by Lucy Gordon
‘You’ve had that dream before, haven’t you?’ he said sadly. ‘I’ve see you toss and turn and I know you’re unhappy. And then the next night you’ve insisted on sleeping apart. But you never tell me. Why won’t you let me share it?’
As though he didn’t know the answer!
‘It’s nothing,’ she said quickly. ‘Just a dream. Hold me.’
They clung together until he asked quietly, ‘Are you going to leave me?’
In the long silence he felt the darkness fall over his heart.
‘No,’ she said at last, ‘I don’t think so-but-I need to go back for a while. Just for a while-’
‘Yes,’ he said heavily, ‘just for a while.’
He drove her to Pisa Airport next day. They were late arriving and the flight to Dallas had already been called.
‘I’d better hurry then,’ she said.
‘Have you got everything?’
She gave an edgy little laugh. ‘You keep asking me that. I guess I’ll find I’ve left something important behind.’
He nodded. ‘Yes.’
‘Will passengers-?’
Suddenly he said, ‘Selena, don’t go.’
‘I have to.’
‘No, you don’t. If you go, you won’t come back. This is where we have to work it out. Don’t go.’
‘There’s my flight.’
‘Don’t go! You know as well as I do what’ll happen if you do.’
She faced him. ‘I’m sorry-I’m sorry.’ Tears were pouring down her face. ‘I did try, but I just can’t-Leo, I’m sorry-so sorry-’
He reached out but she slipped through his fingers. At the gate she turned back for a last look. She wasn’t crying now, but the misery on her face reflected his own. For one moment he thought she would run back to him. But then she was gone.
Winter was a busy time in the souvenir business. Guido had decided on his lines for the following year and was busy showing his product to customers. In a couple of weeks he had a show so big that the only place for it was the Palazzo Calvani. The count had grumbled at the ‘indignity’ but given his consent.
But in the midst of his preparations Guido found the time to take off for Rome, with Dulcie, to share their great news.
After two days in Rome, celebrating with Marco and Harriet, now in countdown to their wedding, and Lucia, who was in seventh heaven, they headed for Bella Podena.
‘So I’m going to be an uncle,’ Leo said, toasting them.
It was the fifth time he’d done so. Everyone in the household had toasted them the first time, and the proud parents-to-be were sitting in a glow of happiness.
But Dulcie was a little uncomfortable with her own joy. She’d sensed something forced about Leo’s celebrating. When they were taking plates out into the kitchen, Gina having gone to bed, she touched his arm and asked gently, ‘Is there any news?’
He shook his head. There was a heaviness about him that hurt her, because it was so unlike the cheerful, take-life-as-it-comes Leo that they all knew.
‘She’ll come back,’ she said gently. ‘It’s not long-’
‘One month, one week and three days,’ he said simply.
‘Do you know where she is?’
‘Yes, I’ve started tracking her through the internet again. She’s doing well.’
‘You haven’t spoken to her?’
‘I called her once. She was very nice.’ There was a heaviness in his voice that told Dulcie all she needed to know about that call.
‘Call her again and tell her to come home,’ Dulcie said firmly.
But Leo shook his head. ‘It has to be how she wants. I can’t take her freedom away from her.’
‘But we all lose our freedom for the one we love. Some of it, anyway.’
‘Yes, and that’s fine, if it’s given up gladly. But if it’s coerced it can’t work. If she doesn’t come back to me of her own free will, she won’t stay.’
‘And if she doesn’t come back because she doesn’t know how badly you want her?’
Leo gave a painful smile. ‘She knows that.’
‘Oh, Leo!’
She put her arms around him, hugging tightly. He hugged her back, dropping his shaggy head to rest on her shoulder, where she stroked it tenderly.
Guido, coming into the kitchen with plates, stopped on the threshold.
‘My wife in my brother’s arms!’ he announced. ‘Should I be jealous, creep away, shoot myself?’
‘Oh, stop your nonsense!’ his wife ordered him.
‘Yes, dear!’
