“So?”
Ellie grins. “It’s perfect.”
“Awesome! Now we have to find one for the children’s hospital benefit.” Ellie seems to forget she mentioned that earlier. For Kingston to have talked her into two events… I’m pretty impressed.
“What about you?” Ellie asks when she’s safely ensconced in the private changing area, putting her jeans back on.
“What about me?”
“Spencer told me you’re going with him. What are you gonna wear?”
“That blue dress,” I tell her.
“Oh, my God.” Ellie pokes her head out. “Really?”
I smile. I’ve been waiting forever for a reason to wear the sapphire-blue beauty. I bought it over a year ago because I fell in love with it instantly. Secretly, I bought it so it would be in my closet, ready and waiting for the perfect event. After all, if The Secret is going to work for me, I’m going to give it my all.
The dress is amazing, and I smile simply thinking about the blue tank straps, which are joined by sheer off-the-shoulder straps. They support the fitted bodice with a plunging sweetheart neckline. Elegant ruching encircles the empire waistline. But it gets even better because the floor-length skirt has a side slit that hits mid-thigh. I had to have it altered because of my height and lack of boobs, but now it’s perfect.
“My brother’s going to go apeshit,” Ellie says, echoing what I said earlier.
“Whatever.” I turn away so she won’t see me blush.
I’ve thought about telling Ellie what happened between me and Spencer, but I decided not to. She’s got enough to deal with now that she’s pretending to pretend-date Kingston. I know it’s real, so the pretend is just a bullcrap excuse to get them together. I’m happy for her, and the last thing she needs to worry about is me getting my heart stomped on by her playboy brother.
It wasn’t easy practically booting him out of my apartment this morning, but I knew I had to. What happened last night shouldn’t have happened. It was bad enough that we screwed like rabbits last weekend. Then we went an entire week without speaking to each other. He never called, yet I let him right back in my apartment last night as though that was okay with me.
It’s not okay.
Yes, I like Spencer. Sex with him is out of this world, but I deserve better than that. A lot better.
Sometime last night, while he was sleeping in my bed, I came to the decision that this has to stop. No more sex, no more sleepovers. We can go back to being friends. I’ll still go to the benefit dinner with him because I wouldn’t stand him up like that. But aside from that, I can’t continue to let Spencer use me for sex. I’m too invested as it is and we both know he will never be.
“All right,” Ellie says, stepping out of the dressing room. “Where to now?”
I force all thoughts of Spencer right out of my head and focus on my best friend. “I know just the place.”
Noelle’s Journal
Dear Universe,
I think we got off on the wrong foot. I’ve decided I don’t really want to break up with you. How about we come to an understanding? I’ve got plenty of room in my life for a man. The right man. One who wants to spend time with me outside of the bedroom. If you see him, please send him my way. I no longer care if he likes hockey or not. Thanks.
17
Spencer
Tuesday, October 25th
THERE ARE THOSE NIGHTS WHEN you have no idea what’s going on. Well, other than some kick-ass action on the ice, that is.
We’re not at home, not sharing the arena with our fans, who only intensify the need to win. This game is all about Calgary. Sure, we’re a team that plays well on the road, but we know how to dominate on home ice. We have to dig a little deeper on nights like this. Which we’re definitely doing. In spades.
Not only are the lines playing well but Kingston is fucking perfection. Although we know he’s a mountain in front of that net, unwilling to let anything get by him, that won’t win the game alone. It means we have to be at our offensive best. And tonight, we are.
Every damn line is running in sync, moving the puck in the right direction, but it’s not a blowout, either. Calgary is ready for us, but they’re starting to scramble. The problem is, we’re running hard, which means we’ll run out of steam if we’re not careful. It’s happened plenty of times. The offense against their goalie can be a brutal battle that starts wearing the lines thin.
I glance to my right to see Benne moving in. There’s a smirk on his face, and I think he’s been trying to be more annoying than usual tonight. Sometimes that’s a good thing.
And there it is…
Breakaway.
I ramp up my speed trying to keep up with Benne as he works his way past their right wing, their center. The left winger is nowhere in sight, and the two Ds are in place. Benne shifts and moves, putting on the speed. He’s a blur as he makes a hard stop and snaps back his wrist…
The red lamp comes on and the buzzer fills the stadium.
Fuck yes! Goal!
Benne does his victory dance and we’re all on him at once. That’s a shift in momentum that we definitely needed. It was one of those perfectly timed moments when the speed works in your favor.
Now to see if we can do it again.
18
Spencer
Thursday, October 27th
MY ONLY FOCUS THIS WEEK has been playing. Traveling is part of the job, but it’s not my favorite part. However, I’m used to it. Sometimes it helps me to be on the road, away from my life, away from the interruptions and distractions.
I’ve managed to shut anything and everything else completely out of my mind. Good or bad, it’s paying off. With Ontario working to take us down a notch, to add another mark in our loss column, I know I have to be on top of my game.
Again, Kingston is showing his true colors, and if it weren’t for him, we wouldn’t be hanging on to our lead right now. Some games are harder than others, some teams more brutal. We’re dealing with some underhanded bullshit tonight, but so far so good. I know Matty took a stick to the face, but he handled it well, coming back to show what he’s made of with a power-play goal. Those are sweet, I won’t lie.
