I leaned over to Lark and whispered, “Have they improved since I left?”
“I wouldn’t say so, no,” she replied.
“What are you nattering on about?” Uncle Taft demanded.
Whenever he talked he yelled, because he couldn’t hear. When we told him we could hear just fine, so he didn’t need to holler, he didn’t remember five minutes later, so he yelled again. Grandmother Cookie had no tolerance for the man. To be fair, she hadn’t had any tolerance for him when they were younger, either.
“It don’t matter and stop yelling,” chided Cookie.
“I never yell,” yelled Uncle Taft.
I massaged my temples with my hands and looked down at my food, hoping it would save me.
“This salad is delicious,” said Cam.
“That explains why you’re eating all of it,” said my mom.
“This is just my third helping. I’m a growing boy. I still don’t eat as much as Corey,” Cam protested.
“You’re trying to eat us out of house and home,” laughed Meg.
“I have to keep my strength up for . . .” He winced and yelped, “Ouch!” Then he glared at Kip, who had just kicked him under the table.
Again there was silence, and again I felt like somebody wasn’t saying something they should have been saying, from my point of view.
So I decided it was time to press the point.
“What do you need your strength for?” I asked.
My brother coughed, a sure sign that he was lying, and said, “Usual rough-and-tumble stuff of the weekend. The ghosts are an awfully active lot recently.”
“Right, I believe you. Not,” I said, staring hard at my younger sibling.
“Healthy dose of skepticism is the only way to go into conversations with this family,” Cookie sniffed.
“What do you know? You lie about tying your shoes in the morning,” my mother scoffed.
“Are you saying I can tie my shoes and I’m just lying to get somebody else to do it?” Cookie asked.
The entire table chorused, “Yes.”
“Aren’t family dinners great?” Audrey asked.
Cookie reached over and put a comforting hand on her arm, “Get out while you can.”
Audrey threw back her head and laughed.
“We’ll have to work extra hard this weekend. Saturday is a full moon, after all,” my mother cautioned, getting down to business.
It was Thursday, so that left us with just that night and the next day to do the hard work we were responsible for. Even worse, the ghosts and the skeletons, not to mention the bats, were more rambunctious during full moons, and I wasn’t looking forward to the potential problems.
We had just moved on from the delicious lasagna to dessert, which was either chocolate lava cake, tiramisu, or strawberry shortcake, or if you were my little brother, all three, when the lights flickered.
“Man the battlements. Bring up your defenses. Destruction is coming,” my great-uncle yelled, holding aloft an imaginary sword and staring straight ahead as he recited his battle cry.
“I’ll be right back,” said Corey. He dropped his napkin and got up from the table, taking his tiramisu with him as he went to look into the disturbance.
“It’s probably nothing,” Meg said, but she looked nervous.
“Why aren’t more of us fighting?” Uncle Taft demanded. Then he seemed to forget about it and sat back down to tackle his dessert.
“I don’t know what dinner you’ve been at, but we’ve been fighting all night,” said Lark.
“Excellent,” said Uncle Taft.
“If Corey doesn’t come back with anything, do I have your permission to investigate the disturbance myself?” Lizzie asked my mother.
“No, I’m sure Corey will look thoroughly, and there probably won’t be anything there,” my mom said.
It didn’t take long for Corey to return. “I didn’t see anything,” he said neutrally. Then he sat back down and set the empty tiramisu plate on the table.
“You have to try the strawberry shortcake. It’s the best,” said my brother.
“I made it,” said Lark dryly.
“Okay, so the best is a stretch,” said Cam.
“Does that mean you aren’t going to eat it?”
“Second best is still pretty good,” he replied, tucking in.
“Goodness this is boring,” complained Cookie.
“Can you think of a better topic?” I asked my grandmother.
“You could tell us about New York. What made you leave?” she asked.
My face went instantly red; I should have known she’d go there. I was upset enough about being fired from so many jobs, and having to come home, without having my nose rubbed in it.