Dulcie gave Leo a little shake. ‘It’s going to be all right.’
‘Of course it is,’ he replied.
‘He didn’t mean a word of it,’ Dulcie told her husband as they prepared for bed. ‘It’s not all right for him at all. He’s living in a half-world. Gina told me today that sometimes he stands at the window looking down the road where he first saw her. It’s as though he expected her to appear again, as if by magic. Just like last time.’
‘Drat the woman!’ Guido said, getting into bed and curving his arm for her. ‘What does she mean by doing this to him?’
‘Don’t let Leo hear you say a word against her,’ Dulcie advised, snuggling up to her husband. ‘He understands her. He says she must find her own way home. If she doesn’t, it means it’s not really her home.’
‘That’s very profound for Leo,’ Guido said, much struck. ‘His mind never used to rise above the very basic-horses, crops and willing ladies, not necessarily in that order.’
‘But he’s changed. Even I’ve seen that, and I didn’t really know the old Leo. I’ll tell you this, Leo reckons her feelings are more important than his own.’
‘I wish I did.’ Guido sighed. ‘The truth is, I suppose I’m feeling guilty. If I’d left well alone-?’
‘What else could you do? The records were there. They have to work their own salvation out.’
‘And if they fail-? What’s that noise?’ He rose and went to the window, looking out at a high barn, from which came the sound of a voice, coaxing and pleading. A faint light shone from one of the windows.
‘It sounds like Leo,’ he said, pulling on a dressing gown. ‘What’s he playing at? He’s supposed to be in bed.’
Dulcie paused long enough to put on her own dressing gown, then followed her husband down to the yard and across to the barn. The door stood open.
Inside, the hay was piled up to the high ceiling just below which there was a ledge. A ladder stood propped against one of the supports, with Leo climbing unsteadily to the top, which fell several feet short of the ledge.
‘Leo, whatever’s the matter up there?’ Guido yelled.
‘It’s a barn owl. She’s trapped. I think she’s hurt her wing.’
‘Isn’t she safe up there?’
Leo’s voice reached him faintly. ‘She can’t fly for food, and she has young. I’m trying to bring them all down to safety.’
‘Careful,’ Guido called his alarm. ‘It’s dangerous. Haven’t you got a longer ladder?’
‘It’s being mended. I’m all right. Just a little further.’
Leo had reached the top now, so that he was on a level with the birds. Guido, watching below, could see a white owl face in the gloom.
‘Is he all right?’ Dulcie asked, coming to stand beside her husband.
‘Well, he’s got rocks in his head, but that’s nothing new,’ Guido said with a shrug that was pure Venetian in its mixture of humour, resignation, affection and wryness.
‘He’s risking a terrible fall,’ Dulcie said worriedly. ‘For an owl?’
‘The way he sees it, it’s his owl. Whatever’s his he looks after.’
A low whisper of triumph overhead announced that Leo had succeeded, at least. He was holding the injured barn owl in one hand, and supporting himself with the other, moving back very carefully, unable to see where he was going.
‘How near am I to the ladder?’ he yelled.
‘Another three feet,’ Guido ca
lled. ‘But you can’t do it with one hand full.’
Guido was level with the ladder now. Gently Leo laid the owl down in the hay and began to lower himself, his feet seeking the top rung. When he’d found it he reached back for the owl, but the nervous creature suddenly took fright and began to flutter awkwardly, moving just out of reach.
‘Don’t be difficult, cara,’ Leo pleaded. ‘Just a few minutes and we’ll both be safe.’
‘Leave it,’ Dulcie pleaded from below. ‘It’s too dan-Leo!’
The owl had edged back, causing Leo to lunge after it. It all happened in a flash. He lost contact with the ladder, tried frantically to regain his footing, and the next moment was plunging to the ground.
After Dallas Selena’s next move should have been to Abilene, where she’d always done well. But by giving Abilene a miss she was able to head back to Stephenville, and the chance to see Elliot.
