Monsters, Magic, & Mayhem: Bubba the Monster Hunter Season 4

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Monsters, Magic, & Mayhem: Bubba the Monster Hunter Season 4 Page 29

by John G. Hartness


  “To make her marry a prince of Summer and use her for leverage against Mab?” Mama asked.

  “Of course,” Oberon said, just like he was talking about selling a used car and not manipulating a person’s life. The more time I spent around royalty, the more I liked rednecks.

  Oberon went on. “I did not know where she had gone at first. I just assumed that she was somewhere within the Summerlands. But after our search parties found no trace of her, I began to be concerned.”

  “You mean after the soldiers you sent to drag her back couldn’t find her,” Mama said. Her voice was flat and her eyes cold, despite her taking on the aspect of Summer.

  At least this time, Oberon had the good grace to look ashamed. “Yes, the first group sent after her was dispatched under orders to return her to Titania’s ‘care.’ But when they returned empty-handed, I sent out a squadron of my personal guardsmen, this time with specific instructions to aid her in any way they could, especially if it meant getting her out of my wife’s territory. They also returned with no trace of her.”

  “Why the change of heart?” I asked. I still wasn’t real happy with Oberon, but it was starting to look like there might be a heart trapped under there after all.

  “Titania is my wife, and my queen. I love her, but I also know exactly how fearsome she can be. When I saw the glint of battle in her eye, I knew that her plans for Nitalia went further than some minor jab at my former wife. Somewhere between Nitalia’s arrival at Court and her disappearance, Titania decided to use her to destroy Mab. I couldn’t let that happen. As little as I know of the girl, she is still of my blood.”

  “That didn’t stop you from sending Bubba chasing after a dragon,” Skeeter said with a scowl. “He’s your blood, too.”

  “He is, but he also has brave companions with him, and I did bestow weapons upon him that allowed him to vanquish the beast.”

  “Still sent us chasing after a damn dragon,” Skeeter grumbled. I knew my little buddy well enough to recognize that he wasn’t going to just let this go, so I waved him quiet. He rolled his eyes at me, but shut up.

  I turned back to Oberon. “So your guys couldn’t find her, either?”

  “They did not. But I uncovered something in the palace that I found particularly worrisome, and it spurred me to begin planning a major rescue expedition. Then you arrived, and my plans went sideways.”

  “Bubba has that effect on plans,” Amy said. “What did you find?”

  “A maid remembered seeing Robin Goodfellow near Nitalia’s rooms the night before she vanished.”

  “I hate that little bastard,” I said.

  “A sentiment shared by many,” Mama said. “But he has his uses, doesn’t he, Father?”

  Oberon looked embarrassed. “Yes, Daughter, he does. The Puck has been useful to the crown of both realms on more than one occasion. Unfortunately, his relationship with our Court has been…strained of late.”

  I leaned forward and lowered my voice. “Gramps, we don’t know each other real well, but let me just lay this shit out for you. You need to say whatever it is that you don’t want to say about Puck, or I’m going to beat it out of you. We need to find my sister so we can get the hell out of Fairyland because I can only assume I have missed almost the entire college football season by now, and I need to know how my Dawgs are doing with their new coach.”

  He looked at me, confusion written all over his face. “I honestly have no idea what you are talking about.”

  “He gets that a lot,” Amy said. “But what’s up with Puck? From what Bubba told us, he was pretty happy the last time you guys saw him. All married and stuff.”

  “That is exactly the source of the problem,” Oberon said. “His wife, the Princess Alethea, was bound to the Summer Court. Puck is an unaffiliated Fae, a prince of the Lands Without Season, with a fine estate in the Shadowlands.” He looked around the table like that was supposed to mean something to us. Mama looked pretty damn upset by this revelation, but the rest of us just looked like your Spanish teacher started trying to teach calculus.

  “What the holy hell are you babbling about?” I asked. “What has that got to do with the price of tea in China?”

  “I know nothing about tea, or China, for that matter. But the Puck’s wife was tied to the Summerlands, and her tie could only be severed by Titania’s blessing, or by Mab laying claim to her.”

