“You look beautiful,” Jeff said, as they embraced when she appeared at the elegant, exclusive restaurant. He kissed her cheek, his lips lingering for a second more than it should. His hand tightened on her bare arm, before he released her with a smile. “I’d almost forgotten how good you look – and smell. Is that a new perfume?”
She nodded with a smile, settling into a chair. “It’s by a certain British designer. I think I’m beginning to favor all things English. It seems almost a shame that I’ll be leaving soon.”
“You can always come back to visit. London’s beautiful,” he said with a shrug, after their second course was served. “The one thing that can’t be undone, is selling the house. You still plan on doing that?”
“Yes,” she said without hesitation. “I mean, it’s the sensible thing to do. Once it’s completely renovated, I’ve been assured I’ll get a buyer almost straight away. I can’t imagine anyone not falling in love with the place once they view it.”
There was a lot of animation in her voice as she began to tell him about the house and how beautiful it looked now. “It’s so perfect – or it will be when Gordon’s done with it.”
“Gordon?”
“He’s the contractor who’s been working tirelessly to get the house finished in time for the sale. I can’t believe how much he’s done in so little time. He really is the best at his job.”
“I would have loved to see the house,” Jeff said mildly as he sipped from his wine glass.
Victoria smiled. “Of course you can, Jeff. I’ll give you a grand tour. It would have been great if you could have stayed in my home instead of the hotel, but…” She shrugged apologetically. “Most of the rooms are still awaiting the final finish. And then the workmen working all time of day…”
“No, it’s okay, I like my hotel,” he said, his handsome face wreathing in a smile. “It’s got this immense, sinfully black steam bath. I can’t wait to try it tonight. Think that would be something that would interest you?”
Victoria’s neck went hot, and she quickly picked up her cutlery again. “A scintillating offer, Jeff. But from my experience, sharing a steam bath is a very good premise of one thing leading to another.”
There was a glint in his eyes as he smiled, and placed a hand over hers on the table. “My sentiments exactly. Victoria…”
She slipped her hand out from under his, sighing. Her gaze was lowered. “I can’t, Jeff. I just…I can’t.”
When she looked up at him, his face was devoid of expression. “Even now? Victoria, I was hoping that here, in London, you’d feel differently. I’ve always wanted you, my love. I’ve always wanted us to mean something.”
“We do mean something. Just not…not the way you’d like,” she said, drawing in a bracing breath before she said calmly, “It’s not going to happen, Jeff. I appreciate everything we’ve shared, but it’s not ever going to be anything more than what it is now.”
“I think I realize that,” he replied in the same tone, and for the first time in a long while, he let her see the hurt, the anger, and the regret.
“Whoever he is, I hope he knows how special you are. I hope he gives you everything you deserve,” he said simply.
Surprised, she stared at him. Had he somehow guessed? Did he know about her and Gordon? But that was impossible.
“I mean, the one. That special, lucky guy out there that’s going to know what it feels to have your love, your heart – and your passion. Because I’ve come to terms with the reality that it could never be me.”
Victoria opened her mouth to say something, but no words seemed like they could make a difference then.
He nodded with a smile, overlooking the sad shadows in her eyes. “Let’s order dessert, shall we?”
***
“So how was dinner last night?” Gordon asked mildly.
It was the following day, and she was in one of the rooms with him, helping with putting up the last inch of wallpaper. She liked it when she could chip in a hand; it felt good to be a part of something as vital as bringing an old house back to life. The best part of it, though, was being around Gordon.
She dusted off her hands, turning to him with a smile. His back was to her, and he clattered nosily with his tools as he gathered them.
“It was nice; all five courses. There was the most delicious shrimp…”
“I wasn’t talking about the food, Victoria.”
“I know,” she replied with an impish smile, coming up to put her arms around him, feeling the rigid column of his back beneath her cheek. Hmm, he smelled delicious, like fresh, hot male. “And he’s gone, Gordon. Back to New York. He left on the first flight.”
He turned in her arms, and grabbed her. She felt like a waif in his strong arms as he bound her tightly to him. He kissed her and claimed her with the force of it. Into her mouth he dove, his tongue raking her warm depths like he would devour her alive. Victoria moaned and opened to him; as always she unlocked herself to his hungry passion. His need for her was like sustenance to her being; it made her soul dance and her body tingle at its nerve endings. She wasn’t sure there would be a time she could ever refuse him. He’d always have the key to her desire.
“I want you to stay,” he said against her lips, making her force herself to focus. Her hands held either side of his face, and she pulled back to stare up at him.
“What?”
“I never wanted to bring this up before. But now…Victoria, keep the house. Stay in London. I don’t want you to leave.”
She let out a dazed laugh, her eyes wide with amazement and humor. “You’re not serious?”
“I’ve never been more so,” he said calmly, his fingers raking into her hair, and tugging it back. Her neck was bared to him, and he traced the smooth, delicate line with his moist tongue. “This is your home, Victoria. I know you’d come to love it here.”
“But...My business, my friends – “She couldn’t believe she was actually considering this.
