by Lucy Gordon
Each turn was a tight forty-five degrees, testing a horse’s balance and agility as well as speed. Jeepers was swift yet steady as a rock, and Selena controlled him with light, strong hands. Even Leo, no expert in barrel racing, could see that they were a match made in heaven.
After the final turn they headed back down the centre of the triangle, and out, to the cheers of the family and the hands.
‘Eighteen seconds,’ Barton called.
Selena’s eyes were shining. ‘We took it slow the first time. Wait till we get going. It’ll be fourteen in no time.’
She let out a joyous ‘Yahoooo!’ up to the sky and everyone joined her.
Leo, watching her face, thought he’d never seen any human being look so totally happy.
CHAPTER FOUR
S ELENA had said there was no excuse for being a wimp, and over the next few days she lived up to her belief. She brushed off her injury with the airiness of someone who’d had worse and ignored it, and she rode hell-for-leather on Jeepers until she’d gotten his time down to fourteen seconds, just as she’d vowed.
Barton insisted that she stay at the Four-Ten until after the rodeo. This made sense as Elliot’s recovery was slow, and she had no money to go anywhere else, but privately he gave Leo a wink, proving there was more to his offer than kindness.
‘It’s all in your head,’ Leo growled when they were alone. ‘Sure I like the girl, sure I want to help her. Dammit, nobody ever did until us! But that doesn’t mean-’
‘Of course not,’ Barton said, and went on his way whistling.
Leo had a horrible suspicion that the events of the first night had somehow become known throughout the house, which meant that Billie and Carrie’s giggling meant something after all. Paulie clearly thought so, because his manner towards Leo became cool.
Leo dropped in at the stables each evening, knowing he’d find Selena there, saying goodnight to Elliot. She always did this at length, and Leo was privately convinced that she was trying to make sure that he knew he still came first with her, despite Jeepers. Sometimes she stayed all night.
But tonight something was different. Instead of her softly murmuring voice he could hear the sounds of a scuffle as he pushed open the stable door. Somewhere deep in the shadows a fight was going on.
After a moment he saw the two combatants. There was Selena, fending off advances from Paulie, who wouldn’t take no for an answer.
‘C’mon, stop fooling. I’ve seen the looks you’ve been giving me. I know when a woman wants it.’
He made a lunge. Leo swore under his breath and gathered himself to spring on Paulie, a knight coming to the rescue of a damsel in distress.
But this damsel needed no such help. There was a yell from Paulie, who went reeling back, clutching his nose, while Selena blew on her knuckles.
‘Nice,’ Leo mused. ‘I’ll make a note not to get on your wrong side. Not that I planned to anyway, but now I’ve had my warning.’
‘He asked for it,’ Selena said, still blowing.
‘Not a doubt.’
Abruptly her manner changed. ‘But I shouldn’t have done it,’ she said. ‘Oh, lord, I wish I hadn’t.’
‘What for?’ Leo demanded. ‘Why stop when you’re having fun? And I should think socking him must have been great fun. I’m green with envy.’
‘But they’ll throw me out,’ she said frantically. ‘And Elliot’s not ready to go. Do you think if I apologised-?’
He stared at her. Talk of an apology was the last thing he’d expected from her.
‘Apologise? You?’
‘I can’t move Elliot yet. Let me talk to that creature.’
‘No, let me,’ he said, taking firm hold of her and keeping her where she was.
He strolled over to where Paulie had just staggered upright, glaring over a hand that was clutched to his nose.
‘How y’doing, Paulie?’ Leo asked affably.
Paulie carefully lowered his hand, revealing a red, enlarged nose and streaming eyes.
‘Did you see what she did?’ he snarled.
‘Yes, and I saw what you did. I’d say you’d gotten off lightly.’
‘That bitch-’
‘Well, you can always have your revenge,’ Leo observed, studying the injured proboscis with interest. ‘Just go back and tell Mommy that you got slugged in the kisser by a woman. I’ll be your witness. In fact I’ll make sure the story’s known all over Texas. It’ll probably get into the newspapers. Of course they’ll want a picture of you looking just as you do now.’
