by Tamara Lush
The kiss went on and on. He stopped to catch his breath and put his forehead to hers, closing his eyes. The feel of her arms around his neck, her body against his, was almost too much to handle. She smelled like the ocean, and he’d never smelled anything so sweet.
“Beautiful,” he groaned. “You’re so beautiful, Jessica.”
She said nothing, just stared up at him.
With a swift motion he hoisted her a few inches so that she was sitting on the table. She grasped his T-shirt and pulled him close, opening her legs to allow him nearer before wrapping them firmly around his hips. They fit so damned well together.
She went to put her hands around his waist, but he grinned and grabbed her wrists, guiding her arms so that her palms lay flat on the table behind her. He held her wrists firmly as he kissed her, his fingers splayed over the tops of her hands, his darker skin contrasting with hers. Their tongues swirled and teased, and she arched her back so that her breasts brushed his chest. That nearness swept his mind free of all awful thoughts.
He released her wrists so that he could cup her breasts. They were a perfect fit, and she moaned low in her throat. Pausing, he looked down at her gorgeous body that was now under his command.
“Leo, I thought we were taking things slow,” she whispered.
He lifted his head, his hands still cradling her breasts, pushing them upwards so he could see their tops near the collar of her V-neck T-shirt. “Slow is difficult when we’re together.”
Jessica’s eyes closed, and she smiled with pleasure. He released her breasts then arranged her hair behind her shoulders. Her face rested on his neck, and with each second that passed she dissolved a little more into his body. They were both breathing as if they’d run a marathon.
“Do you want to take things slow?” Leo asked. He almost wanted her to say yes. It’d be safer. But then he spotted her nipples poking through her shirt.
Brain: off. Cock: hard.
“No,” she said. “Well, yes.”
He looked at her, and their eyes met. Then they both grinned.
“Confession time,” she murmured, and she unwrapped her legs from his hips.
“Okay….”
“You’re the only guy with whom I’ve ever felt this kind of intense…” Her voice trailed off.
“Need?”
She nodded. “Need. Want. Whatever you call it.”
“I feel the same way about you,” he whispered, and went in for another kiss.
“But”—she broke away, putting a finger to his lips—“I understand that things are complicated. For you and for me. And I apologize if I’ve been bitchy. I wanted to tell you that.”
His hands went into her hair, and he shifted so that his mouth was next to her ear. “Don’t apologize. You have nothing to apologize for. I’m sorry for a lot of things, Jessica. I’m the one who needs to prove that I’m worthy of you. And I’m not doing a great job. I was a jerk back on the beach.” He leaned back and smoothed her hair away from her face. “I shouldn’t have sounded like such an ass when you asked me if I had anyone I could call when I have nightmares.”
A little scowl appeared on her forehead, and she paused. Then she seemed to steel herself to ask a question. “Why didn’t you want to come into my apartment the other night? Is it because I’m bigger than when we were teenagers? Are you only interested when you’re caught up in the moment?”
Leo reared back and frowned. Women could be so confusing. Here he was with a huge hard-on, ready to drop to his knees and beg for sex, and she was asking if he was attracted to her.
“What?” he said, incredulous.
“I’m bigger than when we first met. I mean, I know I was a tall girl and a little thick even then, but I’ve kind of filled out since. I didn’t know if maybe…” She stopped talking, probably because he was staring at her, horrified.
“Hell no,” he growled. “I can’t even believe you’d say that, Jess. I love your body. Always have. Jesus.” He looked at her thighs and her stomach and her breasts and inhaled deeply. He took her hand and guided it to the front of his shorts. “Does this feel like someone who’s not turned on?”
She stroked a few times, her palm hard against his cock. When she stopped, he groaned.
She lifted her legs and wrapped them around his hips again, guiding him close to her. “I’m sorry. I was doing okay about my body for a while, going to yoga with my friend Skylar. She was a big girl, too, but she believed in just owning her size.”
