Love and Skate

by Lila Felix

  Falcon saw me first. He walked up next to me, grabbed an apron and a tray and pushed me in the shoulder so hard that I nearly toppled over.

  I looked back and the ends of purple hair went through the back kitchen door and it closed quietly behind her.

  Another nail in the bastard’s coffin.

  41. Nellie

  My dress hung on the door frame which partitioned my room from the kitchen. I couldn’t make myself return it. I should’ve returned it. I was going to the restaurant later to return the ring only because it was a Black family heirloom and if Owen and I weren’t together then I had no business keeping it.

  So my wedding dress was the only thing I would have left. I ran my hand down the ruffles and lace. It was a vintage dress that I’d found in an obscure dress shop. I would’ve loved to see Owen’s face as I walked towards him in this dress.

  My parents had said they already had plans when they received the wedding invitation in the mail. It didn’t surprise me and to be honest, I was relieved.

  I passed by the Biology Department office the day before and saw the internship choice posted on the bulletin board. Owen Black was listed as the chosen student and I reached up to trace his name with my fingers as a silent congratulations. He worked his butt off for that internship and now he didn’t have to worry about leaving a wife behind. I couldn’t be prouder of him.

  Everyone expected me to be angry. They expected me to scream and throw things and paint ‘Douchebag’ on his car with pink paint. But I didn’t scream, instead I buried my face in his pillow that stayed on his side of the bed and cried until I passed out every night. I didn’t throw things. But every morning like a person on the edge of sanity I took out all of his clothes from the bottom drawer, inhaled the cedar scent and refolded each one, a reaffirmation that at one time he was here and he loved me. I dialed his number nine times a day but never pressed ‘send’. I painted ‘Hellie Black’ on the bottom of my skates with pink nail polish where no one would see.

  I loved him and no matter how much it hurt I always would.

  Cindi officially put the bookstore into my name. I kept the name Cindi’s Indie, just because I loved it. I started full time on Sunday, the same day Owen and I were supposed to go on a cruise to Cozumel.

  I went to the restaurant to meet Chase and return the ring. He said I didn’t have to and that I should just keep it. But one day Owen might—well, he might need it. I turned the ring and just my luck, the damned thing was stuck on my finger. I finally pried it off, put it back in the box and that’s when I saw Falcon break from our huddle in the kitchen. Then I saw Owen.

  He looked awful. He was thinner. His shirt was loose. There were dark circles under his eyes. He had dark circles under his eyes when I met him but after spending most nights at my apartment and sleeping well, they had gone away. He turned his attention to Falcon who was more disappointed than angry with his older brother though it all looked like anger to an outsider. I took my opportunity and slipped out of the back kitchen door.

  I drove straight to the skating rink and skated with the crowds of teenagers to the sound of cheesy love songs until there was no one left and I had no energy left to cry.

  ~~~

  Sunday morning I opened up my shop at nine o’clock sharp. It was easy to open up that early when you lived just upstairs. That was a surprise that I was supposed to share with Owen last Sunday. Instead of moving into my apartment, we were going to have an apartment of our own. Along with the bookstore, ownership came with the apartment upstairs from it. I could never thank Cindi enough and she finally relented to letting me pay her seventeen percent of the profits from the store. I started haggling at twenty five percent and she talked me all the way down to seventeen percent. It was an odd number but she said she liked things odd.

  But I would never get to share that secret with him.

  42. Owen

  I moved back home for the two weeks between the end of school and the start of my internship. Dad and I went and got the needed gear from Dr. Callahan’s list and some extra things for my trip. He had that look on his face the whole time like he was disappointed and peeved all at the same time.

  “Just spit it out already, Dad. I can’t take it.” I wanted to clear the air before I left tomorrow.

  “What do you want me to say, Son,” he asked.

  “I want you to say something. Tell me I’m a jackass. Tell me I screwed up again. Tell me I didn’t deserve her in the first place. Tell me I’ll never find another girl like her—ever. Say f—freakin’ something”

  “You did mess up, Owen. But you know that. What I can’t get through my head is how you can just give up. You haven’t tried to go see her. You haven’t called her. Nothing. You have always deserved a love like she can give you. But I don’t recognize the man beside me who won’t even try. Don’t you get it? She’s not the one who stopped loving you. You’re the one who didn’t trust in what she gave you. Think about it while you’re gone.”

  “What if she’s moved on by then? What if she won’t take me back?”

  “If you think that for one second, then you never really knew her at all.” He shrugged.

  When I got upstairs Mom had already packed and I added the stuff that Dad and I had bought earlier.

  “Mom, you didn’t have to pack for me but thanks.” She nodded and never looked up from zipping my duffle bag.

  “What’s wrong Mom,” I asked.

  “Two and a half months is a long time.” She said and sat on my bed.

  “I know. I’m going to try to call when we go in for supplies.” I hugged her shoulders and she leaned her head down into my chest.

  “OK. If you can.” She whispered.

  I drove out to Grand Isle the next morning early after saying my ‘goodbyes’ and prying myself from Mom. Falcon came downstairs and waved. But that was more interaction that we’d had since Nellie and I broke up. Dad told me that Falcon was upset with me for sabotaging myself. He said I’d had it all and ruined it. Apparently it also had to do a little with Kate breaking up with him for another guy.

  I got to the dock and started unloading my gear. Dr. Callahan was there already on the coolest boat I’d ever seen. I went aboard and the work started immediately. I checked gauges and inventoried the tools and computers and lab equipment. I kept busy after everything was done cleaning Dr. Callahan started the boat and the dock grew smaller and smaller behind us.

  Dr. Callahan, or Drew as he wanted me to call him, told me to try to get some sleep. That night we were going to be doing some night research. The man didn’t waste any time. I went down into the belly of the beast and got as comfortable as I could on a five foot long hammock which hung from the rafters and tried to sleep.

  I should’ve at least told her goodbye.

  43. Nellie

  Sylvia called me as soon as he left and we cried together over the phone. Later she came to the bookstore and we went to lunch. She told me about the conversation Chase and Owen had before he left and it gave me some hope. We talked on the phone almost every day. I stopped myself millions of times from going to him and throwing myself at him before he left. I don’t think my heart had any pride at all.

  Amber and Dylan had decided to see other people and it broke Amber’s heart but she tried to keep a ‘tough girl’ persona around him. She quit working at the skating rink and now worked at the bookstore with me. She had a new roommate, Huxley, and her name reminded us of those creepy Teddy Ruxpin dolls.

  I sometimes made it through an hour or even a stretch of hours between consciously thinking about Owen. But if I were honest with myself he leeched onto every thought that ran through my head. Amber laughed at me when I zoned out. What would happen when he came back I didn’t know. Maybe he would change his mind. Maybe he wouldn’t want me anymore. Maybe he would be happy at the way it all went down.

  Halfway through the summer the bookstore was doing so well that I decided to take the next semester off of school. I was going to go bac
k in January but I wanted to take the rest of the year to really solidify the bookstore’s online store.