But now it’s my time.
As I wait for the line change, I feel the power pumping through my muscles. I’m ready. I haven’t scored in the past two games and I want this. I’m eager for it. I need something to burn off this excess energy.
I’m off the bench and on the ice before Ontario has time to process the change. I’ve got perfect timing, too—or bad timing if you’re my opponent—because I intercept the puck and take it right back to the other end. Putting on the speed, I outskate their defense, race around behind the net to come up on the goalie before he can get into position.
A quick flick of my wrist and…
Booyah! Fuck! Yes!
Goal!
It doesn’t usually work out like that, but I’ll take it. And if I could do that a million times over, I’ll take those, too.
19
Noelle
Saturday, October 29th
“OH, HUSH,” I TELL MY best friend as she frowns at herself in the mirror. “You look smokin’ hot. Mount Rushmore’s not gonna know what to do with himself.”
Ellie frowns. “You have to say that. You’re my best friend.”
“Pfft. Do I have to tell you that your feet are too big and your pinky toes look funny? No.” I giggle when she glares at me. “I simply tell you the truth. And I’m telling you the truth. Now sit your skinny butt down so I can finish with your makeup.”
“Don’t use too much, please. I don’t want to look like a streetwalker.”
Chuckling, I smack her cheek. “You’d be lucky to look like a streetwalker, woman. Now hush or I’m going to use cherry-red lipstick on you.”
“Uh-uh. No way. I will look like a hooker then.”
“Is this some sort of mind trick?” I ask, tilting her chin up so I can study her face. “Maybe a secret fantasy?”
“What? No.”
“Okay then. Shut. Up.”
Leaning down, I brush the gray shadow over her eyelids, then proceed with liner and mascara. I get why the woman gets all antsy about makeup. She doesn’t usually wear much, but she doesn’t really need it, either. Me, on the other hand … if I didn’t wear makeup, I’d look like I was twelve. It takes skill to cover up the freckles across my nose.
After using a lip pencil to outline her mouth, I grab some gloss and brush it over her lips.
“There. Perfection.”
Ellie turns and glances in the mirror. Her eyes widen and I never know how she’s going to react.
“Wow.”
Okay, that sounded like a good wow. Not the Noelle-you-better-run-and-you-better-run-fast kind.
“You like it?”
“I look fantastic.”
“Hmm. Someone’s gonna have to work on that ego. I think it’s getting a little overinflated. Remember the pinky toes, Ellie. Never forget the pinky toes.”
I dart out of the bathroom before Ellie can make a grab for me.
“Okay, your turn.”
I smile from the other side of the room. “No way am I letting you near my face. If I wanted to go as Bozo the Clown’s little sister, we’d talk. Now, go get dressed. The boys’ll be here in half an hour. We have to be ready.”
And I need every second to make myself shine.
Spencer
FROM THE MOMENT I WOKE up this morning, I’ve been dreading tonight.
Now, as I sit in the limousine on the way to pick Kingston up, before we head over to Ellie’s, I’m fighting the urge to vomit. My nerves are wearing on me and I’m irritable. I can’t help it. It’s all I can do not to succumb to the anxiety attack that is threatening.
Thankfully, Kingston, Ellie, and Noelle will be with me tonight. I’m going to need the distraction. I get that some people might not understand what it’s like to feel like there is an anvil sitting on your chest when you’re out in public, but that’s how I feel. On the ice, I’m fine. With my team, I’m golden. In a room full of people who are looking at me for something other than whether or not I’ll score a goal, my stomach knots and my throat tightens up. It’s the very reason I’ve spent the last four years trying to slip out on my responsibilities as captain of the team. I never should’ve agreed to the position, but I don’t want to let my teammates down. I always show up to these things, but once air becomes scarce and the tightness in my chest becomes unbearable, I slip out as fast as I can. I get that Phoenix isn’t happy with me, but he wouldn’t understand.
What’s worse is how I work myself into a state every damn time, making myself sick before it even happens. That’s what I’ve done for the past two hours.
I sit quietly as the limo pulls up in front of Kingston’s. Not surprisingly, he is out the door and inside the car in less than a minute. Clearly he was waiting, probably as anxious to get this night over with as I am.
“You clean up nice,” I tell him when the door closes.
“Yeah?” Kingston glances down at himself as though trying to understand my comment.
He shouldn’t try too hard; I was just making conversation. Because something needs to be said, I add, “Noelle’s at Ellie’s.”
“What made you ask her out?”
Damn. Leave it to Kingston to lead with the hard questions. “She agreed to go as friends.”
It’s not exactly an answer to his question, but it’s all he’s going to get from me tonight.
“Is it because you’re trying to avoid Amber?”
A week ago I might’ve said yes, but that’s no longer the case. Amber and I are getting along just fine now that we’ve agreed to keep things professional. I haven’t even had the urge to ask her to explain why she dumped me seventeen years ago. I honestly don’t care.
