by Ashley Beale
A few tears shed, because how could they not? But for more than one reason. Mostly because that was the sweetest thing he could have ever said to me, but also because he really doesn't know its only a possibility, and I'm about to break his heart. "Avery, I'm thirteen weeks."
He nods his head. "Yeah, I was at the appointment with you."
"Yeah, and thirteen weeks ago you walked out on me."
He tilts his head seconds before reality hits him. "Is... who’s... wait, what are you... Angel..."
"Stop. I don't know yet. It'll about nine more weeks and we can all have a DNA test." Here I go again. At least Avery can't hang up on me like Pierce did.
He continues to stare at me as if I'm an alien life form. I can't bring myself to say or do anything. Finally, after what takes way too long, Avery decides to speak. And once again, he is ripping my heart open. "You know, I was planning on trading my motorcycle in because no matter what Cass, no matter what happens between us, I wanted that child to be mine. I thought this was it for us. Fuck," he mutters, "I even called my agent and told him I was dropping the contract."
"What?" I yell out, focusing on that last part but he keeps going as if I never interrupted.
"I thought that maybe, just fucking maybe, we could work shit out. I thought I had a purpose in my god damn life. You want to know what the biggest mistake I ever made was? It wasn't trusting you or loving you, it wasn't fucking Katie or any other bitch, it wasn't leaving to follow my dreams... no... my biggest fucking mistake was ever coming back to you."
If that didn't feel like a punch to the gut.
Just as the salesman comes to the window, Avery puts my car in reverse and backs away. I'm so dumbfounded in the moment, I just sit here and replay everything he just said. Glad I didn't tell him I wanted him... and only him. It's obvious that it'll never work out that way. Fuck this shit. I just stare out the window.
I mean, yes, of course its my fault that I went back and forth between the two of them. I understand that. I know I did wrong, but its not my fault that my birth control decided to fail at the worst given time! I use it the same time, every day, and I never miss a day. I'm pretty sure the last time I missed a pill was around three years ago. I'm religious with it. I should have used backed up, like a condom, but I've been having sex with Avery and Pierce for so long, it just didn't cross my mind I'd end up pregnant. More than that, I never, not once, thought I'd be confused on who the father of my baby is.
But like many other times, everything comes crashing down on me. Karma. Got to fucking love that bitch.
The entire drive back to the apartment is quite and awkward. One step forward, two steps back, each and every time. You'd think I learned my lesson with things, but of course I haven't. Once we get back to the parking lot, Avery turns off the car and gets out. I start to follow after him but pause as he straddles his motorcycle. He takes off without a second look in my direction and I'm left with my heart constricting.
Since its not much longer before I have to meet Aubrey anyways, I turn right back around and climb into the driver seat- just to find out that Avery took my keys with him. Fucking wonderful.
I'm sitting in the conference room, trying to go through the last of the paperwork to begin the merger between the two companies. Everything so far has gone perfectly, and I can't believe we got so lucky to find a company to merge with, that will not only expand our company, but will expand our finances as well.
The thing is, I can't fucking concentrate because I keep replaying the conversation between Cassie and I. I feel like such a prick for not calling her back, hell, I feel like a prick for hanging up on her. What was I supposed to say? What will I say when I finally call? How come she hasn't called me back? I've been rushing all this damn stuff so I can hurry up and get back home, just so I can discuss this with her in person. I need to figure out what is going on with us.
"What is going on with you lately?" I look up as Miah walks in and sits down adjacent to me, crossing her legs and fixing her skirt. It's hard not to stare at those long legs of hers but I look away, knowing now isn't the time.
I clear my throat, still not looking at her. "My girlfriend's pregnant." I look down and pretend to start fixing papers on table, fixing piles that are already tidy, and moving things that don't need to be moved. Anything to avoid contact with her. When nothing is said a couple minutes later, I finally look back up. She looks confused, maybe even a little hurt.