Leo twirled her hair around his index fingers. “She sounds like a good influence. Stick with her.”
Jessica sighed. “She was good for me. But she left for Miami with her fiancé last year, and then everything happened with Mom and Jacob and I started feeling bad about myself again. Sorry. You know how women are. We’re all self-conscious about our bodies. Even the skinny ones.”
He shot her another skeptical look and let go of her hair. “I guess I haven’t picked up on that. I mean, I’ve been busy fighting a war and all. Believe it or not, I haven’t been around a ton of women.” Not when the only one he could think about was her.
“I know it’s stupid, talking about weight. But I’m sure every woman you’ve dated has complained about her body or size or face in some way. We’re all the same.”
Leo brushed his lips against hers then looked into her eyes, which had darkened to emerald. Now was the time for his confession. “I’ve only ever been with one woman. And she’s right in front of me, wearing a Hello Kitty T-shirt with her legs wrapped around me. You know what size she is? Size sexy.”
Jessica’s mouth opened into a surprised half-smile. He grinned and landed a kiss on her nose.
“You’ve only slept with one woman? Me?”
He nodded, and a little shiver escaped him because she’d slipped her hands under his shirt and was touching his bare skin. Goosebumps spread everywhere across his torso.
“Why?”
He shrugged, not sure how much he should admit. “I went into the military right after graduation. I didn’t have a chance to meet anyone. And I was kind of hung up on you for a long time.”
Her mouth curved into a smile, and she grazed her fingers over his pecs. He went in for a kiss, his mouth seeking hers. But she interrupted.
“I’ve only been with one guy. You.”
“Really?” He pulled back. She was so gorgeous, and her kisses were so sensual, he’d just assumed she’d slept with others. Didn’t want to think about that, but had assumed it. And what about that guy at the coffee shop?
“I never slept with Jacob, thank God. We…well, it wasn’t meant to be.”
“I guess we never got over each other, did we?” Leo asked. He thought he heard something odd in her voice when she spoke about Jacob, but he didn’t want to ask about the details. Just the image of them together made him want to punch something. And her hands traveled downward, making his thoughts fail. All he could think about was how he wanted her to keep going lower and lower.
“Nope. And after what happened with you and me, I, like, shied away from guys and sex for a long time. Went on some dates but just couldn’t. Not after us.”
Leo rested his lips on her forehead, thinking. “That was so messed up, wasn’t it? God, that week our parents found out… It was so awful.”
“I know. I wish I hadn’t panicked and told my mom I thought I was pregnant.”
Her hands traced his stomach muscles, and he involuntarily twitched.
“Are you still ticklish?” she asked. She skimmed his skin lightly, and he laughed. He was damned if he could help himself.
He didn’t want to talk about anything bad right now. He kissed her again, hard, and the fire between them flared. He bit her lip until she moaned and scratched his back with her nails.
“So, let’s just get this fully out of the way,” he said as she fluttered kisses on his jaw toward his ear. “You’re gorgeous. I love your size. I mean, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m kind of a big guy myself.”
“Mm, I have noticed,” she said, her fingers finding his nipple and pinching it gently, sending a jolt straight to his cock. “But you’re muscular.”
“Whatever. I prefer bigger women. I prefer you. Know what I want you to wear?”
“What?” she whispered, leaning into him so that there was a sexy curve in her lower back.
“Anything that makes you happy. I like your curves and your juiciness.” He reached around and squeezed her ass with both hands, growling as he did. Why did he keep doing that?
She laughed then narrowed her eyes. “So, if you like my juice, why didn’t you want to stay over the other night?”
“I did. But I told you, I want to go slow. But it’s so damned difficult around you. I want…” He pushed out a breath. “I knew Jessica the girl. I want to know Jessica the woman. I want to know your dreams and your wishes. I want to figure out what makes you happy. I want—”
He’d been about to say, I want you because I love you, but he stopped himself. What was he doing? He couldn’t have any of this. Not now, not ever.
