NINETY-THREE
The Golden Window
My mother’s picked up Clarence and she’s headed to Joseph Banks—the fine men’s clothier. She’ll instruct them to put a wardrobe together for casual living.
“And one good dress suit,” she says when she arrives.
Clarence’s a bit bewildered but doesn’t complain. He’s always been a bit intimidated by my mother. Most people are, except for my father. He knew how to keep her off balance. Mr. Warren’s not with them, and I am anxious to see what’s going on with him and my mother. It’s possible that their relationship is what caused my father’s heart to fail—not that he didn’t have it coming, but who am I to judge? I kill old ladies.
Onetta’s waiting at home, taking over her old duties and driving Eunice up the wall. My mother’s instructed Eunice to let Onetta do whatever it is she wishes to do, but Eunice under no circumstances is to let Onetta overdo it. Onetta is bossing Eunice around.
“You needs to dust under these beds,” she tells Eunice, who is really glad when my mother finally gets home.
Clarence has been given his old job back, which consists of doing odd jobs around the house.
It’s a very tender moment to see Onetta reunited with Clarence, who looks really great in his new clothes.
“My you is handsome,” Onetta says. “And you smells like heaven!”
Clarence has made twelve meetings in twelve days. First my mother put him up at a local hotel to make sure he’d make good before she offered him his old job back and told Onetta that he’d be returning.
“He’s been through treatment, Onetta,” my mother explained. “He won’t be up to his old tricks.
My mother should’ve left Clarence at that motel for a few months. On the thirteenth day Clarence meets up with an old pal of his and shows off his new clothes.
“I’m a sober man,” he says proudly.
His friend pulls a bottle of whiskey out of his well-worn jacket and offers a toast. That’s all it takes—a bottle shoved under his nose. One hour later Clarence is wobbling around like a whirling dervish.
My mother sends the gardener, Mr. Daniels to bring him home. Onetta strips Clarence of all his new clothes and puts him in the bathtub.
“Oooeee, he stink to high-heaven,” she says, and dunks his head under the water.
My mother’s a firm believer that once you spend thirty thousand dollars on treatment, it’s forever. Mr. Daniels will go get Clarence in his drunken state as long as my mother keeps sending him. And Onetta—well she’s spent thirty years with Clarence and his drinking. It’s nothing new to her.
There’s no telling how long this revolving circus will go on.
NINETY-FOUR
The Steps to the Hereafter
I’m back at the Step of Acceptance, the beautiful beach with the sun and the sand. When I get here I find that the mist of water that Carla and I ran through is really a fine mist of oil! And when I get out of this shower, the same gentle wind storm breathes on the leaves that I’ve carried with me from the Step of Denial. They cling to me like lint on a sweater. But I have no fear. I quickly run to the Step of Attrition and jump into the crystal clear water. I’m bathed in sun light and washed clean of all the memories that haunt me. I’m lighter than air. No wonder Garrett and Miss Lily and Carla and my father were laughing and carrying on the day I watched them climb this step. I am dizzy with gladness. The Step of Devotion is next. It’s a crystal cathedral like none I’ve ever seen before. The music that fills my ears is a sound only the angels could bring. There’s a serenity here I don’t know how to describe. It’s the most peaceful moment a mind can imagine. I’m light-headed and giddy. When I had my appendix out the nurse gave me this shot before they wheeled me to the operating room. I remember floating on a cloud so high and so wonderful that I never wanted to it to stop. The feeling here is ten thousand times—no ten millions times—stronger. Clarence will absolutely love heaven. He better clean up his act to make sure he gets here. Then I remember what Pete said about not having to earn it, only having to want it, to accept it, so I just wish Clarence well on his road to recovery.
Before me is a golden staircase studded with diamonds, rubies, and pearls. Above me is the Step of Discovery—the final step. I’m so happy! My laughter fills the sky. I want to run up this step and begin my new life. But this is the step of no return. I can’t take this step. Not yet.
First, I’ve got to find Pete.
NINETY-FIVE
The Golden Window
Pete’s right where I figured. He’s waiting for me in my window. The smile on his face is wider than the Mississippi. His hair and beard are whiter than I remember. I hope I’m not the one who’s aged him. Maybe there have been others as difficult as me.
“I made it, Pete! I really made it!” I call out. “I’m ready. Can you believe it? And I think I found the answer!”
“And what did you find, dear child?” Pete says, and climbs into my window.
I plop down next to him and hug his arm. “I think the reason I was born was so others could live.”
