Connors sighed. She was very pretty, but then again, weren’t they all? He knelt down next to the body and began to look more closely. “Have you found her shoes?” he asked Shawcroft without looking up from his task.
“No, sir. I’ve had PC’s out looking for them for over an hour. I don’t think they’re here.”
“You’re probably right. When did it happen?”
The pathologist coughed. “We won’t know for sure until the results of the post mortem,” he said. “But in my opinion she’s been dead for at least ten hours. So that means it could have happened any time between two and six o’clock this morning.”
Connors looked up at him. “Broken neck?”
“Again, we can’t say for sure until the post mortem. There are no bruises on her neck, but by the angle of her head, it looks very much like that.”
“Hmmm.” Connors looked down again at the body. “Scantily clad, but apart from these straps and her shoes, her clothes haven’t been disturbed. And apart from those bruises on her arms, there doesn’t seem to be any other bruising or marks on her body…” He looked up at the windows above them.
Shawcroft smiled. “That’s what I thought! But all the windows on this side of the buildings are barred. She couldn’t have been pushed out, or fallen out.”
“The roof?” Connors suggested.
The pathologist shook his head. “Too high. Her body would have sustained far more damage in a fall from that height.”
Connors stood up. “Okay, I’ve seen enough.”
The forensics crew started to clean up as Connors walked back down the alley with Shawcroft.
“What do you think, sir?” Shawcroft asked as they walked along.
“Somebody she knew,” Connors replied. “It was quick and clean. She didn’t fight. It has to be someone she knew.”
“What about the shoes?”
“Her feet were very dirty, so she probably lost them before she was killed. No, Mike, I don’t think we’re looking for a murderer with a fetish for his victims shoes.”
Shawcroft smiled. “So it is murder then, and not a fall or an accident?”
“Oh, yes. There’s no doubt about that. You were right to call me. It happened early this morning, so she was probably coming home drunk. I’ll bet she doesn’t live very far away.”
“You’re right. We found her handbag near her body. She lives two streets away.”
Connors nodded solemnly. “That fits.”
“How so?”
“Someone she knew, remember? So that means someone who knew her, and knew where she lived. He also knew she was coming home, and he knew where to wait.”
“So what’s the motive? She wasn’t raped, assaulted or robbed.”
“Anger.”
Chapter Sixteen
The Arrangement
Louise sat slumped on the sofa of her lounge, waiting for Victoria to emerge from the bedroom. She felt miserable. Just when everything was going so well, Louise’s world had collapsed in on her again. It was her own stupid fault of course. She had been chasing a silly fantasy for days. Dayna had been right. Victoria may have her problems, but she was straight, and all Louise had done was to alienate her forever. But it had been going so well!
But had it?
The more Louise thought about it, the more she realised that it hadn’t been going so well after all, except in her own, stupid mind. She had never really told Victoria about her sexuality, or about her feelings towards her. Yes, last night she had blurted out that she was a lesbian, but Louise was sure that Victoria had merely thought it was a joke. And in a way it had been. Only in her own mind had it made any difference. Victoria had continued to treat her like any other friend, like Chrissy, or Jo, she had never even been aware of Louise’s feelings for her. But Louise had used Victoria’s friendship to get closer. And to cap it all, she had taken advantage of Victoria’s drunken and injured state.
Oh, how she hated herself! How could she have been so stupid? She had promised herself that she wouldn’t, that all she would do was look after Victoria and put her to bed. But all the way back to her flat she had been filled with anticipation. Her stupid mind had dreamed on. Only the sight of Victoria’s battered body had brought Louise briefly back to reality. But even that hadn’t lasted, and when she had been tending Victoria’s wounds last night, she had been unable to resist. Now she hated herself for it. Victoria would hate her too. And Louise couldn’t blame her. Louise wanted to die. She wanted God to take her now, before Victoria emerged to shout and scold her.
But it was too late.
