‘I’m fine. Really I am. I was only in for a couple of hours in the end.’
‘So what the hell’s wrong with you then? He didn’t know whether to be worried or angry, but found that he was scared.
She closed her eyes and opened her mouth to speak; knowing the effect her words would have on him.
‘I made an appointment to have an abortion. That’s why I wasn’t at work when you came.’ She began to cry.
Chapter Seventeen
Katie rounded the corner that led to her office and almost walked right into someone coming the other way with an armful of files. As the girl moved to avoid her, she dropped a couple of the files and their contents scattered on to the floor. Katie winced when she recognised the girl.
‘Hiya, how’s the boyfriend?’
‘Oh, hi. Fine thanks. Great. You okay?’ Asked the intended recipient of the flowers which had made Katie so happy days earlier.
‘Yeah fine,’ Katie smiled back politely. She was, geographically speaking, as far from fine as the Scottish Perth is from the Australian Perth. She’d spent the past thirty-six hours sobbing, asking herself, and Jen, why this had happened again and what was so wrong with her. She’d barely managed to drag herself into work and was well aware that she looked as if she’d been up all weekend getting intimate with her new best friends, Mr Gin and Mr Vodka. She wished she’d stayed in bed now, the last person she wanted to see was little miss ‘Big smile, I had sex this morning because I’m part of a couple’.
‘He bought me another present this weekend,’ the girl continued, picking up sheets of paper from the floor.
‘Oh yeah.’ Katie bent down to help her, wishing that she’d just shut her mouth and bugger off. ‘More flowers?’
‘No, he’s given up on those after that last lot. Besides they only die after a week. He bought me some underwear the dirty sod. Little tiny affairs they are. Totally ridiculous, but he says I look great in them. Men eh?’ She laughed, stood up with the files and prepared to get back to work.
‘Yeah, men,’ Katie agreed scathingly. Fucking men. It won’t last. You wait and see. He might be buying you flashy knickers now but give it a few weeks. Next thing you know he’ll be out all night; won’t return your calls and then bang! He’s got someone else and you can parade round in your best undies until you wear a hole in the carpet because he’ll be getting it elsewhere. Katie smiled and walked away, comforted by the thought that the girl’s happiness would be short-lived.
By mid-morning she’d resolved that, after half a dozen cups of coffee and half a packet of Marks and Spencer’s Belgian chocolate biscuits, she’d give up men for good. They were a minefield and she’d been wandering around it blindfold for too long.
She was behind her desk, still pondering her new policy of a lifetime of celibacy, when there was a knock on the door and a male head appeared.
‘Hi, I’ve been sent over to have a look at your pc. Apparently your email isn’t working.’ The boy, he couldn’t have been more than twenty or so, smiled and entered her office.
‘Isn’t it?’ She replied, genuinely confused. ‘How do you know?’
‘Because we’ve sent you six messages already and not one of them has been delivered. You’ve probably noticed that you can’t send any out either,’ he continued, producing a laptop from a case he was carrying and opening it on her desk.
‘Oh. Yeah.’ Katie hadn’t even thought about email for the past few days, let alone tried to send any. ‘I was meaning to get one of you guys to have a look at that.’
She watched while he connected the two machines and proceeded to click and press. He wasn’t bad looking, good skin, clear and smooth, he was quite tall as well, if a little skinny looking. His ash blonde hair was thinning a bit at the front, he’d be bald by the time he was thirty, but for now he looked pretty good.
‘So,’ she asked, attempting to engage him in small talk, ‘you’re new then?’
‘Yep,’ he replied, distracted, ‘started last week.’
‘Do you enjoy it?’ she continued, wondering to herself why she was unable to come up with anything better to say.
‘Yeah, dead easy and great money. Plus I get to take the gear home.’ He didn’t look up from his screen throughout the exchange.
He continued to tap at the buttons and click his mouse for a few more minutes. Then, apparently finished, he disconnected his laptop and began to pack it back into its case.
‘Right,’ he said, finally looking in her direction, ‘you’re all sorted.’ He smiled as he looked at her fully for the first time. Katie caught his eyes flick down to her chest for a split second and back again.
