Unexpectedly, against her own volition, she burst into tears, began to sob, all of her pent-up emotions of the previous days coming to the fore…her frustration, anger, worry, and fear for his life converging, overwhelming her.
He brought her into his arms and soothed her, hating himself for what he had done, stupidly, unthinkingly. He was instantly filled with guilt and shame, and he was afraid…afraid of losing her, this wonderful, marvellous girl who had become his whole life. What a blasted fool he had been, letting Edward verbally abuse him, get to him. He should have just packed and left Toronto. Instead, he’d fallen off the wagon, as his mother called it, fallen into the role of victim once more, and he was appalled at himself.
M sobbed and sobbed as if her heart were breaking, and he didn’t know how to stop the tears or calm her down, and so he just held her tightly, trying to soothe her, promising her he would never let her down again, never hurt her in any way. And eventually there were no more tears to shed; she lay limp in his arms, still heaving. Eventually he lifted up her face, looked into her eyes, and told her with absolute sincerity, ‘I give you my word I’ll see the doctor tomorrow. I’ll go into rehab at once. I’ll be clean for the rest of my life. I’m so sorry I did this to you, M. Please believe that.’ He sighed deeply, went on, ‘I should have told you about the problems I had five years ago. By not telling you I was lying by omission. And we mustn’t do that to each other. There must only be truth between us.’
‘Yes,’ she agreed. ‘Only truth. And it’s all right, Larry, honestly. I do love you…with all my heart.’
TWENTY-FIVE
Her hands were wet and the crystal glass slipped out of them. She watched it as it dropped to the floor; it appeared to be falling in slow motion. Stupid, M thought, I’m stupid to handle delicate objects with wet hands.
She reached for the towel, and as she did the starched cuff of her white shirt caught on the edge of the two plates balanced on the counter. They slid off the marble top, crashed down, joining the fragments of glass on the floor. She stared at the mess surrounding her feet, shaking her head, silently remonstrating with herself for being so clumsy.
Her head was spinning and her eyes were narrow slits in her face, puffy from crying earlier, but she had been unable to hold the tears back any longer. Her emotions and feelings had been pressed down inside for days. Quite suddenly, a few hours ago, they had unexpectedly erupted like a volcano spewing out its lava.
M went and sat down at the kitchen table, wanting to calm herself. Her hands were shaking slightly, and she felt drained inside, as if everything had been sucked out of her. How unsettling the last few days had been…She leaned back, closed her eyes, drifting for a few moments with her myriad thoughts.
Shattered crystal, shattered china…and a shattered man sitting in the library. Yes, Larry was shattered at this moment but, unlike the china and crystal, he was repairable, absolutely repairable, thank God. She was now going to take charge, look after him, get him well, make sure he was never exposed to his brother again. Edward was a bastard—vengeful and spiteful and a menace to be around. Larry was vulnerable and insecure. The perfect target for a rotten bully. Whatever it took, whatever she had to do, she would keep them apart.
Things broke, she thought, people could be broken, life itself was an easily breakable possession, wasn’t it? But not Larry’s life. She would make sure he mended it, whatever it cost her.
Rousing herself, getting out of the chair, she swept up the debris. Once she found a clear plastic bag, she emptied the shards of china and glass into it, and added a piece of paper on which she had written ‘broken china’. After sealing the bag, she laid it on the floor to be put outside next to the rubbish bin on the service landing later.
After washing and drying her hands, M took another crystal goblet out of the cabinet, filled it with Gatorade, and left the kitchen, heading for the library.
Larry was immersed in the film script his agent had sent him several weeks ago, more taken with it than ever. But when he heard her step, he lifted his head, his face lighting up at the sight of her. His darling M, his fiancée: the woman who made his life complete. How he loved her.
‘I’m definitely going to do this film, darling. The more I keep re-reading it, the more I like it. Love it, in fact. And it could have been written for me,’ he told her, sounding excited. ‘So whilst you were busy chucking china around the kitchen, I phoned my agent and told her I was on for it. And, this will please you, I also called Dr Branden’s office and made an appointment to see him tomorrow afternoon.’