  ~~~

  Owen was scheduled to come back home in three days. I’ve never been so nervous. Amber threatened to spike my coffee with Xanax if I didn’t shut up about it.

  “Just shut up Hellie. He’s going to come back and be all Crocodile Dundee looking and tell you he couldn’t quit thinking about you while he was on the boat and he’s a big oaf of an idiot and he wants you back. The end. Happily Ever After. So shut it already.”

  “How did you come up with Crocodile Dundee,” I asked.

  “You know he’s studying crocodiles and stuff. That’s how.”

  “It’s alligators Am, alligators.”

  She gave me the death stare. “What—Ever.”

  We ate for a few minutes before she started up again.

  “And nice touch with the blue hair again. He’s going to remember when he fell in love with Smurfette.”

  “Shut up Amber.”

  44. Owen

  By the time the summer was over and Drew and I made our way back to the dock he was sick of me. Even though it was a working internship we both talked about our families. He talked about his wife and I talked about Nellie. I talked about her a lot. I talked about her so much one day that Drew pushed me off of the moving boat.

  I learned so much about marine research that summer. We tagged animals and took blood and tissue samples. And I spent more time in the water than I ever had in my life. For once in my life I was excited to get back to school and complete my degree. Drew said when I finished with school that there was a possibility that I could be his research partner.

  I needed to figure out a plan to get Nellie back. We belonged together and I was determined to do whatever I needed to prove that to her.

  I thought about her almost every minute. I replayed the short span of our relationship over and over. I pinpointed where our flowers and happiness path turned hopeless and met its end. I also realized how I had ruined it. It wasn’t that we didn’t love each other, it wasn’t a trust issue—it was internal. My self loathing attitude had ruined us. My constant comparison of our relationship to my relationship with Amy took precedence over a lifetime with Nellie. I was ashamed of allowing those things to occur.

  I stepped off of the boat and onto the dock a few hours later. After helping Drew unload all of the equipment and helping him clean the boat, I got into my Bronco and headed home and towards Nellie.

  45. Nellie

  While I was out at a local book festival I received a text. I didn’t look at it for a long time because I knew exactly what it said but looking at it made it real. Looking at that text was going to set things in motion.

  During the last twenty four hours I had decided that even if I wasn’t in the wrong, even if it wasn’t me who took what we had for granted, even if I had to beg, I wanted him back and I wasn’t going to let my pride get in my way. I took a breath and slid my finger across the screen to look at the message.

  Sylvia: He just walked in the door. He’s got a beard.

  I wanted to give him a few days to get settled before I called him or went over to the house. I didn’t have a specific plan other than to take a chance and hope he wanted me back as well.

  I left the book festival with some really good books and most of them were signed. I went back into the bookstore through the back door and walked into the office. I piled up all of the books on the counter. It paid to be a bookstore owner. I would be putting all of these in my personal collection.

  I turned to go to my desk and check my e-mail, distracting myself from running over to the Black house.

