by Brandon Witt
So what if he felt something more with Cody? The spark that was missing with most people. The feeling of contentment as he fell asleep with Cody in his arms.
So what if he thought he’d seen something in Cody’s eyes as they’d looked at each other? He’d thought it was the burn of mutual attraction. Maybe even longing for more. Darwin had seen what he’d wanted to.
And that was the other thing. Why Cody? Why had Cody gotten under his skin? Almost as soon as the kid sat down at the table and started talking like a madman, there’d been something about him.
Why wasn’t really the question. Darwin knew exactly what it was. Or at least what part of it was. Cody was fragile, maybe even scared. And Darwin knew all too well what that felt like, even if he hadn’t felt that way in nearly a decade. Like calls to like, no matter the distance of time.
It was a good thing Cody hadn’t wanted more than a one-nighter, or partial one-nighter. Darwin wanted a relationship. A real one. One with marriage and kids at the end of it. Cody barely seemed more than a kid himself.
“You in there?” Violet waved her hand in front of Darwin’s face. “I don’t know where you went, but from the look on your face, it got dark fast. And FYI, you’ve got it bad.”
Darwin shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. “No, I don’t. It was just a hookup.”
“Nope, Violet’s right. You do have it bad. Hookup or not, you fell for this guy.”
He cocked his head as he glanced over at Jade. “You can’t fall for a guy in one night. It wasn’t even a full night.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Well, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. I fell in love with Matt the minute I laid eyes on him, and we’ve been married for—”
“Oh my God, Jade! Do you have to take every opportunity to rub in my face your perfect marriage with the perfect guy? We get it. You’re married. Whoop-de-do!”
There was another yell off to one side, and they looked over in time to see one of the actors get pushed off the cliff and fall into the pool below. Violet turned back around. “Thank God that’s over.” She pointed at Darwin. “As much as I hate to admit it, my oh-so-perfect-sister over there is right. You’ve got it bad.” Her face contorted into a rather unattractive expression. “Wait a minute. I’m the one who said it first. I’m right. You do have it bad.”
Darwin half laughed, half sighed. “You two are a mess. Nobody listening to us would ever dream you’re as smart as you are. We’d probably lose our grant.”
Violet just smiled and lifted her hands. “Cancer couldn’t be in better hands.”
Jade snorted. “I don’t think that’s exactly what you meant.”
“First with the perfect husband and now with the perfect verbiage.” Violet raised a hand toward the sky. “Lord, thank you for not causing us to be born conjoined. I would have had to kill her, and that only would have been suicide.”
Jade rolled her eyes. “You’d think after thirty years that would’ve gotten old by now. Darwin, for the love of all that’s holy, tell us about this guy, and do it quickly before she really gets on a roll.”
Darwin shrugged. “I already did. There’s not that much to tell. We weren’t together very long. I’ll go into Mary’s next week sometime for dinner and see if he’s there. It’ll be easy to tell if he’s interested in something more. I’m willing to bet he won’t look my way.” The thought of that stung more than he wanted to admit, even to himself.
Violet waggled her eyebrows. “What if he’s not interested in something more, but is willing to hook up again? No strings attached can be a very good thing.”
“Oh, yes. You make it seem so fun, Violet. Especially all the drama Darwin and I had to listen to on the way over.”
Darwin jumped in, if for no other reason than to stop another squabble. “I’m done with hookups. I think I’m done with dating for a while too. There’s been too much of it. I’m getting jaded or something.”
The twins gave him identical exasperated expressions, but it was Violet who spoke. “Seriously? You’re twenty-four. You’re barely out of diapers. How can you already be too jaded for hookups? Not to mention that marriage and kids shouldn’t even cross your mind at this point.”
Everyone told him that. Part of him wished he could turn the desire off. And he had, for a while. That wasn’t true. He’d ignored it for a bit, but it never stopped eating at him. “Maybe it’s where I’m from. A fourth of my high school class got married to each other, and half of them had kids by the time I was a sophomore in college. It’s how things are done.”