“I lost a couple of jobs and thought maybe I should come back home to Bluff,” was all I said.
“You mean you were fired?” Cookie demanded. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Lizzie smirking.
“You could say that,” I admitted.
“Yes, that’s why I just did,” she said. “Don’t worry. This is where you belong anyway. I’m sure they were silly for letting you go.”
“That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” I told her. I’d been bracing myself for something horrible, and instead she’d said something really sweet. I almost felt better.
“Don’t get used to it.”
Just then there was a smashing noise; it sounded as if a lot of wood had been hit hard, and splintered. The lights flickered again and we all shot to our feet in the middle of clattering silverware and the scraping of chairs.
“Cauldrons of witches’ fire come forth,” my grandmother started to chant. She closed her eyes and raised her hands as the lights flickered again.
“What on earth are you going on about?” my mother demanded.
“Let the fires fill the pot and the dirt stir the flames,” my grandmother continued.
“Is that a spell?” I said.
“Not one I’ve ever heard of,” said Pep, making a face.
“I was just trying to add to the ambiance,” my grandmother shrugged.
Several of my family members looked ready to yell at her, but none of them got the chance. The next instant ghosts came bursting through the walls in every direction, looking frantic.
“The stupid Skeleton Trio is free again! They’re terrorizing everything! Can’t they just fall to pieces? Shouldn’t they have become ghosts?” demanded Gus the ghost. His eyes bulged and his breathing came in sharp gasps.
The Skeleton Trio had been causing mischief since they’d arrived at the mansion, and no one had ever figured out quite how to rein them in.
“Where?” my mother demanded. “The Skeleton Trio is in the upper wings?”
“No, they’re outside in the back trying to release the bats,” said Gus.
My family members made noises of deep concern.
“Let’s go!” Lizzie shot forward, she and Corey trying to squeeze through the door into the back pantry at the same time, both determined to be the one to save the day.
“What’s the rush? The faster you go the more likely it is you’ll actually have to do something,” said Cookie, picking up her glass of wine and taking a good swig.
“Where did that come from?” Meg demanded, skidding to a halt.
“Don’t be such a spoilsport!” said Cookie.
“We said you could only drink two nights a week. It’s for your health,” Meg chided her mother-in-law.
“You said that. I said it was six,” said Cookie. “My inner ear translates nonsense into only what I want to hear.”
“Where’s the wine?” Meg demanded.
“She keeps some in the pantry off the kitchen,” Lizzie called. Then she disappeared outside, on a quest for the Skeleton Trio.
“Traitor! Knew I didn’t like that girl!” Cookie hissed angrily.
“I’m going to take the wine away,” said Meg, getting up and marching toward the pantry.
Cookie raised her hand i
n protest and demanded, “How dare you!”
But Meg was already gone.
“That was a pretty epic performance,” I said dryly.
“Do you think she believed it?” Cookie asked.
“Yes, I don’t think she has any idea that the pantry is the smallest of the stashes you’ve got hidden around Haunted Bluff,” I said.
“But it is two very good bottles of wine. She wouldn’t have believed it otherwise. I had to sacrifice them,” said Cookie sadly.
“Just behave yourself or we’ll tell her about the library chest,” Lark threatened.
“What kind of grand-daughter are you?” Cookie demanded, looking shocked.
“The kind I was raised to be by my grandmother,” Lark shot back.
“Get them! The guests are going to see!” Lizzie ran back through the Magenta Room of Exquisite Furniture, also known as the dining room, saying she needed to get some rope.
Cookie sat back down.
“Oh yeah, the customers have no idea that we’re odd, but this is going to tip the scales,” Lark said, rolling her eyes. “By the time I get there they’ll have calmed the Skeleton Trio down anyway.”
Pep, who had to open the store soon, said the same, then asked Lark and me, “Will you come help?” The gift shop was open sometimes when even when the haunted house wasn’t. It kept Pep busy one way or another almost every day.