‘Thanks,’ she replied, smiling back as he turned to walk out of her office.
‘Not a problem.’ He paused in the doorway for a moment and looked back at her as if he had something else to say. Finally he spoke.
‘Any more problems just ring my extension. I’d best dash. I said I’d meet the others for lunch.’
When he’d gone, Katie looked at her watch and was surprised to find that it was indeed time for lunch. She switched her computer to standby and headed out of the office, loose thoughts of potential computer problems in her mind.
Shortly after a lunch of Marks and Spencer’s pre-packed tuna salad and a mini trifle, also from Marks and Spencer’s, Katie changed her mind. Having given the matter more thought, she reasoned that an entire lifetime without a man was perhaps a bit unrealistic. Instead, she decided that she’d be more like Jen in her outlook. No longer would she be the one waiting by the telephone or leaving all the messages. She was going to be dominant, not dominated and she intended to start just as soon as she found a decent prospect and was over Dave.
She didn’t want to go too far towards Jen’s apparent ideal of using men purely for sex and financial gain. She did get through an awful lot of blokes and, even though she had her reasons and saw nothing wrong in what she did, Katie couldn’t see herself being quite so emotionally detached and cold. Plus she couldn’t just dive into bed with someone she hardly knew just because they looked alright and had bought her dinner.
What she needed was someone who was nice enough to assist her in getting over Dave, yet forgettable enough to drop once he’d served his purpose. Katie smiled at the idea and set about finishing off the rest of the Belgian chocolate biscuits.
Chapter Eighteen
‘What the hell are you talking about?’ asked Ben, incredulous. He was petrified of what Rhia might say next.
She turned to face him, her eyes wide and pleading, tears streaming down her face.
‘Just listen to me,’ she said quietly, moving to sit beside him.
‘Rhia,’ he half shouted jumping up from the couch, suddenly full of nervous energy, ‘What do you mean you were having an abortion?’
She tried to smile at him.
‘Come and sit down and listen. Please,’ she begged.
‘Tell me what the fuck you are going on about.’ Rage and fear made his voice difficult to control; his words came out almost in a scream. He had to know now, but he was terrified of what he’d learn.
‘I found out I was pregnant a couple of months ago…’
‘You knew you were pregnant and didn’t say anything? So that’s why you left.’ He raised one hand to his head and rolled his eyes.
‘Ben, just wait…’
‘Shut the fuck up!’ He shouted. ‘I knew you were against us having kids but fucking hell. To not even tell me. Jesus.’ He stared at her, shocked.
‘I…I had no choice. I…’ She paused, looking for any words that might help. There were none.
‘So you end up pregnant and then, knowing how much I want to be a dad you disappear in the middle of the night and have a fucking abortion. You nasty, fucking bitch!’ He raged. He had to lash out and grabbed the end of the coffee table and half-lifted, half threw it over, spilling papers and magazines all over the floor. The contents of the cups splashed over the furniture and the television as they fle
w through the air. She screamed and pushed herself back into the couch, raising her legs in front of her for protection.
‘Bitch!’ He screamed again and flung himself into the nearest chair, sweating and panting for breath, his face glowing red with anger and exertion, pounding his fists into the arms of the chair.
‘Ben, I had my reasons. We were falling apart…’ She stopped; scared of what he might do when she told him the rest.
‘Right then,’ he suddenly sat bolt upright in the chair and glared at her, ‘I’m listening. Whose was it? Who’ve you been fucking behind my back you dirty little slut?’
‘Look,’ she began, ‘We were always fighting about kids and I know how much you want to be a dad but I didn’t think I was ready. Anyway, we were going to end up hating each other, you were drinking and we were seeing less and less of each other. Sometimes, instead of coming straight home after work, I’d go to see friends or go out for drinks with people from work. Just to avoid seeing you and getting into another argument.’
‘What friends? Like who?’ He was puzzled. ‘Were you shagging all of them?’
‘No, of course not.’
‘Oh, so you were shagging some of them?’
‘I used to go and see various people. My sister. Steve sometimes.’ She looked up at him as she said the name.
‘Steve?’ He looked really confused now, ‘but why? He’s my mate not yours.’
