Chapter Seventeen
When the second match and postgame festivities were concluded, Justin drove Kelly back to the club. As soon as they were in the suite, she said, “All right, what’s the matter? You haven’t said two words since we left the field.”
He turned away from her and stalked into the bedroom, threw a suitcase on the bed, and started to pack. “I have to go back to the Plantation. Something has come up that needs my immediate attention,” he said evasively.
“What do you mean ‘something has come up’? Who was that young guy you were talking to after the first game?”
“All right, I wasn’t going to burden you with this, but Alexa’s parents have filed a lawsuit demanding I return Jester to them. I’m sure it’s just a ploy to get money, but I wouldn’t be surprised if some dressage queen has made them an offer for him. He was doing really well at the show before Alexa died. I need to go back home to look though her things that are stored at the Plantation. We had been living together for several years, and her personal belongings are stored there. Jason is going to need some ammunition to quash this suit before it gets rolling.”
Kelly just looked at him inquiringly and waited patiently for him to continue.
He sighed. Apparently she wasn’t going to be brushed off without a full explanation. “I don’t normally talk about this, but since I have already told Jason the details, I’ll tell you that Alexa was abused by her father from an early age until she was fourteen.” He explained Alexa’s background to Kelly, sparing none of the sordid details.
“Justin, that’s just terrible. But I sense something else is going on here,” she said.
He turned back to his packing and did not look her in the eye as he said, “Kelly, I have to be honest here. This has brought up a lot of unresolved feelings, and I don’t know if I can be fair to you right now and give you my undivided attention. I think it would be better if we cooled things off for a while,” he said. He had thought his grieving for Alexa was done, but apparently, he wasn’t through yet. He realized that he still had some strong feelings for Alexa although he had thought their bitter fighting in the months before her death had killed those feelings. He had hoped that this new and very promising relationship with Kelly would help the process along, but he was coming to think it would not be fair to burden her with his problems.
* * * *
Kelly’s face paled. “Of course, Justin. I understand,” she said turning away quickly. Her heart was breaking, but he didn’t see the look on her face as she picked up her bag and said, “I’ll be leaving so you can finish packing. My car is here, so no need to drive me home. Good luck, and be well.” At least her voice had not cracked even though her eyes were brimming with tears.
As Kelly pulled out of the Le Club grounds, she was not sure she would be able to see to drive. Thank goodness Kermit knew the way home! She did not know if she would ever get over this or get over the man she had just walked away from without a fight. There were just some things, or some ghosts, you couldn’t fight. Thank God the relationship did not get any further along. But she knew she was lying to herself. It has gone pretty damn far, at least for me. How had she fallen in love with him so quickly? But it hadn’t really been that quickly, she realized. She had been in love with him for weeks.
Chapter Eighteen
Justin flew his small Citation jet from Ocala’s municipal airport to New Orleans the same night. He was a fully qualified pilot and only had to file his standard flight plan. It was a very uneventful flight given the late hour, and he had lots of time to think, unfortunately. He had come to the conclusion that he had no business involving a sweet, relatively inexperienced girl like Kelly in the Lifestyle, not to mention the baggage he carried from his childhood and Alexa’s death. He was thoroughly disgusted with himself when he arrived at the Plantation in the early morning hours. He went directly to bed and slept for eight hours of blessed forgetfulness.
When he awoke at noon, he was still groggy with fatigue. Max had stayed at the farm to keep an eye on things there and to be on hand in the event Jester had to be moved quickly. After making a cup of coffee and some toast, he went to the storage room in the attic where Alexa’s belongings had been stored carefully by Max after the accident. Jeez, there must be fifty boxes. He started to carefully sift through each and every one of them.