Victoria came out of the bedroom. She was dressed in the clothes Louise had found for her. As Louise had thought, the jeans were slightly too short and a little baggy for her, but they still looked okay. In contrast, the light blue sweater fitted Victoria perfectly. It was tighter and more figure hugging, and very flattering.
Louise stood up and waited for the inevitable. She felt terribly depressed.
Victoria took a step forward and held up her hand. “Don’t say anything until I’m done,” she said. Then she took a deep breath, opened her mouth to speak, then closed it with a loud sigh. She looked down at her bare feet, took two more deep breaths, looked up, opened her mouth to speak again, then closed it with another sigh as before.
Louise waited patiently, keeping silent, her head down.
“Oohhh!” Victoria finally blurted out in annoyance, shaking her head vigorously. It made her hair fly about. “Bollocks!” she announced when she stopped. “I had it all worked out in my head! It was really good, too! And now I’ve forgotten it!”
She saw Louise’s sad expression and sighed again. “Listen, Louise. I’m not used to this, okay? You took me by surprise.” She became embarrassed by her own words and quickly went on, “No, I didn’t mean that, I–Oh, bollocks!” She paused to take another deep breath before going on. “I mean I didn’t know how you felt, about sex, about me. You should have told me, Louise. And I don’t just mean joking about it like you did last night. You should have told me that day in the library. You should have told me straight out, then and there. I don’t know how I would have felt, or if it would have made a difference to the way I behaved with you last night.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe it would, I don’t know. When I get drunk I do stupid things, and I don’t always think straight, so I can’t say. But I can say that I felt safe with you, and that I trusted you. I do like you, Louise. You’re far too soft for your own good, but you’re nice. I like you as a friend, but I wouldn’t have let you bring me back here last night if you had been a man. So you should have told me. It wasn’t fair. You do understand what I’m trying to say, don’t you? Oh, for God’s sake, say something, Louise! You look like a condemned murderer waiting for the drop!”
Louise burst into tears. “I didn’t mean it!” she wailed. “Don’t hate me!”
“Oh, bollocks!” Victoria said in dismay. She took a step forward and put her arms around Louise, patting her back. “Stop crying, will you? I don’t hate you, okay? Stop being a cry-baby!”
Louise quickly put her arms around Victoria, hugging her close. “I can’t help it, I love you!”
“Don’t be silly!” Victoria said in disbelief.
“But I do!” Louise sobbed. “And now I’ve messed it all up! I hate myself! I’m such a coward! You’re right, I should have told you! But I was so scared that you’d hate me that I couldn’t! I didn’t want to lose you, Victoria. Even if you didn’t love me, I still wanted to be your friend. That’s why I was so scared to tell you! And I do love you! Really I do!”
“How can you love me?” Victoria said, wide-eyed. “I’m a useless, selfish, hurtful prat! And that’s what my friends think of me! And they’re right! I get drunk all the time, say things I shouldn’t say, and do things I shouldn’t do. Anyway you hardly know me! I’m always getting into trouble, causing fights, getting beaten up, drinking myself stupid. Even Chrissy’s had enough of me! And you don’t really love me, you just
fancy my body. All the boys are the same, and you think the same as them, don’t you? They see my blonde hair and my body and they think, yes, I’d like a bit of that! But they don’t really care about me.” Victoria’s voice became bitter. “It’s not love, it’s just sex.”
“No! That’s not true!” Louise insisted. “I really do love you, Victoria! I loved you as soon as I saw you that first day in class! And I care about you! When you didn’t turn up for class last week and we found you drunk and unconscious in your flat, I was worried sick! I wanted to stay with you and look after you, but Chrissy made me leave. And last night I was terrified when I saw those girls hurting you! All I wanted to do was take you home and make you safe! I didn’t mean to do what I did. I’m sorry. I took advantage, I did, and I shouldn’t have. But I was with you all night, and everything you did was so sexy, that I–”
“You got horny,” Victoria said flatly, interrupting her.
Louise didn’t reply. She rested her head on Victoria’s shoulder, holding onto her tightly. She had already said far more than she had intended. But her heart was breaking, and she wanted Victoria more than anything else in the world.