‘Because he knows you best and could give me your point of view without all the fights.’
‘So all those nights when you said you’d been working late, you’d been at Steve’s?’ Ben was suspicious.
‘No not always.’ She sighed. ‘Lately it was mostly Steve’s.’ Her eyes flicked from her feet to Ben and back again.
‘What are you saying Rhia?’ He couldn’t believe what was happening. He didn’t need to hear what she said next, her look told him everything.
She kept looking into his eyes, tears rolling down her face.
‘You…you slept with Steve,’ he stated, his mind empty. He felt a warm wave of nausea creeping up his body. ‘You shagged fucking Steve.’ He was almost hysterical now, jumping to his feet and standing over her.
‘I’m so sorry,’ she sobbed openly, looking away from his frightened, angry face.
He grabbed her shoulders and shook her hard.
‘You dirty, filthy little slag,’ he shouted into her face, forcing her to look up at him.
‘You nasty, cheap bitch.’ He was spitting the words out, gasping for breath between the sobs that were causing him to clip his words. He fell back into his chair; head resting against its back, staring in disbelief at the ceiling.
‘That’s why I had to leave you Ben, don’t you see? How could I stay knowing I was pregnant with someone else’s baby?’ Tears rolled unnoticed down her face.
He turned his eyes towards her for a moment and the look was one of utter disgust and hatred.
‘Don’t say another word you whore,’ he said quietly, ‘Not another word.’
‘Ben.’
‘Shut the fuck up!’ He screamed at her. ‘In fact,’ he sprang from the chair again and grabbed her by the arm; pulling her roughly to her feet, ‘you can fuck off out of my house and don’t come back. You disgust me.’
He manhandled her to the doorway and bundled her outside.
‘Ben. Wait,’ she cried.
‘I don’t want to hear your voice slag.’ He spat. ‘Now bugger off to your boyfriends. Tell him thanks for the night out and for being such a good mate.’
Ben slammed the door hard and sat down on the second from bottom step in the hallway, head in hands, gulping in mouthfuls of air. Rhia stood in the garden, staring at the front door. Her legs felt weak and her head was spinning as she turned to walk away.
* * * * * *
Half an hour later Rhia was back at her sister’s house, having composed herself enough to ring for a lift. Fran had arrived and, seeing the stunned, puffy eyed mess in front of her, helped her into the car and drove her home for questioning.
‘What the hell has he done to you?’ She demanded angrily. ‘If he’s hurt you I’ll have him arrested.’
‘He did what he should’ve done. What I deserved.’
‘So? What did he say that was so bad?’
‘He told me what he thought of me.’
Fran looked puzzled as she stared at Rhia over the kitchen table, her eyes looking at nothing, her hand tracing an invisible pattern on the worktop.
‘But why did you leave? I thought you were going to sort things out, not fight again?’
‘I told him the truth,’ Rhia looked up, ‘About why I left.’
‘Because of the fights and his drinking,’ Fran replied knowingly.
‘No,’ she answered, wishing that were the reason, ‘not that at all.’
‘Well, you’re better off without the idiot. He doesn’t know when he’s on a good thing.’
Rhia shot an angry look at her sister, ‘Don’t say that about him.’
‘Even now you defend him, even in this state,’ she sighed.
‘I broke his heart when I left him and today I crushed what was left. He nearly hit me and I almost wish he had, just for the reaction. Just to get him to release some of the pain I caused him back on to me.’
Fran looked on, bewildered.
‘Rhia,’ she asked slowly, ‘why did you leave him? What did you do that could be this bad?’
Rhia looked at her sister and smiled. Then she looked down at her hands, still making their drawings on the worktop, and told her the truth. The truth that had reduced Ben to an expressionless wreck, lying face down on the couch, too shocked even to cry. The secret that had caused her to leave the man she loved and hide from him for nearly two months.
While Fran listened, wide-eyed, Rhia thought to herself that it was easier to tell this time and she was surprised to feel relief. She’d no idea if Ben would even speak to her again, but at least he knew, finally, why his life had been turned upside down.