‘I’m glad you want to do the film, and genuinely relieved you’re going to see the doctor,’ M answered, handing him the glass. Then she explained, ‘Dr Branden said you have to drink two or three glasses of this a day. Where’s the film being made?’ She sat down on the sofa opposite him, settled back against the cushions.
‘That’s another good thing about this project. We’ll be shooting in Paris, Versailles and London.’ A grin surfaced, and he raised a brow. ‘How do you like them there apples?’
M smiled for the first time in days. ‘Thrilled. I was just having mental visions of being separated from you for months on end.’
‘Not on your life, my darling girl. You’re not going to get rid of me that quickly. By the way, we start shooting in Paris in March, finish in London two months later, and we’ll be doing post-production there as well—London, I mean.’ He drank the Gatorade, placed the glass on the end table.
‘It works perfectly, doesn’t it?’ she said.
Looking across at her, Larry smiled lovingly, and there was a hint of mischief in his blue eyes, as he added, ‘And I am quite aware that I will, in short order, have a wife to support, so it’s back to work for me. I’ve had enough time off, actually.’
M sat back on the sofa and gave him a long, careful look, her mind working rapidly. Now was the time to tell him the truth. She was dreading it. Finally, after taking a deep breath, she began to speak, with some trepidation. ‘Earlier this afternoon, you said that by not telling me about the problems you had with drugs five years ago, you lied to me by omission. I’m so sorry, Larry darling, but I’ve done the same thing to you, I’m afraid. I’ve lied to you.’
Sitting up straighter in the chair, he threw her a sharp look, his eyes focused on her alertly. ‘What exactly do you mean by that?’ His eyes remained on her face, his expression growing curious.
Having plunged into this, M knew she must be forthright and that she must get to the point at once. ‘I haven’t been honest with you, Larry. I’ve been hiding my true identity from you.’
‘Have you now?’ he said, a note of curiosity echoing in his voice. ‘I often thought there was something rather odd about you, and I also felt I knew you. I do, don’t I?’
She shook her head. ‘No, you don’t, not exactly. But you do know my brother.’
‘I do?’ He frowned, his puzzlement evident. ‘Who is he?’
She told him.
For a moment Larry seemed startled, then disbelieving, even nonplussed. Finally he nodded his head. ‘So I do know you then, don’t I?’
‘No, you don’t,’ she insisted. ‘We’ve never actually met.’
He sat staring at her, studying her. ‘You’re correct. I don’t think we have been in each other’s company. And I remember something now. I did see a picture of you once, when you were much younger. At your brother’s apartment, he was giving a cocktail party. I asked him who you were, and he said his baby sister, and I made some idiotic remark like “when she grows up she’ll be some babe”. Or words to that effect.’ Larry sat back, an amused smile flickering.
‘My real name is Emma, but my nickname has always been Em. I simply used the single letter M.’
‘Well, well, well, so that’s who you are. My goodness.’ He suddenly chuckled. ‘No wonder you want to keep our marriage a secret. I can well imagine how your mother would take over if she knew our plans. And in combination with my mother, that duo would
be formidable; we’d be done for before we started,’ he finished on a note of hilarity.
M laughed with him, happy and relieved that he had taken her news so well.
‘Listen, I’m curious about one thing…why the duplicity on your part? Why not use your real last name instead of Marsden?’
‘I didn’t want the baggage that comes with my family…I wanted to reinvent myself, be me, and not part of that whole scenario of…well, their success…their celebrity and all that stuff.’
‘I can understand that. I’ve had to cope with the same kind of thing in certain ways. But here’s another question: why did they allow it? I mean, let’s face it, a young woman of twenty-three alone in New York—weren’t they worried about you?’
‘I don’t think so, and if they were, they didn’t say anything. And I suppose because they know me inside out and upside down, they do trust me, trust my judgement, know I’ll make the right decisions. And they understood that I needed to reinvent myself, that I wanted to do it on my own terms, and they respected all those things.’