Victoria shook her head in despair. She stopped patting Louise’s back and just stood there, thinking. A few seconds passed, and then Victoria said, “You know what the craziest thing is about last night? The more I remembered of what you did to me, the more I realised that I liked it. It wasn’t hurtful, or heavy-handed and thrusting like it usually is with Zach. It was gentle, and nice, and I liked it. Crazy isn’t it? Me, the party girl slut, liking something like that.”
Louise looked up at her in surprise. “Most women wouldn’t say that if they were completely straight,” she said thoughtfully. “They would be upset, tell me off, hit me even. That’s what I was expecting you to do. But instead you say you liked it. How can you say that? How can you take this so well?”
Victoria was suddenly defensive. “I told you, it was nice, gentle sort of. And it lasted much longer than Zach can manage even when he’s sober!” She tried to laugh it off, smiling wryly at Louise, but at the same time wishing that she had kept her mouth shut. “I don’t know though, maybe I should belt you, just for the sake of it. But you did things to me that made me feel good, you didn’t just please yourself, and so I didn’t feel like I’d been used. Does that make sense?”
Louise shook her head. She wanted a better answer. “You can’t just say you liked it and leave it at that. You should hate me. You should feel disgusted, sick even. It makes me wonder. It makes me wonder if, well, you were so upset about Chrissy, and you are very close, so it makes me wonder if–”
Victoria realised what Louise was thinking and laughed. “You must be joking!” she exclaimed, breaking away. “Chrissy would have snapped me at the waist and put both halves in a sausage making machine if I even mentioned the idea! Chrissy’s as straight as a die! You better not try anything with her, or you will get a bashing!”
“But what about you?” Louise said quickly, following Victoria. “Are you as straight as a die? I know you have Zach, but you’re taking this so well, I keep wondering–” Louise broke off and took a deep breath before saying very bluntly, “I’m a lesbian, Victoria, and last night we made lesbian love. What do you feel about that? About me?”
Victoria was becoming unnerved by the constant questioning. She kept trying to move away from Louise, but Louise kept following her. Now she stood her ground.
“Look, if you’re asking me if I’m a lesbian, then I can’t answer you,” she said quickly. “I’ve never thought much about gay or lesbian people. I think you must be the first one I’ve met. It’s sort of funny knowing that you fancy me, sort of cute. But it’s not the same as it is with a boy. I don’t feel threatened. As for the sex, well, I’ve never done it before, so I don’t really know how I should feel. Like I said, I liked it. But that’s all I can say.”
“But what about you and Chrissy?”
Victoria answered honestly. “I am very close with Chrissy. Maybe more than she is with me. But that’s because we’ve known each other since we were both little. I used to stop over at her house, and I’ve slept with her in her bed. But we were children, we never did anything, and it didn’t mean anything.”
“And when you were older?” Louise pressed her.
“The last time I shared a bed with Chrissy must have been last year, when we went on holiday to Spain together. We were both drunk. But again, nothing happened. I like Chrissy a lot, and maybe I do love her, but it’s not in the way you mean. I don’t fancy her, and I don’t look at her in that way.”
“And how do you feel about me?”
Victoria was getting close to the limit of her tolerance. “What do you want me to say, Louise?” she snapped. “Do you want me to say that I love you? Well, I can’t. I’m sorry, I like you and all that, but I don’t fancy you. Yes, I enjoyed the sex. It was different. And maybe it won’t be the last time we do it, I don’t know. But I look at you as a female friend, like Chrissy, or Jo, not as a girlfriend or a boyfriend in the way you mean. I’ve never thought of myself as a lesbian, or a bisexual, or anything like that. At the moment, I still think of myself as being heterosexual, but after last night, maybe that’s not right either. I know I should feel different, that I should have clear feelings, one way or the other, but I don’t. Basically, I’m just confused!”