“This is ridiculous!” I cried, ignoring Pep. “What’s been happening since I left that the Skeleton Trio is loose and everyone is freaking out?”
Lark and Pep exchanged looks.
“You don’t think half the family rushing off to gather up the Skeleton Trio spells success?” Cookie said to me. Turning to my cousins, she added, “You might as well tell her. She’s going to find out sooner or later, and the longer you wait the angrier she’ll be.”
“It only spells success if it’s in a language I don’t speak! Also, thanks, Grandma,” I said.
“Don’t thank me. I want to see you yell at people. They don’t let me do it anymore,” said Cookie.
“You do whatever you want and you know it! A chest full of wine in the library says as much,” said Lark.
“Don’t tell Meg about that,” said Cookie with an evil grin.
We were just making our way outside when I had a sudden realization that made me spin around and head back into the mansion. What I had realized was: we were all being drawn out of the house. Even Cookie had hobbled out, muttering about checking on the chickens.
And somehow, amidst all the unexplained panic, it didn’t seem like a good idea to leave the house unattended.
Lark and Pep turned around to watch me go, but they didn’t say anything, or follow me back inside.
Picture this, you’re walking into a haunted mansion and you know it’s empty: Yes, it’s spooky. I felt it, and I had lived there my whole life. More or less.
My heart was pounding as I made my way through the kitchen, which still smelled like the lasagna dinner we had helped prepare and eat.
As I left the kitchen, I found my hands shaking. Calm and relaxed I was not.
My footsteps echoed off of the dim walls and I could hear myself breathing. From outside came yells of, “Get a net!” and “I have a rope!”
I ignored those, knowing that my family would get the wily Skeleton Trio under control soon.
With a shaky breath, I pushed open the door into the hallway. It was mostly dark, with just a dim light filtering through the front door window. This was part of the haunted house, and it lived up to its reputation of being creepy. Shadows pressed in on either side as I moved toward the library door. The library itself wasn’t part of the haunted house, but it was our first line of defense against curious guests who decided to roam.
I pushed open the mahogany door and slipped inside. The room was lit only by a fireplace and the moonlight streaming in from floor-to-ceiling windows interspersed with the bookshelves.
The books were old and dusty. Pep sometimes came in here to read, and I had a sneaking suspicion that Cookie often enjoyed a glass of wine and a good book by the fire, but she wasn’t going to tell anyone that. You could tell someone came in here, because there were plates and teacups left from time to time.
Right now, though, it was empty.
Except that it wasn’t.
“What do you think you’re doing here?”
I screamed.
Chapter Seven
“Sorry, Jane! I didn’t realize it was you!”
Vamp the vampire, looking concerned, stepped around a stack of books and into the open. He was the mansion’s butler and had been since I was a child. He had gotten up there in years and did less around the house on a daily basis as the years went on, since there were lots of younger vampires to take on the workload for him. Since he was a vampire, it was hard to tell how old he was. But the lines around his eyes had deepened and grown longer, and the hollows of his cheeks were more pronounced.
At the moment, he held a duster in his hand. Mirrorz was always methodical and calm.
“Is this really the time of night to be dusting?” I said.
“It’s good to get a little work done while your grandmother is occupied,” said Mirrorz dryly.
He had me there.
“It’s good to see you,” I said. “I trust that everything is well?”
“Quite well.” Mirrorz’s gaunt face worked itself around into a reasonable facsimile of a smile. “How long are you back for?”
“I’m moving home.”
There. I had said it out loud for the first time.
“Your family will be so pleased,” said Mirrorz. “I know they’ve missed you.”
“I thought something strange was going on in the house,” I started to explain. I’d had a feeling deep in the pit of my stomach that I shouldn’t leave the house unattended, but I couldn’t put my finger on what had given me that idea. I hoped Mirrorz might give me a clue.
