by Lila Felix
“Ugh, he’s so cute! Soooo not my usual type. You know me, I usually go for the bad boys, but this guy is clean cut and he was wearing a button down shirt for the love of God. But he was super nice and he was teaching his little brother to skate!”
“That’s great Am. I’m happy for you. When are you going out?”
“Friday night. He’s taking me to a party. I don’t know where.”
“Cool. Ok, I gotta go get a shower and get into bed.”
Amber’s phone rang and she picked it up without even saying a word to me. That girl was long gone already.
I finished eating and cleaned up the kitchen. Amber had gone into her room with her phone attached.
And for the second time today I thought about Cassandra and Corey as I readied myself for bed. Cassandra was even more perfect than I had been. And Corey, he always made sure that everything ‘looked’ right. We didn’t kiss or hold hands in public. We didn’t even sit by each other at lunch. He said just because we were together didn’t mean we had to flaunt it. But as soon as he broke it off with me for being ‘too nice’ he and Cassandra were all over each other. They practically made out in front of everyone. And the funny thing was, I hated who I was. I hated who I was around them. And they didn’t want me?
That reminds me. Soon I’m going hot pink on my hair. Yeah, like neon pink.
Two mornings later Amber and I went to class together. It was math and I sucked at it and so did she. We tried to help each other but it was like the blind leading the lame. And I was the lame part.
We got breakfast after math in the Union. While I was paying for mine, I heard a squeal. Amber was hugging some guy who I assumed was Dylan in the middle of the cafeteria. I groaned. I loved the girl, but she went through guys like most people go through bars of soap.
I walked over and smiled at her. I was happy for her, I was. I usually ran guys off with my weird hair and tattoos, not to mention guys just didn’t like me. She quickly introduced me to Dylan who was very polite and a little overly charming. But I was suspicious of every guy.
I ate while Amber and Dylan went on and on about the party they were going to Friday night. They invited me, but I passed. We had a bout the next day and I didn’t want to be tired. That’s the excuse I used. I actually didn’t enjoy being around a bunch of drunk guys. Imagine that.
I got through eating and they barely noticed that I had left. When Amber was in love, and it happened often, she was all in. And I was mostly forgotten.
I walked to American Lit. I was always late, but I hated to get there early and pick a seat. It gave me the creeps. So I just got there a little late and picked whatever seat was left. I walked in and the only seat left was three rows up and on the right side. I sat and prepared to make myself listen to the professor. He had some interesting things to say about Steinbeck, but you had to make yourself stay awake to catch them.
He stopped talking to go into the hall for some water. Everyone started talking as soon as he left the classroom. I reached into my bag to get some gum and when my eyes drifted back I saw that the guy in the aisle next to mine was looking at me. I silently offered him some gum and he put his hands out to catch it. I chucked it at him and he caught it effortlessly. He smiled at me and it was just breathtaking. Then I remembered that he was the guy I saw sitting at the table the other day at the library.
I popped the gum into my mouth and as soon as I did the fire alarm sounded. There was one right above my head and everyone scrambled to get out of the building. People were standing around outside of the building gawking up expecting flames or smoke. I didn’t see anything and assuming that the class was over, I headed over to the bookstore early.
6. Owen
If I didn’t know better, I would say that the universe was goading me on purpose. Giving me that little gum moment with her and then ringing the damned fire alarm. And by the way, what the hell was I thinking? I was looking at her and then all the sudden my body acted without my permission and I was bumming gum off of her. Lame ass.
I wanted to know her name. I wanted to know why her hair was that color. I wanted to know what she did to get her legs to look mean as hell. I wanted to hear her voice just once. I wanted to know everything and anything about her all at the same time and then bask in the glory of it. At this point, I would take anything for another moment with her.
I went to meet up with Dylan for lunch. He was scoping out girls as usual. He was such a sleaze. Even when he was dating someone he was on the prowl. Me? I couldn’t get a date to save my life. Some girls liked me until they saw my tattoos and piercings and the ones who liked my tattoos and piercings usually were a little on the crazy side. At least the ones I met.
We ate and I listened to him go on and on about Amber. And he had met Amber’s friend this morning and Amber’s friend had ocean blue hair and….
“What did you say?” I asked throwing my fork down on the plate.
“What part?” He looked like he had no clue.
“You said the girl had blue hair—Amber’s friend. Spill it.”
“What? Her name is Nellie and she has blue hair. It’s kinda freaky if you ask me. I mean I know they do that roller derby thing or whatever. But blue hair, really?”
“Nellie. Nellie. Nellie.” Just whispering her name made me feel like I knew something about her.
“Yeah. That’s her name. What the hell man? Do you know her?”
“I wish. That girl is in my American Lit. class and I’ve been trying to talk to her.”
“Well that’s easy man. I’ve got tickets to their next game or match or whatever they call it. It’s Saturday night at six at the skating rink.”
“Well I’m in. You find out anything else about her?”
“No, I know they live together. Other than that, nothin’”
“I will be there Saturday.”
“YES! Finally you’ve got the hots for a girl other than Amy.”
“Ugh…don’t remind me.”