The conversation was getting out of control, but Louise couldn’t stop herself. She was getting all hot and bothered, but there were things she still wanted to know.
“But you don’t like boys very much, do you?” she almost accused Victoria. “I saw the way you acted last night, leading all those boys on at the club and then dumping them. That’s what Chrissy meant when she said what you did was malicious and hurtful.”
“Stop it!” Victoria told her in a raised voice.
Louise ignored her. “And why did Chrissy say that you always have to be drunk before you have sex with Zach?”
“Stop it!” Victoria said far more sternly this time, and she pushed Louise up against the wall. But Louise still couldn’t stop, even though she knew that she was going too far.
“And when we made love last night, you muttered something about your father. What did that mean?” she finally blurted out.
Her words had a drastic effect on Victoria. Her expression twisted in anger and she shouted, “Stop it! Stop it!” and began to bang Louise’s head against the wall.
Louise started to struggle, but she couldn’t break free. “Ow! You’re hurting me!” she cried out and began to cry.
Victoria suddenly let go of Louise and stepped back. She saw Louise’s tears and her anger quickly subsided. She felt very guilty and quickly stepped forward again and hugged Louise.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Louise! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” she said, also getting all tearful. She began to stroke Louise’s hair as she spoke quickly and tearfully. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, but there are some things that I don’t want to talk about, that I can’t talk about. Not yet, anyway. Maybe later. Much later. When we’re both much more used to one another. Until then, please don’t ask me. Okay, Louise?”
Louise wiped her eyes and put her arms around Victoria again, happy to feel her hair being stroked so affectionately. They remained standing by the wall hugging one another, both of them still tearful.
“I’m sorry too,” Louise said. “I didn’t mean to say what I did. It’s just that I wanted to know how you felt about me, and how you felt about what we did. It means a lot to me. And I know I shouldn’t pry about your father. But I love you, and I worry about you. And if he hurt you, I want to know.”
“I told you I didn’t want to talk about my father!” Victoria said harshly, shaking Louise as she spoke.
“Alright, alright!” Louise replied quickly. “I won’t ask you anymore! I’ll wait until you feel ready to tell me. But in the meantime, I don’t just want to be your cute lesbian friend. If I can’t be your lover, then I ought to be a proper
friend, one that you can trust and talk to. Like Chrissy. I’ve told you private things about me. So why can’t you tell me things about you? Why don’t you trust me?”
Victoria sighed. “I do trust you. But there are some things I can’t talk about, not to anybody. Not yet. And I don’t even know how I feel about what happened last night, so how can I explain it to you? And for the record, yes, you’re right; I don’t like sex very much. Not with boys, anyway. But I’m not going to talk about why. And contrary to what you might think, I don’t talk about such things to Chrissy, either. So stop asking.”
“I thought you did,” Louise said in a low voice.
“Well, I don’t.”
“I didn’t know.”
“You do now.”
“I’m daft, nosey, and very insecure.”
Victoria smiled at last. “And I get beaten up by women in toilets.”
Louise looked up at Victoria and also smiled. “Nobody’s perfect.”
Victoria stared at Louise’s tear-stained face and suddenly grabbed her jaw with her hand and shook her slightly, saying, “Pain in the arse!” Then she broke away.
Louise watched her walk towards the door. “Where are you going?” she asked in sudden alarm, following her.
“To get my stuff,” Victoria replied. “You still want me to move in, don’t you? Or have you changed your mind?”
Louise swallowed and said quickly, “No, of course not! But I thought…” Her voice trailed off. She felt so confused.
Victoria stood by the door with her hands on her hips. “Look, Louise, it’s like this,” she said in a business like way. “I have nowhere to stay. So either I stay with Zach, or I stay here with you. If I stay with Zach, there’s no way I will be able to trust him. No matter what he might promise, he’s probably going to get me drunk most nights and want to play bouncy castles with me. If I stay here with you, I know that if you promise me to keep our relationship platonic, at least for now, then I can trust you to keep that promise. So which is it to be?”
The Look of Love Page 10