My mind has been preoccupied with thoughts of Noelle. And it probably helps that I’ve had a couple of conversations with Amber about it. She’s very understanding, not at all defensive, and I don’t get the impression that she wants to see if there is something between her and me. We both know there’s not and that’s a relief.
Not that I have time for another woman.
Day, night. Night, day. I think about Noelle all the goddamn time, but just like the first time I went to her apartment, I haven’t talked to her since last Saturday night. No doubt about it, I’m a total chickenshit.
“I’m not avoiding her.” I tried not to sound defensive, but I think I failed.
“No?”
“No. I needed a date. Noelle was free.” It’s the truth. I can’t tell him that Noelle’s the only woman I want to see right now. I promised Noelle I wouldn’t let my sister find out, and a surefire way to get a bug in her ear right now is to tell Kingston.
“Mmm-hmm.”
I pin Kingston with a look. I hate that he’s dogging me about this.
Kingston shrugs. “So it has nothing to do with the fact that Amber is going to the dinner tonight with Seg?”
I frown, but only because Kingston’s already riding my last nerve. I don’t want to talk about Amber. Not now. Not ever. I don’t care if she is going to the event with the president.
Thank God we arrive at my sister’s house before this can go any further. The only good thing is that Kingston managed to take my mind off my nerves for the short ride over. Now, they’re back in full force.
Kingston gets out and I follow behind him, trailing him right up to the door. When I reach for the doorknob, Kingston holds out his arm, keeping me back as he punches the doorbell.
“It’s my sister’s house. We don’t need to ring the doorbell.”
“When you’re taking a woman on a date—friends or not—you ring the fucking doorbell.”
Well, shit. It’s been a long damn time since I’ve been on a date.
And now I’m nervous for an entirely different reason.
I stare at the door as I hear the knob turn. I fight not to swallow my tongue when Noelle appears wearing possibly the sexiest dress I’ve ever seen in my life.
“Wow. Fancy,” she says, smiling.
My mouth overrides my brain and breathless gibberish spills out. I’m not sure what all I say, but I do manage to blurt out, “You look fantastic.”
I realize as soon as the words are out there that it sounds like I can’t believe she looks so good. The truth is, I can believe it. I’m merely scared of my body’s untimely reaction to her.
Kingston chuckles and I pull myself out of my stunned stupor.
“Thank you,” Noelle says sweetly. “Come in. Ellie’ll be right out.”
My sister comes out of the hallway, and Kingston gets to experience what I just did. I fight the urge to laugh at him, though, mostly because I’ve resumed staring at Noelle. The dress looks as though it was made specifically for her. The dark sapphire color draws out the electric blue in her eyes. Not that I’m looking at her eyes all that much.
“Excuse us for a minute,” Kingston mumbles, then disappears down the hall, leaving me alone with Noelle.
“I’m sorry,” I tell her because it seems like the right thing to say.
Based on the confusion etched on her face, it wasn’t. “For what?”
I shrug. I’m sorry for a lot of things. Going to her apartment that first night. Kissing her. Fucking her. Not calling her. Fucking her again. Not calling her again.
I’m sorry for every damn bit of it, because no matter what I want, I can’t seem to get it right with this girl. I have absolutely zero experience with this. I’ve purposely kept myself from dating since Amber and I broke up. I don’t open myself up to women, don’t allow them to get too close. Somewhere along the way, I let Noelle in and I didn�
��t mean to, but I can’t seem to reverse it now.
“I just feel like I need to say I’m sorry,” I tell her, keeping my voice low.
Noelle’s eyebrows furrow and she looks seriously pissed. “You don’t need to apologize,” she snaps. “It never happened, okay? I’m good with that.”
“Noelle, I just don’t want you to—”
“Enough. I said it never happened. You have to pretend it didn’t, too.”
Pretend? Like that’s even possible.
I stare at her, feeling like an even bigger asshole for pissing her off. This is supposed to be an enjoyable evening. Despite my anxiety, I am looking forward to spending it with Noelle outside of the bedroom.
Looks as though the conversation is over, though, because Noelle doesn’t give me time to say anything before she storms out the front door.
The only thing I can do is follow her.
Noelle
SPENCER’S APOLOGY CAUGHT ME COMPLETELY off guard.
I mean, really, I haven’t heard from him since last Sunday morning, when I sent him on his way. No, I didn’t text or call him, either, so part of the blame is on me. In my defense, I’m not the one showing up at his house for a night of wild, wicked fun only to disappear until I’m ready for it again. He’s responsible for that; therefore, I kind of feel like it’s his responsibility to call me, to make some sort of concerted effort.
But not tonight.
We’re friends going to this function and I want it to remain that way. I don’t want Ellie getting suspicious that something might be going on. I can’t explain it myself, so I don’t need someone trying to figure it out for me.
While we wait for Ellie and Kingston to do whatever it is they’re doing, I climb into the limo and move to the far side of the car. Not surprisingly, Spencer joins me, coming to sit directly beside me. I was hoping he would keep his distance for a few minutes, allow me a moment to collect my thoughts. It’s too hard to focus with the warmth of his body near me, the solidity of his muscled thigh against mine.
Kaufman: The Season (Austin Arrows Book 2) Page 16