“Yeah, if you’re stuck in the eighteenth century.” Jade shook her head. “I love being married, but I’m glad I waited until I was older. You don’t need to be worried about getting hitched and settling down. Have fun.” She grimaced. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but for once, I agree with Violet. You’re young. Enjoy hooking up with all the cute Denver guys. You haven’t been here long enough to tell me you’ve made your way through all of them.”
“Even if hooking up is what I should be doing, I don’t think it’s a good idea to do it with someone I have feelings for. Especially when he obviously doesn’t for me. Talk about setting myself up to get hurt.”
“So you do have feelings for him.” Violet grinned like a cat pouncing on a mouse.
“I….” Oh. Shit. He did have feelings for Cody. He supposed that should have been obvious after all the mooning he’d done over the past several days, but still. Shit.
Violet glanced toward the waterfall. “Oh, good, the diver is here. This is always fun. By the time we get sopapillas, it will be time for the gorilla show.”
“You and that damn gorilla. With as sex starved as you are, I’d think you’d be more interested in the divers, but no, it’s all about the monkey suit.”
Darwin tuned them out and turned toward the waterfall without really looking.
What was wrong with him? He’d been dating solid for months. And he’d had the niggling of crushes on a couple of guys, but they hadn’t been more than that, and had faded nearly as quickly as they’d arrived.
The crowd cheered and clapped as the guy dove off the cliff.
Darwin clapped along without conscious thought.
Well, whatever. He was tired of thinking about it. It didn’t matter if he had feelings too soon or if those feelings were triggered by his own past insecurity. So what if he’d seemed like a stalker? He was going to go to Hamburger Mary’s that night and get a drink. If Cody was there, he’d ask him out. Make it clear it was a date, not just a hookup. If Cody turned him down, then it was over. At least Darwin wouldn’t have to keep thinking about it.
“Holy shit. Look at him climb that cliff. He’s not a big thing, but those muscles are popping.”
“Jesus, Violet. You’re a thirty-year-old woman. That kid is barely eighteen if a day.”
Violet shrugged. “Legal’s legal.”
“You’re disgusting.”
Their bickering drew Darwin out of his head, and he finally truly looked at the diver, who had just reached another hidden spot on the cliff and was preparing for another dive. “No way.” He leaned forward, not believing what he was seeing.
“What?” One of the twins poked his shoulder.
He ignored them.
It couldn’t be.
But it was. He’d know that body anywhere, no matter how short their time together had been. He’d spent enough time exploring the pale skin and swells of firm muscle that he had it memorized. The diver ran his fingers through wet black hair and jutted his chin, causing the lights to hit his face.
It was him.
Then he dove.
Darwin watched, leaning forward when Cody was out of sight. He could just make out the edge of the pool below. He turned back to the girls. “That’s him. That’s Cody.”
They both gaped at him.
“No, really, it is.”
Violet crossed her arms. “Well, that takes care of that. He’s off my list. Young and gay i
s one too many strikes in my book.”
Jade cast a sidelong glance at her sister, then focused on Darwin. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, of course I am.” He turned back toward the waterfall. Cody hadn’t started climbing back up. “Where do the divers go when they’re done?”
“I don’t know. They swim behind the waterfall down in the pool. I’ve never seen them anywhere else.” Her tone grew excited as she leaned forward. “But there’s a dock down there by the pool where you can watch them dive. You could get him before he swims away.”
Darwin hesitated for a moment, the brief certainty of earlier fading.
Violet smacked his shoulder. “For crying out loud, you idiot. Get down there. If you don’t, I’ll pretend we’re in fourth grade, go down there myself, and tell him there’s a boy at my table who likes him.”
Darwin’s own excitement grew. “Okay. How do I get there? This place is a maze.”