Chapter Nineteen
Katie didn’t believe in love at first site. Certainly she’d fancied men upon first seeing them, had even indulged in an occasional one-night stand with the help of a few drinks, but she’d never been instantly struck by someone to the point of loving them. She’d seen people on television and read articles in magazines claiming that it felt as if they’d been struck by lightning, or had suddenly had their eyes opened to something wonderful. Katie dismissed this as romantic rubbish, until the Saturday after she’d met the new boy from the I.T. department, the tall one with the good skin.
She was out shopping for groceries in preparation for that evening when she’d planned to have a few friends round for a meal and drinks. She’d invited a couple of people from work as well as Jen, who was also bringing a couple of people she knew. She’d just come out of Marks and Spencer’s with a bag full of food and was heading towards the Arndale Centre, intending to have a quick look to see if anything leapt out at her to wear for the soiree.
Ten minutes later she was coming out of Benetton empty handed and heading for the DKNY shop on King Street. After doing the customary two laps of the store and handling any items that looked like they had potential, her mind was made up. She left the shop and went back to Benetton to buy the grey knee-length dress she’d spotted on her first visit. It was then, just as she was emerging from the changing room to look in the floor length mirror, that she heard someone knocking on the shop window. She looked up to see the smiling face of the I.T. boy peering in at her. She waved and went back into the changing room to take off the dress.
‘You looked good in that,’ said the I.T. boy when she walked out of the shop with her colourful Benetton bag containing the new dress.
‘Thanks very much.’ Katie beamed. She hadn’t been expecting him to wait but was pleased by the compliment.
‘I was just off to meet a mate and spotted you through the window. Is it for a special occasion?’
‘Not rea
lly. In fact, not at all. I’m having a few friends round later and just fancied something new,’ she explained.
They walked along in silence for a moment or two, but Katie was pleased to notice that she didn’t feel uncomfortable with…
‘Oh my God!’ She exclaimed suddenly. ‘I’ve just realised that I don’t even know your name.’ She laughed, embarrassed.
‘Simon,’ he replied, ‘And you’re Katie.’
‘How did you know?’
‘Your email account.’
‘Right. So, who’re you meeting?’
‘A lad I went to uni with. We’re just gonna have a drink and watch the football. In fact there he is now.’ He pointed to a bar across the road from where they were standing. The bar was quite busy and Katie wasn’t sure who she was supposed to be looking at. Then a hand went up and she saw him.
‘Alright mate.’ Simon greeted his friend. ‘This is Katie from work. I just ran into her in town. Katie this is Jack.’ He turned to her but Katie’s eyes were fixed on his friend.
‘Hi,’ she managed and offered her hand, which was taken by Jack and shaken lightly.
Her head was swimming and her legs felt weak. She could feel herself turning red and felt hot all over; she was utterly transfixed by the man who stood before her. Simon went to the bar for drinks and, having been invited to stay, Katie sat down with Jack.
‘So you work with Si then?’ he asked, his eyes looking directly at her as he spoke.
‘Yeah, I only met him the other day though. Different departments.’ Their eyes remained locked together, holding the others attention totally.
‘He’s always been handy with computers, the geek. I only ever use mine to play with the internet.’ He joked, taking a swig from his bottle of beer. She watched, observing every detail as he tipped his head back slightly and swallowed the beer, his Adam’s apple bobbing slightly in his throat.
Simon returned with the drinks and the two men watched the football match on the large cinema style screen in the corner of the bar. Katie took this opportunity to study Jack, whom she felt utterly drawn to. He was good looking, no doubt about that. Katie noticed that, although his skin was very white, he looked healthy and his cheeks had a slight ruddiness to them. His short black hair, flicked up at the front, and dark eyes complimented each other perfectly, his gorgeous wide smile making his ears rise up a little. He was also very stylish. His clothes weren’t even expensive looking, but even in a simple pair of indigo jeans and a short-sleeved dark blue shirt with a bright yellow sunflower on the breast pocket, Katie thought he looked superb. There was something else too, something about him as a person that compelled her to be near him. She’d also noticed that he seemed to keep looking at her while trying to give the impression that he was watching the football.
Playground Cool Page 11