by Ruby Moone
David raised an eyebrow and waited.
“This is confidential, and I would deny ever having had this conversation with you, so be warned.”
“Get on with it.”
Charnley sighed and drummed his fingers on the mantelpiece. “The task involves breaking into the house of a very prominent member of society and retrieving a document.”
David stared at him, a frown gathering. “Is that all? Can’t you manage that yourself?”
“That is all.” Charnley lifted his chin and looked resolute. “And, if you succeed, accepting a post in my employ.”
The words hung between them as the clock on the mantelpiece ticked softly.
David’s jaw dropped. “In your…in…Are you mad? Last night, you broke into my house and threatened to have an innocent man hung. What was that about? What the hell does that have to do with me working for you?”
“Hardly innocent given the circumstances under which we found you.”
David made an irritated gesture. “You know what I mean.”
“I needed to get your attention. It worked.”
“So, you don’t intend doing anything.”
“I didn’t say that. I said, I wanted to get your attention. I now have it.”
David was sorely tempted to punch the man. He grit his teeth.
“What. Do. You. Want?”
“I am tired of this…fencing that goes on between us. We are brothers. I have no other family, only you. I would like to ensure that you utilise your not inconsiderable talents in a way that is less likely to get you hung. If I have to use underhand means to achieve that, so be it.”
David opened his mouth to respond, but Charnley held up a hand and halted the conversation to allow the butler to bring tea. Once the man had gone, he continued as though nothing had happened.
“I work for the king. I have, at times, the need for someone to carry out quite dangerous work. Work which requires a certain, shall we say, talent. A talent you appear to have in abundance.”
“How do you know what talent I have?”
“I’ve made it my business to find out about my only sibling because you have steadfastly refused to give up any information willingly.”
What in God’s name…? David was filled with a different anxiety. If Charnley knew about what he did…
“And if I say no?”
Charnley looked at him in a considering fashion for a moment, then raised his eyebrows and shrugged. “Then kiss goodbye to your lover. Your enterprises, your holdings…”
“You mean you would orchestrate the ruin and murder of an innocent man to make me bend to your will? To ruin all those lives, and mine, if I don’t do as you say? I don’t think I believe you have it in you to do that.”
Charnley shrugged. “As I said, I work for the king and I have an unusual role. One that requires I have little in the way of scruple. Rather like yourself. Interesting, really, to say we were not brought up together we have remarkably similar traits.” He smiled. “Remember. I’ve studied you. You have no idea about me, only that because of who sired me, you despise me. Yet you know nothing about my life. Curious, really.”
David bristled. “I am nothing like you.”
“Haven’t you done something similar all these years? Held my family to ransom? Threatened to ruin the lives of good people whose only crime was to be born on the right side of the blanket? They had no more influence over our father than you, yet you would be willing to treat them very shabbily.”
David couldn’t believe what he was hearing. The man was out of his mind. “I don’t believe a word of it.” He didn’t. “If you did it I would kill you.”
Charnley tilted his head to one side and looked at him in a considering fashion. “Not if you were hanging by his side.”
The words beat themselves into David’s brain. So that was it.
“Try it,” he snarled, and walked out of the room, slamming the door as he went.
* * * *
He walked for a long time. He needed to regain his composure. It was late in the afternoon before he mounted the steps of the townhouse and let himself in. Mrs. Crawford appeared, wiping her hands on her apron. She bobbed a curtsey.
“Afternoon. Will you be wanting tea?”
“Yes please. Where is Mr. Naylor?”
She looked at him for a long moment. “In the library.”
David surrendered his coat and headed towards the door. He paused, and then went in. Jeremy was sat on the floor by the roaring fire, cross legged, no shoes or stockings, sewing. A beautiful violet garment lay across his lap. He looked up when the door opened. Usually when Jeremy greeted him it was with smile that would melt ice. Unselfconscious, full bodied, and glorious to behold. Today, his eyes were wary, and his smile restrained.
“You’re back.”
“I am.”
“What did he want you to do?”
David thought for a moment. He had been trying to find a way to explain what had gone on, because he wasn’t sure he understood it himself.
“Come and sit with me?” He held out a hand. Jeremy folded the garment carefully and placed it on the footstool by his side. He tucked the needle and thread into it and ignored the offered hand when he stood up. David folded his hand in on itself and headed for the fireplace where two leather armchairs faced each other. He would have preferred it if he could have held Jeremy close, but he sank into one chair and David was forced to take the one opposite.
“He, ah, wanted me to steal some documents.”
“Is that hard to do?”
“Not really. It may depend on the documents, of course, but he made it sound as though the task would be relatively easy.”
“Then you will be able to do it?”
David steadied his breath. “No.”
Jeremy’s eyes widened. “Why?”
“Because once I have done that he wants me to go and work for him.”
Jeremy stared at his lap and rubbed at an imaginary spot on his leg rather than look at him. “And you can’t do that.” It wasn’t a question.
“No.”
Jeremy blinked rapidly and swallowed. “So…I’d best leave then?”