It was an emotional experience going through box after box and reliving his time with Alexa. Some of the memories were sweet, others were bitter. As the hours wore on, he was slowly able to see Alexa for what and who she actually was and to let go of some of the more nostalgic notions that had taken root in his memory since the accident. He relived some of the sweet moments, a great many of the really sexy moments, and the hurtful ones as well. They had fought bitterly before she left for the horse show and had not parted on anything resembling good terms. He had tried his best to make Alexa see she needed help, and that her dependence on BDSM was unhealthy. It had gone beyond fun or sex to an obsession with pain. She felt unworthy of love and evidently craved pain to feel alive and loved. If only she had realized he loved her in spite of her problems and that they could both work out their problems together. They had never gotten the chance as the accident ended any possibility of healing. But he realized you can’t make someone else get help. They have to be ready to get it for themselves. This was just like any drug or alcohol addiction, and Alexa just wasn’t ready. By the time she hit rock bottom, she was dead. It was a tragedy, no doubt about it.
But what about himself? Justin wondered. Am I ready to shed the Lifestyle and live a vanilla life? Even for Kelly? He had come to realize over the hours closed in the musty attic that he did indeed love Kelly, but was it enough? He knew he still had a lot of thinking to do. After spending most of the day in the dusty attic surrounded by over two hundred years of family antiques and discards, and the fifty boxes representing Alexa’s life, he needed a break. He grabbed a jacket and walked around the plantation house and grounds, down the long, oak-lined driveway, finally finding himself in the old slave quarters.
His father’s playroom was locked, but he knew the combination by heart. He and Jamie had never used these rooms, finding them extremely distasteful. He and Alexa had usually gone to Le Club Beaudelair in the French Quarter when they were in the mood for something more exotic. Now, he entered the playroom and looked around. He really should dismantle the whole thing, he thought. There were certainly no good memories or vibes here. He was pretty sure the only one who had enjoyed this space was his father. He doubted his father’s playmates were as enthusiastic as he was, and certainly the slaves that had lived in this space hadn’t enjoyed it much either. The old journals he had discovered in the library years ago left no doubt of that. He was tempted to have the whole building torn down but knew there would be repercussions due the historic nature of the site. Well, that decision can wait, he supposed. The old bastard would turn over in his grave if he knew I was going to tear the place down. That might be the best reason to do it and damn the consequences. What the hell is a fine when all that old pain can be bulldozed into dust?
Justin realized that he did not want to follow down the same path as his father. Surely Phillip had not started his sexual life embroiled in extreme BDSM. His sexual tastes must have developed over time. Surely they aren’t genetic! Justin knew that Le Club Beaudelair had been established before he was born, when Phillip was in his midthirties, about the same age Justin was now. If his relationship with Alexa had not been ended by circumstances beyond his control, he would probably have continued down that path unless he could have convinced her to make a change. He had definitely been trying to do that when she was killed. Is my relationship with Kelly an opportunity to move further away from that destructive path? Our sexual encounters so far have been more than satisfying, and she appears willing to at least experiment with a limited D/s relationship. Maybe we can work it out. Compromise is a great thing.
Justin fixed himself dinner and went to bed early.
He needed to finish looking through Alexa’s boxes tomorrow and get back to Ocala.
Chapter Nineteen
Max knew something was wrong. Justin was uncommunicative, and Kelly was avoiding him. Finally, he took the bull by the horns and called on Kelly in her office at the club. He would play on her sympathies. After all, it was for a good cause, and he had no scruples where the happiness of Justin and Jamie were concerned. “Kelly, I was wondering if I might impose on you for some help,” he said. “Jester is really down in the dumps. He misses Justin, and I swear he knows something is wrong. He’s off his feed, and I’m afraid he might colic from the stress if something is not done.”
“Max, I’m so sorry to hear that, but I don’t know what I can do to help,” she replied with a frown. Knowing an animal was in distress hurt her soft heart, and clearly Max knew just how to manipulate that to his advantage.