There was a little pause before M asked softly, ‘You’re not angry, are you? I mean because I didn’t tell you who I really was immediately.’
‘No, I’m not, and actually I don’t really care who your family is either. I’m marrying you, not them…But I’m glad about your brother, because I admire him tremendously: he’s a fabulous guy.’
Rising, Larry went to sit next to her on the sofa and took hold of her hand. ‘My hat’s off to you, my darling, for doing it on your own. Alone. It’s your success, and nobody else’s, and I know what that must mean to you. But I do have one final question.’
‘What is it?’
‘Were you ever going to tell me the truth, reveal your identity?’
‘Of course I was, silly! I would have had to tell you when we got to City Hall, because our marriage wouldn’t have been legal if I’d used a false name.’
Putting his arms around her, he drew her close, nuzzled her neck and whispered against her hair, ‘We’ve discussed a lot of things, you and I, but we’ve never talked about babies.’
‘Babies,’ she repeated, surprised, pulling back, staring up into his face.
‘Yes, babies. Our babies, the babies we’re going to have, our children. You do want babies, don’t you?’
‘Yes, and especially yours—but not yet. I’m just about to walk the walk, start my career as a model. Do you think we could wait on the babies for a couple of years?’
‘Certainly. But I think we ought to get a bit of practice in, perfect our skills in the meantime.’ He kissed her neck, and whispered, ‘Let’s go to bed, M, I’ve missed you so much, and I do need to practise and practise and practise…’
She smiled and asked, sotto voce, ‘Are you sure you’re up to it?’
‘Can’t you tell?’ he responded, gently pushing her down on the cushions, stretching out on top of her. He began to kiss her on the mouth as he opened the buttons of her shirt.
James Cardigan stood up as the maître d’ led Geo to his table at ‘21’, his favourite, placed in the centre of the long back wall and facing the entire room. Once she was seated next to him on the banquette, he kissed her cheek, murmured, ‘Hi, darling,’ and then asked, ‘Where’s M? Isn’t she coming?’
‘Good evening, James, and yes, she’s coming, but straight from Frankie’s studios. She had something to do there late this afternoon. I’m sure she’ll be here fairly soon.’
He nodded, reached for her hand, squeezed it and went on softly, ‘I’m so glad you like your ring.’
‘Oh, I do, I love it!’ she exclaimed, lifting her hand onto the table, staring at her engagement ring, an emerald with two diamonds on either side. Then she took hold of his hand again and leaned closer. ‘I’m so happy, James, I’ve never been happier in my life.’
‘And neither have I,’ he answered, meaning it. ‘What do you want to drink, Georgiana? A glass of champagne?’
‘I’d like that, thanks.’
After ordering two glasses of champagne from the waiter, James told her, ‘I spoke to my mother today, and confirmed that we would spend Christmas in England with her and Dad. Naturally she was thrilled. And I’m sure he is, too. Obviously, they can’t wait to meet you, their future daughter-in-law.’
Geo smiled at him, her eyes sparkling. She felt a rush of sudden warmth spreading through her, a lovely glow she hadn’t experienced in years. And it was all to do with James. There were moments when she couldn’t believe her luck…that they had fallen madly in love and wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. The timing had been just right for them both. Although she had vaguely known him for well over a year, it was only at Iris Ingersoll’s party for Dax that they had actually clicked. Luck indeed, she thought; my very good luck.
James said, ‘I spoke to Matt Branden this afternoon, and seemingly Larry is doing very well at Silver Hill, thank goodness. Has M said anything to you?’
‘The same…that he’s feeling better, and very much likes the psychiatrist who’s working with him. And that he is adamant about her not going to New Canaan to see him. Don’t you think that’s a bit strange, James?’
He shook his head. ‘Not at all, darling. If I were in his position I’d want to battle it through by myself. I’d want to concentrate on getting my head straight, without any feminine distractions.’