There was a deadly silence while Paulie digested the implications of this. His piggy eyes, full of spite, went from one to the other.
‘What do you take me for?’ he snapped at last.
‘If I told you what I took you for we’d be here all night,’ Leo said.
Paulie wisely decided to overlook this.
‘She’s a guest here. Naturally I shall-’ he almost choked over the last words ‘-say nothing.’
‘I felt sure you’d see it that way. A gentleman to the end. And if anyone asks how you got that shiner you can say you tripped on a pitchfork. Or tell them I did it, I don’t mind.’
‘But I do,’ Selena protested. ‘In a pig’s ear you’re getting the credit. If I can’t take it myself, he’ll have to say it was a pitchfork.’
Leo grinned, delighted with her. ‘Atta girl,’ he said softly.
‘You’re crazy, the pair of you,’ Paulie howled.
Giving them a wide berth he sidled his way out of the stable, breaking into a run as soon as he was out of the door.
‘Thank you,’ Selena said fervently. ‘That was terrific.’
‘Glad to be of some help. I should have knocked him down for you, but you didn’t seem to need me.’
‘Oh, I can do that bit for myself,’ she said blithely. ‘It’s the words that confuse me. You knew just what to say to keep him quiet. I never know what to say. The more I try, the more it comes out wrong.’
‘Better with your fists, huh?’
‘I’ve had plenty of practise.’
He appeared to consider the matter seriously. ‘I’d have guessed you to be more of a knee in the groin girl, myself.’
She regarded him steadily. ‘I use whatever weapons are needed.’
‘I suppose this kind of thing happens to you a lot?’
‘Some guys think a woman travelling alone is fair game. I just show them that they’re wrong.’
She spoke lightly, with another of her eloquent shrugs. In some mysterious way that shrug hurt him, with its implied acceptance of all the risks. He thought of her lonely life, always on the move, with only a horse to love. Yet he knew that if she guessed that he was concerned for her she would be incredulous. She would probably accuse him of being sentimental.
Then it occurred to him that she didn’t even realise that she was lonely. She’d known nothing else. And that hurt him more than anything.
Selena watched him, trying to read his thoughts. It irked her not to be able to. Men were usually so easy to read.
She shook her hand, flexing the fingers, and he took it between his, massaging it between his strong, warm palms. She stood there, feeling peace and contentment flood her, almost for the first time in her life. It was a blissful feeling.
‘Are you all right?’ he asked.
‘Everything’s fine,’ she assured him.
‘Until the next time.’
‘Hey, you didn’t save me. I saved myself,’ she said at once.
‘Will you stop being so prickly? Am I the enemy?’
She shook her head, softened, smiling at him. Moved by an impulse too strong for him, Leo enfolded her in his arms, where she almost vanished. He cradled her carefully, longing to hold her there for ever, desperate to kiss her, but knowing that he mustn’t do it while she was so vulnerable.
Selena could hear his heart beating and the sound comforted her. It would have been so easy to lean on this big, generous man, and let him shoulder her proble
ms.
If she had been that kind of female. Which she wasn’t. If she knew anything about herself, she knew that.
She looked up and saw the sudden trouble in his face.
‘What is it?’ she whispered.
He leaned down so that his forehead rested on hers. From here, a kiss was only an inch away, and she waited, wanting it to happen.
‘Nothing,’ he said. ‘I was just wishing-no, nothing’s the matter.’
‘Leo-’ she reached up, but he raised his head quickly.
‘You’ve got to stop sleeping out here,’ he said, releasing her and stepping back. ‘It’s too easy for him to get at you.’
She took a moment to still the pang of disappointment at his rejection.
‘He can do that in the house,’ she said. ‘Unless you sleep across my door again.’
