“It was wholly unnecessary, Elon.”
“‘Sek, Liz, you sound like Kiana.”
“Maybe it’s because she was speaking some sense.”
Seeing his room one more time disheartened him more than anything else so far this wake. Seeing his four-poster bed, his fireplace, the gorgeous windows, the general comfort of this style of living getting taken away so swiftly actually made him sad. The green-haired beauty behind him informing him of what an idiot he was wasn’t helping things.
“Look, I’m sorry I saved your life, okay? Should I have just let us burn?”
“Don’t. You’re better than that. You know you should have dissipated the fireball and incapacitated him somehow. Catching the fireball was a noble gesture and I thank you profusely for saving me and everyone else there, it’s something I’ll never be able to pay back. However, burning it into his arm was the unnecessary part.”
“Look, I know, all right? I know. It was a split-second thought that was driven by fury and vengeance. I wanted to put him in his place and punish him for putting you and everyone in danger.”
“Well...” Liz dropped onto the bed. “Recognition of a wrong-doing is good, but it can’t change what you did.”
“What do you want from me, Liz? What the fuck do you want me to say?” The trunk he was filling slammed shut with his exclamation, the last of his items stored away. He stared expectantly at her.
“I... I don’t know. The thing is, Elon... You scared me. Like, a lot. There was a look in your eyes when you watched him burn. When you silenced him and just calmly monologued? That was... That was scary, babe. Like, villain-in-a-drama-level scary. And when he ran off, half his arm gone, and you just sat down like nothing happened? It’s like you felt nothing, no remorse, nothing. I... I just...” She was hunched over in tears at this point. When he went to put his arm around her, she got up and walked a tiny distance away.
“No. I just... I can’t right now. To say that I appreciate the time we’ve spent together would be an understatement. I’ve told you I love you, and I swear that that feeling hasn’t changed. I love you with all my heart. You just... The man I love is not the man I saw in there. That was a side of you I’ve never seen, and it... it hurt me to see. I didn’t know what you were going to do next.”
“You think I’d hurt you?”
“No! Of course... not...”
He stood up and pulled her in for a hug, something she didn’t fight, but didn’t return, simply reacted to by crying into his shoulder. “Liz, I would never hurt you. You know this, come on. This was someone who’d spent fifty turns goading me, building my hatred. I slipped.”
“It’s a slippery slope, Elon,” she said as she pulled out to look him in the eyes. “I don’t know what you could do next. It’s... It was entirely unpredictable. I can’t just unsee it, hon. I... I need...”
“What?”
“I need space.” Somehow, in all his hundred and ninety turns of living, three words had never combined together to strike such pain his heart. Never before had mere words acted as a dagger, causing physical pain like these did. It took effort not to double over. “I’m not going to leave you, I love you, I said this. I just... I can’t deal with this right now.” As he stood without moving, she pulled him in for a tight hug. “I promise this isn’t me breaking up with you. I just need some time to process this. You know where to find me, right?”
He nodded.
“Well, I trust you can find your way back into the dorms fairly easily. Just come find me after sunrise so we can talk about it. Until then...” She leaned in and kissed him, something that, for once, stung more than it warmed. “I love you, Elon.”
“I love you too.” They locked together, arms tightly pulled into each other before she released and walked out, feigning a smile to the best of her ability, which wasn’t much. She turned and walked out the door, letting it ease shut behind her. Elon stood in his room, just half a cent from being completely banished from his home, without the one person he truly felt at home with. He slammed his fist into the bedframe, cracking it. A small spray of blood hit the wood and he flicked his hand in pain, wrapping it in some cloth. For the first time in his entire life, without his girlfriend, without his home, on his own again with just a trunk and a bleeding fist, he decided joining Cherry for some drinks and a smoke sounded like a fantastic idea.