Pete nods his head. “Not only so those that have your organs could live, Lorelei, but so that many others might not die.”
“Huh?”
“Your driving had more of an impact on your peers than you ever imagined,” Pete explains. “And did you notice that train crossing now has crossing gates and warning lights? If someone doesn’t hear the trains, now they’ll see the gates and flashing lights.”
Suddenly I realize something else.
“What about the lives I took?”
“Ah, yes, the train accident,” Pete says. “Well, some you saved from a worse fate. For others, their time was up. And for those causing much sorrow all around them, their chance to cause more sadness was cut short.”
“Still—”
“Your life was a blessing, Lorelei, regardless of the fact that it was flawed. And your heart was filled with goodness. What a lovely earthly heart you had, my child. And God looks on hearts!”
“So, you’re saying I’m okay? My life was alright, even though—”
“I’m saying your life was exactly what it was meant to be. Had you been doing the designing and chose to have it continue, well, you saw that outcome for yourself. Paige and Annalise would have lost their lives.”
Pete climbs out of my window and motions for me to join him.
“So, you’re ready?”
I nod that I am!
He wraps his arms around me. “Dear Lorelei,” he says. “How I shall miss you.”
“And I’ll miss you,” I say, “and all this, too.” I throw my arms out and point to the windows and realize the Silver Lining’s nowhere in sight.
“You took it down?”
Pete nods. “Never again,” he says, and we laugh. The music we made the first day I got here surrounds us again. I twirl around and around. I’m ecstatic. I know where I’m going. And I’m ready to go!
“Oh Pete,” I say. “Will I see you up above?”
Pete’s eyes are filled with tears. “You won’t need me there, Lorelei. I promise you that.”
I believe his words. I believe each and everything he’s told me. But I can’t help myself. My tears are all over the place.
“Oh Pete,” I say, “I’m really going to miss you! I am! And I’ll always need you! Always!
“Then I’ll be with you in your heart,” he says.
“My heart?”
Yes, dear child, your heavenly heart,” Pete says. “It will be with you for all eternity. It will hold more love and goodness than you ever thought was possible.”
Pete takes my hand. “Are you ready?”
I nod that I am. I wipe my tears and dab at my nose. We walk arm and arm to the Step of Discovery. I place one foot on the first step. A tingle runs through my body. I’m electrified with joy. I fly up the remaining steps just like I’ve got wings.
“Pete,” I say, and turn to say goodbye
But Pete’s a
lready far away in the distance. He has one arm extended. The light around his fluffy head of hair glows like a platinum halo. I feel surrounded by his presence, surrounded by his love.
Every piece of my memory is gone. My mind is as clear and clean as the air that I’m breathing. Only one thought remains. It’s a memory of when I was five. I’m sitting on my father’s lap. A brilliant tunnel of light embraces this memory.
“What do you think love is, Lorelei,” my father asked me.
I placed my arms around him and hugged him tight.
“It’s when your heart skips a beat and your eyelashes go up and down, and little stars come out of you, Daddy,” I answered.
This memory wraps itself around my soul like ribbons on a present. I’m completely transformed. The tunnel of light shines even brighter. The voice of my father calls out to me. It’s richer and warmer and more soothing than I recall it ever being. The door above me opens. But it’s not my earthly father who’s been calling out to me. It’s not my earthly father who is standing there to meet me. It’s Him. And just like Pete said, he’s wearing jeans!
Welcome home, my child,” he says, and wraps me in his arms. “Welcome home, at last.”
EPILOGUE
I learned a lot in life. I learned even more since I had one. Of course, I know that life on earth and what we do with it can make a difference, but so can death! So, I finally gave up on earth, I mean I let go of it.
But let me tell you—if you are doing your best—don’t you ever fear death. And if you have loved ones that have gone on before you, well all I can say is: Sure life has lots to offer, but the hereafter is out of this world! They’re being well taken care of, I’m telling you.
One more thing—don’t forget to donate your organs. You’re not going to need them up here.
T HE E N D
If you would like to register as an organ donor please contact the
United Network for Organ Sharing (UNOS).