David shifted uncomfortably. “Don’t be ridiculous. He won’t go through with it. I called his bluff. It is simply part of some ridiculous scheme to draw me into the family for some reason. He won’t hurt you.”
Jeremy clasped his hands together and fiddled with his fingers. “Are you certain? How well do you know him?”
David wanted to offer reassurance, but the stark truth was he had no idea what Charnley was capable of. He didn’t know him at all as Charnley had pointed out so dramatically.
He went and knelt beside Jeremy’s chair. He hesitated and inspected the leather of the chair arm. “I’m sorry about the way I behaved this morning,” he said. “I was in a foul mood and I was an absolute bastard.” It had been preying on his mind all day. He needed to get this thing with Jeremy under control, get his life back in order, but he didn’t have to be quite so brutal as he’d been. The things he had said were…
“Think nothing of it.” Jeremy stood up. “I had a letter from my brother. He has recently arrived in London with Lord Fane.”
“I thought he might be.”
“Lord Fane has been attending parliament. The slavery bill.”
David nodded. “Where does he stand on it?”
“From what Elliot said, it sounds as though he intends to support it?”
David nodded. “Good to hear.”
“I’m going to meet with him and explain what happened.”
David’s head was beginning to hurt. It felt as though everything was closing in around him.
“After that, I will probably leave London.”
“You don’t have to leave because of me.”
Jeremy looked at the floor. “Yes, I do.”
“Is this because we argued?” David pinched the bridge of his nose.
“This isn’t about an argument, th
is is about you and your willingness to leave me in a position of danger because you don’t think your brother means what he says. I need something more than that, David.”
“I won’t allow him to hurt you. You have my word.”
“I know you don’t want him to, but how would you stop him? I need to get out of London. I’ve arranged to see Elliot. He will help me find another position.”
“What? Back into service? I thought you hated that. I thought you wanted more. I thought you wanted to make clothes for the theatre, wanted to find a way of making a living which didn’t involve pandering to the whims of the rich.” Something horribly close to panic was clawing at David. He didn’t like it one bit. “Here we are, talking about abolishing slavery in one breath, and in the next you are talking about plunging headlong back into it.”
“I am not a slave. I’m a free man. I will stay a free man.”
“So, stay here and do what you want to do.” David’s voice was getting louder.
“Dressmaking? That was just a pipe dream. Just like being with you was a pipe dream. We knew it couldn’t last. We knew that whatever existed between us was just a moment in time. Well, perhaps our time is up sooner than we thought.” There was an edge of desperation to Jeremy’s words.
“Don’t be so dramatic.” David paced, running a hand through his hair, trying to find words to make him stay when in his soul he knew that he had to leave.
Jeremy closed his eyes briefly, then looked at him. “That’s twice you’ve called me dramatic.” His voice was sad. “I don’t understand you. It was you who brought me here rather than to your rooms, you who wormed his way into my affections and my bed, you who one minute wants me to stay but them pushes me away, but now you call me dramatic.”
David ran a hand around the back of his neck and then over his face. How in God’s name had this become so convoluted? “I’ve apologised for this morning. Can’t we go back to how we were?”
“How were we?” Jeremy asked, shrugging his shoulders. “I can’t stay with you and wait to see if your brother decides to have me carted off, however much I might like you.”
“I thought you loved me.” David winced inwardly at the sheer petulance of his remark.
“I do, but you don’t love me.” Jeremy’s shoulders sagged in defeat.
“I will see Charnley again.” David ignored his words. Couldn’t address them. “I will see him again and make sure that he has no intention of having you hung. I will see what he wants from me and…and we can…carry on as we are.”
Jeremy stared at him. His lashes were wet and spiked. He shook his head and came to stand before him.
“Oh, David.” Jeremy reached out and pulled him into his arms. Those strong arms that pushed away the world for David.
Chapter 17
They settled into an uneasy truce. Jeremy stayed in the house, tried not to look over his shoulder every moment, and he and David continued to lose themselves in each other every night. Jeremy wondered if they would tire of each other, but it just got worse. The desire between them was like a conflagration consuming them until Jeremy couldn’t imagine a life that didn’t have David in it. David disappeared every day, seemingly working hard at whatever it was he did, and there was no further mention of his brother. Jeremy spent most of his days with Mrs. Crawford sewing and designing gowns. He’d begun a series of designs for the theatre. He’d no intention of showing them, they weren’t good enough for that, but simply having the space and time to do it was wonderful. He and Mrs. Crawford made clothes for all the people in the house, mended and fixed, and in between, Jeremy worked on his purple gown, trying to get it right before he wore it for David. He’d promised to wear it that evening. David’s response had been everything he could have hoped for, but now, inexplicably, he felt nervous.
“I think it’s done,” Mrs. Crawford said, as he fiddled with a seam. The dress hung on a mannequin and looked remarkable.
“Not quite. I want it perfect.” He smiled up at her.
“You’ve done a splendid job. It’s not easy making gowns for a masculine figure.”
Jeremy bit off a thread. “I know. I want this one to sit just right.”