“You’re an interior designer, Victoria. I’m sure your skills are much in demand here as they are in New York. And as for friends – you can always make new ones. But there’s really only one friend you need, sweetheart.” His head lifted, and there was a dark appeal in his sea-washed eyes. “I don’t think I can let you go, Victoria. Not so soon.”
“I’m not sure what you mean,” she said lightly. But she knew exactly what he meant. This thing they had – whatever it was: perhaps it was too good to walk away from. She could return to New York and forget all about him. Or she could stay, and find out where all this could lead. Would it be worth the sacrifice?
“I think it’s pretty simple,” he told her, his tone sensible. “You already have a place to stay. You have no cause to dash back. Think of how much more we could explore the possibilities between us. If you leave for New York, you’ll never know.”
“You’re talking like I’ll be on the other side of the moon,” she teased, though she broke out of his hold. She couldn’t think straight when he held her close. “Why don’t you come to New York? You could visit whenever you want – and I’ll do the same; I’ll hop on a plane to London whenever I need to.” She shrugged, adding easily, “Nothing drastic needs to be done. Besides…If I stay, you just might get tired of me. What happens then?”
She was smiling, though her words had a ring of uncertainty. His eyes flashed as he stood across from her.
“Try me,” he said softly, and she felt her skin shiver as she looked into his eyes. Just what was he offering? Her heart lifted at the thought that maybe he’d come to have deep feelings for her. Why else would he be insisting this way?
“I’ll think about it,” she said, buying time. She was all confused. When she’d known that Jeff was already on his way back to New York, her deep instinct had been to go right after him. Just jump on a plane and leave, before she got mired in a net of her own making.
Every day she stayed, she felt more attached to this place, to Gordon. And considering that, a few mon
ths ago she’d had absolutely no ties with either, she could hardly afford to make any extreme choices.
“I want you to think about it, at least,” he said, releasing her with reluctance. “I just wanted to get it out there. I could no longer bear to keep it all inside. So now you know.”
“Now I know,” she echoed, hands twisting together. “And yes…I’ll think about it.”
Chapter Sixteen
Victoria liked the idea of being in love. To open one’s eyes with the waking thought of that special person. He made her smile for no reason; just thinking about him or something he’d said when they were together, could make her face break out with a grin.
She wasn’t prepared for it, but it felt so good. His touch, his scent; they thrilled her so easily. And when his body was next to hers, she melted. In the evenings, after the work was done, she would lead him up to her bedroom, and they would make love. Sometimes it was rough and hard, or slow and sweet. But each time, it was marvelous.
She wasn’t sure what she was going to do about her new-found feelings for Gordon. She’d never really been in love before. A few teenage crushes, some short-lived dalliances – but this looked like it went deep. Why else was she even considering what he’d said, about wanting her to stay?
That day, she had business to attend to, with the London lawyers handling the legal matters regarding the house. She was still trying to make up her mind about selling the house. One of the possibilities she was considering, was that she didn’t have to let the house go even if she had to return to New York. That way, she’d have a reason to come back whenever she wanted.
But she already had a reason, hadn’t she? There was Gordon, she thought with a smile, as she made her way back to the house after the meeting. She was in a taxi, and was riding at the back while the car made its way through the streets leading to her drive.
Then she saw them.
Gordon and Abbey. They’d just come out of a coffee shop, and he was holding her hand in a tight grip. The taxi drove slowly by on the road, and Victoria could only stare through the window as both of them embraced warmly, before Abbey placed a kiss on his cheek.
The intimacy of the scene made Victoria’s chest tighten. She sat back as if dazed, as the car drove on, making the turn that would take them straight to her home.
She couldn’t get her head around what she’d just seen. Abbey and Gordon? It didn’t seem right. It was true that Abbey had been the one to introduce them. But that didn’t mean they had anything going on, had they?
Were you blind? Mocked an inner voice, as she paid for the taxi and walked slowly up the steps leading to the front door. She let herself in, backing into the door as she stared unseeingly into space. She could have seen it all wrong, she told herself. They’d gone for some coffee, had held hands and shared a kiss. No big deal – not to me, surely, Victoria thought.
But then, what did she really know about him anyway, or Abbey? She came around with her little tit-bits of town gossip, and she’d been nice and friendly. But she was also a woman, who’d made it known that Gordon was an attractive bachelor. And then Gordon, Victoria knew next to nothing about. She’d allowed herself only to know what she’d needed to know. He was charming, smooth, and sexy. He could turn her on like a light bulb with barely any effort. He’d found his way into her bed and since then, had taken full advantage of her womanly neediness.
And then, he’d asked her to stay. Victoria guessed that any man would want more of a good thing. Her body, for as long as it pleased him. And in the mean time, he’d keep his little “friendships” with Abbey and whichever woman was out there that Victoria didn’t know about.
You’re jealous, she thought, staring at her reflection in beautiful ornate mirror hanging in the hallway. You know that Abbey is a sexy, alluring woman. And Gordon is a highly sexed, very attractive man. Was it even feasible that those two could be just friends? Yeah, right.