“I told you that guy Lucas was trouble. But for a while there y’all were tighter than me and you.”
“You were right. That whole thing sucked.”
7. Nellie
“Really Hellie? This is like really bad exercise video leotard pink. This is ‘I got spanked by Ms. America’ pink. This is…”
“Ok, ok, ok, I get it. It’s hot pink. I like it.”
“I guess so. It’s already in your hair. I’m sure it will turn out well.”
“We have practice tonight so I have to get it washed and dried. We need to practice hard. That team we’re up against Saturday looks fierce.”
“I know, I know. I’m gonna call Dylan. Come get me when you’re getting ready to go and we’ll ride together.”
“Yeah.”
I sat in the bathroom until the timer went off on my phone and then washed the pink down the drain. Wow, it was really pink. I rinsed and rinsed until I saw no more pink and then conditioned it well and let that sit for ten minutes. My poor hair, I put it through hell.
I dried my hair and then got dressed for practice. Lycra pants underneath shorts and a team t shirt. I made sure my bag had my first aid kit and all of my skates and paraphernalia. I split my hair down the middle and made two braids on each side of my head. I brought my bag and my shoes out to the living room and knocked on Amber’s door to let her know I was about to leave.
She came out with her bag as I grabbed us some bottled water and oranges. She talked on the phone from the time she left me dyeing my hair until I took it from her while we were warming up and hung it up. She was pissed, I knew she would be. But she needed to get over it. Practice was practice and I was the team captain here. And on the rink she was no different than any other team member.
We started off practice with a round of twenty down. After we finished that we did some practice falls and some of the poor newbies, or fresh meat as we called them, looked like they were about to die. And we were only half way through. After practice was finished we were al
l whipped. Amber was still pissed when we got into the car and as soon as practice was over had gotten back on the phone. Now I was pissed.
Thursday and Friday went by and I didn’t even see Amber on either day. I saw her as she came out of her room on Friday night, dressed to kill. She sat with me at the table where I was studying and I put my pen down to look at her.
“I’m sorry, ok? I was pissed that you took my phone away at practice but I understand. I mean I’ve taken phones away from fresh meat before. It won’t happen again.”
“Ok, good. You look great by the way.” I gave her a tight lipped smile.
“Thanks. You should come with us. I hear Dylan’s friend is coming.”
“I need to study. But have a good time, ok?”
“Yeah, ok.”
There was a knock at the door and she answered it and left without even saying goodbye. But that was typical for Amber. When she was dating a guy, I was a second class citizen.
I closed up my books, aggravated and hurt. I decided that I just wanted to take a long hot bath and relax. After running an insane amount of hot water and putting in some coconut bubble bath I slid in and tried to think of something good. Something to make me forget all the negative personalities in my life. I smiled suddenly as I finally found something worth smiling at. And he had black hair and the greatest smile I had ever seen. I wondered, if it wasn’t for that alarm, if he would’ve talked to me. I laid in the tub and let the scenarios wander through my head.
8. Owen
This was the last time. And I knew that I said that the time before but this time I meant it. This is just absurd. I leaned back in the corner of the frat house with my arms folded watching the scene in front of me. It was simply mind numbing. The girls and guys who would normally act studious and intelligent were now bumping and grinding all while keeping their red plastic cup perfectly balanced, even while they sipped as they danced. Girls were wearing next to nothing and guys stood to the side making bets and bumping fists in conversations about who would screw which one next. Most people would find this everyday activity for people my age but I had been there and all it brought me was headaches and near death experiences.
A girl wearing a plaid schoolgirl skirt and a white shirt tied under her chest sauntered towards me trying to be seductive and failing completely. She was hot, no doubt, but a drunken schoolgirl trying too hard was not my thing.
“Hey, something is not wrong here.” Oh Lord, she was talking stupid already.
“Oh yeah? What’s that?” I asked as I caught her arm so she didn’t hurt herself. The poor girl was still trying to dance provocatively and all it accomplished was almost making her bust her ass.
“You’re not dance drinking dancing.” She slurred at me.
“Nope but that girl over there is talking to you.” I faked hearing something and then pointed to a random girl.
She walked over to the other girl and they started giggling like what I said was true. That was easy.
People were starting to file out and I heard from a loud guy that the keg had run dry. I looked around for Dylan and Amber but I didn’t see them. I sat on the stairs and waited. I was not going up there looking for them. My phone started ringing. The caller id said ‘Dylan’ so I answered it.
“Hey…we are hot bubble tub.” The drunken sentences were grating on my last nerve.
“I’m on my way.” Please don’t let them be naked. Please don’t let them be naked. I’m never doing this again. Never.
I went through the back door and thankfully they were fully dressed and only had their feet in the hot tub. After some convincing, they finally agreed to let me bring them home. I dropped Amber first and Dylan insisted on walking her up to her apartment. I rolled my eyes and told him to hurry up.
9. Nellie
I woke up to giggles and shushed voices and bodies that bumped into furniture. It was Amber dragging her drunk self in. I went into the living room and helped an even drunker date get her inside and then convinced him to leave, making sure he had a driver first. I helped Amber change and get into bed. She was a lot drunker than she usually was and would pay in the morning. She went on and on in a drunken stupor about being in love with Dylan and it reminded me that I had no one.
