38
Noelle
Sunday, December 25th
CHRISTMAS DAY WITH MY FAMILY is a big deal. It always has been, ever since I was little. For as far back as I can remember, my mother always has gone a little crazy for the holidays. At least when it comes to me and my sister. Doesn’t matter that we flew the coop, moving out and starting our own lives. However, it also doesn’t mean she doesn’t work to make it a special holiday every year.
This year included.
When we moved out, Julie and I agreed that we would spend the night with my parents on Christmas Eve every year, stay up late drinking eggnog—well, technically, I drink chocolate milk, because … eww—and talking. It’s probably my favorite part of Christmas. Like normal, this year the conversation lasted well into the evening, and by the time I went to bed, I had no problem falling asleep.
Of course, Julie is always the first one up on Christmas morning. Even in her twenties, the girl still gets so excited about gifts. This morning was no different. We all got up and had coffee, taking turns opening the presents, while Julie crawled around on the floor, chasing after the cute little bundle of fur I adopted for Bianca. The little black-and-white kitten kept us all entertained while we went through the gift-opening ritual.
By noon, after we managed to overindulge on my mother’s incredible cooking, naps were in order. I’ve been fighting a nasty cold for the past week, so I definitely didn’t object. Doesn’t seem to matter what’s going on in each of our lives, this day is always spent together.
But now it’s late, and if I want to give the kid her Christmas present, I have to get over to Ellie’s before Bianca goes to bed.
“Does she have to go?” Julie asks, cuddling the cute little fur ball close to her face. I wish I would’ve known my sister was such a cat person because I would’ve gotten her one, too. Maybe I still can.
Just not today.
“She does.” I’m not much of a cat person, so these past few days have been an experience I don’t care to relive in the near future.
Julie gives the kitten sloppy wet kisses, then tucks it into the box that the shelter gave me to carry it in. It’s not happy based on the urgent mewls coming from it, but that’s because the thing has had full reign of the house all last night and all day today.
“Merry Christmas,” I call out to my parents, who are sitting on the sofa watching A Christmas Story.
“Merry Christmas, honey,” my father calls back.
“Be careful, sweetie,” my mom adds.
“I will. Promise. Love you guys.”
And with that, me and the kitten are out the door.
Once I make it to Ellie’s, it takes a few minutes for me to get everything together. Cats require an awful lot of crap, you know. And I bought everything that dang pet store was selling. I’m pretty sure they saw me coming that day. But hopefully, Bianca will be happy, because that’s all that matters.
Ellie opens the door, and I immediately peek up the stairs to make sure Bianca isn’t waiting for me.
“You’re good,” Ellie says, tugging me into the house.
“She doesn’t know?” I whisper, allowing Ellie to take some of the load off me as we head to the kitchen.
“Not a clue.”
“Yay!” My excitement is kind of ruined by my cold. I sound like a frog, and when I breathe too deeply, I start coughing.
“You ready for me to call her down here?”
I nod.
A few minutes later, I hear Bianca coming down the stairs. Her eyes are bright with excitement as she turns then corner and then blam! She looks like I just stole her cell phone.
Crap. “Hey, kiddo. What’s doin’?” I do my best not to look to Ellie for help. I’m pretty good at managing this kid on my own, but right now, I’m at a loss.
She forces a smile, so I surge on.
“I brought you something. Sorry I couldn’t come by yesterday. I’ve got a cold and it’s taken me down a notch. But I knew you would want your gift.”
The box meows, which sort of gives it all away before I’m ready.
“Is that…” Finally, something resembling a real smile emerges onto Bianca’s face.
“It is. Merry Christmas, B.” I grab the kid and hug her hard, relieved that she likes my gift. “I talked it over with your mom. She said it’d be cool for me to get you a kitten.”
“I said it would be okay. Never did I say it would be cool.”
Semantics.
“Yeah, but she meant cool. And I got the things you’ll need. Litter pan, litter, some food… All the good stuff.” Everything that dang pet store insisted I needed to be a good cat parent.
Holding my breath, I watch as Bianca opens the box, then pulls out the tiny black-and-white kitten, her eyes filling with tears.
If she’s not careful, she’s going to make me cry. It’s been an emotional couple of weeks for me as it is.
“Is it a boy or a girl?” Bianca asks.
“They tell me it’s a girl, but I don’t know how to tell, so I’m taking their word for it.” That didn’t stop me from calling it a boy. I have no clue how to tell and it looks like a boy to me.
Bianca is smiling and I can finally breathe again.
“This is awesome,” she whispers. “It’s the second-best thing I could get for Christmas.”
Wait. What?
Oh, crap. I think I know where this is going. And it makes a lot of sense that Bianca had gotten her hopes up about meeting her dad. I know Ellie hasn’t introduced them yet because she’s still nervous about doing so.
In an effort to lighten the mood, I pretend to be offended. “Second-best?”
Bianca smiles shyly. “Yeah. The first would’ve been to meet my dad.”