She’d formed a bond with Jeepers that went deeper than she could have believed possible. But Elliot was her family. He’d been with her through the times when she didn’t have two cents to rub together. The way she saw it, he’d introduced her to Leo.
She didn’t quite admit to herself that it was also a chance to see the Hanworths, and talk about Leo. She was working on being strong and sensible about that. Since she’d made the decision to cut him out of her life it was pure self-indulgence to revel in talking about him.
But if the subject happened to come up it would do a little to ease the ache in her heart that was with her, night and day. The temptation to stay with him had been overwhelming. She’d fought it as much for his sake as her own. To be with him year after year, failing him, never quite understanding the things that mattered in his world, and to see the disillusion appearing in his eyes-these things would have been unendurable.
He would have been kind, she had no doubt of that. As the dimensions of his mistake became clear to him he would have become increasingly gentle, determined not to blame her for the disaster he had urged on her. And it would have been his kindness that broke her heart.
Several times she started to dial his number, but she always managed to be strong in time, and hang up with the number incomplete.
It was nearly dark when she reached the Four-Ten, later than she’d intended because she’d stopped twice on the way, trying to decide if she was really going or not. There were lights on in the house, but at the sound of her engine a dozen more came on. The front door was thrown open and Barton came hurrying out to greet her.
‘Get inside fast,’ he said tensely. ‘Leo’s brother’s here.’
‘Barton, has something happened?’
‘Guido will tell you. Hurry!’
She didn’t know how she got inside. Guido was there. He rose to his feet as she appeared and her heart nearly failed her, for she had never seen a face so pale and distraught.
‘Guido, what’s happened?’
‘Leo had a fall,’ he said, and stopped as though he couldn’t bear to go on.
‘And?’ she repeated in agony.
‘He was up high in the barn, chasing after a hurt owl-you know what he’s like-and he missed his footing and fell-best part of forty feet.’
‘Oh, God! Please Guido, tell me he’s alive.’
‘Yes, he is, but we don’t know when he’ll walk again.’
Her hands flew to her mouth. Leo, the man who never sat when he could stand, never walked when he could run; Leo in a wheelchair, or worse. She turned away so that Guido couldn’t see that she was fighting not to cry.
‘I came to take you home,’ Guido said. ‘He needs you, Selena.’
‘Of course. Oh, why didn’t you just telephone me? I could have been on my way.’
‘To be honest, I didn’t think you’d be willing. I came here to take you by force if I had to.’
‘Of course she’ll come,’ Barton said, entering from the hall. ‘You leave everything here, Selena. Elliot and Jeepers will be just fine with us. Get going, girl.’
He drove them to the airport himself. Guido already had her air tickets.
‘I told you I wasn’t going to take no for an answer,’ he said with a wan smile. ‘I meant it.’
‘You really thought I wouldn’t come if Leo needs me?’
‘I don’t think you’d have believed a phone call. It’s just words coming from a long way away.’
‘But you came all this way for me,’ she said, softened.
‘I had to. I don’t know how he’s going to be, but I do know you’ve got to be there.’
He dozed most of the journey, and Selena didn’t care to talk. Too many thoughts were confusing her all at once. She wouldn’t know what she thought until she saw Leo again.
From Pisa Airport a car conveyed them to the hospital. Selena’s nails ground into her palm. Now the moment had come she was terrified at what she would find. The last few yards to Leo’s ward seemed endless.
His door was just in front of them. Guido opened it and stood back to let her go in.
Her eyes went swiftly to the bed, and then she stopped, frozen.
There was nobody there.
‘Selena?’
The voice came from the window. She turned and saw a man standing there supported by crutches, one leg in plaster.
‘Selena?’ He made an unsteady, hobbling step towards her, and the next moment she was in his arms.
It was an awkward kind of kiss, holding each other up, not daring to clasp too tight, but it was the sweetest they had ever known.
‘How do you come to be here?’ he managed to say at last, when he could speak.
‘That-brother of yours-’
Leo gave a shaky laugh. ‘Has he been up to his tricks again?’