“Well, you could come out to the farm and spend some time with him, groom him, hand graze him,” Max said with just the right touch of uncertainty in his voice. “He needs company. I know you and Justin are having difficulties, but he’s not here and Jester really needs you. Justin told me he acted as though he recognized you, although you are nothing like Alexa, except in the most basic of ways. I think he just needs a female’s touch, and we have no women on the farm at the present time to see to him.”
“Max, it’s more than ‘difficulties,’” she said. “Justin and I are through, and it was his decision. He didn’t ask my opinion or consider my feelings or what I wanted before he left for the Plantation.”
“But that’s not Jester’s fault. Couldn’t you make a little time for him?” he wheedled shamelessly. “I would really appreciate it.”
She thought about it, the indecision clear on her face. Going out to the farm where she and Justin had spent time together was going to be tough. She was missing him terribly and had cried buckets of tears. However, the thought of Jester unhappy and in danger of a colic episode was more than she could bear. Colic in horses often resulted in the need for major surgery and was one of the primary causes of horse fatalities. She needed to put her personal feelings aside and do the right thing for Jester.
“Okay, I’ll come out tonight and groom him as long as Justin isn’t there. Please don’t tell him. I don’t want him to think he owes me anything for this. I’m doing this strictly for Jester.”
Chapter Twenty
At the Plantation, Justin continued his search through the detritus of Alexa’s life. Finally, on the second day after hours in the attic, he hit pay dirt. He had only a few more boxes to go through when he found Alexa’s diaries, beginning with one she had received as a birthday present when she was ten and continuing until her death. As Justin sat on the floor and began to read, the tears streamed unashamedly down his face. The contents of the earliest diaries were childish and heartbreaking. He wondered who could do this to a child? Only a monster. As he continued to read, he saw the development of Alexa’s personality from child to damaged teen to dark adult. He also realized that their relationship was what had kept Alexa from ending her life much sooner. It was some comfort to him, and he realized that their love, though flawed, had been of great value in her life. If not for the accident, they might have been able to salvage something.
He packed the diaries and some other miscellaneous paperwork in a box and prepared to close the house and return to Florida.
* * * *
The first thing Justin did upon arriving back in Florida was contact Jason and arrange to meet him at his office with the box of diaries.
“I think this is what you need, Jason. It took the better part of two days to go through the boxes and find them. If I had started at the other end of the room, I would have found them right away. But then I wouldn’t have had the time to analyze my feelings about Alexa and myself.” And most importantly, Kelly.
“Good work. I’ll have my team go through the diaries and see what we can use to defend the lawsuit. How are you feeling? Have you come to any personal conclusions about yourself, Alexa, and Kelly?”
“Well, it was cathartic, and I have realized that I have to let go of the past in order to embrace the future. My relationship with Alexa was the past. It had a tragic end, but it did end. I don’t want to continue down the same road as my father into extreme BDSM, and I definitely want to see what the future with Kelly might hold. Given her personality and bright, open nature, I’m sure it would be a happier road than I would have followed with Alexa. That is, if she will still have me. I didn’t handle this very well.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Wednesday evening after work, Kelly gathered Jester’s grooming equipment and tentatively entered his stall. She realized she had to be careful with a stallion. They were sometimes much more difficult to handle than a gelding or mare. But he seemed to welcome her presence, and after the customary bribe of sugar cubes, he stood placidly while she rubbed him down with the hard curry comb and brushed his gleaming coat with the soft dandy brush. To be truthful, he was already clean as whistle. Someone had obviously been grooming this horse. Even his hooves were clean she noticed as she bent over to raise his right hind hoof and clean it out with the curved steel hoof pick.
Unbeknownst to Kelly, Justin was standing behind her admiring her nicely rounded, compact bottom as she bent over Jester’s hoof. “Thank you for taking care of Jester. Max told me he was lonely. That was very kind of you given the circumstances,” he said quietly hoping not to startle her.