"Oh," she whispers before straightening her back out some and cocking her head to the side. "So... you're not happy?"
"Don't get me wrong, having a child, one with Cassie nonetheless, its wonderful. Its just..." Shit, how do I tell her without her judging Cassie? No matter what she has done, I still want to protect her with everything inside me. Its embedded in me to protect and love that girl.
Miah's brow raises and she looks to be thinking. Yeah, I can see where she could be confused. Finding out that I have a girlfriend as well as finding out that she is pregnant. "Pierce, please, I know we're only in a professional business relationship, but you can speak with me. I'm a female, I can probably give you some insight you wouldn't get anywhere else."
With a huff of air, I finally open up to someone. I've needed to. I keep taking all my frustrations out on Cassie, and although when we make up its fucking fantastic, I always feel like shit afterward. "Three months ago her ex-boyfriend left, we started dating right after."
"Okay?" She questions before her eyes enlarge in size. "And she is around three months, I presume."
I give her a curt nod and fall down into the chair, running my hands over my face in frustration. "I don't know what the fuck to do!"
"The best way to answer that question is by asking yourself this, if she is pregnant with her ex's child, could you look pass that? Could you still be with her?"
I drop my hands into my lap and stare at her. "Well yeah. I love Cassie."
"I didn't ask if you love her. I'm telling you to really think about it. Could you be okay with them having a child together and you just being her boyfriend? They are going to have a special bond that you're always going to be distanced from."
"Fuck," I whisper under my breath. I didn't think about that shit. Of course I didn't. Mostly because I don't want that shit to be true. "I don't know," I tell her honestly. "Her and Avery, they just... I'm kind of already the fucking odd ball. Cassie and I were just hooking up at first- me to piss Avery off, Cassie because she just needed to release her tension. We used each other then we fell in love. Now I can't picture my future without her."
She looks shocked for a moment before covering it up with her formal appearance. "I've never been put into this particular situation, and thank goodness for that." She pauses with a bite of her lip. "Sorry," she mumbles before she continues, "but all I can say is either take a step back and let it pan out the way its supposed to, or fight like hell to keep her. You can't stay in this in-between."
"If I step back, I lose her, I know that with complete certainty. I'm already fighting like crazy to keep her, but if its Avery's child, I don't know if my fighting will matter. She is going to make the final decision."
"You're basically admitting that she isn't yours. That you don't belong together. So without stepping on any feet here, can I ask you why you're trying so damn hard for a girl you've already lost?"
I just stare at Miah for a moment, almost wanting to tell the fucking bitch to get out of this room and out of my fucking life. Screw her. Screw this all. She doesn't know shit. Except- she does. I just don't want to admit it. Of course I don't want to admit it. Why the fuck would I want to admit that my heart belongs to Cassie, and her heart belongs to... him. After a moment of thinking and clarity, I say the absolutely only thing I can think of. "The heart wants what the heart wants."
She takes me completely by surprise when she laughs dryly and shakes her head. Moving her legs around so they are no longer crossed, she readjusts her skirt and leans forward, giving me a bitter look. A lo
ok of a heartless bitch. "That is the same damn line every sixteen year old girl tells their parents when they try to get her away from the bad boy. That is the same damn line every abused woman tells her friends and family. That is the same damn line a mistress says to herself when she looks into the mirror and sees a whore looking back at herself. That is the most pathetic sentence known to man, and I am ashamed to hear Pierce Danielson say something so absurd. Grow some balls, Pierce." With that, she stands and leaves me sitting here, dumbfounded and pissed.
Pissed. No I'm not pissed. I'm fucking heated! Fuck her. Fuck everything about that god damn cunt. I'm shaking all over. Who the fuck does she seriously think she is?
The neat pile of papers placed upon the desk in front of me is wiped off with my hand before my fist comes down slams against the wooden top. "Fuck!" I don't even know why I'm so god damn pissed! I'm not sure if its because everything she says is true, or the way she said it to me, or if its the first time I'm really realizing that I lost. I lost Cassie. No, wait, I never fucking had her.