Yep. I knew it.
“Well, I’m happy to be second-best this year.”
“She’s so cute.” Bianca manages to hold my gaze for a moment. “Thanks. I promise I’ll take good care of her.”
“I know you will.” I pull Bianca to my side and hug her gently. She’s such a good kid even if she does some really crazy things. That’s part of growing up, I guess. We’ve all been there.
“Can I take her to my room?”
Ellie’s watching her daughter closely. “Of course. Make sure you set up the litter box and get her some water and food.”
“Probably don’t want the litter box in your room, though. Maybe put it in your bathroom and teach her where to go.” I learned that lesson the hard way last night. No one should be woken up by that smell. Ever.
I watch as Bianca bounds out of the room, a shadow of a smile on her face. Hopefully the kitten will help to ease some of her pain.
Keeping my voice low so Bianca won’t hear, I turn to Ellie. “Oh, my goodness. She looks so heartbroken.”
“I know.”
Sounds like this is just as hard on Ellie as it is Bianca.
“When are you going to tell her?”
Ellie shrugs.
I definitely don’t want to be in her shoes right now. I can’t imagine what she’s going through. But Ellie’s the strongest person I know, so I have faith that she will figure it out. I’m not so sure how I feel about the universe right now, so I won’t give it any credit.
Noelle’s Journal
Dear Universe,
In an effort to prove I’m a good person, I sent Spencer a Christmas card. One of Santa mooning him. After all, he’s been a good boy for part of the year. The other part, he’s been a pain in my butt. Not that I’m thinking about him or anything. Okay, that’s a lie. You know me better than that. Anyway, I want to apologize for my thoughts earlier. I know how I feel about you. I love you, Universe. Love, love, love. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like a man for Christmas. One specific man. A hockey player. Okay, fine. I want Spencer for Christmas, darn it. But I’m patient. I
can wait until next Christmas if you’ve already got your hands full. Thanks.
39
Spencer
Tuesday, December 27th
SOMETIMES, THE BEST PART OF hockey is that we don’t have any downtime. Even during the holidays. With Christmas officially over, we’re back on the ice. I’m glad for the distraction because it’s been a lonely few days. Although Ellie asked if I wanted to spend the day with her and Bianca, I decided not to impose on them. I’ve caused enough problems for her lately. I didn’t want to risk pissing her off on what was supposed to be an enjoyable time.
But those days are behind me and the only thing I need to focus on now is going back on the ice and trying to salvage the night. I don’t think that’s going to happen, but it gives me something to work toward.
As I get warmed up once again, the third period looming in front of me, I reflect on how we’ve played thus far tonight. It hasn’t been pretty. Kingston’s not himself and I know why. He’s got personal problems, namely my sister, which is reflected in the way he’s playing. If he gives up one more goal, Coach is going to pull him. Perhaps it’s for the best. Locke seems eager to get in the net, and sometimes, changing goalies is enough to save the game.
Then again, if we don’t get our heads out of our asses, it won’t matter.
Forty-five minutes later … turns out, nothing mattered. We lost and we deserved this one.
40
Noelle
Saturday, December 31st
I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT is about New Year’s Eve, but I’ve always looked forward to it. It’s always felt like a renewal period for me. Doesn’t matter how good or how bad the previous year has been, it’s a clean slate for me. A time to look forward to. As though the clock striking midnight is going to make all the difference in the world. Come tomorrow, things are going to be better.
That’s what I hope anyway.
I’ve spent the entire night catering to the customers, keeping a bright smile on my face. I didn’t even falter when I realized that Spencer wasn’t going to show. I think I expected it. Things are tense between him and Ellie right now, and they’re practically nonexistent between him and me.
It’s for the best, I think. I’ve never been the kind to reflect on my mistakes. I know that I can push ahead, put those things in my past, and forge a new path in my life. I’ve had metaphorical rebirths at least a dozen times, and I fully intend to do it once again.
Tonight.
Well, technically, now.
“One minute!” I announce to the bar as I finish passing out champagne in the cheap plastic glasses I bought for this occasion.
The restaurant seems to come alive, laughter and conversation bouncing off every wall. The energy and excitement is noteworthy. I can’t help but smile as I see so many happy faces.
Although my night could’ve been better, I decided when I woke up this morning that this melancholy crap wasn’t my thing. I’m starting over fresh, the past neatly tucked where it belongs … in the past.
I’ve never been the kind to mope, yet I’ve been doing it for too long now. So what if Spencer and I didn’t work out. Like my grandmother said, there’s going to be another taxi coming along in the near future. I’ve been rereading The Secret over and over, getting prepared. One hiccup isn’t enough to throw me off course.
I glance at the clock on the wall.
“Get ready, ladies and gentlemen. Ten seconds!”
And just like that, the countdown begins.