  “Which would tie her to Winter,” Mama said. “Then Mother could release her from her bond to Winter and she would be free of any ties to a Season.”

  “Exactly,” Oberon said.

  “So what’s the problem?” Joe asked.

  “Titania wouldn’t release her from Summer, and Mab would not claim her over Titania’s mark,” Mama said, her face grave. Oberon nodded, as if that explained everything.

  “That doesn’t explain anything,” I said. “What’s the big deal? She’s married to Puck, but she still works for Titania. No big deal.”

  “Expect that Summer Fae cannot live in the Seasonless Lands,” Oberon said. “Our magic ties us to a Court, and if we spend too long in another Court’s lands, we suffer the consequences.”

  “Those consequences are permanent, aren’t they?” Amy asked.

  “They are.”

  “So when she was stuck tied to Summer, she either had to stay in Titania’s realm or die,” Amy went on. Oberon just nodded.

  “Okay, so Puck wasn’t big on a long-distance relationship, but it ain’t the worst thing in the world,” I said.

  “She’s dead, Robbie,” Mama said, her voice soft. Oberon nodded again.

  I turned to him. “Wait, what?”

  “I know Robin,” Mama said. “He was a frequent visitor to Winter when I was young. He is a Shadow Fae, a Walker Between Seasons, unaffiliated but useful to both Courts. The Puck is a…problem-solver for Mab and Titania alike, the person they call when something or someone becomes…troublesome.”

  “An assassin,” Joe said.

  “Yes,” Oberon said. “An assassin, a weapon, a tool to be used. Titania saw his love for Alethea as a hold on him, a way to secure his services for her alone. She told him that she would release Alethea from her service, but only if he swore fealty to Summer.”

  “And Mab promised to supplant Titania’s claim on the girl if he would pledge to Winter,” Mama said.

  “Exactly,” Oberon agreed. “The Puck, being a creature of great temper and possessing of a great desire to continue to play both Courts against each other, refused both offers, and took his bride back to the Shadow Keep.”

  “But all she had to do was leave and go back to Summer to be okay, right?” I asked. I knew what I was going to hear, but I didn’t want to think it.

  “Puck wouldn’t allow it. Giving her up would mean losing to Titania, accepting defeat in a game played for centuries. So he imprisoned her within the Shadow Keep and stayed by her side every moment.”

  “Until she died,” Skeeter whispered.

  “Until she died,” Oberon agreed. “Then he waited. The Puck is clever and patient. He knew eventually an opportunity for revenge would come along. And it did, in the form of your sister.”

  “He took her to get back at Mab for not helping save Alethea, but how would that hurt Titania?” Amy asked.

  “If he hurts Nitalia for Mab’s negligence, Mab will see it as Titania’s fault.”

  “Because Titania did not release Alethea from her fealty,” Mama said. “Then Mab will move Winter against Summer, and there will be war. My mother is many things, mad perhaps foremost among them. She would see Nitalia’s death as a personal affront, and look to any cause that absolves her of guilt. She would blame Titania, and she would tear Faerie apart to avenge the insult. She cares nothing for my daughter, but killing Nitalia would be an insult, and her pride would not allow her to let it stand.”

  “So Puck is going to kill my sister to drive Mab into attacking Titania for letting his wife die? Seems convoluted,” I said.

  “Convoluted i
s one of the highest compliments in Faerie,” Oberon said. “I do not wish to see my granddaughter harmed, but I cannot move against the Puck myself. Titania has forbidden it, and I am bound within the confines of the Summerlands until she sees fit to loosen my chains.”

  “So we have to go to the Shadow Keep to save Nitalia,” I said. “How do we know she’s still alive?”

  “Her head has not been delivered to Mab’s throne room,” Oberon said.

  “Well, that’s pleasant,” Amy said. “Okay, we can find her using Bubba’s repurposed compass. Do we know when he plans to do the deed? It sounds like Puck has a flair for the dramatic.”

  “We are eight days from the anniversary of Princess Alethea’s death,” Oberon replied. “If I were a betting Fae, I would guess that is when he plans his revenge.”