‘No, that’s not a good idea,’ he said desperately. He’d shared her room once without trying to get into her bed, but he knew he couldn’t trust himself to do it again.
‘Let’s go,’ he said, leading the way out, keeping his distance from her.
All the way across the yard she lectured herself silently about staying level-headed. So she didn’t attract him? Well, she’d known that! And the pain in her heart could have been saved if she hadn’t indulged in silly fantasies.
She kept this up until they reached the house and she could assume a sensible manner, and listen to Delia telling how poor Paulie had stepped on a pitchfork and bruised his nose.
Leo made a point of getting Selena alone next morning.
‘Let’s ride,’ he said. ‘I want to try out one of Barton’s horses over a distance.’
He had an ulterior motive, since he’d connived with Barton to get her away while the insurance assessors came to look things over. He had a fair idea what would happen then, and he needed time to sort out his thoughts.
He’d seen her racing around barrels and been impressed. Now he could watch her at ease, riding for the pleasure of it, and thought how natural and elegant she looked. Even on an unfamiliar horse she rode as though they were one. He thought of a fiery mare of his own back home, and wished he could introduce them.
They raced. He was riding the more powerful animal but he only just beat her. She had the trick of getting the best out of her horse, and Jeepers was at ease with her.
They found a shaded stream and stretched out under the trees with the beer and hot dogs they’d brought with them. Selena took a deep breath and leaned back, thinking how good it felt to be here like this, with the sun, the sparkling water, the invigorated feeling of having ridden for miles.
Get real, she told herself. What you really mean is, to be here with him. You’ve got windmills in your head. He’s not for you. Be strong. You can cope as long as he doesn’t talk in that gentle voice that knocks you sideways.
Forewarned should have been forearmed, but she still felt shaken when he asked quietly, ‘Are you all right now?’
She meant to pass it off lightly with some remark about how many people were looking after her these days, but his eyes were kind and warm, and suddenly she couldn’t joke.
‘Yes, I’m feeling really good,’ she said. ‘It’s funny, all the things I ought to be worrying about-I can’t make myself think of them. They’re still there, but-sort of vague, and in the background.’
‘Well, you can’t do anything about them at this moment,’ he said, ‘so why not let yourself float? You may cope better for it.’
‘I know but-’ she gave an awkward little laugh ‘-it’s not like me. Normally I worry at things like a dog with a bone. Does no good, but I still do it.’
He nodded. ‘Worrying’s a waste of time.’
‘You’re not a worrying sort of person, are you?’
He grinned and shook his head ruefully. ‘If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t happen, maybe that was for the best.’
‘I envy you. Everything matters so much to me. It’s like-’ She fell silent, wondering at herself. Analysing also wasn’t like her. Her thoughts and feelings were her own private property, and she guarded them behind barriers. But something about Leo drew her out from behind those barriers. Into the open. Into places she’d never ventured before. That’s why he was a dangerous man, for all his quiet ways.
‘Like what?’ he asked, watching her with a little smile.
‘Nothing.’ She was retreating fast.
But he cut off her retreat, taking her hand gently in his, silently telling her she was safe with him.
‘Tell me,’ he said.
‘No, I-I’ve forgotten what I was going to say.’ She laughed awkwardly.
He didn’t reply in words, but his raised eyebrows called her a coward.
Take the chance. Trust him.
‘It’s like all my life I was walking on a tightrope over a chasm,’ she blurted out. ‘I keep thinking I’ll reach the other side but-’ She waved her hands. Words came hard to her.
‘What’s waiting on the other side?’ Leo asked, still holding her hand in his.
She met his eyes, shaking her head. ‘I’m not sure there is one. Or if there is, I’ll never find it.’
‘You’re wrong about that Selena. There’s always another side, but you have to know what you want to find there. You just haven’t decided yet. When you’ve made up your mind, you’ll see the far ledge. And you’ll get there.’
‘Unless I fall off first. I keep feeling myself get wobbly.’
‘I can’t imagine you getting wobbly.’