After I got back into bed I did something that I hadn’t allowed myself to do in a long while. I cried. As much as I pretended things didn’t get to me, they did. Corey and Cassandra, even though it all went down over two years ago, still stung. She was my best friend. Even after the breakup I felt relieved that it was all over but it still hurt. And then to hear all of the things that were being said behind my back was vicious. Apparently it all came down to the simple point of me not putting out. They had only been together three months before she got pregnant the first time. They got married immediately and were now expecting their third.
I tried to fit in after that but I couldn’t stand the looks of pity. I couldn’t stand how people would touch my shoulder and ask if I was ok. Once, an older lady, who I didn’t even know, hugged my shoulders and said, “There’s still plenty of time Nellie.” Of course there’s plenty of time. I was only eighteen for goodness sakes.
But now lying here with my hot pink hair and tattoos and odd placed piercings, I didn’t know. I was even so desperate that I had been dreaming about the guy in Lit. class smiling at me when all he wanted was my gum. Ugh—I’m such a loser.
The next morning I woke up and went out to breakfast knowing that the smell of food would make Amber sick. I sat in the very corner booth and ordered the biggest stack of French toast they made. I propped my feet up on the booth on the other side of the table and ate happily all by myself. People came in and out and the bell above the door let everyone know when it happened. And it was that very bell which alerted me to his presence. The air changed from a breathable mist to a substance that could be felt on the tips of each hair on my head. The temperature rose from a comfortable warmth to a heat that was inescapable. The atmosphere itself shifted and confounded my senses.
The funny thing was, he didn’t even see me. He walked right in and sat at the first booth to his right with his back to me. I was glad my meal was almost finished because my appetite had been replaced by a whole new kind of hunger. A hunger to get my fill of the view of the muscles in his back as he reached for his glass of water and as he perused the menu. I leaned my jaw on the upturned palm of my hand and settled in for the show of a lifetime. I gawked at the hard line of his jaw as he ordered what I would later find out was enough food for a body builder. He smiled at the waitress and if she hadn’t been an older lady I instinctively knew I would’ve had the gumption to clock her just for being smiled at by him.
Suddenly my purse buzzed with the vibration of my phone and the coffee cup and silverware clanked on the table as my knees slammed into the undercarriage of the table. I looked at the phone and the text message said “Help me, I’m dying. Where r u?”
It was Amber and her alcohol was coming to get her again.
I paid my ticket and got up to leave. I, as humiliating as it was to admit, made a ton of noise trying to get him to turn around. I finally got a snicker and a head shake from the waitress but no budge out of him. Yeah, that waitress knew what I was up to.
I passed behind him and had to talk my elbow out of accidentally slamming him in the back of the neck at one last pitiful attempt at getting his attention. Even my damned elbow had it bad for this guy. I didn’t even know his name. But something in my gut told me that I needed to.
10. Owen
I stopped everything when I smelled coconut. Chewing ceased, swallowing halted, time stood still. I didn’t know why I suddenly smelled coconut. But I closed my eyes and reveled in the scent. I heard the bell above me signal that someone had either left or entered but I didn’t pay attention to it. Until out of the window I saw her. I saw her profile first but now her hair was pink, really pink. I got out of the booth and almost made it to the door before I realized I was running out on my chec
k. I slammed a twenty dollar bill on the table and ran out after her. But again, I was too little too late. I saw her in a Honda Civic pulling out of the parking lot.
“Well I’ll be damned.”
For a split second I considered jumping in my Bronco and chasing her. I already knew where she lived, at least which apartment complex, from bringing Amber home last night. What the hell was I thinking? I was going to see her tonight anyway.
I got in my Bronco and headed to the gym. I was wound tighter than a spring and tired as all hell. I would wait until later before I went home and tried to sleep while Dylan was gone.
I pulled out of the parking lot, hit the gym and then went back to the dorms to shower. Dylan was gone and I had a little peace. I pulled on a pair of shorts and got into my single standard dorm bed. I thought about meeting Nellie tonight. But I didn’t feel nervous at all. It was as if I had been waiting to meet her. Like everything in my life was leading me to her.
I set the alarm and fell asleep in no time.
“If you touch my shoulder one more time, I’m going to kick your ass into next week.”
My eyes were still closed and I hadn’t moved from my sleeping position, but I knew exactly who was shoving me, trying to get me to wake up.
“I’d like to see you try.” He laughed.
“Ugh—what time is it?”
“You’ve got about an hour until the game or whatever they call it.”
“Ok, I’m up.”
I got out of bed and opened my dresser. I tore out some ripped jeans and white v-neck t shirt. Certainly my tattoos wouldn’t be frowned at amongst roller derby girls, right? I didn’t really know. But I had a gut feeling that someone with pink hair wouldn’t judge me by my ink, especially since she had some ink of her own.
I went to brush my teeth and get ready to go. It didn’t take me long and I paced the floors waiting for Dylan to get in gear. I was anxious as all hell.