“Okay. I get it,” she said.
His hands were still on her thighs, and he ran them along her bare and silky legs. When he slipped his fingertips under the hem of her shorts, she squirmed, so he moved his hands back to the safe territory of her knees. But by now, his cock—hell, his whole body—was throbbing with need.
“You’re leaving eventually, aren’t you?” She looked him squarely in the eye.
He nodded slowly as he remembered New Orleans. This wasn’t the conversation he wanted to have while he was rock hard, though, and a familiar heaviness settled onto his shoulders. “Probably. But aren’t you trying to sell the hotel? I heard you and your sister talk about an appraisal, no? So aren’t we both leaving eventually?”
She shrugged. “Nicole wants to sell.”
“Do you want that?”
“I’m not sure,” she said. “I don’t know what I want. On one hand, I love it here on Palmira. It’s all I’ve ever known.” She shrugged and tipped her head from side to side. “On the other, it’s all I’ve ever known. I’d love to see more of the world.”
“What do you want in your heart?”
She looked up. “I want my sister to stop trying to pretend my mother never existed.”
Jessica’s voice sounded choked with pain, so Leo took her chin into his hands and tilted her head toward him. “People grieve differently, no? Maybe this is your sister’s way of honoring your mother, by moving on and not being sentimental. That might sound odd to you, but maybe it makes sense to her.”
Jessica thought a moment and then nodded. “Maybe. That’s pretty wise, actually.”
“I’ve had a lot of wise advice—or therapy. Whatever you want to call it. All thanks to the United States Marine Corps.”
Jess wrapped her arms and legs around him again, and they hugged for a long time. If only he could stay like this, forever, lost in her coconut-vanilla smell and her arms.
Pulling out of his embrace, she eased off the table to stand next to him. Breaking the silence she said, “I’ve gotta leave now. Not because I’m running away from you, but because I promised my sister I’d meet her at the hotel. I’m already late. I’ll take a rain check on that coffee, though. And on everything else we talked about.”
Leo grinned. “I’m definitely down for the ‘everything else’ at some point, sooner or later.”
“Good. Because I am, too.”
Jess paused at the door, turning back with happiness shimmering in her eyes.
“Thank you,” she said.
Leo tilted his head. “For what?”
“For saving me from Jacob. For being understanding. For being attracted to me for who I am.”
His eyes narrowed. “How could I not be attracted to you?”
A grin twisted her lips, and she walked back to him to kiss his cheek. “See you later.”
Her voice was a sexy whisper, and it sent even more desire crashing through him. And a tinge of hopelessness.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Jesus Christ. Why was there a dead Afghani man in his bathtub? His chest stuttered and he ran. Fear clawing through him, Leo booked down the stairs and through the bakery, fumbling for his truck keys in his pocket. He needed to see if Jessica was okay, if there were any dead people in her hotel. That’s all he wanted, was to make sure she was okay.
Once safely inside his truck, he locked the doors and fired it up. Music came on, full blast. It was a bluesy rock song by The Black Keys, and the fuzz of the guitar jarred him awake.
Fuck. It had happened again. Only this time he’d almost driven his truck through the sleepy streets of Palmira.
His chest was pounding like he was going to have a heart attack. Gasping, he killed the ignition and rested his head against the steering wheel as the silence overtook him. His body was clammy with sweat. He’d been exhausted and had taken a sleeping pill…
He lifted his head and looked at the empty street. Sleepwalking. Which had almost turned into sleep-driving. And Christ, he’d also had a nightmare. This combination of a fugue state and a terrifying dream was a new development.
Fucking awesome. He scrubbed his face with his hands. What if he hadn’t woken up? What if he’d killed someone while driving? Would he have ended up at Jessica’s? The very thought made his gut twist. When was this going to end?
When would he get better?
Ever?