Mailing Address
United Network for Organ Sharing
Post Office Box 2484
Richmond, Virginia 23218
Street and Package Delivery Address
United Network for Organ Sharing
700 North 4th Street
Richmond, Virginia
Phone Numbers
UNOS Headquarters (804) 782-4800
Patient Services (888) 894-6361
Web Site Address
www.unos.org
Table of Contents
Title page
ONE
TWO
THREE
FOUR
FIVE
SIX
SEVEN
EIGHT
NINE
TEN
ELEVEN
TWELVE
THIRTEEN
FOURTEEN
FIFTEEN
SIXTEEN
SEVENTEEN
EIGHTEEN
NINETEEN
TWENTY
TWENTY-ONE
TWENTY-TWO
TWENTY-THREE
TWENTY-FOUR
TWENTY-FIVE
TWENTY-SIX
TWENTY-SEVEN
TWENTY-EIGHT
TWENTY-NINE
THIRTY
THIRTY-ONE
THIRTY-TWO
THIRTY-THREE
THIRTY-FOUR
THIRTY-FIVE
THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SEVEN
THIRTY-EIGHT
THIRTY-NINE
FORTY
FORTY-ONE
FORTY-TWO
FORTY-THREE
FORTY-FOUR
FORTY-FIVE
FORTY-SIX
FORTY-SEVEN
FORTY-EIGHT
FORTY-NINE
FIFTY
FIFTY-ONE
FIFTY-TWO
FIFTY-THREE
FIFTY-FOUR
FIFTY-FIVE
FIFTY-SIX
FIFTY-SEVEN
FIFTY-EIGHT
FIFTY-NINE
SIXTY
SIXTY-ONE
SIXTY-TWO
SIXTY-THREE
SIXTY-FOUR
SIXTY-FIVE
SIXTY-SIX
SIXTY-SEVEN
SIXTY-EIGHT
SIXTY-NINE
SEVENTY
SEVENTY-ONE
SEVENTY-TWO
SEVENTY-THREE
SEVENTY-FOUR
SEVENTY-FIVE
SEVENTY-SIX
SEVENTY-SEVEN
SEVENTY-EIGHT
SEVENTY NINE
SEVENTY-EIGHTY
EIGHTY-ONE
EIGHTY-TWO
EIGHTY-THREE
EIGHTY-FOUR
EIGHTY-FIVE
EIGHTY-SIX
EIGHTY-SEVEN
EIGHTY EIGHT
EIGHTY-NINE
NINETY
NINETY-ONE
NINETY-TWO
NINETY-THREE
NINETY-FOUR
NINETY-FIVE
EPILOGUE
Table of Contents
Title page
ONE
TWO
THREE
FOUR
FIVE
SIX
SEVEN
EIGHT
NINE
TEN
ELEVEN
TWELVE
THIRTEEN
FOURTEEN
FIFTEEN
SIXTEEN
SEVENTEEN
EIGHTEEN
NINETEEN
TWENTY
TWENTY-ONE
TWENTY-TWO
TWENTY-THREE
TWENTY-FOUR
TWENTY-FIVE
TWENTY-SIX
TWENTY-SEVEN
TWENTY-EIGHT
TWENTY-NINE
THIRTY
THIRTY-ONE
THIRTY-TWO
THIRTY-THREE
THIRTY-FOUR
THIRTY-FIVE
THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SEVEN
THIRTY-EIGHT
THIRTY-NINE
FORTY
FORTY-ONE
FORTY-TWO
FORTY-THREE
FORTY-FOUR
FORTY-FIVE
FORTY-SIX
FORTY-SEVEN
FORTY-EIGHT
FORTY-NINE
FIFTY
FIFTY-ONE
FIFTY-TWO
FIFTY-THREE
FIFTY-FOUR
FIFTY-FIVE
FIFTY-SIX
FIFTY-SEVEN
FIFTY-EIGHT
FIFTY-NINE
SIXTY
SIXTY-ONE
SIXTY-TWO
SIXTY-THREE
SIXTY-FOUR
SIXTY-FIVE
SIXTY-SIX
SIXTY-SEVEN
SIXTY-EIGHT
SIXTY-NINE
SEVENTY
SEVENTY-ONE
SEVENTY-TWO
SEVENTY-THREE
SEVENTY-FOUR
SEVENTY-FIVE
SEVENTY-SIX
SEVENTY-SEVEN
SEVENTY-EIGHT
SEVENTY NINE
SEVENTY-EIGHTY
EIGHTY-ONE
EIGHTY-TWO
EIGHTY-THREE
EIGHTY-FOUR
EIGHTY-FIVE
EIGHTY-SIX
EIGHTY-SEVEN
EIGHTY EIGHT
EIGHTY-NINE
NINETY
NINETY-ONE
NINETY-TWO
NINETY-THREE
NINETY-FOUR
NINETY-FIVE
EPILOGUE
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