  “I always did like the blue.” I froze in place and I closed my eyes at the sound of that deep, haunting voice.

  “Amber said you’d remember when you first saw me with the blue.” I barely croaked out.

  “I never forgot.” He said.

  I finally opened my eyes and stood in awe of the difference one summer could make.

  He had a baseball hat on and out of the back, I could see that his hair had grown a lot. He had a full beard and even though I always thought I hated beards, it suited him.

  “You look different.” I said.

  He scratched at his beard, “Yeah, I just got in this morning. I couldn’t think about anything other than getting to you.” He shrugged a little like it was no big deal.

  “Why is that?” I asked. My heart knew already, but my brain needed to hear the speech.

  “Can I sit?” He said.

  “Yeah, sit.” He took one of the chairs in front of my desk and I took the other one.

  “You always looked better in person. My brain can never get you quite right.”

  He reached out and ran a finger down my jawline and I had to remind myself to breathe.

  “I’m not a big fan of things ‘happening for a reason’ and all of that. But in this case, I think it did.”

  Oh God, he’s moved on. He doesn’t want me.

  “I hate the way it happened but at the same time it gave me the time I needed to straighten myself out. Remember what you said about people needing time apart to straighten themselves out?”

  I nodded.

  “That’s what I needed. I needed time to put the past behind me. I needed to be alone to realize who I was and as stupid as it sounds, I needed time to forgive myself.”

  This is it. We’re done.

  “I also missed you every single second. The water reminded me of you. The boat reminded me of you. Every piece of clothing reminded me of a time when I was with you. And when I went to the church…”

  “Wait, when did you go to the church?” I leaned towards him in my chair.

  “I went at the exact time we were supposed to be married. So there was this man there and he told me that the great thing about mistakes was that if I was smart, I wouldn’t repeat the same mistake twice.”

  Tears blurred my vision of him and I had to blink to let them out just so I could see him clearly.

  “So, I’m here—wanting to start over or move forward. I promise that I will never ever make the same mistakes I did before. I will never compare you to my past again and I will never distrust the love I have for you and that you have or had for me.”

  “Have.” I said.

  “Have?” He questioned.

  “Yes, have. It took this fight and separation to make you come back to me. I never stopped loving you or waiting for you to come back. It was worth it.”

  He took a deep breath and I saw tears in his eyes for the first time in my life.

  “I thought I would have to explain for hours to convince you. I thought it would take weeks or months of pleading.” His hands reached out for me and then twitched and pulled back.

  “Stop second guessing. Stop hesitating. I love you; that had never changed. Do I have to beg?

  He slumped to his knees in front of me and laid his head in my lap as if the whole thing had broken him. But sometimes things must be broken and put back together again.

  I pulled off his ball cap and I ran my fingers through his longer hair.

  “Did you remember the ring this time?” I joked.

  “No, but Falcon reminded me in the driveway.” He laughed.

  He pulled it out and before he put it on my finger, he proposed—again.

  “The first time I proposed we were in your bed, the second time in front of my family and this time, it’s just me and you again. I hurt you once, broke your heart. I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to fix it. Will you marry me, take a chance on me again?”

  46. Owen

  There was no one in the church except those who mattered to us. My parents, Amber, Dylan and Nellie’s roller derby team. Her parents had opted out of the first wedding and not to our surprise, made excuses for this one too.

  Turns out, the man who changed the way I thought was the retired pastor of the church and he showed up as well.

  My dad walked Nellie down the aisle. She
had brown hair, just like the pictures her mom threw up on the walls when she thought Nellie was visiting. She wore the dress that she never brought herself to return. She held the silver roses that she always wanted. In all my life I had never seen her so incredibly beautiful as she was that day.

  We listened and recited the vows and she cried through most of hers. And as she said ‘I do’ everything else was washed away. And as I took her lips for the first time as my wife there was nothing but her and us on my mind.

  47. Nellie

  Instead of our planned honeymoon we opted to go back on the water in his parents’ houseboat for our honeymoon.

  Owen’s smiles reached his eyes now. His laughter deep and sincere. He seemed free and I hadn’t seen him that way since we were at his parents’ cabin. We were both quiet on the way down to Grand Isle because we both had the same thing on our minds.

  I waited again on the dock while he unpacked everything. When he was done he picked me up and carried me aboard. We sat together watching the sun set on the horizon of the lake.

  “Are you ready to go to bed Mrs. Black?” He whispered in my ear.

  “Yeah, I’ll be there in a minute.” I went to the bathroom and changed into what Amber helped me pick out for my wedding night. It was more like nothing than something but I guess that wouldn’t matter soon.

  He sat in the middle of the tall pile of blankets that we always slept on and I sat in front of him. With hands on either side of my waist he pulled me onto his lap and we sat there face to face in the dark.

  “I love you.” He said as he pushed my hair behind my shoulder.

  “And I love you.” He moved in to kiss me and I stopped him with my hands on his shoulders.