“There is always something strange going on in the house,” said Mirrorz. “I’ve always thought that was part of its charm.”
Just then I heard a commotion that signaled that my family was back inside. I waved goodbye to Mirrorz and went to confront them.
“Why are the ghosts nervous! What is the Skeleton Trio saying, and who let them out? Someone better tell me what’s going on and someone better tell me now! And don’t be sneaky about it, either!” I said as I met the whole crew in the hall.
“How dare you accuse me of being sneaky! What gave you such an idea!” said Cookie as she moved a bottle of wine further behind her back.
“Because I know you,” I said.
“Nothing wrong with being yourself,” Cookie replied. “Unless you behave like Lizzie,” she whispered just to me.
“Let’s go into the drawing room,” said my mom.
“What if the ghosts hanging around hear us?” Cookie whispered.
The ghosts that lived at the Mansion mostly took care of themselves, but we still had to keep an eye on them. The whole family—except for my grandmother, who couldn’t be trusted, and Audrey, whose domain was the kitchen—pitched in to help.
“Fine, you can wait until after, but we aren’t putting this off until tomorrow,” I said.
“Why not? We know you aren’t going to forget,” said Cookie.
“Because you’re hoping that I will, or you’ll buy a one-way ticket to Europe to avoid telling me,” I said.
“Don’t be silly! I wouldn’t do that! Australia is next on my bucket list,” said Cookie.
“They can have you, and good luck to them,” I said.
“We’d best tell her,” said Audrey. “If she’s going to be here, she deserves to know.”
For once I was hearing something good, and then I realized it wasn’t good at all.
“Why don’t you come with me to the gift shop and I’ll explain everything,” said Pep.
“Yes, that’s a good idea. Let’s leave the three of them alone,” said Cookie. “I need a d
rink.” She looked at her daughter-in-law, but Meg was looking firmly elsewhere and rolling her eyes.
“Fine,” I said to Pep, “but don’t try to distract me with selling T-shirts. I want an explanation and I want it now.”
As it turned out, their strategy for keeping me in the dark almost worked; the gift shop was busy all night. We didn’t have many chances for conversation, but it was enough for me to get the picture, and the picture was a grim one.
“So there’s more unrest all around,” I clarified, “but in particular, ghosts and skeletons have been going missing before we can get them here?”
This family kept secrets like some people keep marbles.
“The fact of the matter is, there’s something out there attacking them. We’ve been trying to get them to the mansion faster, which is partly why Lizzie is training to be a haunt hunter. But so far it isn’t working, or at least not well enough,” Pep said.
I nearly choked on my shock. “She’s training to be a what?”
“Don’t act like you didn’t hear her,” said Lark.
“Oh. I heard her. I’m just wishing I hadn’t,” I said.
“We need more hunters, and Lizzie really wanted to do it. She’s been working hard to learn the ropes,” said Pep.
“How is Lizzie doing at it?” I asked, hoping to hear of abject failures.
“Fabulously, I’m sorry to say,” said Pep. “Her statistics and percentages are top notch numbers for a witch.”
Lark rolled her eyes. She’d flunked every witch test she’d ever taken.
“Of course they are,” I groaned.
“She’s brought in a lot of the most recent ghosts and skeletons. The group of ghosts that were attacking her in the hallway earlier were ones she had brought in,” Pep explained.
Which explained why she was dressed in an all-black power outfit, I thought. She was either ghost gathering or clubbing. Tough to tell.
I sighed and shook my head. I didn’t like the sound of it at all. “Why didn’t somebody tell me? Why didn’t somebody let me know while I was in New York that there were problems here?” I said.
“We knew you didn’t want to come back, so why would we tell you? You’d either worry or tell us to stay out of it, and we really can’t,” said Lark. “We have to gather the ghosts and we have to get the skeletons here. There’s no question about that. Now there’s clearly something out there trying to get them, and it’s a problem.”
Spooky Business (Jane Garbo Mysteries Book 1) Page 5