Chapter 25: Ashes in a River
Nephkeska, Northern Milakria
His hand reached around her, stopping at the small of her back as their lips locked together. He drew it in, pulling her hips into him, a cue she took as she began to grind her hips into his. She ran her fingers through his gorgeous black hair, reveling in the length of it. Everything felt right. So good, perfect. Maybe it was finally time.
She felt a hand slips down the back of her pants, under her knickers as he took hold; she didn’t mind. It felt good. Just right.
The kiss was broken so she could tear his shirt off, and if it wasn’t for her screaming libido, she could have stared at his pecs for eternity. She drew him back in and mashed her lips into his, her hands at first on his chest before reaching to his back, up to his head, and into his hair, moving around his sawn-off horns when necessary.
His hands moved up her back, taking her shirt with them. Should I let him? I’m not wearing a bra. But his shirt is off, and he’s already grabbed my butt. I dunno. Yeah? Maybe. No. She put her hands on his arms, taking the opportunity to feel his tight, toned muscles. “No. Not... Not yet.”
“That’s alright,” he said in a deep, sonorous voice, dripping with a rich South-Milakrian accent. “Nothing you’re not comfortable with.”
“You did ask me to stop you if I wasn’t comfortable.”
“Exactly, it’s alright. It’s okay. I wouldn’t wanna make ya uncomfortable.”
He hates me so much. God, I’m such a cockblock. “I’m just not sure I’m ready.”
“It’s okay, Rhia.” He took her to his lips again, and her worries waned even if just for a second. Well, maybe a few. “You set the pace.”
“Can we just... cuddle for a little while?”
“Yeah.” He smiled, showing off his teeth, a little gnarlier than she would have liked, but he was good. She’d been dating him for a few turns now, so they’d been making out for a while. This was the first time he’d gone under her clothes, and it felt good, but... she couldn’t help but worry it was too fast. As they laid down on her bed, his arm around her, pulling her close into his chest, she kissed his hand and put hers on his.
“I’m not a slut, am I?”
“What?” His voice squeaked between shock and amusement. “Rhia, that’s completely ridiculous.”
“We’ve been dating for, like, over three turns, and I let you put your hand in my pants, and you almost took off my shirt, and I kinda wanted it, like, really wanted it, but I didn’t wanna let you ‘cause that’s probably too fast, and—”
“Shh,” he interrupted, putting a finger to her lips. “Shh shh shh. It’s okay, Rhia. It’s fine to want to, but it’s your choice when you’re comfortable.”
“I just don’t wanna move to fast, I don’t wanna be a slut and have everyone think I’m a slut.”
“You’re not a slut, Rhia, by the gods.” They laid in silence for a minute before he broke it. “You’re not just stoppin’ ‘cause you’re worried what people’ll say, right?”
“What d’ye mean?”
“I don’t want you to wanna do something, but not be doin’ it ‘cause you’re worried people’ll give you shit. It don’t matter what people say, Rhi, if you wanna do it, we can.”
“I don’t know...” She blushed and mumbled as she tried to balance her wants and needs. “I really, really wanna.”
“Then let’s.”
“But I also kinda don’t wanna.”
“Then... let’s not.”
“But I don’t wanna let you down! I don’t want to leave you hanging.”
“I’m not a part of this equation, kwara. I can wait.”
“You are so part of this equation. You’re gonna be the one... doing... things... to me. With me! With me. You and your... thing.... s. Things. Things?”
“Relax, kwara. We can wait.”
“No,” she said with authority. “I don’t wanna wait. I kinda do, but I really, really don’t, and I know you really wanna do this, so let’s do this.”
“You sure? I don’t wanna if you’re not sure.”
“I’m sure. Take off my shirt.” He obliged her, and she felt the fabric trace up her back, over her breasts, and disappear as he flung it behind her. She tensed for a moment, waiting for something, but nothing happened. She looked down at him, and he stared enraptured at her chest.
“They’re gorgeous.”