It didn’t matter though. Gordon didn’t belong to her. And she certainly didn’t belong to him. So whatever he and Abbey had going on, it had nothing to do with her. It didn’t mean anything.
So why did it hurt like hell?
***
He came the next morning, as usual. There were the final fittings to be done, and he was busy with them all day. Normally, she’d look in to see if he needed anything, or even for just a chat and sometimes, some necking if there was no one else around.
They’d pretty much been unable to keep their hands off each other since they’d become lovers. But Victoria was about to put a stop to that.
She’d been reckless and silly. The sex had been good but then she’d started to have feelings – and that had been dumb. Had he been laughing at her the whole time? The mixed-up American chick that’d been so easy to seduce. A few tender words, and she’d spread her legs like some needy female.
And now she was feeling the pangs. The sense of being played for a fool – and she didn’t like it. It occurred to her that she might be wrong about him, and Abbey. But what did she know? She’d come across the ocean for one purpose – and she’d already allowed herself to be sidetracked once. She’d meant to arrive, sell the house and leave. But she’d let Abbey convince her to stay and renovate the house. Next, Gordon had almost convinced her to stay.
She was done listening to people she didn’t really know. Now, she’d listen to her common sense. And it told her to show caution – to exercise more self-restraint than she’d been doing so far.
So when Gordon knocked on the door of the study and came in, he found her behind the desk, busy at the computer.
“What are you doing?” he asked mildly, coming to perch at her desk. “I thought you’d want to see what I’ve done with the cabinets in the south room.”
“I’ll look at it later,” she said with an easy smile, glancing up at him. He was tugging off his work gloves, and she drew her eyes away from him in those overalls she’d always found so sexy. Clearing her throat lightly, she added, “Right now, I’m checking out real estate prices. Trying to figure out what I can sell the house for I’ve been talking to some agents, and…”
“You’re going to sell?”
She glanced up and saw his face, his expression surprised. “I think I will,” she said. “Yes.”
“You sound like you mind’s made up already. I thought you said you’ll think about it?”
“I have,” she said, shrugging as she swiveled in her chair to face the computer again. “And I decided I should just go with the original plan. Fix the house, sell it, and leave. I don’t see any impediments to that arrangement, do you?”
“Only one,” he murmured. “Me. Victoria, I…”
“I really can’t talk now,” she said, breaking in quickly and getting to her feet. She strode out from behind her desk, and went to the door. “I have so many details to see to right now. And I’m sure you have loads to do too, so…”
She was holding open the door, and saw him pause for a few moments, before he quietly nodded, and left.
It went on for a few days in this manner. She generally kept out of his way while he was in the house, and even when he tried to talk to her, she was always too busy. Thankfully, there were more workers from his construction team than ever, working on the final stages of the house. So he was busy too, though he tried as much as he could to get Victoria to make time for them to talk. But she always found something else she needed to be doing.
She could sense his confusion, and sometimes, his irritation. She knew that he was brimming with questions about her strange new attitude, and by the end of the week; he finally got his chance to ask her.
“I want to know what’s going on,” he said.
She turned from the sink to face him as he stood in the doorway of the kitchen, adding, “You’ve become very good at avoiding me. I just don’t know why you’d need to. What’s happened, Victoria?”
She drew in a deep breath, shrugging nonchalantly. “If you’re talking about us...”
“No
, I’m talking about the weather,” he said bitingly. “Of course I’m talking about us. You act like I’ve killed your pet or something. The other day we were talking about you possibly staying in London after the house is finished – and suddenly, you’re ringing up buyers. What’s that about?”
“It’s called free will,” she said in his same biting tone, as she pushed from the sink to march up to him. “I didn’t sign up for this. The renovations, the hassle. I came here to wrap this situation up as fast as I could. But thanks to certain advice, I’ve become too involved in all this and I decided, for my own good, to back out.”
“So what has that got to do with me?” he asked more gently, taking her arm. “How have I become the bad guy? Because I asked you to stay?”
“Yes,” she said truthfully, her eyes sparking with anger.
“How’s that a bad thing?” was his exasperated enquiry.
She pulled her arm angrily away. “Why should I stay? What kind of offer would you be making that would actually cause me to act so stupid? I’m not a lovesick teen, Gordon. You give some good sex but that’s never enough for a woman like me to lose her sense of self-worth.”
“What on earth are you talking about? What have I done?” he exclaimed, throwing his hands up.
“Alright,” she said with a ragged, angry sigh. “I wasn’t going to ever make it an issue, but – I saw you with Abbey. Holding hands and leaving a café. She even kissed you.”
“When was this?” he asked quietly, his eyes narrowing.
“Does it matter?” she snapped, then, “A few days ago. And since then I’ve been telling myself how foolish I was to trust you.”
“You think I have something going on with Abbey. Is that it?” he asked on a relieved laugh. “Is that the reason you’ve been giving me the leper treatment all week?”
She shrugged, folding her arms. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I was angry yes, but I’m over that. But I’ve decided to show more…self control from now on. I can’t afford to get side-tracked, not at this stage. And besides I – “
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