Mrs. Crawford smiled. She didn’t often smile, but Jeremy had come to realise there was a quiet warmth about her. “There are men who would pay good money for someone who really understood and could design clothing that fit and flattered.”
Jeremy paused, surprised. “Really?”
“Really.”
He felt himself flush. “I’ve never met anyone like me before. David said there were people, but…” He shrugged uncomfortably.
“Well, it’s not something a person advertises to the world, is it. You’ve probably met lots of people, but you simply never realised. Just as people who met you wouldn’t realise you like to wear pretty clothing in private.”
Jeremy huffed a laugh. “That’s true. It would be easier if one could tell. That way, a person wouldn’t feel so…alone.” He fiddled with the dress again and inspected the setting of the sleeve. “I would be willing to make clothes for anyone if it made them feel better.”
“You’ve a good heart.”
Jeremy laughed. “Hardly. I’d really like to meet someone like me. How might I find these people?”
Mrs. Crawford shrugged. “It would take time, but I could vouch for you.”
“You would? Thank you.” He was incredibly touched.
“You wouldn’t judge a person, would you?”
“Hardly, I’ve no room for casting stones.”
She smiled again and spent some moments just looking at him.
“What?” Jeremy said, nervously.
Mrs. Crawford went to the gown and ran her fingers over the bodice. “You haven’t left space to put fillings for a bosom.”
Jeremy stood beside her. “That’s because I’m going to wear it and I don’t have a bosom.” He patted his flat chest.
“Don’t you wish you had? Don’t you want to know what you might look like with one?”
Jeremy looked carefully at her. There was something in her tone. He thought carefully before replying. “No. I’m happy with my man’s body, I just want to wrap it in beautiful fabrics.”
“You are…lucky.”
“I am?”
“Do you ever feel God got it wrong when he made you?”
It was an odd question, but again, there was something in her tone that made him pay attention. He thought for a moment. “Rather. I’m supposed to find women attractive, wear manly clothes, and enjoy manly pursuits. Look at me…I fall in love with men, love soft feminine fabrics, and dress in women’s clothes, and as for manly pursuits…” He rolled his eyes.
She looked at him for a moment and then swallowed. “Well, he got me completely wrong.”
The words hung there for a moment. She wasn’t looking at him, she was stroking the material of the gown. “How so?” Jeremy said softly.
“Well, I’m a woman. I know I’m a woman just as I knew I was a girl when I was young.”
Jeremy didn’t understand. He frowned and shook his head.
She turned to him. Blinked and turned back to the gown. “If I took off my clothes, I would look like you. God gave me the wrong parts.”
Jeremy knew his mouth was hanging open. He shut it. “You are…a man?”
She turned and looked at him again. This time, full in the eye. “No. I’m a woman.” There was such utter conviction, such complete certainty that Jeremy didn’t know what to say.
“Of course, all my life they made me dress and behave like a boy, like a man.”
The world of pain contained in those few words made Jeremy’s chest hurt and his eyes sting. He couldn’t even begin to imagine…
“Does David know?”
Mrs. Crawford smiled. “He does. He saved me. He gave me this.” She gestured about herself. “It’s why I don’t really leave the house. If anyone realised it would be…” She left the thought hanging. “I dress carefully, shave meticu
lously twice a day and try to hide the fact that my hands and feet are too big. I am fortunate in that my features are quite feminine and my voice isn’t overly deep. Some are not so lucky.”
“Do…do you have friends who are the same?”
She nodded. “Some like me, some like you. So, you can see there is a market for someone of your talents and understanding. We all sew, we have to, but you have a real talent for designing clothes, not just making them.”
Jeremy felt his face flame. “Thank you. And thank you for telling me.”
Her smile was wry and her eyes too wise. “So. You and David?” She fingered the dress and Jeremy thought he might melt into the ground. “He likes you?”
Jeremy nodded, but then a thought struck him. “Are you and David…”
“Lord, no. I love him, and I’d die for him, but not that way.”
“Thank goodness,” he said with an awkward laugh. “I think he likes me. Sometimes he seems to like me a lot, but most of the time he seems to push me away.”
Mrs. Crawford shook her head and rolled her eyes. “David is a good man. He’s always organising everyone else’s lives, but I don’t think he’s terribly good at organising his own. Are you staying for good?”
Jeremey shook his head. “No. Only until I find something.”
“That’s a shame. I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you, too, but it’s probably for the best. There’s no real future for us even if he did have feelings for me.”
“Why?”
“Well, what future can anyone like us have? We can’t marry, we can’t live together without occasioning comment, and if anyone found out the real nature of the relationship we could be hung. Not the best foundation.”
Mrs. Crawford put her arms around him and hugged him. Jeremy’s eyes watered as he hugged her back.
“You need to be more imaginative. There are plenty of ways people can find to be together if they love each other.”
And therein lay the problem. David didn’t love him back. He squeezed her and let her go. “That’s true.”
“That’s the ticket.”
Jeremy swiped at his eyes. “Do you have…anyone?”
Mrs. Crawford smiled sadly and shook her head. “There was someone once, but it got too complicated.”