Pin

by Andrew Neiderman

  “What if he was?” She didn’t look at me.

  “So. And now he wants you to meet his mother before she kicks off.”

  “Don’t be so crude, Leon. No, not before she dies. That’s not why. He just wants me to meet her and her to meet me.”

  “Sounds serious.”

  “It could become serious,” she said, pausing and thinking for a moment. “When I’m with him, I feel very relaxed, very good.”

  “Do you? That’s interesting. I would imagine he would be the type to make you nervous. I mean, considering all that he’s been through and all that’s happened to him.”

  “No, he’s not that way. He’s … well, he’s just a very sincere individual,” she said. I was quiet for the rest of the time. I was burning up inside, containing all the anger. After she left, I broke the dish she had eaten off. I smashed it into pieces by slamming it hard into the sink. That noise woke Pin. I heard him call for me.

  I helped him dress and wheeled him out to the kitchen. I could see from the way he was staring at me that he realized something was very wrong, but he waited for a while. I served him his coffee and poured myself another cup. Then we made some small talk for a while. He complained about his legs again. I complained about my hand. The joints of his knees always ached in the morning.

  “I had the heating pads on all night,” he said. “I had a hard time falling asleep.”

  “Then maybe you heard some of what went on in the living room last night, huh?”

  “Went on? What went on?”

  “Ursula and her soldier boy returned a little after one o’clock. They sat on the couch talking. I overheard them.”

  “Not again.”

  “Yes, again. This time I heard Ursula.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “She connived against us. She told him about you, prepared him in a way. Gave him information how he should react and behave in our presence.”

  “She didn’t.”

  “I heard him say so. They talked about us both as if we were lunatics. She told him some very private things about us. I know, I know, it’s hard to believe, but she did.”

  “She must really like him.”

  “That doesn’t justify it.”

  “I didn’t say it did. Wow. I thought he was a bit too cool.”

  “Oh, he’s cool all right. He probably figures on eventually taking things over around here. He’s got her convinced that we’re sick, mentally sick. I know just what he’s planning to do.”

  “What?”

  “Marry Ursula and get us committed somewhere.”

  “She wouldn’t go for that. She wouldn’t…”

  “She ridicules you. She talks about you as if you … as if you didn’t really exist, had no mind. I don’t know what to think about her. I’ve been wondering, though, Pin. Could she have felt this way for a long time? Has she been humoring us with her attention and concern? Tell the truth, did Ursula ever talk to you like I do?”

  “Sure, what do you mean?”

  “I mean, lately, has she acted the same way she used to act with you?”

  “Well, you’re always around. Well, I…”

  “That’s what I thought. She tells me she talks to you, comes down to see you, spends time with you in your room, but she’s just been saying that to humor me and keep me believing she still cares about us. She’s been lying.”

  “I can’t believe it. You actually heard her say these things?”

  “With my own ears. How do you think I felt?”

  “I’d never think of Ursula being false to us.”

  “I know how you feel. How did we lose her, Pin?”

  “I don’t know. When I think of some of those long conversations we used to have when she was younger … it makes me mad. It really does.”

  “I’ve been trying not to hate her, but it’s hard.”

  “It’s hard,” he said. We were both quiet for a while. I drank my coffee and sat there thinking. I could tell that he was very upset. He glared ahead. Not a muscle moved in his face.

  “So?” I said finally. “What do we do now?”

  “We must punish her, punish her for being unfaithful, and we must restore her faith in us.”

  “Yes. I agree.”

  “This man is taking up all her time and energy now. He’s commanding her full attention. Whatever he says about us, she’s going to accept.”

  “That’s just what I thought.”

  “We’ve got to get her to challenge him and see what he truly is.”

  “I knew you’d know what to do, Pin. I knew it.”

  “She’s got to feel my full presence again, become dependent upon me and believe in me the way she used to.”

  “Right. So where do we start?” I asked. His determination was giving me new confidence.

  “We begin immediately. We begin right here at home,” he added, and I pulled my chair closer to him and listened as he began to unravel his plan to win back Ursula.

  He was full of ideas. What he suggested called for some equipment and materials. I had to go out and make some purchases, but every one of his plans was good. He was a very creative person and very inventive. I don’t know how Ursula could have lost faith in him to the extent that she would betray him. There was no one like him, no one as intelligent, as charming, or as interesting. She was a fool. His idea now was to shock her and punish her. She deserved it. I couldn’t wait to get started.

  Stan dropped her off about nine-thirty that night. I was in the living room with Pin watching television. We looked at each other when she opened the front door and entered. “Now it begins,” I whispered. He nodded.

  “Hi,” she said from the doorway. I turned to her.

  “Hi. Come on in and tell us about your visit.”

  “Oh, it was very bad. She’s terribly sick. She could die any day, any minute, actually.”

  “Is that so?” Pin said. I could see in his face and hear in his tone of voice that he was having the same difficulty I was having in controlling his anger.

  “Is that why he brought you home so early?”

  “Yes. I don’t feel so well either. I think I’ll just go up and soak in a hot tub for a while.”

  “Good idea,” I said. I turned back to the television. She went upstairs. A moment later I heard her call down to me. “What is it?” I yelled. I had been waiting. Pin smiled.