CHAPTER TWELVE
Jessica had barely slept and didn’t want to get out of bed. She rolled onto her stomach and thought about Leo. First the kiss, then the episode with Jacob. Then how Leo had stepped in between her and Jacob at the perfect moment and taken her into his arms, and afterward, the seriously hot makeout session at his bakery. And the time she’d spent with him in the four days since.
It was so difficult to believe that he’d only been with one woman. Her. But it also made sense. From what he’d told her during several subsequent conversations he’d enlisted in the Marines not long after they met in high school.
They’d been incredible, these past few days with him. Every spare minute, as much as their work schedules would allow, they were together. Sand sculpting. Talking on the beach until sunset. Having coffee. Once he’d even come over for breakfast. They were taking things slow.
He was so different than the boy she first met. Serious and thoughtful. The years had changed him, made him sharper, edgier. He talked often about politics and foreign policy, and she wondered aloud why he wasn’t going to college, what with his interests and passionate views.
“Maybe someday.” He’d shrugged then changed the subject.
Also, he was achingly similar to the Leo she’d known as a girl. He was often clever, sometimes shy, and unfailingly polite around her. A gentleman, always opening doors and seeing to her needs. He hadn’t lost that trait.
So, Leo definitely wasn’t a player like Jacob. He was honorable and so incredibly sensual, sometimes to the point where his smoldering looks and long caresses of her palm with his fingertips made her want to combust. They had kissed every so often, but since they’d hung out in mostly public places they’d refrained from ravaging each other. But there had been one night when he walked her home from the café that he hugged her so hard on her porch, grabbing a fistful of her hair as he whispered fiercely in her ear, “I will always want you, Jess. In every way you can think of and a thousand more. Don’t ever, ever forget that.”
He felt so…right. And yet, she worried. Eventually he’d want to have sex. What if she had the same problem she’d had with Jacob? She’d come close to telling Leo about it but figured that he didn’t want to know about how her body had reacted to another man. It just didn’t seem like something to discuss casually, if ever, with a guy. Well, she’d deal with it when and if she and Leo got that far. Right now she was just enjoying their time together.
She flipped over in bed, burrowing under the covers and yawning. Then, stretching contentedly like
a cat, she tossed them off and grabbed her mother’s journal from the nightstand. She’d been meaning to read more for some time.
JUNE 12: I think we’re finding our equilibrium. Mom takes care of the girls in the morning while I attend to everything at the hotel. Then she takes over in the afternoon and I play with the girls. Once I wrangle them into bed, I attempt to clean the apartment. I’m exhausted, though, and on top of that, lonely. Trying hard not to be bitter. It would be nice to have an adult conversation with an adult man over a real dinner, not a discussion of a purple dinosaur with two kids over mac-and-cheese.
Weird. Jessica had never really imagined her mom wanting an adult conversation. She’d been so seemingly happy to entertain Jessica and Nicole with games and toys that it seemed she was made for just that, for being a mother. It was funny how the journals now forced Jess to look at her mom in a new light. As a woman, not as a single mother.
Jessica glanced at her phone and swiped it to check the time. She set the journal on her nightstand. It was five in the morning. Time to get up and go to work.
Over the next few hours she buzzed through her morning tasks, her mind on Leo. Showered, brewed coffee and set the table. With a huge smile, she answered guests’ questions.
The sand sculpture competition will be judged on Valentine’s Day.
Yes, there’s an art show as part of Palmira Winterfest. The schedule’s here, printed in the Palmira Post.
Sunset’s at about five-thirty. Make sure to bring a chair and your camera.
And a new answer: The pastries are delicious, aren’t they? A new baker in town makes them. He’s from New Orleans. A war veteran. I’ll tell him that you loved the croissants. Yes, isn’t that unusual? A Marine who bakes.
Once the guests wandered off for the day, and when Nicole arrived to staff the desk, Jess headed out with her bucket filled with tools, paint brushes and several spray bottles filled with water. She still had to win this competition.