She laughed. ‘I’m glad you think of me as a feminine distraction…’
‘And a very beautiful and talented one, I might add.’
‘Thank you.’ She touched his arm. ‘There’s M. In the doorway.’
‘I see her.’ James pushed the table out and stood up. He greeted M warmly as she came to the table, ushered her onto the banquette next to Geo, taking the outside chair for himself.
‘Sorry to be late,’ M apologized, once they were all settled. ‘But I had this meeting with Luke and Kate Morrell, and I thought it would never end.’
‘No problem. What would you like to drink?’ James asked as he motioned to a waiter.
‘The same as you, a glass of champagne,’ M replied, and when she turned to Geo to greet her she noticed the emerald ring. ‘Oh, Geo, oh my God! You and James got engaged, didn’t you?’
Smiling, nodding, Geo said, ‘Yes, last night. James gave me the ring last night.’
‘Congratulations, Geo, and you too, James. Thank goodness I won’t have to kill her now.’
Geo was baffled for a moment, and looked from M to James, seated opposite her, a quizzical look on her face.
It was James who explained. ‘When I asked M if she thought you’d accept an old reprobate like me, she said that if you didn’t, she’d kill you.’
They all laughed, and M asked, ‘When are you getting married?’
‘Not sure yet, but we’re going to England for Christmas,’ James confided. ‘Geo thought it would be nice if we came to Paris, to see you after Christmas. What do you think about that?’
‘I think it sounds wonderful! And again, I’m so happy you two got together.’ Turning to Geo she went on, ‘Just think, if we hadn’t gone to that party for Dax you wouldn’t have run into James again, and I wouldn’t have met Larry.’
‘Too true, and perhaps that’s an example of the randomness of life,’ Geo announced, then wondered aloud, ‘Life is random, isn’t it?’
‘Maybe. But it could be fate. Destiny,’ M ventured. ‘You know…what will be, will be. Que sera, sera.’
Changing the subject, James focused on M and said, ‘Matt Branden is really very pleased with Larry’s progress, and he’s confident he’ll be as good as new, if not indeed better than ever, once he’s finished his treatment at Silver Hill.’
‘That’s the way Larry feels,’ M remarked. ‘His attitude is very positive. And I know he was as frightened as I was. Actually I was terrified he was going to die, and Larry understands I can’t live through anything like that ever again.’
‘Did he ever tell you what went on in Canada?’ James pr
obed gently, riddled with curiosity.
‘Yes. It was all to do with his brother Edward, who’s not his friend, in my opinion,’ M said. ‘There was a lot of back-stabbing, and terrible aggravation for Larry, and I’ve told him to stay away from his brother, who has it in for him.’
‘There’s nothing like sibling rivalry, you know—it’s even been the death of kings,’ James reminded her.
M burst out laughing. ‘Too true. Many a head has rolled because a brother has coveted the crown.’ She eyed James. ‘And what about you, James? Do you have siblings?’
‘I do indeed. I have a younger brother and a sister. Thank God we don’t covet anything the other has, though.’
When the champagne was placed in front of her, M raised her glass and toasted Geo and James. ‘Here’s to you two lovebirds. May you have a long and happy marriage, and I hope all your troubles are little ones.’
This old-fashioned English toast cracked James up and he grinned, then took a sip of his drink. ‘And what about you and Larry? Where is your relationship heading?’
‘Probably in the same direction as yours. Eventually,’ M replied evasively.
TWENTY-SIX
Kate Morrell sat in the auditorium on the top floor of the Jean-Louis Tremont store on Madison Avenue. It was a large, airy room with a catwalk, and the store usually showed their latest collections here. It could hold a hundred people, including the press, on small gold-painted ballroom chairs.
On this cold November day, a week before Thanksgiving, M was modelling a show-stopper for Kate. It was a navy blue silk organza cocktail dress with a lace coat from the new spring/summer collection, and she was commanding the catwalk with great panache.
Kate was the only person watching as M glided along, swung around, strode out again and moved with a distinctive style all her own.
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