Ten…
Nine…
People are moving closer to the one they love, grinning like fools as they grip their champagne. I see Ellie out of the corner of my eye. She’s moving toward Kingston, and I’m happy to see they’re going to ring in the new year together. They’ve got some wrinkles to iron out, but they’re going to make it. I know they will.
Six…
Five…
Grabbing my glass, I get into the spirit.
Four…
Three…
Two…
One!
I blow the silly little horn as the place erupts with cheers and laughter, people everywhere kissing. It’s almost romantic.
As I toss back my champagne, I smile to myself. It’s time I mentally shed my skin and start fresh. I live for this, and no matter what my heart’s been through in recent months, I’m going to do it again.
Only this time, I’m going for broke.
This will be the year that the universe comes through for me.
Of that I’m certain.
Spencer
I STARE AT THE TELEVISION screen, lifting my beer in a silent cheer as the ball drops, announcing the new year. Of course, the ball dropped an hour ago in Time’s Square. Being in Texas, we simply get to watch a taped version of the event, but that’s okay. It suits my mood.
When my sister called tonight and invited me to the Penalty Box, I came up with an excuse. I doubt she bought it, but I wasn’t about to take my sour attitude out of the house and ruin anyone else’s night. Tonight’s about celebrating and that’s the last thing I want to do.
So, rather than get drunk and kiss some stranger at midnight, I sat here on my couch and reflected on all the shit that’s gone down in the past couple of months. I’ve made some seriously stupid decisions. When I set out to figure out how I ended up doing what I did, I realize that the stupidity came from letting Noelle go.
Truth is, I’m waiting for her to come around, but I know that’s not going to happen. I owe her an apology. Well, I guess technically I owe my sister an apology. Noelle’s mad at me because of how I handled the situation, and I can’t deny that she has every right.
And I’m completely aware that I don’t deserve Noelle’s love or loyalty the way my sister does. I’ve done nothing in my life that has caused someone to back me unconditionally. Kingston has. We’ve all rallied around him during this bullshit with the crazy woman because the guy deserves it. He’s proven his worth through the years. And my sister’s got Noelle’s unwavering support. Why? Because she deserves it.
I wish I could say that my New Year’s resolution is to make Noelle fall in love with me, but it’s not. For a couple of reasons. One, I don’t believe in resolutions. They’re sad promises we make to ourselves while we’re amped up on adrenaline from the excitement associated with a new year. And two, Noelle deserves a hell of a lot better than me. Even I can see that I dim her glow and that’s not fair to her.
Since I don’t want anyone else, maybe Noelle was the kick in the ass that I needed to get my shit together. I have no desire to be with another woman, not even for one night. The thought of taking a puck bunny to bed makes me queasy.
So, the only thing I’m going to do is put one foot in front of the other. I’m going to focus on the rest of the season. We’ve got a real shot this year and I want that for us. The team and for me.
I’ve made the decision that I will retire after this season. Win or lose. It’s time.
But I fully intend to go out with a bang. And the best way to do that is to prove that I’ve still got it. I’ve dedicated my life to hockey, even at the expense of anything real and lasting.
So, I’m going to give it my all and help lead my team to the victory they so deserve.
Then, I’ll figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life.
Noelle’s Journal
Dear Universe,
You know all those resolutions I make every year? Well, I’m not going to make any this year. And you know that whole theory that the person you kiss at midnight is the person you’ll end up with? Well, I didn’t kiss anyone at midnight, either. So, work with me here, would you? Let’s take this back to basics. You’re in charge. I’m going to ramp up my positivity. We’ll be good then, right?
41
Noelle
Sunday, February 19th
; THESE LAST COUPLE OF MONTHS have been a serious emotional roller coaster ride of events. Mostly for my best friend. I’ve done my absolute best to be the comforting shoulder for her to cry on and cry she has.
The upside is that I haven’t had time to do any brooding of my own. I’m grateful for that. While everyone else is dealing with heartache, I’m projecting my usual craziness. It hasn’t been as easy nor as difficult as I thought it would be. I’m enjoying life, even if I’m waiting for a sign from the universe. Work is my saving grace; it allows me to live vicariously through everyone else.
I’ve been keeping up with the Arrows, too. That might be the hardest part, especially since I’ve taken to following them on Twitter. The pictures are what gets me, I guess. Pictures of the players with fans, both men and women. A lot of women. Yes, there are a lot of pictures of Spencer with women, only he isn’t the one posting them, so there is that.
After delivering a round of beers to table eight, I glance over at the bar to see Kingston still sitting there, crying in his beer. Okay, he’s not really crying, but he might as well be. Someone needs to smack him upside the head so maybe he’ll get his butt in gear. My best friend loves the fool, yet Kingston seems to be oblivious.
I smile.
I can help.
“Another beer?” I offer when I come to stand on the opposite side of the bar from the brooding goalie.
“Yeah.”
Aww. He’s perfected the Mr. Grumpy-Pants routine. That’s so sweet.
Kaufman: The Season (Austin Arrows Book 2) Page 26