by Piper Knox
“It’s true.”
“Can you please go? You don’t have to perform some extra duties that you feel obligated to do. I’m doing fine as is.”
“It’s not, it’s not like that. I’m sorry. I want to make it up to you.”
“Is it because of the baby? If you feel you have to be good to me because of the baby, you don’t have to. It ends up confusing me.”
“Not everything is about the damn baby!” My fist banged onto the table. The room went silent. “Of course I don’t mean it like that.” She looked fed up with me. I was losing her. I was losing her and all this time I thought I was getting into her good books. “Did you see my message?”
She lifted her hands in exasperation. “What are you talking about?”
“I—” I couldn’t find the right words. Were there any? I want to start over? Start where? We had a fractured relationship our entire lives. It was broken from the day I first laid eyes on her, and I later heard my brother telling me he had a crush on her. So I thought of the next best thing.
“I thought we should renegotiate our terms of our arrangement.” Yes. That would be a good start. I would have to ease her back to me. Woo her, as they say. First, I had to get her out of this apartment and back into mine. Ours. It was ours. Second, get on her good side by showing what a good husband and a good father I could be. Third, I would woo her again. Lots and lots of wooing until she was back by my side and in my bed. I can’t lie to myself. As much as I enjoyed her company, I had missed her incredible lovemaking. Our sessions were on replay all day and night, like a dirty porn tape that couldn’t be paused.
“You’re right.”
Good. This was going better than I thought.
“We should get divorced.”
49
Divorce?
“What? Why?”
“I don’t know, Caiden? Maybe the fact that you’ve already won, destroyed my family, got our business and don’t need me anymore?”
But I did need her. I needed her badly. “I thought we were having a child together.”
“Lots of people have children apart. Isn’t that why I’m here instead of your apartment?”
She was right, and I had no way of explaining myself without sounding like a rube. I couldn’t say she could come back now that I no longer thought she was my brother’s murderer. That was the reason I had kicked her out in the first place.
“What if I don’t want a divorce?”
“Why wouldn’t you?”
I tried to think of every reason she couldn’t reject and the best I could come up with was, “What about the baby? Don’t you think we should try raising him or her together?”
She leaned forward and pushed the plate of food away from her, “I told you Caiden. I won’t run away. I’m pretty sure you’d find me if I did, anyway.”
“It’s not about—fuck! Don’t you get it! I want us to get back together!”
She laughed. She laughed really hard. “Why would you want that? I thought you only barely tolerated me.”
The phrase sounded familiar. Like something I would say, but I don’t remember saying it to her. She clarified when she saw my confusion, “I heard you talking to Axel. I’m a warm body to fuck sometimes, is another way you put it.”
I winced. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“No. No. It’s fine. I went into this relationship knowing what I would get. You don’t have to apologize. You were only stating facts.” Her voice broke at that last sentence.
“You’re more than a warm body to me.”
“Sure.” She shrugged as if to say she didn’t believe me. If I were her, I wouldn’t believe me either.
“There’s no reason to get divorced when we are already living apart. Don’t you think we can try living like this. If it doesn’t work out, then we can split.”
“To what end? Don’t you want to get it over with?” her eyes widened, “Or do you want to torment me further?”
“What! No! It’s not like that at all.” I went for her hand. She drew it away as my hand reached for hers. I drew back. “I want us to be more than warm bodies to each other.” I tried to think for a reason that wouldn’t make her recoil and stopped myself. I shouldn’t be thinking of trying to pin her down. She would resist even more. The truth. It had to be the truth. “I know you won’t believe what I’m about to say, but I’ll say it, anyway.” I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. Sorry for everything I did to you. I realize now that I was a terrible person and a jerk for putting you through what I put you through. For being a wedge between you and your family and accusing you for things that you didn’t do. Not considering your feelings. Using your feelings. I’m sorry.”
She stared back at me and offered no reaction. She wasn’t kicking me out though. Nor was she screaming insults back at me. It had to be a good sign. “I was so focused on revenge and getting back at the person I hated and fulfilling someone else’s grudge, I never thought of the damage I was causing. And if I did, I wanted to hurt you.”
“Why?”
“Because you hurt me. Or at least I thought you hurt me. I never thought that you would be innocent, and I never saw you as such, I’m sorry. I’m ready to do whatever it takes for you to forgive me.”
“I don’t know Caiden,” she got up and made her way toward the living room. I followed her as she went to stand by the floor to ceiling windows. She looked out at the city skyline with her arms folded with her back to me, “This is too much for me to process. How do I know…”
“That I’m not lying? You don’t have to believe me if you don’t want to, but it’s the truth. I want to be with you.”
She faced me, “What brought this on?”