Jade pointed to the rocky stage the performer had fallen from earlier. “Go over the bridge to that roped-off section and take the stairs. They go right to it.”
He started at a run, then forced himself to slow down as he realized the scene he was making. With a hurried jog, Darwin wove between the tables, crossed the bridge, darted around more tables, and finally reached the top of the stairs.
Cody was already at the next diving location, preparing to jump.
Darwin threw his pride to the wind and tore off down the steps, two at a time. Around him, the crowd cheered as Cody dove again.
He reached the bottom of the steps. Twenty or so people were gathered around the edge of the pool, the kids shrieking as Cody’s splash got them wet.
To the left was a small wooden dock that jutted a couple of feet around the edge of the pool. Cody swam to the cliff and pulled himself out of the water using just the premade handholds. Darwin paused at the sight of Cody’s slick muscled back, the colored spotlights surrounding the waterfall glistening off his pale skin. He nearly glowed. Even lacking a clear view of his face, Cody was beautiful. Ethereal.
Darwin almost called to him, then realized how ridiculous that would be. Plus, what did he expect Cody to do? Throw himself off the side of the cliff and swim over to him in the middle of the crowded restaurant?
He made his way past a couple of grade-school-age boys and took his place on the edge of the dock, then watched as Cody finished climbing the cliff. This time, Cody went higher, to the very top. So far, that for a moment, he disappeared into the darkness of a hole that had been cut into the sky-painted ceiling.
Then he emerged, diving straight down like a bullet, slicing into the deep pool just a few feet away from where Darwin stood. The children squealed again at the new splash. The crowd erupted in applause.
Darwin almost looked up, certain he would see Violet and Jade leaning over the roped edge by their table so they wouldn’t miss a bit of the show. It nearly made him change his mind.
Cody surfaced, instantly raking his fingers through his hair, sweeping the wet mess out of his eyes. Instead of turning to climb back up the cliff, he did a couple of breaststrokes and swam to the edge of the pool. He paused for each kid who reached a hand out toward him, giving them a shake, squeeze, or knuckles. With each one, he smiled and said something.
Darwin couldn’t hear Cody, but the expression on Cody’s face confirmed that Darwin indeed had feelings for him, no matter how little time they’d had together. As he moved from kid to kid, Cody beamed. There wasn’t an ounce of insecurity or nervousness. He looked older, more mature.
Cody reached the two boys on the dock, pounding each of their fists, and had started to speak when his gaze darted up and met Darwin’s. His eyes grew wide, and his mouth dropped open. They stared at each other for a second, and then Cody seemed to remember where he was. He smiled at the boys. “Glad you liked the show, guys. There’s going to be a gorilla up there in about fifteen minutes. He likes to chase people. Don’t let him get you.”
They said something, but Darwin didn’t listen. Within a moment, the boys were gone and Cody was staring up at him from the pool once more. Darwin stepped closer but then felt strange hovering over Cody the way he was, and squatted down. He forced a smile, one that he hoped didn’t show how nervous he felt. “Hey.”
“Hey.” Cody treaded water for a second, then reached out and gripped the edge of the dock. “How’d you know I was here?”
“I didn’t. Two of my coworkers… er… friends brought me.” He motioned to the other level.
Cody twisted in that direction, then gave a partial wave with his free hand.
Darwin glanced up. Sure enough, Violet and Jade were staring at them and waving like they were part of a parade. He started to shoo them away but dropped his hand as Cody turned back around. “You’re an amazing diver.”
Cody scoffed. “Thanks. It’s just jumping into water.” He looked away, then back again. “Uh, it’s good to see you.”
Was it? Darwin had to force himself not to ask the question aloud. “You too.” He glanced up. The twins were still staring. He refocused on Cody. “I don’t want to bother you or anything. I know you’re at work, but do you have a few minutes?”
Cody visually got more nervous. “Yeah. I do. I’ve got to help with the gorilla show, then I have a break for about ten minutes before I dive again.” He pointed over Darwin’s shoulder. “How about I meet you in the mine room over there in twenty minutes? That work?”