  “What’s this box on the wall outside of your bedroom and mine?”

  “It’s an intercom.”

  “Intercom? What for?”

  “It’s for Pin,” I said, walking to the foot of the stairs. “It’ll make it easier for him to call if he needs us.”

  “Oh. How come you never thought of it before?”

  “He never needed us as much before,” I said, but she didn’t get my subtle meaning.

  “Very clever,” she sang out and went to her bath. When I walked back to the living room, Pin was still smiling. She didn’t know how clever he really was. There was the one intercom she saw on the wall and there was the one in Pin’s room, right by his bed. But there was also one in my room, right under my bed.

  “Let’s do the recording now,” I said. “She’s taking a bath.”

  “Fine. You sure that little machine will have enough volume?”

  “Positive. I tried it out in the store first,” I said, taking the pocket tape recorder out of my pants pocket. It was just a little bigger than the palm of my hand. “We won’t need that much volume anyway. The intercoms have a volume control too and I’ve got the one outside of her room turned way up.”

  “Good. Let’s get on with it.”

  He recorded the message in his voice, a voice remarkably like my father’s. It was a simple message. He continually called for Ursula to come down to him. I recorded about six or seven minutes of it. I didn’t think we needed much more. If she didn’t hear it the first time, I would simply rewind and play it over and over until she did. When we were finished, I put the machine back into my pocket
.

  “I’ll wait until she’s just about to fall asleep and then I’ll begin. I’d let you do it right through the intercom, but like you said, you wouldn’t know when to begin, and it will look a lot better for us if I’m upstairs when it happens.”

  “No question about it. We’ve got to do this right. That man’s planted doubts, and he will continue to do so. She’ll get to the point where she’s completely dependent upon him and free of us. We’ve got to do this, even though it’s unpleasant for all of us.”

  “And what if she does come down to you?”

  “I’ll be waiting on the couch. You’ve got the luminous paint?”

  “Right.”

  “OK. On my fingers and around my eyes.”

  “Sure it won’t do you any harm?”

  “Positive,” he said, so I painted it on just the way he wanted me to. Before I went up, I put out the lights and looked at him. It was terrific, just like he said it would be. His fingers seemed like they were resting in midair and his eyes were deep holes of darkness, accented by the luminous circles around them. I laughed.

  “This is just the beginning,” he said. “We’ve got a lot more to do.”

  “I know. See you later.”

  “See you later,” he said. I walked upstairs slowly, encouraged by my vision of Ursula’s panic. She would come running to me in her desperate need to be comforted. She was still in the bathtub. I tried the door, but it was locked. She hadn’t done that before. I knocked.

  “You all right in there?”

  “Yes. I’m just about finished drying off,” she added. “I’ll be right out.”

  “Need any help? Want me to dry your back?”

  “No, it’s all right. Thanks.”

  “Suit yourself,” I said and went to my room. I sat at my desk and tried rewriting some lines of the poem that didn’t please me, but I couldn’t concentrate. I kept touching the pocket tape recorder and thinking about the plan. Pin was waiting patiently downstairs. That’s one thing about him, I thought; he has great patience. He never loses his cool. I sat back and took a deep breath. “Try to be like Pin,” I told myself. “Try to be like Pin.”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw myself in the mirror. I was sitting stiffly in the chair, my back pressed hard against the back of it, my shoulders pulled up and my head held stiffly erect. I would have sat that way for quite a while, but I heard Ursula come into her room. “Got to act completely natural,” I told myself. “Don’t let her get a bit suspicious.” So I got up and opened the door. She was sitting on her bed with a towel around her hair. Other than that, she was completely naked. Her skin was pinkish from the hot water.

  “How do you feel now?”

  “A lot better. It really was terrible, Leon. It made me feel creepy all over.”

  “I know what you mean. I once came into the office right after an old man died. The doctor didn’t have him covered or anything.”

  “Ugh. I’m glad I wasn’t with you.”

  “He was just sitting there talking to Pin about the case. He was very calm and matter-of-fact about it. The man had a heart attack in the office, actually out in the lobby. They were waiting for someone to come and get the body. I remember how the man’s hand was just hanging stiffly off the table. His fingers were cupped like he expected someone to come over and put something in them.”

  “The doctor was so crude sometimes, wasn’t he?”

  “He was just scientific, unattached, uninvolved.”

  “I think that’s crude.”

  “I’m sure your boyfriend saw a lot of dead people and got to the point where he just looked at them matter-of-factly.”

  “Never. Stan’s too sensitive to be matter-of-fact about death.”

  “Maybe. You want to talk about him?”

  “No,” she said. I thought she said it rather quickly and emphatically.

  “Why not?”

  “I’m just not in the mood. Visiting his mother and all,” she added, more to placate me than anything else.

  “Suit yourself.” I turned to leave, but she called me back.

  “Leon, Stan asked me how come you don’t have any girl friends over. He thought that if you did, maybe we could do some double dates. It might be fun.”

  “My love life is none of his damn business.”