  “So we’ve got a week to travel through a hostile realm of magic, invade something called the Shadow Keep, and kick a mystical assassin’s ass before he murders my long-lost sister that I’ve never met,” I said. I nodded, then stood up and looked around at my family and best friends. “Okay, gang. We’ve traveled to another dimension and killed a dragon. Now let’s go save the faerie princess so we can go home.” I turned and walked toward the pile of my weapons laying on the ground by one of the wagons.

  Amy walked up next to me and started gearing up herself. “Gonna put our lives on the line against impossible odds.”

  Joe stepped up beside her. “Heading off into unspeakable danger to save someone we’ve never laid eyes on.”

  Skeeter leaned against the wagon and grinned at me. “Gonna kick a lot of ass and look good doing it.”

  I gave Skeeter a fist-bump and said, “Horrible danger? Terrible odds? Shitty rewards? Let’s do this.”

  The End…for now

  Part IV

  Shades of Grey

  1

  The transition from the lands of Winter to the Summerlands had been subtle, a general warming and greening of the surroundings that I really didn’t notice until Mama said something. Moving from Summer into the Lands Without Season was totally different. We rode up to a sharp line in the earth, a slash of demarcation where the color drained out of everything around us, dimming even the sun in a matter of seconds.

  “This is as far as I can go, Robbie,” Mama said from her horse beside me.

  I reined in Buttercup, the cart horse they assigned to me, and turned to her. “What are you talking about? We’ve got to go in there after Puck and get Nitalia back.”

  “No, you have to get her, Robbie. You and your friends. I can’t go into the Shadowlands. Puck is native to the Shadow, and his hold on the land is too strong. He would know it was me the second I set foot in his domain, and he would turn all his magic against us. And I would not be strong enough to stand against him. I am a creature of the Courts. I can move between Winter and Summer at will, but I cannot set foot in the Lands Without Season. The conflict between my magic and Puck’s is too strong. It would kill me, and quickly.”

  “Then doesn’t that mean it killed Nitalia just as fast?” Amy asked.

  Oberon rode forward and answered. “No. Ygraine’s daughter is less tied to the Courts than she is, not having lived among the royal houses. Her ties to us are weaker, and that benefits her now. She can survive in the Shadowlands longer thanks to that, and Puck may also be using his own magics to keep her alive.”

  “Because live bait is better than dead bait,” I muttered.

  “Exactly,” Oberon agreed. “Your mother wished to accompany you this far, to see if her assumptions about the Shadowlands held true. Unfortunately, she was correct, and we must return to Tisa’ron.”

  “Well, I reckon we’ll miss you, Obie,” Skeeter said, before muttering “not” under his breath. Neither of my grandparents had done anything to ingratiate themselves to my friends on this trip, although at least Oberon hadn’t gone out of his way to try and murder us.

  “Can we talk, Robbie?” Mama asked me, slipping down off her horse.

  I managed to get down off Buttercup without falling on my ass, which was a marked improvement over most of the times I tried to get off a horse, and I followed her to a stump a little ways off from where my friends waited. She sat down and looked up me, smiling.

  “Sit down, Robbie. Sit with me, like you used to when you were little.”

  “I think you mean young, Mama. I’m pretty sure I was never little,” I corrected, but I grinned when I did it. I sat down on the ground in front of her. “What’s up?”

  “I need to tell you some things before you go into Shadow looking for Puck and Nitalia. I cannot go with you, but I won’t send you in there blind either.”

  “I’ve dealt with Puck before, Mama,” I reminded her. “I’ll be fine.”

  “You’ve dealt with him in his guise as Robin Goodfellow, the trickster. He may have threatened or intimidated, but he didn’t try to actually harm you or those children he stole. That was Puck on his best behavior. This is something entirely different. This is Puck the Shadowborn, the murderer for hire, the killer for sport, the deadliest faerie in the history of this land. He was dangerous before this happened, but now he is likely completely mad and perhaps the most lethal foe you have ever faced, including the dragon Xythigax the Terrible.”

  I thought back to the first time I dealt with the legendary faerie trickster. He was fast, strong as hell, and teleported around like a really irritating X-Man, but I managed to bloody his nose and take him down that way. Judging from the look in Mama’s eyes, I wasn’t likely to get close enough to lay a finger on him this time. “What’s changed? I mean, I know his wife died, so he’s kinda unhinged by that, but why did that turn him so psycho?”