“Yeah. You bet.”
They stared at each other a moment longer.
Darwin couldn’t read Cody’s expression. He looked nervous but maybe a bit hopeful. Maybe? Or Darwin could just be projecting.
“Well, I need to get dried off. I’ll see you in a bit?” He let go of the dock and started paddling with his hands once more.
“Yeah. Sounds good. Have fun.”
Cody gave a little wave and then turned and swam underneath the waterfall.
Have fun? Seriously? Have fun? It was a good thing he had twenty minutes. He needed to think of something a bit more original than “have fun.”
Darwin texted Jade, telling her to keep eating without him and that he’d find them again in half an hour. He texted Violet a few seconds later telling her not to attempt to spy.
By the time twenty minutes passed, he’d heard the exaggerated roar of the gorilla and the scream of children—and a couple of women—as they were chased around the tables. He’d gotten a text from Jade telling him to not chicken out, and another from Violet saying that she wasn’t going to make any promises. He wasn’t, however, any closer to working up the nerve to ask Cody on a date.
He was so fixated on the passing of time that he didn’t notice Cody come into the room until he rounded the corner past the mine cart positioned on jutting train tracks and walked up to the table where Darwin was seated. His black hair was slicked back and the collar of his T-shirt was damp. And he was still pretty.
Cody hesitated at the side of the table. “Mind if I sit?”
“No. Of course not.” He tried to think of something to say as Cody pulled out the chair and sat down. Of course, if twenty minutes hadn’t helped, the three seconds it took for Cody to get settled did nothing.
Cody put his hands on the table and laced his fingers together, then instantly moved them to his lap. “Is anything wrong? I didn’t take anything from your apartment.”
“What? No!” Darwin held out his hand and had to shake his head. “Why?”
“Just couldn’t think of another reason you’d want to talk to me. And that was the only bad thing I could think of.”
“Why would it have to be bad?”
Cody shrugged. He started to speak, then closed his mouth. His expression changed, his dark blue gaze meeting Darwin’s in almost defiance.
Darwin thought he saw something else there as well, again—it kinda looked like hope. What damage had been done to the kid to make him think Darwin was there to accuse him of stealing?
“Of course I don’t
think you stole anything. I wanted to ask you out. I was planning on going to Mary’s tonight to ask, if you were there.”
Cody sat up straighter, eyes wide. “Ask me out? As in asking me on a date?”
“Yeah.” Darwin let out a nervous laugh. “Yeah, a date. I was going to ask in a better way, but guess I blew that.” He couldn’t believe how much he wanted Cody to say yes. Or even how nervous he was to ask. “Will you go on a date with me, Cody?”
Cody was silent long enough that Darwin started to prepare himself for the rejection. Finally Cody nodded. “Sure. A date.” His eyes narrowed. “Are you sure you want to go on a date?”
“Dear God, boy. Who hurt you so bad that you’d think someone wouldn’t want to go on a date with you? You’re fucking beautiful and—” His words fell away. He couldn’t believe he’d just said that. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have—”
Cody cut him off. “You don’t have to be sorry. And you’d be surprised how many people can hurt you.” He leaned forward, and for the first time, there was a hardness in his eyes, one that took away the vulnerability that seemed to swaddle him. “You’re for real? You’re not just trying to play mind games? Did Steven and Pat ask you to do this as a mercy-date kinda thing?”
“No. Of course not.” It hurt to think that Cody had been so damaged, but it was also a bit off-putting. “I really loved our time together the other night. I thought I felt a connection. But maybe I was wrong. It’s not a big deal.”
And Cody was back; the defiance in his eyes vanished. He spoke in barely a whisper. “I did too.”
For a moment, Darwin nearly took the opportunity to walk away, call it all a mistake. Recognizing himself in Cody or not, the damage seemed deeper than a core of insecurity.