I pull my phone out of my pocket, not giving a shit about the mess I just made with the papers. There are enough people who work here that can take care of my mess, they get paid to do that kind of shit. Evan answers on the third ring and I tell him I need to get drunk. He says he'll meet me outside in less than ten.
Once he pulls up outside, I climb into the rental and we make our way to a local bar. The sign outside says karaoke night, so we're hoping that also means cheap liquor. We get inside, grab a table near the back, and each of us order two beers, seeing as its getting packed already and knowing we may not be able to get refills as fast as we both so obviously need.
I know my brother has been stressing about shit as well, mostly to do with Alyssa, his wife. I don't know the details though, but I want to help him. I'm just not sure if tonight is the night, because if I ask him what his issues are, he may ask me what mine are. Tonight I'm forgetting Cassie, the fact she is knocked up, the fact that I've lost her, the fact I never actually had her.
I should have known when I first saw her almost two years ago, not to go near her. I should have known that the second I got a taste of Cassie, I'd be addicted. I knew I wouldn't be able to resist, but I never expected to fall in love. I'm never falling in love again. That is twice. Two times I fell in love and got my heart ripped apart. For now, I'm focusing on my career, possibly a child, and I'm spending my free time either getting drunk or fucking whatever chick comes along.
Instead of talking, Evan and I just watch different people with decent voices sing along to the music. You can tell the ones singing right now are locals trying to make it bigger. Its when people have had a few in them that the good crowd thins out and the tone deaf ones take place on stage.
Five beers later, when the music starts to get worse, and my brother and I start to get drunk, the talking finally starts. Evan goes on and on about how Alyssa is lazy. She quit her job to be a stay at home mom, now that she has a second one on the way. Apparently though, she doesn't do shit. She uses the fact she has a toddler and is pregnant as an excuse not to clean or do anything more than sit in front of the television watching Netflix. Evan claims he is the one who cooks dinner, does the dishes and laundry, deals with bath time then bed time, then Alyssa and him fight for hours before he ends up passing out on the couch.
I guess he is right, we both put ourselves into dumb ass situations. I don't tell him about Cassie, I just let him vent. I'm not ready to tell any more people. Evan's phone ends up ringing towards the end of his venting and with the eye roll he gives, I know has to be his wife. He stands up without a word to me and walks towards the entrance the same time he puts the phone to his ear. I hurt for my brother.
I'm also scared. What if that is my future, too? This is why I need to cut off ties.
I pull out my cellphone to see the its almost dead and slide it back in my pocket. Nothing from Cassie at all. I really must have pissed her off by hanging up. Not that I blame her. I shouldn't have just hung up, we should have discussed a few things first.
The seat across from pulls out and I'm about to ask Evan how his call with Alyssa went except its not him. "What are you doing here?"
"You looked lonely sitting here, drinking by yourself."
"I'm perfectly fine." I pull my bottle to my lips and finish off the drink. I need another already, so instead of waiting for the waitress, I stand up and walk towards the bar. Fuck this shit. I don't need this right now! I wish she'd just go back home.
The one time I want the bartender to take forever to get to me happens to be when she walks right over and slides a new beer in my direction. I thank her, open the beer here and take a few sips before I turn around. Of course she is still sitting at the table. I couldn't get lucky right now, even if I wanted to. I walk towards my table again and sit in my chair, looking towards the front door and wondering when Evan is going to get in here.
"Did you finish the papers? We could start the process as early as Monday if so. That is what my lawyer said, at least."
I look back to over to Miah, not really wanting to talk to her at all, but at least its about work and not about Cassie. "No, I'll finish them in the morning. I'm heading back tomorrow afternoon instead of the following day."
She nods her head with a sad smile. "I'm sorry I pissed you off earlier. Just some female insight on the situation. I didn't know all that was going on in your personal life, Pierce. If I had known, I would have never flirted with you the other day."