“What’s gorgeous?” She asked nervously, covering her breasts with her hands. “There’s nothing even there.”
“No,” he said, grabbing her wrists and bringing them down. “They’re beautiful.”
“Have you seen Illy’s? ‘Cause I have. Those are beautiful. I might as well be a boy.”
“No,” he said again in a trancelike state. “I respectfully disagree. Can... Can I...”
“Yes,” she said calmly, not knowing what he was going to ask but choosing to trust him anyway. She regretted the decision instantly, but was quickly assuaged when he began massaging her gently with his hands. He’d massaged her before, but never her breasts. She never knew it could feel so good.
Rhia laid on her back and let him straddle her, massaging her chest. Her eyes closed as she took in the experience, opening when she remembered there was a beautiful rugged man sitting on top of her.
“Hey,” he kissed her and rolled off her, lying on his back, letting her roll to knock her head in the crook of his shoulder. He smelled like lilacs. “Am I the first boy you’ve kissed?”
“I told you,” she said, lifting up enough to look him in the eyes. “I kissed Teir and Galok, but you’re the only boy who’s had his hands under my clothes, that’s for sure.” She kissed him and laid her head back into his chest. “Is that okay?”
“Well yeah. Can’t blame you for sometin’ ya already done. Not like you’ve slept with ten guys or something.”
“Nope.” She smiled and snuggled into his armpit, wrapping an arm over his chest and looping a leg around his. “But that doesn’t matter. You’re all mine now.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yup.” She swung herself up, mounting him as she laid down, pressing her chest to his and locked her lips to his. She grinded her hips on his and felt a hard pressure from his pants, eliciting a small jump. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! I’m totally coming on too strong, and I don’t wanna have sex or anything yet. I was just in the moment and—”
After repeating, “It’s okay” five times under her voice, he kissed her again, and held her head in his hands. “Rhia. Kwara. It’s fine.”
“But I don’t wanna lead you on, and I feel you getting... like... you know...”
“That’s just a reaction, Rhi. It happens to us all. I’ve been that way half the time I’ve been on your bed. You didn’t feel it against your butt before?”
“No... Kinda... I just don’t wanna give you the wrong intention, ‘cause I can’t have sex yet, it’s too soon, and I’m too young, and my boobs are out, and it’s—”
“Rhia, for the gods’ sake, it’s fine.”
“And now you’re angry, and I’m talking too much, and everything’s—”
Once more, he quieted her with a kiss. “It’s fine. Everything’s fine. I’m not angry, I’m not disappointed, I’m just happy, ‘cause I’m with you. So calm yourself and cuddle some more.”
“Can...” she looked up at him as she laid her head on his chest. “Can we make out some more at least?”
“Yeah,” he smiled.
“And more boob touching?”
He laughed. “Yeah, I can manage that. Just promise me something.”
Oh god, what did I do, what’s wrong, what if he wants me to do something oh god “Just promise me that if you get into it, start moving like that, if you feel me... reacting in any way,” oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god “that you’ll just go with it. Just because you’re grinding your hips into me and you can feel my... stuff, doesn’t mean we need to have sex. We can do that and have it just be that.”
She thought and smiled. “Okay.” They flipped and he positioned himself above her, one leg on the outside, the other between hers, and locked his lips to hers. She wrapped her arms around, pulling him in, and instinctively grinded her hips against his leg. With his knee between her legs, the grinding suddenly felt divine, and not being able to feel between his legs calmed her a bit, making her more relaxed.
Their tongues danced together, exploring each other’s mouths when the door to her room burst open. He sat up as she lifted her head and saw Illy, garbed in her clerical robes with her makeup running under her tearful eyes.
“Oh. You’re... I’ll come bac—”
“No, no, Illy, come in.” She pushed him off as he got out of her way, letting her walk over as she grabbed a shirt, holding it against her chest.
“No, I can—”
“No no no, stay. Just... hold on.” Illy closed the door and Rhia turned around, her face the perfect portrait of disappointment. “I am so, so, so, so sorry.”