  “He didn’t ask to be nosy. He only thought…”

  “I know what he thought,” I said, forgetting my self-control. “He thought it unnatural for me to stay here and not have the outside interests you have, isn’t that it?”

  “He never said you were unnatural. Really, Leon, we were just thinking of ways to have some fun.”

  “I’ll bet.”

  “What’s wrong? You look so tense, so twisted up and ugly inside.”

  “Nothing. I just don’t like people talking about me, that’s all. When I want someone, I’ll go out and get her. I never lacked the ability to do so, did I?”

  “Never. You were always a big lover.” She smiled.

  “So? Why concern yourself then?”

  “Come over here and sit next to me. Why won’t you come?” she added when I hesitated.

  “What do you want?”

  “Just come over. How about giving me a massage? My kidneys ache again,” she said and turned to sprawl out on her stomach. I looked at her for a moment. I knew what she was trying to do—she was trying to soften me up. I walked over and sat on the bed. “Come on,” she said. I began rubbing her back in small circles and then larger ones. “Oh, that’s good.”

  “Can’t you get Stan to do this?”

  “He’s not here now. Anyway, you know just how to do it and you have such strong hands.”

  “Thanks.”

  “You do,” she said, propping herself up on her right elbow.

  “OK, OK, I do.” She sprawled out again. I watched her ass move under the rhythm of my hands. It had such a nice shape to it and such fullness. I moved over and over it and then down to her thighs, inside them and around the legs. She moaned and groaned, lying there with her eyes closed, her lips pursed. It did have a relaxing effect on me too. I felt less tense and annoyed for the moment.

  “Remember when you came in here and did this to Miriam Cohen?”

  “Yeah, I remember. It seems like a hundred years ago already.”

  “It does.”

  “A lot of things have changed since then,” I said, playing around with double meanings again. She didn’t say anything. I worked down her legs to the calves and then stopped by slapping her on the ass.

  “Ouch,” she said, turning over on her back. I got up and started for my bedroom again. “Where are you going?”

  “To sleep. I’m tired.”

  “Will you think about it at least?”

  “About what?”

  “Stan’s suggestion.”

  “Yeah, I’ll think about it. Sure, why not?”

  “Sherry Chester is always asking about you. Whenever I see her, she asks how you are and what you’re doing.”

  “That slut.”

  “She’s a nice girl now. Works as a secretary for Jack Bernstein.”

  “Probably putting out for him. She put out for everybody in high school.”

  “Think about it, will you, Leon?”

  “I said I would, didn’t I? Listen, what the hell is this supposed to be anyway, Rehabilitate Leon Week?” I said, and I slammed the door closed between us. I stood there smiling on my side. I had been worrying about how I was going to close that door.

  Chapter 11

  I WATTED ONE HOUR AFTER I HEARD URSULA GET INTO BED to go to sleep. Then I took the tape recorder, just as we had planned, and I turned on my intercom. Over and over Pin’s voice began to play through the speakers. I watched the door between Ursula’s room and mine. I waited for her light to go on. I felt some pangs of regret doing it. I readily admit that, but taunting her with Pin’s voice was part of both her punishment and her treatment. We had to win her back completely. There was no other way. I
just used father’s old standby expression—“The pain is the price we pay for recovery.” His voice went on.

  “Ursula, Ursula, come down, I need you. I want to talk to you. Ursula, Ursula, come down. Please, Ursula, come down. Ursula, Ursula, come down, I need you. Please.”

  It ran through twice and still there was no reaction from her. It worried me, but I kept it up. I can’t fail now, I thought. Pin’s waiting downstairs. He’s been waiting all night. Again, we’ll play it again and again. I began to sweat a little in anticipation. Finally, I grew impatient with the machine. It was as if no voice were coming over it. Maybe something went wrong when I played the tape recorder into the intercom, I thought. Then, in the best disguised voice I could manage, I spoke through the intercom, saying the exact things Pin had recorded. I did that for only a little while when the light went on in Ursula’s room.

  I waited, lying back in my bed, closing my eyes, and pretending to be fast asleep. The door opened slowly. I opened my eyes slightly. She stood there peering in at me. She was dressed in her nightgown and holding her hands to her chest. She stood waiting for the longest time. I think she wanted to be sure I was asleep. Then she closed the door and went back to bed, satisfied, probably, that she had dreamt the whole thing. I smiled to myself and reached for the intercom again.

  “Ursula, Ursula, come down, I need you. I want to talk to you. Ursula, Ursula, come down. Please, Ursula, come down. Ursula, Ursula, come down, I need you. Please.”

  Her light went on again. I shut off the intercom and took the same position. She opened the door abruptly, as if she had hoped to catch me at something. But there I was, lying back in bed, my eyes closed, my breathing regular. She stood there so long this time that I had to act as if she woke me up. I turned with feigned surprise.

  “What? What is it? What’s the matter? What the hell’s the matter?” She continued to just stand there looking in at me. “Jesus, you scared the shit out of me, Ursula. What’s the matter, damnit?”

  “Didn’t you hear anything?”

  “What?”

  “A … a voice, someone’s voice?”

  “I was in a deep sleep. Shit, I was having a nice dream and I was in a deep sleep. What’s this all about?”