I knew she was flirting!
I play it off though. "Oh, I guess I didn't realize." I guzzle some more of my beer and look back towards the entrance once again.
"You did, and you liked it. That is why you didn't tell me you had a girlfriend."
I look back to her without a second thought. I love the confidence this girl has, but at the same time, it reminds me of Cassie and bugs the shit out of me. That is what I fell for first, was the confidence Cassie seemed to have. I'm not sure if it was just a facade, or if it just slipped away somewhere along the lines, but she is no longer the girl I first met and fell for. Although, I still love her and probably will for the rest of my life, it’s not as strong, it’s not the same.
I stare into those gray eyes and I know I'm making a mistake. I know I'm going to regret this, but I can't help it. I'm pissed at Cassie, I'm pissed at myself, I'm drunk, horny and playing with fire. "Let’s go." I pull out two twenties and throw them down on the table as I stand up.
She doesn't even question it as she grabs at her purse and walks in front of me towards the door, swaying that ass of hers. God I love that ass. I decide to give it a little slap as she walks through the door and she yelps with a small giggle. I haven't heard this girl giggle, and although she doesn't look the type to do something so childish sounding, it sounds like heaven ringing through my ears.
My brother is still on the phone arguing and I tell him I'm leaving with Miah. He gives a shake of his head but doesn't say anything as he turns around and continues to argue with his wife. I get into Miah's car, and once we're on the road headed to her apartment, I have a million things that go running through my mind. A damn angel and a devil, one routing me on, one yelling at me, one telling me I deserve this shit, the other reminding me Cassie is pregnant. Finally they both shut the fuck up when Miah reaches over and rubs the front of my jeans.
Oh fuck yeah.
I push my hips forward and harden under her touch. I just want her hand to squeeze around my cock. I want to feel my cock inside that mouth and that pussy. Fuck, I'm not going to sleep tonight. Glad I got a lot of beers in me, too, because I last a lot longer the more I drink.
When we arrive to her apartment, she shuts the door behind us and I pull my shirt over my head then grab at hers. She starts to kiss me but I turn my head. I know it sounds dumb, because I'm about to fuck her twenty different ways, but I don't want the intimacy of kissing her. Well, on the mouth that is. I don't say as much, even though when I look ba
ck at her she looks confused, instead I un-do my jeans and slide them off.
Miah falls to her knees in front of me and frees my cock. Her hand goes around it and I look down as she starts to pump back and forth, looking up at me with those teasingly gray eyes. Her tongue flickers out and licks the head of my cock and I involuntary groan. "Fuck."
Her mouth covers me but I don't let her go slow. I grab the back of her head and thrust myself inside her mouth several times before letting go. She is having a hard time breathing but I can see the lust in her eyes as they go half-mast and her eyes dilate. Yeah, she likes it rough. Those neat and prissy bitches usually are the ones that are crazy in bed.
I grab the top of her skirt and rip it at the seam, letting it fall to the ground. "Fuck, Miah, you're not wearing any underwear?" I can't help but stare at that perfect shaved pussy. Damn it looks delicious. Her hand goes down and reaches between her legs, pulling a finger through her slit as she works her way back towards the front.
Her fingers go into her mouth and she grins around her finger. God I want a taste. I grab her hips and throw her over my shoulder, turn, and march us both down the only hallway she has. "Which room?" I ask in my rugged voice.
"Last door," she says, then slaps my ass. I slap hers in return and she yelps really loud.
Once we're in her room, I throw her down on the bed and don't waste any time in tasting that pussy of hers. She starts to put her hands on my head, but I stop her from it. I look up and decide that I'm going to torture this bitch. God, I need to get focus solely on pleasuring her and myself, and nothing more. "You got handcuffs?" I ask.
She points to her dresser and tells me the third drawer. I open it up and find all sorts of different gadgets. I look over my shoulder at her, pulling up an eyebrow. "I fucking knew you were a kinky bitch."