  “It’s not that the Princess Alethea died, it’s how she died. The wasting from magical poisoning is horrifically painful and excruciating not only to endure, but to watch. She must have lived in agony her last few weeks, maybe even months, and Puck could do nothing to help her.”

  “Couldn’t he just send her home?” I asked. That was the one thing that had bugged me about this whole deal ever since Mama explained it.

  “She would not be allowed to return. She was a servant of Summer, and Titania released her to Puck as a result of a lost wager. A wager lost by Oberon, her consort.” Mama laid emphasis on that last bit, and I sat there, letting the damp grass soak into my butt while I turned it all over in my head. Faerie politics are harder to follow than the conga line at a sorority party.

  “I think I get it,” I said. “Titania was being a bitch because her hubby screwed up and lost a bet, so she had to give away one of her subjects. Since Titania’s batshit crazy, and kind of evil on top of it, she thinks of her subjects as her possessions, more like toys than people. She didn’t like getting her Barbie doll taken away, so she wouldn’t let Alethea come back to Summer to get well, and she wouldn’t cut the bonds to Summer so she wouldn’t wither.”

  “Exactly. And Mab would not intervene, as Alethea was one of Titania’s rightful subjects,” Mama added.

  “Well, I reckon there was probably more layers to it than that,” I countered. “Mab also thought that since this was a bet Oberon lost, she could either save her ex’s bacon by bonding the Princess to Winter, then releasing her to be free, or more likely she could just let the girl die to keep Oberon looking like an asshole to his new wife.” Maybe faerie politics weren’t all that different from human junior high love affairs after all.

  “That also played a part in the situation,” Mama agreed.

  “So, Puck watched the love of his life die a horrible death that could have been prevented if either of the rulers of Fairyland had pulled their heads out of their asses long enough to take a look around.” The more I dissected the situation, the more Puck looked like the victim. Right up until the point where he kidnapped my half-sister and decided to let her die that same death to make Mab and Oberon feel bad for letting their grandkid die. I think everybody knew Titania would not give one single gold-plated shit about Nit
alia dying, other than to be pissed off that Puck killed another child of Summer.

  Mama cast her eyes aside. “The politics of Faerie have always been…complicated.”

  “Nah,” I said. “I went to public school. I’ve seen bullies before. Your parents are assholes. Your stepmom is an even bigger asshole. Puck was justified in being pissed, but when he kidnaped Nitalia, he moved right into asshole territory, too. So now I gotta find him and do what I do to assholes. And that metaphor just went right off the rails into Awkward-Town, didn’t it?”

  Mama laughed, and her warm cascade of mirth sounded out of place this close to the grim border of Shadow. “It did, but I take your meaning. You mean to go into Shadow and deal with the Puck and bring your sister back safely.”

  “That’s the whole quest, right? That’s why I’m carrying this ring around, why they killed Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen, why Aslan brought us all into Narnia? Yeah, I’m gonna finish the quest, ruin Puck’s day, and get all Jean Valjean up in this bitch and bring her home.”

  “Showtunes, Robbie?” Mama asked with a light smile.

  “Hey, I’m multi-dimensional. Plus, Amy likes musicals, and my best friend is gay. I’m not what they call ‘family,’ but I’m damn sure an in-law.” I smiled back at her, then reached up to pat her on the knee. I stood up and rolled my shoulders, then checked my guns. It was getting close to time to cross into the Lands Without Season, and I was getting antsy with all the talky stuff. “I’ll get her back, Mama. You just go chill with Grandpa Obie, and we’ll take care of it.”

  “You love pushing his buttons, don’t you?” she said with a smile.

  “Well, he was kind of an absent grandfather for a long time, so he deserves an extra helping of Bubba now that we’ve met, right?” I grinned down at her, then folded her in a giant hug.

  She reached up, her slender arms wrapping around my waist. Well, partway around my waist, if we’re being honest. “Be careful, Robbie. I want both my children to come back to me.”

 

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