time, she had felt a sudden jolt as if fate were shouting her name and begging her to pay attention. The fact that she had seen the same response mirrored in Ned’s eyes had been an even bigger surprise. She choked back her tears.
‘I’ve always trusted my intuition,’ she continued. ‘I still do. I can’t help it if that makes me weird, or kooky, it’s just me… who I am.’ She shrugged. ‘And I’m not about to change, sorry.’
She bit her lip and carried on while she still could. ‘So even though things haven’t worked out here, I still believe that I came with honest intentions and moreover that everything that happened in my life beforehand has somehow given me the means to find a way forward for the farm… and I couldn’t leave without explaining. I think I owe you that much.’
Ned leaned forward, his forearms resting on the table. ‘What happened, Flora?’
‘My business failed,’ she said simply. ‘In a nutshell, that’s what happened. And I’ve agonised over the reasons why, but actually I think it had just had its time. Nearly ten years all told, and brilliant years for the most part. I met some ama
zing people, and my little shop was my world through each and every season, marked out by the flowers that came and went as our little planet circled the sun. But times change and, where once there had been a place for me and my flowers and people were happy to buy them, that changed too, for all sorts of reasons.’
She sat up a little straighter and cleared her throat. ‘And then my brother-in-law offered me a loan, just to tide me over… and I thought, like you did, that this was the answer to all my problems. And it was, for a little while, before everything came crashing down and I realised I’d made the biggest mistake of my life.’
‘Oh, Flora…’ said Ned, staring at her with a mixture of surprise and wariness, wondering what was coming next. But then his expression changed slightly and he lifted his head a little. ‘Go on,’ he said. ‘Why was it a mistake?’
‘Because my sister discovered that her husband was a compulsive gambler and had mortgaged their house to the hilt, run up a huge amount of debt and stolen money from his company as well. Money which he then lent to me.’
Ned groaned. ‘Oh, Christ,’ he said, and Flora knew it was as much for what had happened as it was the realisation of just how similar their situations actually were. ‘And that’s why you sold the shop…’ he said.
‘Yes. That’s why I sold the shop. How could I keep the money knowing that it had been swindled from honest people? I had to pay it back. And because of me, Rowena has been left with virtually nothing; she lost everything she had and what little remained she had to sell to pay back her husband’s debt. Even though I didn’t know he had stolen the money he lent me, I was stupid and deluded thinking that a loan would solve everything. I knew it was too easy, that there was something about it that didn’t seem quite right, but I didn’t ask any questions, I didn’t check, I just took the easy way out and grabbed the money. I was one of the reasons why my sister was left with nothing, and in the end no better than a common thief. How could I possibly keep my shop, knowing that?’