“No, Rhia. It’s fine.” He was already up and putting his shirt back on. She ogled his chest one more time.
“I really want to keep—”
“It’s okay, she looks pretty rough. I— Um...” He looked down at his feet sheepishly. “Can... Can I see your... your boobs one more time? Before I go?”
She blushed hard enough to pop as she dropped the shirt and puffed her chest out, swaying back and forth. He put his hands to them and gently rubbed, making her want to jump back in bed with him so very badly.
“I’ll see you in class, okay babe?”
She stood up on her tiptoes and kissed him, and as he tried to separate, she held the hug tight and kissed longer. Before she broke, she reached down and grabbed his butt. “All right. I better.” He smiled as she threw her shirt back on. He walked out, and she saw her mom on the other side of the door, bidding him a good evening. Oh god, he didn’t say anything. I totally shouldn’t have done that. I took it too far. I thought it was okay since he did it to me, but what if he liked it and just didn’t feel anything needed said? No, he’s totally mad, I screwed up, oh gods. I shouldn’t have—
“Rhia, I’m sorry, I forgot he was here. I would have told Illy if—”
“It’s okay, mam. Illy looks like she needs me.”
Cassie just smiled and waved Illy in and closed the door behind her.
“Illy, what’s wrong, beautiful?”
“My fucking dad is such a piece of shit, Rhi.” She grabbed Rhia and hugged her tight, which, with Illy’s muscles, took the wind out of her. Rhia took it and hugged back, letting her cry into her shoulder. They stood like that a short bit before they moved to the bed, Rhia’s back against the wall, Illy’s against the dresser.
“What happened?”
“I... I bled last night.” Rhia had started some nine turns ago, so it was second nature to her. Illy and her hadn’t talked about it, but she had assumed she’d already started.
“Your first?”
“Yeah. I didn’t realize it and woke up and my sheets were all bloody and my mom found me and was all happy, telling me I’m becoming a woman, but dad got super mad about me staining the sheets and the bed and how it was gonna be such a pain. My mom, bless her, actually tried to calm him down,
but it didn’t work.
“Well, I had temple, so we decided I’d go anyway, and the whole time he’s just glaring at me, telling me what I’m doing wrong, he yelled at me for my boobs hanging out, Rhi!” She looked, and indeed, Illy’s breasts, which had developed startlingly fast and eclipsed those of every girl in class, were straining at the robe, though one could hardly call it provocative, just unfashionable. “It’s not my fault my tits are getting big! But he’s all, ‘my daughter won’t look like a harlot in robes of the gods.’ A harlot! I don’t look like a harlot, Rhi!”
“No, he’s being silly.”
“Silly? Silly? He’s not being fucking silly, Rhi, he’s being a tyrant, a fucking psycho!”
“Illy, my mam—”
“She doesn’t care and knows that I’m upset. Just... Fuck, Rhi. I’m just so sick of his... shit. This is supposed to be a great dess for me, and now I feel like crap, and I feel guilty for just doing a natural thing out of my damned control. Just ‘cause he’s uncomfortable thinking about the fact that I have a vagina and it happens to bleed. So does his wife, and so will his other daughters, and so does every girl in this damned town!”
She caught her head in her hands and sniffed. “Fucking boys, men, all of them. I’m sorry, Rhi. I didn’t mean to interrupt your boy time.”
“It’s okay. We weren’t doing anything.”
Illy looked up with a smile, all four of her silver eyes bloodshot and still tearing up. “It didn’t look like nothing to me, Rhi.”
She blushed. Hard. “No, it wasn’t anything, we weren’t doing anything, certainly not sex, there wasn’t any of that.”
“It’s okay, Rhi. I’m not judging. You do what you want, it’s your body.”
“I just... it felt really good.”
“What did, exactly?” Illy asked, grinning.
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