‘You!’ From the safety of Leo’s arms Selena turned on Guido, watching them with immense satisfaction, from the doorway. ‘You told me he couldn’t walk.’
‘Well, he can’t walk,’ Guido said innocently. ‘That’s why he’s got crutches. He broke his ankle.’
‘He broke-?’
‘Any other man would have been killed by that fall,’ Guido added. ‘But the devil looks after his own, and Leo landed on a bale of hay.’
He vanished tactfully.
‘You came back to me,’ Leo said huskily. ‘Hold me tightly.’
She did so and he immediately winced.
‘It doesn’t matter,’ he said. ‘All that matters is that you’re back, and you’re staying. Yes, you are-’ he said it quickly before she could argue. ‘You’re not going to leave me again, I couldn’t bear it.’
‘I couldn’t bear it either,’ she said fervently. ‘It was so dreadful without you. I kept trying to believe I’d done the right thing, then I’d weaken and decide to follow you, but then I’d be afraid of embarrassing you because you’d probably found somebody else-’
‘You stupid, stupid woman,’ he said lovingly.
He winced again at he spoke.
‘Come on,’ she said tenderly, ‘you should be in bed.’
With his arm around her shoulders he hobbled the few steps to the bed, where she helped him off with his robe. Beneath it his chest was bare, except for some strapping, and she gasped at the multitude of bruises, blue, black, red, overlapping each other.
‘It’s all right, they’re getting better,’ he said.
Clinging to her he eased himself down onto the bed and lay back, exhausted.
‘If you could pull the sheet up-Selena? Don’t cry.’
‘I’m not crying,’ she wept, trying to brush back the tears that flowed down her cheeks.
‘You’re not?’ he asked tenderly.
‘No, I’m not. You know I never cry, and don’t you dare try to suggest-oh, look at you! Oh, my darling, darling-’
He held her as close against him as he dared, kissing the top of her head.
‘It looks worse than it is,’ he reassured her. ‘Just a few bruises-well, OK, a cracked rib or two, but nothing to what it might have been.’
Guido slid out of
the door, unnoticed by either of them.
‘I never thought I’d see you again,’ Leo said. ‘It’s like a dream come true. How could you leave me?’
‘I don’t know. But I never will again.’
He was home in a week, promising the doctor to go straight to bed, and spending the first day in the car while Selena drove him over his lands.
‘Now you’re going to bed, as you promised,’ she said firmly when they got home.
‘Only if you come with me.’
‘You’re not well enough.’
‘I’m well enough to hold you against my heart,’ he said. ‘That’s what I’ve missed the most. Don’t you know that?’
He was still a very odd colour but he moved more easily, and when he’d settled into bed he was able to put his arms about her without wincing too much.
‘Are you going to be all right for the journey next week?’ she asked.
‘Sure, Venice is no distance, and I wouldn’t miss seeing Marco’s wedding for anything. And don’t worry, just because they’re marrying in St Mark’s, that doesn’t mean that people will start nagging us to do the same. They understand that we’ll be marrying here.’
He sighed. ‘It can’t be soon enough for me. We might go down to the church and talk about it tomorrow.’
Silence.
‘Carissima? Is something the matter?’
‘Don’t let’s rush anything, Leo.’
‘Well, I can’t rush anything, can I? Look at me. I need to get fully fit because I want to enjoy our wedding day, but that won’t take long-’
‘No, that’s not what I mean.’ She sat up, evading his hand that would have drawn her back.
‘Leo, I do love you, please believe that. And now that I’ve come back I won’t go away again. It hurt too much. But in a sense, nothing has changed. The things that were wrong before are still wrong now.
‘I won’t leave you, I swear it, but-I can’t marry you.’
CHAPTER TWELVE
F OR breakfast Gina had a wide choice of dishes, each one a favorite of Leo’s, which she pressed on him until he begged for mercy.
‘I’ll clear away, Gina,’ Selena said. ‘I know you’ve got masses to do.’
‘Si, signorina.’ Gina nodded and went on her way.