She jumped, dropped Jester’s hoof, and spun around. “I thought you were still in Louisiana,” she said dumbly. Of all the things I thought of to say to you, that was not one of them. She was disgusted with herself for the mundane comment.
“I found what I needed for Jason and for myself as well,” he said tentatively, trying to gauge her reaction to seeing him.
“Well, I’m glad you’re home, and I am sure Jester is, too. I will just be on my way,” she said as she started to pack up Jester’s grooming box.
“Please don’t go. We need to talk.”
“I don’t think we have anything to talk about,” she said. She had been crying for two days, and she was done.
“I know it’s unrealistic to hope for some compassion and understanding…”
“You have your nerve…you turned your back and walked out on me without so much as an explanation or a ‘thank you, ma’am, it’s been fun,’” she fumed.
He was glad to see she cared enough to be mad. That might actually be a good sign. “I was upset,” he said.
She cut him off. “Well poor you!”
“If you’ll listen, I’ll explain now,” he said hopefully.
She sat down on a bale of hay in the center aisle of the barn, crossed her arms, and said, “So explain.”
* * * *
He had hoped for a more conducive setting but jumped right in while she was willing to listen. “I think I should fill you in on my background and family history. As the daughter of a doctor and housewife in a nice, big, middle-class family in Ocala, Florida, you probably have had very little exposure to the ‘dark side’ of life,” he said apprehensively. Spilling out his unsavory family history was not something he did lightly, but he knew if he hoped to salvage this relationship, he would have to make Kelly understand.
Kelly settled herself more comfortably on the bale of hay and looked at him carefully. She could see that he was tired and the ravages of his trip showed on his face. Her heart softened a little.
“My childhood was not all fun and games,” he continued. “As I told you before, my younger brother and I were mostly raised by caretakers, Max, of course, as well as servants, nannies, and later, the priests at our Jesuit prep school. My mother died when I was eight, of cancer, I believe. My father, who was a selfish bastard, the last, I hope, of a long line of them in the Devereau family, died a few years ago. He was more interested in the family businesses and his perverted sexual exploits at Le Club Beaudelair–New Orleans and his little pla
yroom in the old slave quarters of the Plantation than paying attention to me and Jamie. I have to say, good riddance. I know that sounds cold, but that’s life.”
He stopped to take a breath and give Kelly a chance to stop him if she didn’t want to hear the story of his life. “Please go on, Justin. I think we both need to get this out in the open.”
“When my brother and I got caught watching him having sex with one of his many playmates, I don’t think they were called subs back then, he was furious of course. And with good reason, I can see now as an adult. We were about eleven and thirteen then. But at the time, we thought sneaking into the playroom was an adventure. After all, perverted sex was what Dad did so it must be okay. Anyway, he gave us both a good beating and sent us away to boarding school, and from there to college, and to law school. There were visits home, but usually our father was elsewhere. My brother and I were together at least, so that was one good thing. The other good thing was seeing practically nothing of our father. We did spend holidays with some other relatives, our maternal grandmother, aunts and uncles. But for the most part, it was just me and Jamie, and Max.”
Justin paced back and forth across the barn isle. He was trying to judge her reaction to his story, but he wasn’t sure how she felt about it so far. Oh, well, I’d better just toss it all out there. We’ll see where the chips fall.
“A few years ago, I discovered some old journals in the library, and they were extremely enlightening. Apparently, this bent for perverted sex runs in my family from as far back as the eighteenth century. The Devereaus are a very old Creole family and have been in New Orleans since the 1700s. Devereau Plantation was built in the early 1800s. According to the journals I found, there was a lot of rather deviant behavior in the males of my family. It was mostly with slaves, which was far from consensual, I am sure. Some of it was with various mistresses and prostitutes, who I presume had some say in the proceedings. In any case, we didn’t have a very secure upbringing or a good role model in our forebears, including dear old Dad.”
Michaels, Skye - Kelly's Challenge [Le Club 2] (Siren Publishing Classic) Page 8