A realization that I loved her. If I told her now, she wouldn’t believe me. She would probably throw me out and I would miss my chance. “Seeing things differently. Recognizing that I was a fool and wasting my energy.”
“It’s still too much. Can you give me time?”
“Fine. Sure. I’ll leave you alone.” I wasn’t sure if I should do it, but I did anyway. I made my way towards her and kissed her on her forehead. She didn’t resist. “Goodnight,” I said to her and left.
The following three days were the worst I had ever experienced. I did as I promised, left her alone, went to work thinking about her and got back home with her still on my mind. I contemplated going to her apartment and asking her if she had thought about it.
What was worse, I never saw her during those three days? Either she was leaving for work early or late. Maybe she wasn’t going to work at all. It felt like the last two months all over again when I had been tortured by her absence. How I could live without her before this, I did not know. By the third day, I was ready to barge into her apartment and demand an answer. I might have done it if she hadn’t rang my doorbell.
50
He opened the door before I was ready to prep myself. He looked good as always, dressed in casual clothes. His hair flopped around his forehead, making him look roguish. This would not be easy.
“Hi,” he said.
“I want to discuss what we talked about last time.”
“Come in.” He led me into his apartment, “Do you want a cup of tea?” he asked over his shoulder, “I was in the middle of making some.” I nodded, took my seat on the kitchen counter, and watched him as he prepared the cups.
Tea and Caiden are two things that I never envisioned going well together. I always thought of him as a coffee guy, and when we were together, that was what he had drank. Maybe this was the new Caiden.
Speaking of new Caiden, I was still surprised by what he had said by the time he was in my apartment. It was an apology I had never expected to get. I still had my doubts about his truthfulness, but it was still something. And when he had said he would give me time; he had done so. New Caiden was unnerving. He came over and pushed a cup toward me. I took a sip. The tea had a red, amber like hue and went down smoothly. “What is this?”
“Roiboos t
ea. You don’t like it?”
“It tastes good.”
He gave me a bright big smile, as if my approval meant the world to him.
“How’s work?” he asked. It was such a benign question and yet, I could help but think that he never asked me about my work at all before. I assumed he was trying to break the ice.
“It’s good. We’ve been making some progress in getting the parents to have their children attend the school we built. How’s yours?”
“Not as noble as what you’ve been doing, but things are going well. It’s been a little hectic since the sale, but nothing I can’t handle.”
The sale. Greyson had called me, telling me they were going ahead with it. It surprised me he thought I should know about it, considering that I wasn’t getting anything from it. I took another sip and looked at Caiden. He had an air of expectancy around him.
“I wanted to give you that answer you wanted.”
He made a sharp intake of his breath, but when he spoke, his voice was calm, “And what was your decision?”
“I don’t want a divorce.” The smile on his face was enough to make my heart quiver, “But,” his face fell a little, “I don’t want us to get back together yet. I don’t think I can do it even for the baby.”
“Yet? But you’re open for some time in the future, right?” His hopeful face was making me reconsider. I wanted nothing more than to be in his arms again. My mind went back to the time he had cradled me on the couch. It had felt so good to be held like that. I had felt nothing like it. Was the same person even available? My heart was still scarred by our relationship. “I don’t know.”
“What if you give me a chance to prove myself?”
“I don’t think you can successfully change my mind.”
“I could try. If after that you want nothing to do with me, I would be fine. I wouldn’t even mind a divorce.”
It was tempting. Very tempting. I took a sip of the golden red liquid. It coursed warmly down my throat. “Fine.” I said.
He gave me the biggest smile he had ever given me. It was either fake, or my answer satisfied him. I noticed as well that the tension in his shoulders fell. It was nice to see he was as tense about this as I was. I wasn’t sure if he had changed, but he was acting differently. I was also afraid that he was lying when he said he wasn’t doing it for the child.
“Does that mean you’re moving in?”
“Not yet.”
“Okay. I understand. If I were you, I wouldn’t too.” An awkward silence followed. I didn’t know what to say after this. Okay, bye? That felt too casual. After a while he said, “Thank you for this chance. I’ll make sure you won’t regret it.” He took my hand in his and lifted it to his lips and kissed it. It was the most gentle and sweet kiss he had given me.
51
Caiden came to my apartment the next morning. I had finished getting dressed and was on my way out when he called. “What are you doing here?” I asked him as soon as I opened the door.
“Taking you to work.”
“You know Bailey does that everyday right?”
“Bailey called in sick and he was due for a leave anyway, so I gave him one. Plus, I wanted to accompany you. Saving of fuel and such-and-such.”
I raised an eyebrow. It was unnecessary, but he seemed eager to accompany me. He looked giddy, like a schoolboy. “Fine,” I said and went back into the apartment. I heard his footsteps follow behind me, “but I have to eat breakfast first.”