‘That’s because I shout a lot, to hide it. Sometimes, the louder I yell, the more I’m like jelly inside.’
‘I don’t believe it. You’re too gutsy.’
‘Thanks but you don’t know me.’
‘Funny, but I feel as though I do. When we met up on that highway and you bawled me out, it felt like you’d been bawling me out all my life.’
She gave a shaky laugh. ‘Yes, I’m good at bawling people out.’
‘My back’s broad.’ He released her hand and leaned back against a tree, looking deeply content, like a man who already had everything life had to offer.
‘Leo, doesn’t anything faze you?’
‘Bad harvests. Bad weather. Big cities. Meanness, dishonesty, unkindness.’
She nodded vigorously. ‘Oh, yes.’
He asked suddenly, ‘What do you want to do with your life, Selena?’
‘I’m doing it.’
‘But in the end?’
‘You tell me when the end’s going to come,’ she parried, ‘and I’ll tell you what I’ll be doing.’
‘I meant you can’t do this forever. One day it’ll be too much for you and you’ll have to settle down.’
She made a face. ‘You mean pipe and slippers?’
He laughed. ‘Well, not the pipe if you don’t want to.’
‘Domesticity. Home and hearth. No thanks! Not me! Four walls make me crazy. Staying in one place makes me even crazier.’
‘And the loneliness?’
She gave an incredulous laugh. ‘I’m not lonely. I’m free. No, no, don’t say it.’
‘Don’t say what?’
‘Something about loneliness and freedom being the same thing. Where does one shade into the other? Will I know the difference before it’s too late? Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.’
‘You’ve heard that line before, huh?’
‘A dozen times. It’s such a cliché.’
‘Well, most clichés are true. That’s how they become clichés.’
‘But I’m talking about freedom. Nobody telling me what to do. Nobody expects anything of me, except Elliot, and I love him so that’s OK.’
‘But you might get to love a person,’ Leo suggested cautiously, ‘maybe almost as much as you love Elliot.’
‘Nah, people are tricky. You’ve got to watch your back all the time. Elliot’s better. He keeps it simple.’
‘I think you’re teasing a rise out of me.’ Leo was watching her carefully, like a man trying to
decide which way a cat would jump.
‘No way. Give me a horse any day. Take the other night in the stable, did you see Elliot trying to paw me about, breathing whisky fumes all over me? Did you hear him neighing, “Go on Selena, you know you want it really.”?’
‘Yes, I heard Paulie’s line in charm,’ Leo said in disgust. ‘You should have socked him with both fists.’
‘No need. He got the message after one. I don’t like unnecessary violence. It’s wasteful and it hurts your hands.’ She added mischievously, ‘Never use two fists where one will do. I learned that early.’
‘I guess you’ve learned a lot of things most women never need to.’
She nodded.
‘You still haven’t answered my question,’ Leo said. ‘What will you do when you have to give up rodeo?’
‘Get myself a farm. Breed horses.’
‘Won’t that mean living in one place all the time?’
‘I can camp out sometimes.’
‘Are you all alone on this farm?’
‘No, there’s the horses.’
‘You know what I mean, stop dodging the issue.’
‘You mean have I tied myself down to a husband? No way. What for? Having some guy drive me nuts. Knowing I was driving him nuts.’
‘That’s not always how it works out,’ Leo said, choosing his words carefully, because he’d often said the same, and it alarmed him to find himself defending the other side. ‘People can actually get on well, for a long time. Sometimes they even love each other. No, really, they can.’
‘Sure they do. At the start. Then she has a baby and her waistline goes, he gets bored and hits the bottle, she nags, he gets mad, she nags some more.’
‘That’s life in the foster homes speaking, is it?’
‘One after another. Wherever it was-always the same. And you can keep it.’
‘You don’t believe people can ever love each other for life?’
Her face lit up with hilarity. ‘Leo, you’re a sentimentalist. You believe in that stuff.’