“What are we having?”
I stared back at him at the assumption of ‘we.’
“I mean you. What are you having?” when I didn’t respond, his voice dropped and had a nervous tinge, “I was simply doing small talk.”
My cheeks flushed. I lowered my guard. He was being personable. There was nothing wrong with that.
“I’m having yogurt and berries. It’s the only thing that doesn’t make me puke in the morning,” I went over to where I had prepared a bowl of yogurt and fruits. “There’s some in the fridge.”
He shook his head, “I’m satisfied with watching you eat. But,” he went to the fridge and took out a pitcher of orange juice, “I’ll have this instead.” He took a glass from the cabinet and poured it. His knowledge of where everything was surprised me. He had said no one had never been here before, and yet he had a good grasp of his way around the place. Maybe he had kept one of his mistresses here and didn’t want to tell me. Or maybe it was as simple as he used to live here and simply kept the place when he moved up. I wanted to ask, but kept it to myself. I was already having the creeping feeling of jealousy at the thought of him having sex with someone else in here. On this counter top. I washed away my thoughts and watched him as he plunked down onto a stool next to mine. We sat so close our knees could touch if I swiveled toward him. His thighs stretched the suit pants he was wearing, and it made me want to grip them. To feel the hardness once again. And to slide up to the—I washed that thought away again. It must be the hormones that were getting me horny in the morning. I went back to my food.
We drank and ate in silence. It felt like we had sat like this forever. Then I remembered. “This is very familiar.”
He took a sip of his drink, “You mean our morning breakfasts back in high school?”
“You would always mock me for not eating while you wolfed down a large breakfast and washed it away with orange juice.” His mother would make it for him and a bowl of fruit for me. We were the only ones who ate breakfast in the Lyndell household.
“That’s because I didn’t know any other way of telling you I liked you. That was my stupid childish way of saying so.”
“You liked me even back then?” This was something he had alluded to before, but I never thought he would say outright. I thought what he had liked about me was my sex appeal, not me. But then, that could also be what he meant. That he liked my body.
He frowned, “I enjoyed being around you, but I couldn’t do so, because of Liam, so I would make sure we had breakfast together.” Of course. Liam hated breakfast. I still couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I cleared my throat and finished my food. We both got up after I was done and he chugged his juice.
Caiden’s new driver was the opposite of Bailey. Where Bailey was big and stout, he was short and slim. He looked like he was about to drown in the overcoat he had on.
“His name is Kelly,” Caiden said as we got into the car.
The seats were plush and much better than the Chrysler he had given me to use. Yes, this was a better option. However, the comfort of the car was severely reduced by the thought of having him be this close in a closed space. Caiden was not bothered at all. As soon as the car got onto the road, he took out his tablet and began working. I took out my phone and checked my socials. Nothing much was happening. It was morning, after all. There was nothing to distract me from glancing over at Caiden. I kept thinking about the young boy full of ambition I had known back then. He was no longer that person. Now he was a powerful man, capable of tearing down companies. He had done so to my father’s.
“What are you looking at?” he didn’t lift an eye away from his screen when he said so. I glanced away quickly, like a child caught staring. I thought of something fast. I leaned over to him, “This was crooked,” I said and brushed his yellow kerchief. It wasn’t crooked, only slightly, but that was the best I could think of without admitting that I had been nakedly admiring him.
“Thanks.” His voice had gotten low and throaty. I stared up at him. He was looking down at me with cloudy eyes. So he wasn’t unbothered. The car hit a bump and my hand slid and landed smack dab into his crotch. He was very much bothered.
“Hailey.” It sounded like a threat and a plea. Faster than a lightning rod, I withdrew my hand and righted myself back into the seat.
“Sorry.”
“What are you apologizing for? It’s no one surprise I want to fuck you senseless.”
My eyes widened, and I glanced at Kelly. His head was frozen as he stared
at the window. Caiden leaned over and whispered in my ear, “It’s okay, you’re my wife after all.”
I shoved him away, my face getting redder and redder, “Did you spike that orange juice?”
He roared with laughter, “If I had, we wouldn’t be just talking.”
I whipped my head away from him and to the window. He chuckled as I stared outside. Soon we arrived at my work. I got out and waved him goodbye. “Tell me when you’ll be done, and I will come pick you up.”
“You don’t have to. I can get a cab.”
“And waste your meager salary? No.” Then he closed the window, and the car drove off. When I was done for the day, I didn’t call him like he said. I was on my way out to get a cab when I saw him leaning on his Bentley. He had glasses on that made him look like a rogue spy. When I reached him, he stepped aside and opened the door for me, “You didn’t have to.”